Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 15:45:42 GMT -5
I answered. I suck. I know.
I am the most non-confrontational person out there.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,086
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 20, 2014 15:48:24 GMT -5
I don't think you suck. This stuff is hard for ANYONE to deal with and he had quite awhile to do a number on your head before it ever got to this point. You're not going to snap out of that overnight.
IMO, your priority should be getting an advocate for you son. You really need a non-biased third person to help you enforce the boundaries that need to be enforced right now. His family sure as hell ain't it and I don't know if I'd trust the church people to fully grasp the seriousness of the situation either.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 15:48:29 GMT -5
Whoop-de-doo for him, doesn't mean you're under any obligations to take your son. Does your employer by chance have an Employee Assistance Program? If they do take advantage of it. It's the same as seeing any other therapist in that it's 100% confidential and best of all it's FREE for a certain amount of sessions. Sometimes they'll offer more depending on the situation. They're also often great resources for a lot of the things you're looking for, such as an advocate for your son. At the least they can recommend therapists to you that have experience dealing with what you're going thru. Yeah, he stole my therapist. I was seeing someone through the EAP (free for 3 sessions and then I paid) and he decided to start going to see her last fall. Now she can't even talk to me about anything anymore because my husband is her client. Although, I'm not sure how that works now that we're divorced.... She knew all kinds of things about our history.
|
|
CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
|
Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 20, 2014 15:50:32 GMT -5
I answered. I suck. I know. I am the most non-confrontational person out there. Honey you're NOT married to him anymore. You need to remember that. You are not responsible for his well-being, happiness or behaviour. You ARE responsible for yourself and your kids. I"m not sure "daddy and me" at the Y is going to be supervised enough for your situation. (Granted i've never been to one) And you really don't want to get into a situation where it's 'ok' now then find yourself having to back out later and deal with an unreasonable, unstable, unmonitored Adult.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,086
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 20, 2014 15:50:54 GMT -5
Seriously? I'd at least call her up and tel her she owes you a reference after kicking you out. She was your therapist first!
|
|
CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
|
Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 20, 2014 15:51:34 GMT -5
Whoop-de-doo for him, doesn't mean you're under any obligations to take your son. Does your employer by chance have an Employee Assistance Program? If they do take advantage of it. It's the same as seeing any other therapist in that it's 100% confidential and best of all it's FREE for a certain amount of sessions. Sometimes they'll offer more depending on the situation. They're also often great resources for a lot of the things you're looking for, such as an advocate for your son. At the least they can recommend therapists to you that have experience dealing with what you're going thru. Yeah, he stole my therapist. I was seeing someone through the EAP (free for 3 sessions and then I paid) and he decided to start going to see her last fall. Now she can't even talk to me about anything anymore because my husband is her client. Although, I'm not sure how that works now that we're divorced.... She knew all kinds of things about our history. Call her and ask for a recommendation for one who sees low-income clients. Or ask your son's therapist for a recommendation.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 15:55:22 GMT -5
Daddy and Me is at Early Childhood and Family Education Center and I think he's working with people there to get parent education, so it might be possible to get someone to keep an eye on him in that situation. I just wish he'd quit taking this stuff all on himself and let me scramble madly to make sure it's ok.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 15:59:35 GMT -5
Seriously? I'd at least call her up and tel her she owes you a reference after kicking you out. She was your therapist first! Yeah, I went to see her when DH got arrested last October to tell her he wouldn't be showing up for any of his appointments for awhile and fill her in a little on what was going on and she said she really wished she could talk to me because I needed somebody, but that's as far as it got. And now I'm out of here. Pick the kids up from school, drop oldest off at the library if he didn't already take the bus home and go see what the ex is up to.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Mar 20, 2014 16:01:23 GMT -5
Seriously? I'd at least call her up and tel her she owes you a reference after kicking you out. She was your therapist first! Yeah, I went to see her when DH got arrested last October to tell her he wouldn't be showing up for any of his appointments for awhile and fill her in a little on what was going on and she said she really wished she could talk to me because I needed somebody, but that's as far as it got. And now I'm out of here. Pick the kids up from school, drop oldest off at the library if he didn't already take the bus home and go see what the ex is up to. My question is how come it was ok for her to talk to HIM when he showed up when YOU were there first??!??
