Mardi Gras Audrey
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So well rounded, I'm pointless...
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Jun 7, 2014 3:47:38 GMT -5
Oh, for small talk... you could brush up quickly on some topics that most people could have a relatively easy conversation about. Maybe look at some websites with light material (People magazine, usatoday, etc). Those will give you current event info without getting too much into politics and religion.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 7, 2014 9:02:46 GMT -5
I don't think you are an arrogant ass, but over the years I have picked up an odd vibe toward women. Like you don't have any experience being friends with a woman as an individual and consider us as a cohesive and slightly intimidating group. You will occasionally make posts with a bit of angst, act like we get preferential treatment, and sometimes sound slightly resentful. I think you have grown out of most of it but I still get an occasional vibe. I am not trying to put you down in any way, just saying that if the vibe is there, the easiest way to fix it is to become friends with a few women. I think you should find situations to interact with women socially in a risk free situation. Get some practice talking to them in a place where there is no pressure or expectation, so it doesn't feel weird on a date where it does count. So once again I will trot out a couple of Denver area meetups. I think you should go to some of their meetings and practice talking to people socially until it feels more natural. Then try out the social skills on a date. www.meetup.com/After-Work-Hiking-Plus/www.meetup.com/funadults/I didn't realize Phoenix was in Denver. I think maybe I knew that at one point, but forgot. We should totally get together for a practice date!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2014 9:12:36 GMT -5
We really need someone to assess the situation first hand.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2014 9:54:13 GMT -5
"We should totally get together for a practice date!"
I don't know if a practice date with you would help you pin point anything. I bet he would be a lot more comfortable with you than anyone he meets on a dating website. But i think it would be great for him to have someone to talk to, to be friends with.
What happened to the hairdresser he was thinking of asking out? I think that was him.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 7, 2014 10:13:42 GMT -5
I am wondering what ages are you looking for in your dates? I can't recall if that has come up on this thread. I'm curious based on a rather painful date I had yesterday...The guy was 6 years older than me, which is totally fine. But from his looks, interests, way he dressed & talked he could have pretty easily been 15-20 years older than me. Part of me wonders if he lied about his age, but some people also just have an older personality & some people have younger personalities. My point is IMO you look slightly older than your age (29?) & at least on YM you come off as older than that (again IMO). If you are going after 25 year olds, then you might be wasting you time. You might want to be sure to not completely limit yourself from older women - not saying go after 40 year olds, but a few years older might not be bad. They would also be more ready to settle down if they are looking for kids & would have more interest in the nice guy vs the bad boy. ETA - also wanted to make the point that there is nothing wrong with looking older than your age when you are a guy, guys are lucky because many of them have the ability to get more handsome as they age. Just wanted to make sure my earlier comment didn't appear to be an insult because as many of the posters have pointed out, there is nothing wrong with your looks
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 7, 2014 10:22:19 GMT -5
"We should totally get together for a practice date!" I don't know if a practice date with you would help you pin point anything. I bet he would be a lot more comfortable with you than anyone he meets on a dating website. But i think it would be great for him to have someone to talk to, to be friends with. What happened to the hairdresser he was thinking of asking out? I think that was him. Good point. We already "know" each other in a lot of ways & we both know I have one of his deal-breakers (x 3 LOL), so there wouldn't really be the pressure of a real first date. But, it could still be practice getting out and meeting someone new & we could both provide constructive criticism in our basic social skills & how we come across when meeting someone. I know I am a very shy person & have trouble with small talk, but am trying to improve & just get out more. Regardless, Phoenix84 - I was being completely serious about a practice date. So let me know if you are interested (I have a feeling you might get some crap on here if you decline ).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2014 10:37:45 GMT -5
"Regardless, Phoenix84 - I was being completely serious about a practice date. So let me know if you are interested (I have a feeling you might get some crap on here if you decline ). " You know it! We might even call him doxie if he declines i think it would be good regardless to interact with someone, especially a female, on a social basis.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 7, 2014 13:19:51 GMT -5
