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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 13:21:24 GMT -5
And then MPL calls the cops and they come take X to jail for violating his probation for the second time in less than 2 weeks. And this time they don't let him out. (Honestly, unless he comes armed, that might be the best-case scenario)... I'm not sure coming to my house would be a probation violation. I don't know what his conditions are as far as leaving where he is. I know they're going to be carting him to all his counseling and therapist appointments which are in my town.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 16:43:54 GMT -5
Well things just got way worse. He's just out out. No ankle bracelet and the place he's going is on our town and just a mens home. It has a curfew but no stipulations.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 7, 2014 16:47:08 GMT -5
Do you have an order of protection? If not, I seriously would consider getting one NOW. At least this would keep him from showing up on your doorstep.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 7, 2014 16:57:33 GMT -5
Go see your attorney tomorrow.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 17:09:39 GMT -5
He wanted to stop at daycare and wants to do Daddy and Me tomorrow. Ugh. Hes still staying an hour away at his aunts for now but it sounds like only for a few days. They're in town now getting his stuff.
How did he get off with things being easier??
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 7, 2014 17:41:40 GMT -5
I'm so sorry
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Apr 7, 2014 17:48:12 GMT -5
I don't understand why everyone keeps suggesting a restraining order. For what? Maybe I missed it, but I don't recall him threatening her or anything of the sort at least not recently. PITA ex's are normal. Besides, ROs go both ways and from all indications, she's not ready to let him go have his meltdown somewhere else.
What she needs to do, is get her divorce/child custody sorted out once and for all. Get all his crap off her property and set up appropriate parameters for visitation via her attorney. If he becomes threatening, then she can pursue an RO.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 17:48:19 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear it too.
But you should spend less time trying to figure out how it happened and more time figuring out how you're going to deal with the new reality. Good luck!!
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 7, 2014 18:05:56 GMT -5
I don't understand why everyone keeps suggesting a restraining order. For what? Maybe I missed it, but I don't recall him threatening her or anything of the sort at least not recently. PITA ex's are normal. Besides, ROs go both ways and from all indications, she's not ready to let him go have his meltdown somewhere else. What she needs to do, is get her divorce/child custody sorted out once and for all. Get all his crap off her property and set up appropriate parameters for visitation via her attorney. If he becomes threatening, then she can pursue an RO. He sounds like he has a pretty decent temper that is not well controlled. If he shows up on MPL's doorstep wanting to see his son and is denied, then who knows. I believe that she has implied abuse in the past and did have an order then.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Apr 7, 2014 19:46:45 GMT -5
I don't understand why everyone keeps suggesting a restraining order. For what? Maybe I missed it, but I don't recall him threatening her or anything of the sort at least not recently. PITA ex's are normal. Besides, ROs go both ways and from all indications, she's not ready to let him go have his meltdown somewhere else. What she needs to do, is get her divorce/child custody sorted out once and for all. Get all his crap off her property and set up appropriate parameters for visitation via her attorney. If he becomes threatening, then she can pursue an RO. He sounds like he has a pretty decent temper that is not well controlled. If he shows up on MPL's doorstep wanting to see his son and is denied, then who knows. I believe that she has implied abuse in the past and did have an order then. They don't give restraining orders because your ex might show up for a visitation and you might say no and he might get pissed. Quite frankly, given the circumstances, applying for a restraining order without some incident occurring shortly before would just look like a ploy to gain the upper hand in family court...which is a bad idea because it could backfire big time.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 20:33:33 GMT -5
I don't understand why everyone keeps suggesting a restraining order. For what? Maybe I missed it, but I don't recall him threatening her or anything of the sort at least not recently. PITA ex's are normal. Besides, ROs go both ways and from all indications, she's not ready to let him go have his meltdown somewhere else. What she needs to do, is get her divorce/child custody sorted out once and for all. Get all his crap off her property and set up appropriate parameters for visitation via her attorney. If he becomes threatening, then she can pursue an RO. I don't think I'm where I should get a restraining order either, but to be fair, he's not exactly a normal PIA ex. He's been locked up or in a halfway house the past 6 months so things have been peaceful, but just before that he was running naked through town with a gun to his head threatening to kill people, he chased me down the street in my van threatening to kill me, he punched me in the face, he assaulted his brother...the list goes on and on. I'm a little nervous about him for sure. He called and I got all flabbergasted and didn't even know how to deal with him wanting to see our son. I just kept making excuses and asking him questions about why they let him out, where he was going to live, how he was going to pay for it etc... SIL texted me later and said he called his brother complaining about me not letting him see his son. Seriously, he calls me out of the blue saying he's in town while I'm running to get one kid to swimming and the other to soccer. I'm supposed to just make it work at a moment's notice?
