greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 8, 2014 13:28:49 GMT -5
Wait...when the kids move out do ~you~ get to be a kid again ? YES! Well, as far as my time is now MINE again. No rushing around to pick people up, cook dinner, get to events, etc. I find it oddly liberating to say, "Going to the gym after work, may run a few errands, don't really know when I'll be home.". Sounds silly, but to be back in control of my own schedule is really nice!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 13:39:48 GMT -5
One time I asked a lady I was chatting with if she had children. I knew she'd been married a long time. She simply answered "no" but I got the feeling I shouldn't pursue that line of conversation. We moved on to other topics.
Since then, I've been half-afraid to ask that question. I've known people that really wanted children but weren't able to have them and I know for some of them it's a touchy subject. You never know until it comes up and I don't want to make people uncomfortable by unknowingly asking a question about something they're struggling with. It's usually a harmless question, but not always.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 8, 2014 14:06:55 GMT -5
Maybe child free people get rude comments. But as Sam said, people with kids get just as many rude comments as well. There is no maybe about it. If you say you don't have kids and try to leave it at that, you get asked why not. If you try to change the subject, then inevitably it rolls back to why you don't have kids. If you explain that you don't want kids, then you are expected to justify why you don't.....and then you hear all the things about "aren't you lonely?", "isn't your house quiet?", "you will regret it when you are older", "what happens if you want them and your eggs have expired?, ad nauseum. And yes, there are people that rude. The only way you can get away from it is to be rude back. And like I explained earlier, there are some times where you can't be rude (like to your chair's wife). There is a far cry from no kids to 7 kids and I suspect that if you have the standard 2.3 kids (or whatever the average is), the comments don't happen, or aren't as insistent. No it doesn't. Then you need to try for a boy or a girl, or if only the boy was older, or, or, or... People suck and everyone suffers from foot in mouth disease sometimes so its ridiculous to compare whose offended more. I try to take offensive comments in stride and decide the purpose behind them. If the person means well I cut them some slack and probably explain why the question hurts. Or if the person has no redeeming qualities I avoid as much as possible and get back in their faces if appropriate. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 8, 2014 14:20:54 GMT -5
LOL at being told "You'll change your mind"! I was told that so many times but I never did. Now my response to people who say "You don't have children?!" is "No. And don't even think of pawning yours off on me." But that's just to people who I'm friendly with and they kind of get me. Or I'll say "I have 5". When they look like I tell them my "children" are cats. After you reach a certain age it seems people care less about those things like jobs and kids. They now ask if you like wine or where the good places are to go who come from other states (which is pretty much everybody). We had new neighbors move in up the street (next to a friend of mine) and when she said something about wine the new homeowner smacked her DH's arm and said excitedly "Did you hear that? They like wine too! We need to be friends with these people!" Kids and jobs were never even mentioned in the entire conversation. <<marks down another reason why getting old is good>>
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jul 8, 2014 14:27:16 GMT -5
Wait...when the kids move out do ~you~ get to be a kid again ? This is my plan and I'm counting down the days so please don't burst my bubble!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 14:57:12 GMT -5
Wait...when the kids move out do ~you~ get to be a kid again ? I'm working on it! I never felt like raising children was a burden, but I did feel like it was a huge responsibility. I've been responsible since I was 19. Now I'm trying to rediscover my inner child and let loose a little bit.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 8, 2014 16:25:03 GMT -5
Sometimes people have reasons they don't want to talk about things. My former MIL had a woman friend she golfed with. One time she asked her about her children. The woman replied she had had one but that he had died and she avoided talking about him because it made people uncomfortable and she also wanted to hear about other people's kids and felt if they knew her back story, she'd never hear about others children because they'd feel un comfortable talking about them in front of her. Broke my heart when she told me that story but now I'm old enough to understand why she did what she did. im glad I'm related to and know people who really never asked such rude and personal questions. As long as you're not on the govt tit, I don't care how many kids you have. Well, as long as they behave anyway!!
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jul 8, 2014 18:14:33 GMT -5
LOL at being told "You'll change your mind"! I was told that so many times but I never did. Now my response to people who say "You don't have children?!" is "No. And don't even think of pawning yours off on me." But that's just to people who I'm friendly with and they kind of get me. Or I'll say "I have 5". When they look like I tell them my "children" are cats.
After you reach a certain age it seems people care less about those things like jobs and kids. They now ask if you like wine or where the good places are to go who come from other states (which is pretty much everybody). We had new neighbors move in up the street (next to a friend of mine) and when she said something about wine the new homeowner smacked her DH's arm and said excitedly "Did you hear that? They like wine too! We need to be friends with these people!" Kids and jobs were never even mentioned in the entire conversation. <<marks down another reason why getting old is good>>
I'm very fond of telling people that I have five children: four cats and a husband .