|
|
CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
|
Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 20, 2014 16:01:38 GMT -5
Daddy and Me is at Early Childhood and Family Education Center and I think he's working with people there to get parent education, so it might be possible to get someone to keep an eye on him in that situation. I just wish he'd quit taking this stuff all on himself and let me scramble madly to make sure it's ok. You realize he's doing it to exibit control over you and manipulate you right?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 16:02:37 GMT -5
Yeah, I went to see her when DH got arrested last October to tell her he wouldn't be showing up for any of his appointments for awhile and fill her in a little on what was going on and she said she really wished she could talk to me because I needed somebody, but that's as far as it got. And now I'm out of here. Pick the kids up from school, drop oldest off at the library if he didn't already take the bus home and go see what the ex is up to. My question is how come it was ok for her to talk to HIM when he showed up when YOU were there first??!?? I hadn't been there for close to a year. I think it's kind of like a lawyer. They are no longer considered representing you after a certain period of time has passed.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Mar 20, 2014 16:04:06 GMT -5
My question is how come it was ok for her to talk to HIM when he showed up when YOU were there first??!?? I hadn't been there for close to a year. I think it's kind of like a lawyer. They are no longer considered representing you after a certain period of time has passed. Maybe look into what that time frame is then. You might be able to get her back soon.
|
|
bean29
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 10,203
|
Post by bean29 on Mar 20, 2014 16:05:44 GMT -5
I answered. I suck. I know. I am the most non-confrontational person out there. Honey you're NOT married to him anymore. You need to remember that. You are not responsible for his well-being, happiness or behaviour. You ARE responsible for yourself and your kids. I"m not sure "daddy and me" at the Y is going to be supervised enough for your situation. (Granted i've never been to one) And you really don't want to get into a situation where it's 'ok' now then find yourself having to back out later and deal with an unreasonable, unstable, unmonitored Adult. Hmm, they Y is a service organization. Maybe you could twist some supervision out of them? I am sure then do background checks on volunteers, probably some training. Maybe you could work this to your advantage once you are assured appropriate monitoring is going on. I live in the city. Here the Y does summer programs and afterschool care. Making sure kids don't leave with the wrong person has to be par for the course. Also I was asking about the religion thing too b/c the Catholic Church also does background checks on volunteers. I do not think they would take protectiong your son's interests lightly. I am what my brother calls an Ala carte Catholic, meaning I pick and choose what beliefs to follow, don't go to church every week etc. I have a major problem with their attitude/treatment of Women, so I stopped going to church when my kids were in grade school. Last Church Events: Wedding, Baptism, Baptism, Funeral, 50th Wedding Anniversary, Funeral. I actually stoped going to church when the Pedophile Scandal broke though. I read about the treatment of Students at St. John's School for the Deaf in WI, and I just felt the church had a duty to protect the Deaf/Mute students. Instead they repeadedly exposed them to abuse and allowed them to be called Liars if they told anyone of the abuse. The Milwaukee Archdioces just proposed a settlement. The average Victim will get less than $7,000. .
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Mar 20, 2014 17:27:45 GMT -5
I don't know. I don't trust the Catholic Church. Aren't they going to think she's awful for divorcing a "sick" man? Plus, trust her son to men? MPL, you need to mentally "divorce" yourself from this man. Stop taking his daily calls, stop running errands for him. If he wants a visit, it's $30 because its supervised. If he was truly getting better, he would understand you wanting to make sure his child was safe. He isn't. He is playing you.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 17:59:33 GMT -5
MPL, even when we divorce, if we have kids, we are linked to our former partners.
I am SO sorry that you are going through this. I think you have to run, and not walk, to your attorney, and get things like visitation (and CS, for later) set up NOW, BEFORE he gets out.
It is not an expense, it is an INVESTMENT, in your mental health, and BOTH your sons' mental health, and maybe their physical health as well. The stress is affecting all of you, and I don't think you'd want your DS1 opting to go live with his dad because living with you is too stressful.
Your DH is MAJORLY unstable. He wants your DS2 just in time for Easter, the anniversary of when he mutilated himself and ended up in jail / a mental hospital / a halfway house?!
Also, if your first ex agreed, I think going off to Hawaii for a year would be a great idea. Your DS1's dad can afford the plane fare to fly your DS1 back and forth for vacations. If he is in agreement, I wouldn't rule out that possibility. It could be a great adventure for your DS1, and they are close, and they could weather the distance, especially if it's temporary.
I REALLY DO GET that things are tough for you financially. But, you CANNOT let 1K in lawyer fees come between you / your son's safety.
Hugs to you.