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Apr 7, 2014 20:41:52 GMT -5
I don't understand why everyone keeps suggesting a restraining order. For what? Maybe I missed it, but I don't recall him threatening her or anything of the sort at least not recently. PITA ex's are normal. Besides, ROs go both ways and from all indications, she's not ready to let him go have his meltdown somewhere else. What she needs to do, is get her divorce/child custody sorted out once and for all. Get all his crap off her property and set up appropriate parameters for visitation via her attorney. If he becomes threatening, then she can pursue an RO. I don't think I'm where I should get a restraining order either, but to be fair, he's not exactly a normal PIA ex. He's been locked up or in a halfway house the past 6 months so things have been peaceful, but just before that he was running naked through town with a gun to his head threatening to kill people, he chased me down the street in my van threatening to kill me, he punched me in the face, he assaulted his brother...the list goes on and on. I'm a little nervous about him for sure. He called and I got all flabbergasted and didn't even know how to deal with him wanting to see our son. I just kept making excuses and asking him questions about why they let him out, where he was going to live, how he was going to pay for it etc... SIL texted me later and said he called his brother complaining about me not letting him see his son. Seriously, he calls me out of the blue saying he's in town while I'm running to get one kid to swimming and the other to soccer. I'm supposed to just make it work at a moment's notice? This is why everyone is telling you to call your lawyer and get a set visitation schedule, with someone else providing the supervision. If he can't pay for the supervision that is not your problem. This will solve this. You would just tell him no the visitation is scheduled for Wednesday at 3pm with Susie Q supervising and you can see your son then.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Apr 7, 2014 20:42:09 GMT -5
Which is why you need to get visitation parameters set.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Apr 7, 2014 20:59:06 GMT -5
What you just wrote about him would make me absolutely terrified of any interaction with this man. Sounds like you are in denial. You need to protect your children from him.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 7, 2014 21:32:11 GMT -5
I don't think I'm where I should get a restraining order either, but to be fair, he's not exactly a normal PIA ex. He's been locked up or in a halfway house the past 6 months so things have been peaceful, but just before that he was running naked through town with a gun to his head threatening to kill people, he chased me down the street in my van threatening to kill me, he punched me in the face, he assaulted his brother...the list goes on and on. I'm a little nervous about him for sure. He called and I got all flabbergasted and didn't even know how to deal with him wanting to see our son. I just kept making excuses and asking him questions about why they let him out, where he was going to live, how he was going to pay for it etc...SIL texted me later and said he called his brother complaining about me not letting him see his son. Seriously, he calls me out of the blue saying he's in town while I'm running to get one kid to swimming and the other to soccer. I'm supposed to just make it work at a moment's notice? This is where seeing someone can help you. You can role play with a therapist and "practice" your pat lines. "Sorry, that won't work with me. Can't talk. Bye." Or better yet, don't answer when he calls. You cannot engage him right now.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 7, 2014 21:57:09 GMT -5
I don't understand why everyone keeps suggesting a restraining order. For what? Maybe I missed it, but I don't recall him threatening her or anything of the sort at least not recently. PITA ex's are normal. Besides, ROs go both ways and from all indications, she's not ready to let him go have his meltdown somewhere else. What she needs to do, is get her divorce/child custody sorted out once and for all. Get all his crap off her property and set up appropriate parameters for visitation via her attorney. If he becomes threatening, then she can pursue an RO. I don't think I'm where I should get a restraining order either, but to be fair, he's not exactly a normal PIA ex. He's been locked up or in a halfway house the past 6 months so things have been peaceful, but just before that he was running naked through town with a gun to his head threatening to kill people, he chased me down the street in my van threatening to kill me, he punched me in the face, he assaulted his brother...the list goes on and on. I'm a little nervous about him for sure. He called and I got all flabbergasted and didn't even know how to deal with him wanting to see our son. I just kept making excuses and asking him questions about why they let him out, where he was going to live, how he was going to pay for it etc... SIL texted me later and said he called his brother complaining about me not letting him see his son. Seriously, he calls me out of the blue saying he's in town while I'm running to get one kid to swimming and the other to soccer. I'm supposed to just make it work at a moment's notice? You don't think that this is sufficient to get a restraining order? If MPL doesn't jump o let him see his son when he wants to see him (regardless of visitation agreement), I don't think he is going to be a happy camper and may take it out on her. In any case, I think that this is sufficient cause.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 22:05:02 GMT -5
He just called back but I didn't pick up. He left a message apologizing for being pushy about the visit and the child support and was going on about how he missed us all so much and was wondering what everyone was up to and how DS's first day of soccer went.