Confidence in a man is the key. No wishy washy crap. Just like i will tell someone i like them i would want them to tell me.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 7, 2014 13:22:19 GMT -5
But as many have stated there are a few deal breakers. Have to be tall. No kids living with them. Btdt. They have to be funny. I thinks thats about it for me.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 7, 2014 13:30:09 GMT -5
Did i miss a pic somewhere?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2014 13:40:54 GMT -5
Pics are on page 9
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 7, 2014 14:08:50 GMT -5
Maybe Angel should set him up with a friend. You'd get the real stranger feel, but the friend can tell Angel so she can report back. Or tell him she is and just show up if she's never posted her pic here before.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 7, 2014 14:19:08 GMT -5
Ok phoenix. You are fine looking. I dont see a problem there. Tall too. Wanna come to Fl??? Lol
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2014 14:38:59 GMT -5
Tall is good. But.... If he's coming off at all 'silent creepy'... Not saying he is! ... But if... Then he actually might be imposing and it could backfire.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jun 7, 2014 18:33:27 GMT -5
Thanks for the pics. I agree it's not a physical feature issue. You are good looking. I really did picture you much geekier. Do you keep your hair that short still?
Did any ask if your voice is normal? What about manners?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2014 18:47:12 GMT -5
Thanks for the pics. I agree it's not a physical feature issue. You are good looking. I really did picture you much geekier. Do you keep your hair that short still? Did any ask if your voice is normal? What about manners? Honestly, I've always pictured Phoenix as average height (whatever that is lol) and pudgy. I'm not sure where I got the pudgy from. And, if I'd just seen his picture some random place, my impression of him wouldn't match the guy who's posting on this thread at all.
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Apple
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Always travel with a sense of humor
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Post by Apple on Jun 7, 2014 19:18:02 GMT -5
So, I do have some thoughts but don't really know how to word them. So, I'll just try.
Phoenyx, you remind me of my son (also has mild Aspergers). And my son reminds me of me (other than the physical traits, of course).
My son is not the most confident, even if he excels he can't really see it. It's like he knows he's good at something, but it just doesn't "click".
He's also tall, so far 6' 2" and no idea if he's done growing. His size alone has always intimidated people.
He also "looks serious". I get the same comments about myself if I'm thinking or trying to figure out, or just not thinking about smiling. For a while it took a lot of extra effort for me to smile more often, but now it comes much more naturally and people have told others that they've never seen me not smiling. My son doesn't smile near often enough, his expression is more flat and "serious" and people who don't know him take it for him being upset or grumpy. But that's just how he is.
It's also a little difficult to get him to open up and be himself. There's like this outer shell you have to break through before you see "him". I'm the same way. In fact, sometimes it takes years for me to say more than "hi" to someone, even when I want to. Just not good at the small talk.
But... he's an amazing guy. Smart, funny, a deep thinker. When people are finally let in they adore him. It's not like he intentionally keeps them out, he just doesn't know how else to be, and hears that it's "wrong" to not be social or to be an introvert.
All that to say that online dating just may not be the way to go for you at all. I can't see it working for my son, and I know it doesn't work for me. There is the chance that it could, but it may be a long shot. And I know how hard it is to figure out another way to meet people, especially if you're shy or timing of things don't work out (because work, other commitments, etc).
You just seem to me to be the type of person a girl could adore, but it takes more than one meeting, in a non-pressure/dating situation, to realize that. The only time people get to know me very quickly at all is if I meet them when I'm with people I'm comfortable with.
I know it's not easy to figure out how to put yourself out there where you will get exposed to more people, but every little bit helps. You just have to figure out what "your thing" is. Lately, for my son, that has been acting. He went from no friends for a few years to being surrounded by girls and invited to parties, movies, etc. I don't know how things will go for him after high school, but I hope he maintains that bit of confidence he has been gaining, and I hope you find something that adds a boost to yours.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2014 19:31:23 GMT -5
I have read all the Jack Reacher novels by Lee Child. I also like Alex Berinson (not sure if I spelled his last name right), David Morell, David Baldacci.