ETA: You need to get away from being "under his thumb", and despite the divorce, you aren't able to do that. I think you need to put physical distance between you, and Hawaii would be a fantastic solution, even if it's a temporary one.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Mar 20, 2014 18:04:12 GMT -5
But you have to WANT to do any of this and until MPL is ready to do it, she won't.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,936
|
Post by taz157 on Mar 20, 2014 18:07:27 GMT -5
Hugs Minnesota. We're here for you as best we can be. Yeah that. . (((((hugs)))))
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 18:08:16 GMT -5
MPL, I think a lot of us, maybe even all of us, see your ex as being potentially MUCH more dangerous that you do.
Every day, mentally-ill parents kill their kids because "if they can't have them, nobody can". I think it is fairly rare for somebody to hurt themselves so badly that they mutilate themselves.
I think a lot of what you post scares most of us witless. Even if he's "better now", what happens if he suddenly decides to stop taking his meds? What if Gd tells him to do something crazy, since he seems to have a direct line?
Visibly, your ex has NO filters anymore. And if he does, they're all chemical, and temporary. He's just well enough to think he can continue intimidating / railroading you.
Yes, your DS2 deserves a relationship with his dad ... when his dad is healthy. For now, he isn't, and you know that.
|
|
Sharon
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:48:11 GMT -5
Posts: 11,285
|
Post by Sharon on Mar 20, 2014 18:22:26 GMT -5
I have a relative who was involved in a horrid custody battle. The judge decided what constituted a supervised visit, where the visits where to take place, how long, how often etc. When they were at the county place where they had to pay the parent having the visitation was the one who had to pay. If they were unable to pay they did not see their kid. The judge said his primary responsibility was to see to the safety of the children. It was a godsend for my relative because it took away all these well I want to see the kids here or there or wherever and I want this person or that person to be my supervisor.
The judge also set the parameter for contact between the parents. Except in cases of emergency they are to have contact by e-mail. My relative set up a separate e-mail account that is strictly for use by the ex. This also gives them a complete record of all the crap that is sent by the ex. It also allows the relative to set the parameters of contact. They decide when to check the e-mail.
While your son understandably misses his Daddy it may not be in his best interest to be having this much contact with him. A therapist/GAL can help with these issues.
Yes all these things cost money but they will have to be settled eventually and the longer they drag on the more it will cost. Hopefully the cost is only monetary and not something more drastic.
Hugs to you and your boys. You both have a long road ahead of you.
ETA: Does your county have a family mediation center? Those are usually less money then court and the mediator carries weight with the judge when it does end up in court as to how cooperative the parents were in settling the dispute. If your ex is trying to set all these unreasonable things the mediator will be a neutral 3rd party witness to his actions.
|
|
mollyanna58
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 13:20:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,720
|
Post by mollyanna58 on Mar 20, 2014 20:18:34 GMT -5
I am so overwhelmed right now. All of this. The divorce, the kids, my job, worrying about the house flooding, trying to decide what to do with the house. I need counseling, son needs counseling, support groups, lawyers. Some time getting us to work/school on time and in clean underwear is a success. You need help. You may not want to accept "charity", but you should accept any help that's available to you for the sake of both of your sons. Check out local social services. If you qualify for food stamps or utility assistance, maybe then you could afford some legal services.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Mar 20, 2014 20:52:15 GMT -5
Anyone want to trade places with me for a few weeks and give me a break, maybe clear some of this up? Preferably someone from somewhere like Florida. Tempting. You can come to Florida and keep my disastrous boys in line and I'll come up there and lay down some rules for Crazy Guy. Sometimes it's fun to crack the whip.
Who knows, maybe the oldest son and I can bond while we work on both learning to do a somersault?