He called from the phone I gave him, but he's not showing up on "find my phone". I don't think they have data coverage where he's at. It's in the boondocks.
He's going car shopping tomorrow.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 22:15:45 GMT -5
Oh, and if I don't have enough going on. My aunt told me about a position opening at the company she works at (I think it was actually my Mom's job, but she retired after 45 years with the company last year). I probably qualify based on the education requirements, but I think it's quite different than what I do and probably a little stressful besides, but my aunt said it would start in the mid-40's paywise and I could push for close to 50K with 4 weeks of vacation. I make 32K now and it would be a freaking dream to make even 45, but omg, the stress and my self esteem is in the toilet right now. I should start a thread about my hair. I lost over a third of it last year and the dermatologists and everyone assured me it would come back, but it never did. I don't go out in public if I don't have to.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Apr 7, 2014 22:25:32 GMT -5
I don't think I'm where I should get a restraining order either, but to be fair, he's not exactly a normal PIA ex. He's been locked up or in a halfway house the past 6 months so things have been peaceful, but just before that he was running naked through town with a gun to his head threatening to kill people, he chased me down the street in my van threatening to kill me, he punched me in the face, he assaulted his brother...the list goes on and on. I'm a little nervous about him for sure. He called and I got all flabbergasted and didn't even know how to deal with him wanting to see our son. I just kept making excuses and asking him questions about why they let him out, where he was going to live, how he was going to pay for it etc... SIL texted me later and said he called his brother complaining about me not letting him see his son. Seriously, he calls me out of the blue saying he's in town while I'm running to get one kid to swimming and the other to soccer. I'm supposed to just make it work at a moment's notice? You don't think that this is sufficient to get a restraining order? If MPL doesn't jump o let him see his son when he wants to see him (regardless of visitation agreement), I don't think he is going to be a happy camper and may take it out on her. In any case, I think that this is sufficient cause. She can certainly go to the court and fill out an application and talk to the judge about it. You don't get a restraining order for things that happened a year ago or to someone else. Unless he is actively threatening her, it wont happen. As far as ex's bitching about not being able see kids? SOP. My ex complained to everyone under the sun. That doesn't qualify for an RO either.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 8, 2014 6:04:23 GMT -5
I don't understand why everyone keeps suggesting a restraining order. For what? Maybe I missed it, but I don't recall him threatening her or anything of the sort at least not recently. PITA ex's are normal. Besides, ROs go both ways and from all indications, she's not ready to let him go have his meltdown somewhere else. What she needs to do, is get her divorce/child custody sorted out once and for all. Get all his crap off her property and set up appropriate parameters for visitation via her attorney. If he becomes threatening, then she can pursue an RO. I don't think I'm where I should get a restraining order either, but to be fair, he's not exactly a normal PIA ex. He's been locked up or in a halfway house the past 6 months so things have been peaceful, but just before that he was running naked through town with a gun to his head threatening to kill people, he chased me down the street in my van threatening to kill me, he punched me in the face, he assaulted his brother...the list goes on and on. I'm a little nervous about him for sure. He called and I got all flabbergasted and didn't even know how to deal with him wanting to see our son. I just kept making excuses and asking him questions about why they let him out, where he was going to live, how he was going to pay for it etc... SIL texted me later and said he called his brother complaining about me not letting him see his son. Seriously, he calls me out of the blue saying he's in town while I'm running to get one kid to swimming and the other to soccer. I'm supposed to just make it work at a moment's notice? And you're worried when he says he's going to take you to court to get custody?
