CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
|
Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 4, 2014 10:15:15 GMT -5
That sucks, you'll proaly hear from him on monday then. Do you have what you want to do ready? such as asking for a set visitation schedule and SOLE CUSTODY?
Also kudos for getting in touch with the lawyer
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2014 13:11:40 GMT -5
I broke down and told my Mom he was back in jail and I was thinking about going for sole custody and she freaked on me that I wouldn't be able to get child support...which I don't think is true, but it doesn't really matter anyhow, it's not like he could pay anything. She seems to have this idea in her head that the state pays if the parent can't/won't and they go after them for it, but I don't know how many times I've told her that that isn't the way it works. It just doesn't seem to sink in.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,090
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 4, 2014 13:14:19 GMT -5
Sounds like my MIL. She's right and the rest of the entire universe is wrong.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,619
Member is Online
|
Post by swamp on Apr 4, 2014 13:15:38 GMT -5
I broke down and told my Mom he was back in jail and I was thinking about going for sole custody and she freaked on me that I wouldn't be able to get child support...which I don't think is true, but it doesn't really matter anyhow, it's not like he could pay anything. She seems to have this idea in her head that the state pays if the parent can't/won't and they go after them for it, but I don't know how many times I've told her that that isn't the way it works. It just doesn't seem to sink in. don't listen to your mom. If you have sole custody, you still get child support. Even if he can have no contact with the kid, he still is required to pay child support.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2014 13:18:44 GMT -5
I broke down and told my Mom he was back in jail and I was thinking about going for sole custody and she freaked on me that I wouldn't be able to get child support...which I don't think is true, but it doesn't really matter anyhow, it's not like he could pay anything. She seems to have this idea in her head that the state pays if the parent can't/won't and they go after them for it, but I don't know how many times I've told her that that isn't the way it works. It just doesn't seem to sink in. don't listen to your mom. If you have sole custody, you still get child support. Even if he can have no contact with the kid, he still is required to pay child support. I think they only get off the hook if you terminate their parental rights. My wife's cousin went through this process with her ex. It was not a quick or easy process, but since he didn't show up to any of the court hearings, the judge's decision was pretty easy, I think.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
|
Post by midjd on Apr 4, 2014 13:21:44 GMT -5
They should be able to impute some income (based on whatever he was making before) and set an amount that way... either he gets a job and starts getting garnished or he works under the table forever. If he files taxes, his refund will be garnished too.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2014 13:26:33 GMT -5
They already set an amount of $547/month based on his unemployment income. He never turned in the sheets listing his expenses, so 100% of his income was considered available. They went back to Sept 1st, so technically he's already in arrears something like 4K. He had 20 days to respond to that subpoena which was served on March 19th, I think, but I'm guessing he doesn't do anything.
I'd happily offer a trade. Waive the back support for sole legal.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,619
Member is Online
|
Post by swamp on Apr 4, 2014 13:29:15 GMT -5
sole legal doesn't mean he doesn't get visits.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2014 13:35:09 GMT -5
sole legal doesn't mean he doesn't get visits.
Yeah, I knew that, but maybe that's where my Mom is confused and thinking I'm talking about terminating rights.
|
|
Sharon
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:48:11 GMT -5
Posts: 11,285
|
Post by Sharon on Apr 4, 2014 20:39:24 GMT -5
MPL to you and the boys. Hopefully the lawyer will contact you on Monday and then you can get started on getting that all settled. Having a definite plan in place will help with your stress level.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2014 14:43:10 GMT -5
I just found out two bad things in the span of 15 minutes. One, a friend of mine from the last 20 years shot himself, and two, my ex goes to court tomorrow and if he has a verifiable address they're letting him out. SIL called me because he's calling all the family members trying to get them to take him in. They said no, and she said he was really mad about it and doesn't understand why everyone is treating him like he has the plague or something. I sure hope he doesn't call me...
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,875
|
Post by NastyWoman on Apr 6, 2014 14:49:53 GMT -5
So sorry about your friend MPL And if xH calls just say "NO". No discussion, no reason, nothing -> just no. If he keeps talking just tell him, sorry I've got to go, bye! AND HANG UP. Stay safe my friend
|
|
moneymaven
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 10:05:04 GMT -5
Posts: 1,864
|
Post by moneymaven on Apr 6, 2014 14:52:55 GMT -5
I'm so sorry about your friend MPL.