Mostly thriller/action/suspense/mystery type stuff.
I was going to say "off topic", but then noticed everyone else going to book stuff... Have you read Greg Iles? I enjoy his books. A little odd/weird, but good books. Backtracking because I forgot to post it earlier..... I've read a couple of Greg Iles books. I liked them. I think there were some pages I only skimmed in both of them, but both books were interesting.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 7, 2014 19:31:48 GMT -5
What a nice post, apple.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2014 7:21:12 GMT -5
My husband has a niece in Romania for whom he's always fishing... But honestly, she's a rather big local personality there, traditional folk singer, fairly often on local tv, etc. I'm not sure how that would translate into a profession here?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 8, 2014 7:26:19 GMT -5
I'd like for MY son to meet her!!
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Jun 8, 2014 8:13:13 GMT -5
True, I'm not a dog person and wouldn't be happy with someone who was. If he doesn't like kids, a dog is a permanent kid. Yes, but the dog will hear and obey and you don't have to send it to college. And you can have it neutered.
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Jun 8, 2014 8:24:21 GMT -5
Urban Fantasy- Atticus is the last Iron Druid. He has a dog named Oberon who is the funniest character in the world. Cracks me up. The books are really pretty good reads. My husband, son and I all love them and I recently found out my older brother and his wife are big fans as well. Everyone I have recommended him to has enjoyed the books.
My DH is fb friends with Kevin Hearne and he is really an engaging author- very active in the community (goes to a lot of Cons and signings)
First book in the series is Hounded. I have all the Iron Druid series in audiobooks. The narrator is pretty good. Oberon and his Dead Flea Scrolls cracked me up. Same with Reacher series, Harry Bosch series, Lucas Davenport series, Dresden Files. Lots of good ones out there. The suggestion to talk about books was a good one. You need to find a woman who is a Reacher fan. She will go for your looks, at least. And Reacher is the strong, silent type.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 9, 2014 10:34:08 GMT -5
Phoenix- I'm curious where you are sitting with this overload of information we have given you this past week. Did you do anything this weekend to shake things up? Try to talk to more people to increase your comfort level? Look in to any volunteering opportunities?
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 10, 2014 13:41:29 GMT -5
Phoenix- I'm curious where you are sitting with this overload of information we have given you this past week. Did you do anything this weekend to shake things up? Try to talk to more people to increase your comfort level? Look in to any volunteering opportunities?
I'm guessing he's out breaking hearts now that he found out how cute he is.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jun 10, 2014 15:50:03 GMT -5
Phoenix- I'm curious where you are sitting with this overload of information we have given you this past week. Did you do anything this weekend to shake things up? Try to talk to more people to increase your comfort level? Look in to any volunteering opportunities?
I'm guessing he's out breaking hearts now that he found out how cute he is. There may be some truth to that! Several posters mentioned confidence was something they perceived that he lacked so maybe this was just the boost he needed. Hope so. Of course, I also hope he doesn't rush into anything. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, and all.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 10, 2014 17:27:32 GMT -5
Well, I talked it over with my second cousin and she's gotten even better looking since the last time I saw her but she says NO WAY to winter anywhere. So Colorado is out.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 10, 2014 17:42:37 GMT -5
Does Phoenix regularly take a few days off from posting? Does anyone know?
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Jun 10, 2014 20:45:13 GMT -5
I don't have any advice for you and maybe I missed it, but where do you live? I'd love to help you with clothes shopping! DH hates clothes shopping and won't take my advice, so I'd love to help someone else!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 11, 2014 11:11:28 GMT -5
Does Phoenix regularly take a few days off from posting?
He had a thread going about his new supervisor, he may be lying low during the work day and not posting to keep her happy.
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