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 8, 2014 6:32:42 GMT -5
Oh, and if I don't have enough going on. My aunt told me about a position opening at the company she works at (I think it was actually my Mom's job, but she retired after 45 years with the company last year). I probably qualify based on the education requirements, but I think it's quite different than what I do and probably a little stressful besides, but my aunt said it would start in the mid-40's paywise and I could push for close to 50K with 4 weeks of vacation. I make 32K now and it would be a freaking dream to make even 45, but omg, the stress and my self esteem is in the toilet right now. I should start a thread about my hair. I lost over a third of it last year and the dermatologists and everyone assured me it would come back, but it never did. I don't go out in public if I don't have to. Stress is so hard on your body. Sorry you're going through this. The hair will come back, but probably not until you're under less stress. (Don't ask me how I know this.)
Go for the job. It's hard to be motivated and feel like you have the energy to do it - but you do. And getting a new, better job - even if it's stressful - might also help to make you feel stronger and better about yourself.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 7:05:19 GMT -5
Do you have an order of protection? If not, I seriously would consider getting one NOW. At least this would keep him from showing up on your doorstep. has he been violent or threatening in the past? if not, how does she get a protection order? ok, so I saw the other post.....I still don't think it's grounds for a restraining order or if it was, she should have done it a year ago.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 7:35:49 GMT -5
Do you have an order of protection? If not, I seriously would consider getting one NOW. At least this would keep him from showing up on your doorstep. has he been violent or threatening in the past? if not, how does she get a protection order? ok, so I saw the other post.....I still don't think it's grounds for a restraining order or if it was, she should have done it a year ago. Very. Right now he is on probation for terroristic threats. There was a court imposed no contact order all last summer. It ended October 1st and October 14th I was actually at Women's Resource center talking to them about my options because things were not going well at all, when I got the phone call that he was in jail. That was it. Instant relief and suddenly not an issue anymore. In hindsight, I should have just gone ahead and got one, they're good for two years, but I wasn't thinking straight. So, the last occurrences may have been 6 to 7 months ago, but he's been in jail or halfway house since then.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 8, 2014 8:49:15 GMT -5
Did you talk to your lawyer? If not please do today.
Big, big hugs. You can do this!
Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 8:49:56 GMT -5
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Apr 8, 2014 10:36:02 GMT -5
Wow.
My condolences on your friend - that's awful.
And I'm sorry for the increasing trouble with your ex. Please take steps to protect yourself. No ankle bracelet and I'm still worried he'll try to live in the trailer (which remains on your property, right?). Milee made some excellent points on that subject that I hadn't even considered.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 13:45:04 GMT -5
Did you talk to your lawyer? If not please do today. Big, big hugs. You can do this! Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards I called a few hours ago, but the woman that answered said he was on a call and took my number. X is back in town. This time alone. He had a counseling appointment and needs to renew his drivers license (it's his birthday today). His mom texted me saying she thought he was going to ask to go to Daddy and Me and she "thinks he'll be fine, if I would just trust him with this". Then she did her typical "please don't let him know I texted you".
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 8, 2014 13:46:15 GMT -5
today). His mom texted me saying she thought he was going to ask to go to Daddy and Me and she "thinks he'll be fine, if I would just trust him with this".
Did you tell her not a chance in hell?
Man, that woman has her head buried in the sand so far I'm surprised she hasn't suffocated yet.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 13:59:18 GMT -5
today). His mom texted me saying she thought he was going to ask to go to Daddy and Me and she "thinks he'll be fine, if I would just trust him with this". Did you tell her not a chance in hell? Man, that woman has her head buried in the sand so far I'm surprised she hasn't suffocated yet. Well, I was halfway considering it since it is technically supervised. Only, I'd meet him there and stay and wait for them to come out.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Apr 8, 2014 14:04:00 GMT -5
Did you respond to his mom's text? It's ok for now to be vague and non-reachable instead of putting your foot down and giving a flat out "no" (which could cause an angry reaction from your ex) until you get things more settled with your lawyer. I'd just ignore it (if possible) and or say it won't work out today and leave it at that.
Sorry this is all taking a toll on your health. Understandable however. Try taking biotin. It seems to help with hair loss. Keep hanging in there - things WILL get better!
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