And ditto to what joss said. NO is a complete sentence! Stand your ground.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2014 14:59:10 GMT -5
The friend passing wasn't a huge shock. He has a ton of medical problems and has been battling CF his entire life. I remember he wasn't supposed to make it past 34 (he was 41). The shooting himself part WAS a shock. He was always such a happy, upbeat guy despite his medical issues. I come to find out now that he had been battling depression the past year and started drinking again (he'd quit 15 years ago) and his wife just recently left him with their son. I've been so preoccupied with my life that I'd lost contact with him the past couple years.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 6, 2014 15:23:38 GMT -5
I just found out two bad things in the span of 15 minutes. One, a friend of mine from the last 20 years shot himself, and two, my ex goes to court tomorrow and if he has a verifiable address they're letting him out. SIL called me because he's calling all the family members trying to get them to take him in. They said no, and she said he was really mad about it and doesn't understand why everyone is treating him like he has the plague or something. I sure hope he doesn't call me... Do you have a protective order against him, MPL? Do you think you will need one? Is there any chance he can pick your son up from daycare? I would be on the phone to the lawyer bright and early tomorrow morning. Sorry about your friend. You didn't need tht double whammy.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,691
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 6, 2014 16:09:22 GMT -5
I just found out two bad things in the span of 15 minutes. One, a friend of mine from the last 20 years shot himself, and two, my ex goes to court tomorrow and if he has a verifiable address they're letting him out. SIL called me because he's calling all the family members trying to get them to take him in. They said no, and she said he was really mad about it and doesn't understand why everyone is treating him like he has the plague or something. I sure hope he doesn't call me... Oh, crap and double crap. That's awful about your friend. And as for your ex, the judge hopefully means "verifiable" in the sense that it's a legitimate address where he physically resides, not just a spot on the map. And if he calls, it's not just no, it's HELL NO YOU CANNOT COME HERE. NOT IN MY HOUSE, MY DRIVEWAY, MY DOGHOUSE, MY BARN, MY YARD. PERIOD. GOOD BYE. It's his problem to find a place to live. Let his enabler mother take him in for a change. Protect your son if he goes to school/daycare tomorrow. Make sure they know the situation, let them know your ex is not a stable dude. If he approaches the facility, they should notify the police immediately. And get an order of protection, if you don't have it. No, it won't stop him if he's hellbent on harm. Yes, it sucks that at this point, nothing may stop him. But it's paper to take to court if he defies the order. And forget about him being mad at people. Not your problem. Not your problem. Not your problem. Your problem is protecting yourself and your son.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2014 20:36:07 GMT -5
I just found out two bad things in the span of 15 minutes. One, a friend of mine from the last 20 years shot himself, and two, my ex goes to court tomorrow and if he has a verifiable address they're letting him out. SIL called me because he's calling all the family members trying to get them to take him in. They said no, and she said he was really mad about it and doesn't understand why everyone is treating him like he has the plague or something. I sure hope he doesn't call me... Oh, crap and double crap. That's awful about your friend. And as for your ex, the judge hopefully means "verifiable" in the sense that it's a legitimate address where he physically resides, not just a spot on the map. And if he calls, it's not just no, it's HELL NO YOU CANNOT COME HERE. NOT IN MY HOUSE, MY DRIVEWAY, MY DOGHOUSE, MY BARN, MY YARD. PERIOD. GOOD BYE. It's his problem to find a place to live. Let his enabler mother take him in for a change. Protect your son if he goes to school/daycare tomorrow. Make sure they know the situation, let them know your ex is not a stable dude. If he approaches the facility, they should notify the police immediately. And get an order of protection, if you don't have it. No, it won't stop him if he's hellbent on harm. Yes, it sucks that at this point, nothing may stop him. But it's paper to take to court if he defies the order. And forget about him being mad at people. Not your problem. Not your problem. Not your problem. Your problem is protecting yourself and your son.Mom can't take him. There is a no contact order between X and her boyfriend who she lives with. I can bet she is going to put lots of pressure on Dad to do it though and he just does not want him there. He took him in last summer for a week or two and it was a disaster. Well, he never called me. I'm not surprised. He pretty much knows I'd say no. As for the address, if it goes how it did last Fall/Winter. He has to have someone agree to take him in and that person has to come to the court house and sign something to that effect. He can't just say, he's going to such and such an address and staying with such and such a person.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 1:18:55 GMT -5
Does your divorce decree outline that he can have supervised visitation only? If it does, you need to give a copy to school, daycare, sports and any other group that he participates in. That is enough to deny him picking up or taking the child. It will cover you while you get protection order if you feel he is a danger or flight risk with child due to the mental health deterioration.