This may not work, though. I don't own very many cold weather clothes and get cold when it's below 70. It was in the low 60s this morning when we started sailing and I was wearing several layers. I think I might die after two weeks in Minnesota.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 20:55:13 GMT -5
Your DH is MAJORLY unstable. He wants your DS2 just in time for Easter, the anniversary of when he mutilated himself and ended up in jail / a mental hospital / a halfway house?! Whoa. I must have presented this wrong at some point, but he never mutilated himself. What happened to his hand last Easter was nasty, but a complete accident. Our house flooded the day before Easter and on Easter he was out there with a post driver trying to drive posts into ice to break it up and the driver slipped off and came down crushing his hand between the driver and the post. He definitely never meant to do that! Unfortunately, it's what I consider the beginning of the slide. First he was all depressed about getting hurt and not being able to do anything and of course he had a lot of great pain meds during this time too. Then he lost his job in June, and the few weeks following that he just became increasingly volatile, attacked his brother at a birthday party for accidentally knocking our son over in a game of capture the flag (totally screwing up his collarbone in the process) and then a few days later wigged out at home and I called the police. That was July 3rd and he hasn't lived here since. He lived in a tent in the state forest for three months, drinking and getting high mostly and started smoking again too even though he quit years ago. He was living like an animal, it was insane. The car was full of cigarette butts, old food and beer cans. There was a restraining order all summer which was lifted the end of September and two weeks later I called him a liar on the phone and the phone went dead. Didn't think anything of it, but found out two days later that he was in jail. He crushed the phone into our cars windshield when that happened and basically totally lost it, I mean noodle completely slipped off the plate lost it. That's when my 4 month vacation started. I got way too used to it.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 20:58:00 GMT -5
I hadn't been there for close to a year. I think it's kind of like a lawyer. They are no longer considered representing you after a certain period of time has passed. Maybe look into what that time frame is then. You might be able to get her back soon. He sees her every week, or every other week. Not sure. He also sees a court appointed psychologist and a psychiatrist, plus all the halfway house group stuff.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 21:00:08 GMT -5
Anyone want to trade places with me for a few weeks and give me a break, maybe clear some of this up? Preferably someone from somewhere like Florida. Tempting. You can come to Florida and keep my disastrous boys in line and I'll come up there and lay down some rules for Crazy Guy. Sometimes it's fun to crack the whip.
Who knows, maybe the oldest son and I can bond while we work on both learning to do a somersault?
This may not work, though. I don't own very many cold weather clothes and get cold when it's below 70. It was in the low 60s this morning when we started sailing and I was wearing several layers. I think I might die after two weeks in Minnesota.
LOL on the somersault.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Mar 20, 2014 21:12:16 GMT -5
Of course you're overwhelmed - you have a lot on your plate even without interfacing with the X. Can you try to regain some control by taking the lead on establishing an arrangement? It doesn't have to sound confrontational or bitchy, just a reasonable discussion on making a plan.
Example - X, I know how much you love (our son) and I want you to continue to have a close relationship. Right now, it's tough for us to coordinate because so many of the plans are done at the last minute, when things may be going on or (our son) may not be available. Let's help us both by developing a basic schedule so we can make sure you're getting your time in with (our son.) What day and time would work best for your standing visit with (our son)? We can just agree now on which day and time that will be so we both know what the plan is and can make it happen.
Also, let's set up a pre-agreed time for calls to (our son) so I can make sure he's near the phone and ready to talk. Which three days a week and time would work best?
If he can't or won't agree to times - keep repeating that it's inconvenient for you and makes it more difficult for him to not have an agreement. If you go round more than a couple of times, you make a proposal on days and times.
{The goal is to agree to a schedule so that you're no longer always being jerked around at his every whim. That's normal for divorced people and completely reasonable. Not only that, once you get it set, you can reasonably ignore other calls. Set the boundaries and it also gives you a way to quantify and report if he won't live within them. Right now, since there's no agreement, what is clearly manipulative behavior on his part wouldn't be perceived as a problem for the court because there's no agreement that says he can't call 27 times a day and try to set up daily visits. Set the boundaries and his crazy behavior will be easier to prove to the court if you ever need to.]
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 21:13:45 GMT -5
Visit went ok I guess. He did ask where older son was when we got there and there was a brief moment of panic on my part when after about an hour he asked our son if he wanted to go for a walk to the library to go get older son. Then he asked me if I wanted to come with and then said, "Oh yeah, I guess you have to" (uh, yeah!). So, I have my son running around all excited about this walk and him running around trying to find someone to write him a pass, meanwhile I'm going WTF?? Could you at least ask me if this is ok? He really is kind of clueless sometimes.
It doesn't appear he has any intention of looking for a job, and that this starting his own business thing is what he wants to do. He's meeting with some guy from a group of retired business owners that help people get their own started. I didn't get to talk to him about it much, but I guess he has to have some cash outlay that he apparently has. I'm thinking this is why he asked for his IRA info last week... He told me he wouldn't be making anything or be able to help out with child support for the first year.
In related news, got a bunch of papers from family services in the mail when I got home. They have determined he should be paying me $546/month in child support which seems a bit crazy since he grosses $1700/month in unemployment. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with this, but there's a request for hearing form that I think I'm supposed to fill out and return. (I think)
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Mar 20, 2014 21:17:22 GMT -5
Tempting. You can come to Florida and keep my disastrous boys in line and I'll come up there and lay down some rules for Crazy Guy. Sometimes it's fun to crack the whip.
Who knows, maybe the oldest son and I can bond while we work on both learning to do a somersault?