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 8, 2014 18:50:22 GMT -5
Wait...when the kids move out do ~you~ get to be a kid again ? Why did you ever stop? My brother raised 2 kids from babies/toddlers on his own when his DW passed away - yet he never lost his "youth" or sense of humor/adventure.
Now that those 2 kids are adults, he's definitely back into acting like a kid again (an adult kid) fully enjoying life and having a grand old time - and enjoying every second of it. (Including reliving his youth through is 2 young grandsons. He's always been the kid @ heart/jokester in the family he acts like a kid - you'd never guess his age seeing him just having a blast.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 8, 2014 18:57:35 GMT -5
Maybe child free people get rude comments. But as Sam said, people with kids get just as many rude comments as well. I wouildn't say that all comments to childless/child-free people are "rude", but most are certainly invasive/personal questions that are NOYB unless close friends/family.
And I'd never say anything rude to anyone with kids - unless their kids are being total out-of-control little hellions and the parent(s) were just standing by ignoring it without disciplining and saying something like "oh, well - kids will be kids".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 19:19:25 GMT -5
Sometimes people have reasons they don't want to talk about things. My former MIL had a woman friend she golfed with. One time she asked her about her children. The woman replied she had had one but that he had died and she avoided talking about him because it made people uncomfortable and she also wanted to hear about other people's kids and felt if they knew her back story, she'd never hear about others children because they'd feel un comfortable talking about them in front of her. Broke my heart when she told me that story but now I'm old enough to understand why she did what she did. im glad I'm related to and know people who really never asked such rude and personal questions. As long as you're not on the govt tit, I don't care how many kids you have. Well, as long as they behave anyway!! Asking someone if they have children is rude? The lady i mentioned and I use to chat sometimes at work during our breaks. It would have been rude imo to ignore the feeling I got and ask more questions, but I didn't. Asking a person if they have children is a pretty common question here when you're getting to know someone. I can think of several common "getting to know you" questions that could trigger unhappy memories or feelings because of something they've been through or are dealing with. I don't know how you get to know people without ever asking anything about them. I've always thought I had decent manners, maybe I don't. Lol
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 8, 2014 19:47:19 GMT -5
Sometimes people have reasons they don't want to talk about things. My former MIL had a woman friend she golfed with. One time she asked her about her children. The woman replied she had had one but that he had died and she avoided talking about him because it made people uncomfortable and she also wanted to hear about other people's kids and felt if they knew her back story, she'd never hear about others children because they'd feel un comfortable talking about them in front of her. Broke my heart when she told me that story but now I'm old enough to understand why she did what she did. im glad I'm related to and know people who really never asked such rude and personal questions. As long as you're not on the govt tit, I don't care how many kids you have. Well, as long as they behave anyway!! Asking someone if they have children is rude? The lady i mentioned and I use to chat sometimes at work during our breaks. It would have been rude imo to ignore the feeling I got and ask more questions, but I didn't. Asking a person if they have children is a pretty common question here when you're getting to know someone. I can think of several common "getting to know you" questions that could trigger unhappy memories or feelings because of something they've been through or are dealing with. I don't know how you get to know people without ever asking anything about them. I've always thought I had decent manners, maybe I don't. Lol I don't think it is rude to ask if they have children...how else do you get to know someone? If they said they didn't and you asked "well why not", that would probably be rude...lol Oh, one thing I've learned to NEVER ask is "when are you due"....twice I've done that and the women were just obese with skinny legs (skinned legs)....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 20:02:03 GMT -5
Miss Tequila, everybody already knows you're mean......
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 8, 2014 20:26:07 GMT -5
Sorta along these lines you would be surprised how many people are astounded that I don't have grandkids and then proceed to ask me what, why, etc. I have learned to just tell them that my son and DIL decided not to have any because they are afraid that any children they have may be a throw back to me and that is downright scary....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 22:23:18 GMT -5
"Oh, one thing I've learned to NEVER ask is "when are you due"....twice I've done that and the women were just obese with skinny legs (skinned legs)...." I learned that the hard way too. The lady's answer "oh i am not pregnany, i am just fat" without skipping a beat so i assumed she gets it all the time. But it didn 't stop me from wanting to disappear. I think we should have a ban on all kid or any kid related (child support, step parenting, good/bad parenting, drinking while prego, etc) talk on these forums they seem to get out of hand.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jul 8, 2014 22:45:26 GMT -5
Don't EVER ask a woman when her baby is due. With all the teens with muffin tops nowadays, chances are they're NOT expecting. (But, it IS a great way to get the stink eye.)
Even though it has been an incredible amount of work, requiring more energy of me than I thought I was capable of, I think I would've missed a lot if not for my kids. Even DS with his learning disability has a great sense of humor.