Your thoughts on the will are accurate. You must not die. You can voice what you want in the will, but it will still take court intervention to allow someone other than bio parent to take the child. You do still need to do the will and make sure the reasons the living parent is not capable of care of the child are outlined. The family law attorney & estate attorney will usually work together to craft the statement correctly.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 7:15:24 GMT -5
I am sorry about your friend, MPL. You are going though some major shit right now so don't feel guilty about falling out of contact. You need to save yourself before you can save the world.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 7, 2014 8:15:10 GMT -5
Hugs MPL. I'm sorry about your friend. And really hope no one agreed to house ex. I wonder what the judge was thinking...
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 8:20:51 GMT -5
Does your divorce decree outline that he can have supervised visitation only? If it does, you need to give a copy to school, daycare, sports and any other group that he participates in. That is enough to deny him picking up or taking the child. It will cover you while you get protection order if you feel he is a danger or flight risk with child due to the mental health deterioration. Your thoughts on the will are accurate. You must not die. You can voice what you want in the will, but it will still take court intervention to allow someone other than bio parent to take the child. You do still need to do the will and make sure the reasons the living parent is not capable of care of the child are outlined. The family law attorney & estate attorney will usually work together to craft the statement correctly. Yes, the decree states that. My daycare girl knows everything that has been going on and that he is not to pick him up, but let's be honest, she's not going to be able to stop him if he really wanted to get him and I told her to never try. Just call someone. School...eh...it's pretty loose there with checking them out of after school care.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 8:22:12 GMT -5
Hugs MPL. I'm sorry about your friend. And really hope no one agreed to house ex. I wonder what the judge was thinking... That was the deal offered to him last time too, his bail was only $50, but with the stipulation that he had someone that would agree to take him in. The only reason they kept him was it was winter and he was homeless.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,691
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 7, 2014 8:24:47 GMT -5
Hugs MPL. I'm sorry about your friend. And really hope no one agreed to house ex. I wonder what the judge was thinking... It could be an overcrowding issue at the jail. That's the most likely scenario. But I don't know what the violation of the probation was. It may have been something relatively small and/or out of her XH's control, as opposed to something big and deliberate on his part. I'm not trying to let the judge off the hook, but I'm looking at the situation through the eyes of the system as I understand and I have worked in it. But I also give kudos to the system for not letting him go without a very viable address to go to. So far, so good....and too bad for the XH. Might this be the thing that turns the situation for the better? Dunno; it's hard to say with someone like this.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 11:47:44 GMT -5
Well, some break that turned out to be. They cut him loose this morning. One of his Mom's sister's said he could stay with her.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 7, 2014 11:49:42 GMT -5
ON the plus side, you've now got a place to the TT to.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 11:51:22 GMT -5
OH NO! Have you heard from your Attorney yet?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 11:51:37 GMT -5
It is about an hour away and it's supposedly temporary until they get him in another place. His Mom is moving in with him there too (I'm guessing sister wasn't totally comfortable about the deal otherwise). Mom thinks it should only be a week or so. I'm hoping the new place is not in our town. I don't think it will be because I think the one he was at was all there was.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 11:53:49 GMT -5
OH NO! Have you heard from your Attorney yet? No. Of course me, the way I am, is now thinking he read it and thought I was being overly paranoid or a bitch and chose to not go there.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 16:24:26 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 11:55:56 GMT -5
Or he had other people call him and he's taking them in order.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
|
Post by midjd on Apr 7, 2014 11:59:09 GMT -5
OH NO! Have you heard from your Attorney yet? No. Of course me, the way I am, is now thinking he read it and thought I was being overly paranoid or a bitch and chose to not go there. He would get back with you one way or another if he thought that - if just to say "I don't think it's a good idea to proceed in that way." If he hasn't responded at all, he's out of town, busy, had an emergency crop up, or something like that.
|
|