This may not work, though. I don't own very many cold weather clothes and get cold when it's below 70. It was in the low 60s this morning when we started sailing and I was wearing several layers. I think I might die after two weeks in Minnesota.
LOL on the somersault. Honestly, I think your oldest son and I would get along famously and of course your youngest sweetie would be a joy.
X might be surprised that there are people who know crazy when they see it and have absolutely no patience or tolerance for it. I grew up with crazy, so unfortunately know exactly how to deal with it. Only way to keep crazy in line is completely detached, nonemotional and nonnegotiable setting of boundaries. Crazy isn't going to change, you can only make it really clear that if he doesn't interact with you in the appropriate ways that you define, you no longer interact.
(And in this case, that may mean you develop a proposed schedule for calls and visits and just keep repeating that schedule whenever he attempts any other contact. You calmly repeat the schedule and hang up if he keeps talking. Rinse and repeat.)
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 10:12:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 21:20:42 GMT -5
Of course you're overwhelmed - you have a lot on your plate even without interfacing with the X. Can you try to regain some control by taking the lead on establishing an arrangement? It doesn't have to sound confrontational or bitchy, just a reasonable discussion on making a plan.
Example - X, I know how much you love (our son) and I want you to continue to have a close relationship. Right now, it's tough for us to coordinate because so many of the plans are done at the last minute, when things may be going on or (our son) may not be available. Let's help us both by developing a basic schedule so we can make sure you're getting your time in with (our son.) What day and time would work best for your standing visit with (our son)? We can just agree now on which day and time that will be so we both know what the plan is and can make it happen.
Also, let's set up a pre-agreed time for calls to (our son) so I can make sure he's near the phone and ready to talk. Which three days a week and time would work best?
If he can't or won't agree to times - keep repeating that it's inconvenient for you and makes it more difficult for him to not have an agreement. If you go round more than a couple of times, you make a proposal on days and times.
{The goal is to agree to a schedule so that you're no longer always being jerked around at his every whim. That's normal for divorced people and completely reasonable. Not only that, once you get it set, you can reasonably ignore other calls. Set the boundaries and it also gives you a way to quantify and report if he won't live within them. Right now, since there's no agreement, what is clearly manipulative behavior on his part wouldn't be perceived as a problem for the court because there's no agreement that says he can't call 27 times a day and try to set up daily visits. Set the boundaries and his crazy behavior will be easier to prove to the court if you ever need to.] Thank you. I'm going to try this, and I'm going to try and establish this through email so I have some kind of record. I know what it's going to be. He's going to want Daddy and Me, Church, family fun nights at the Y, etc. I've also been keeping a log of all visitation since back in October when the order was lifted. Back then I was logging his behavior and how I'd set something up and he wouldn't show or was harassing me. Back then he really was, which is why a daily phone call these days doesn't seem like much of anything to me.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Mar 20, 2014 21:27:16 GMT -5
Thank you. I'm going to try this, and I'm going to try and establish this through email so I have some kind of record. I know what it's going to be. He's going to want Daddy and Me, Church, family fun nights at the Y, etc. OK, perfect. When he sends you the list, you continue on the positive, cooperative approach by telling him which one of those works in your schedule and run with that.
Example - Those sound like good ideas and I appreciate you giving me so many options to pick from. The (pick ONE) is what works best in our schedule right now, so starting immediately, I will plan on every _____ (day of the week) having (our son) there from ___ to ____ o'clock.
In the future, when he argues that he also needs to go to ___, ___ or ____, just keep nicely responding, "that sounds great, but unfortunately it doesn't fit in our schedule. We will see you on ___ at ___ o'clock for our regularly agreed on visit." Rinse and repeat. Reasonable.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Mar 20, 2014 21:35:16 GMT -5
To put it in blunt, simple terms - he is jerking you around but you are prolonging it by letting him. You will never be able to dig out until you stop letting him dictate all the terms. The way you stop that is to establish a schedule (awesome if you can get him to participate in that discussion because it shows you were reasonable in compromising), doing exactly what you agree to and ignoring the rest.
Get the schedule set, follow the schedule and ignore the rest.
No matter what he says or does in the future, your response should be nothing more than a variation of this: "See you on ____ at ____ o'clock as we agreed." "Umm hmm, that's nice but we'll see you on ____ at ___ o'clock as we agreed." "Oh, that's too bad, but we'll see you on ____ at ___ o'clock as we agreed." "Yes, I know I didn't answer those 57 calls, it wasn't _____ at ____ o'clock as we agreed." "See you on ____ at ___ o'clock as we agreed."
|
|