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truthbound
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Post by truthbound on Jul 9, 2014 3:45:19 GMT -5
I really wanted to ask too, but thought I would be opening a can of worms. But, now that you have asked....yes, please explain how the administration has kept someone from procreating I am guessing change in medical coverage, what they will or will not cover. Well they have fallen into the Medicare gap and can't afford any insurance thanks to Obammycare. But I am talking about a completely different screwjob. No point in going into it. No one here would or could help anyway.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 6:34:05 GMT -5
I am guessing change in medical coverage, what they will or will not cover. Well they have fallen into the Medicare gap and can't afford any insurance thanks to Obammycare. But I am talking about a completely different screwjob. No point in going into it. No one here would or could help anyway. so prior to the ACA going into effect they had fantastic insurance coverage that having a baby wouldn't have cost them anything?
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 9, 2014 6:43:21 GMT -5
I am guessing change in medical coverage, what they will or will not cover. Well they have fallen into the Medicare gap and can't afford any insurance thanks to Obammycare. But I am talking about a completely different screwjob. No point in going into it. No one here would or could help anyway. I'm way behind in this thread, but is this about not having children because of bad insurance?. I hope those who have fallen into the Medicare Gap aren't having children at all cause they have to at least be 65 or older with some exceptions. Maybe I am missing something though.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 9, 2014 7:42:41 GMT -5
No, I mean I don't know people who ask such personal questions about if you're going to have a child and when you are going to and if you aren't, why not?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 9, 2014 7:46:54 GMT -5
I don't think it is just kid type questions. People ask a lot of rude questions all the way around nowadays.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Jul 9, 2014 8:51:09 GMT -5
I'm one of them and don't feel sorry for myself. I'm sure I'm missing lots of things. I'm good with that. As someone with no kids I don't have a problem with whatever people choose that works best for them. But the evil part of me can't help but get a little bit of satisfaction from the current state of those few acquaintances who were the most militant about how I was ruining my life and you couldn't be a fulfilled, happy person without kids. Several of them are now trying to navigate the teen years and beyond and are dealing with issues ranging from normal teenage rebellion to teenage pregnancies, drugs, dropouts, etc. T hey're absolutely run ragged and some of their relationships haven't survived. I don't wish that on anyone, but I suspect they're not feeling quite so smug and fulfilled now. The flip side is there are a lot of friends and acquaintances who seem to be doing just fine and have the stereotypical happy, all-American family and are coping with whatever issues come up. I'm happy for them. ...and even with that heartache....some might not change having had children.... It's a personal and private matter......but in my experience, I would have felt cheated in life not to have experienced it as I did. JMHO.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Jul 9, 2014 8:54:42 GMT -5
I don't think it is just kid type questions. People ask a lot of rude questions all the way around nowadays. I actually pride myself on the rude and intrusive questions I come up with.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 9, 2014 9:16:30 GMT -5
I am guessing change in medical coverage, what they will or will not cover. Well they have fallen into the Medicare gap and can't afford any insurance thanks to Obammycare. But I am talking about a completely different screwjob. No point in going into it. No one here would or could help anyway. What does the medicare gap have to do with Obamacare? I thought the medicare gap was in existence before Obamacare. Isn't that something Republicans came up with? Also, as someone else said I am hoping people on medicare aren't having children
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Jul 9, 2014 9:22:05 GMT -5
Well they have fallen into the Medicare gap and can't afford any insurance thanks to Obammycare. But I am talking about a completely different screwjob. No point in going into it. No one here would or could help anyway. I'm way behind in this thread, but is this about not having children because of bad insurance?. I hope those who have fallen into the Medicare Gap aren't having children at all cause they have to at least be 65 or older with some exceptions. Maybe I am missing something though.
You know, I had almost this exact post ready to send a few hours ago but my machine shut down for an automatic update. I figured to hell with it and went to bed. I did add on mine though, "Consider the source."
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 9, 2014 9:41:45 GMT -5
Oh, one thing I've learned to NEVER ask is "when are you due"....twice I've done that and the women were just obese with skinny legs (skinned legs).... It took making that mistake TWICE to learn your lesson! LOL
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 9, 2014 10:00:03 GMT -5
I have no issue using the old line of Ann Landers who would answer people who asked rude questions "why on earth would they need to know that?"
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 9, 2014 10:58:27 GMT -5
I am guessing change in medical coverage, what they will or will not cover. Well they have fallen into the Medicare gap and can't afford any insurance thanks to Obammycare. But I am talking about a completely different screwjob. No point in going into it. No one here would or could help anyway. Very few 65+ year old women need to access either prenatal care or contraception.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 11:54:01 GMT -5
Well they have fallen into the Medicare gap and can't afford any insurance thanks to Obammycare. But I am talking about a completely different screwjob. No point in going into it. No one here would or could help anyway. Very few 65+ year old women need to access either prenatal care or contraception. modern science is performing miracles every day......
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 9, 2014 18:56:52 GMT -5
Not good news.
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