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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 2, 2014 12:43:24 GMT -5
Running off to Hawaii SOUNDS nice. But I've been with this company for 20 years now (save a few years I took off when ODS was born), and I don't exactly have a killer resume that will get me hired anywhere. I do have to think about supporting the kids financially too and I wouldn't be there. I'd be living off of savings and family. So IF you REALLY want to do it - move there and move in with family for a while. Once you get there, immediately hook yourself up with an agency or non-profit that assists persons with domestic violence issues get back on their feet. They will help you find a job. You can eventually move out on your own. It all depends on how badly you want it - - ball's in your court, baby, and I'm cheering for you! MPL also has another son whose father is very involved in his life. If she does this, she's going to be punishing her other son and his father as well. It is not how badly she wants it, it is needing to be responsible to a lot of other people as well.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 12:46:16 GMT -5
Well, she's feeling responsible for the wrong person if you ask me.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Apr 2, 2014 12:47:32 GMT -5
It is not how badly she wants it, it is needing to be responsible to a lot of other people as well.
This.
MPL's first ex is not going to take kindly to having his son ripped from his life, and why should he? None of this is his fault (or the kid's fault), so why punish the innocent parties?
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 2, 2014 12:48:20 GMT -5
So IF you REALLY want to do it - move there and move in with family for a while. Once you get there, immediately hook yourself up with an agency or non-profit that assists persons with domestic violence issues get back on their feet. They will help you find a job. You can eventually move out on your own. It all depends on how badly you want it - - ball's in your court, baby, and I'm cheering for you! MPL also has another son whose father is very involved in his life. If she does this, she's going to be punishing her other son and his father as well. It is not how badly she wants it, it is needing to be responsible to a lot of other people as well. Respectfully - she is not doing this to punish anyone. She is doing this to protect herself and her kids (aka, being responsible for their wellbeing). The older son can trade off school years between the parents - LOTS and LOTS of kids do this. From what I have read, MPL has a good relationship with the ex who is the father of her older child. They can sit down like reasonable people and work something out. MPL CLEARLY carries a ton of guilt about this situation already. There doesn't need to be any more conversation about "punishment" or "responsibility." She is doing the best she can under sh*tty circumstances. But as always, YMMV.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 12:53:20 GMT -5
I get what kitten is saying...if she was really in fear of her life she would remove herself and her kids from harm's way no matter what obstacles get in her way.
So...is she deciding to do nothing because he's locked up again and can't come around anymore?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 12:53:41 GMT -5
He's headed to China and his wife will be staying for 2-3 months with their daughter to visit her family. I asked him what he thought of moving there permanently, but he didn't seem to be all over the idea. I thought if he did that, I was off the hook and could go wherever. Or maybe I'D move to China too. (yeah, not going to happen).
Well, you guys are a PIA. I emailed my attorney.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 2, 2014 12:55:26 GMT -5
Well, you guys are a PIA. I emailed my attorney.Good job! Now what else do you need us to nag you about?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 12:55:46 GMT -5
I get what kitten is saying...if she was really in fear of her life she would remove herself and her kids from harm's way no matter what obstacles get in her way. So...is she deciding to do nothing because he's locked up again and can't come around anymore? I'm not in fear of my life. I'm in fear of my kid being raised even in part by a nut job. At this stage of the game he is not a good influence, no matter how much he loves him.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Apr 2, 2014 12:58:18 GMT -5
I think there are ways she can control her situation that don't involve uprooting the kids and having the one with a stable dad going back and forth constantly and/or depriving the stable dad of seeing his son on a regular basis.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 2, 2014 12:58:22 GMT -5
I'm in fear of my kid being raised even in part by a nut job. At this stage of the game he is not a good influence, no matter how much he loves himYou need to remind yourself of that every time he tries to guilt trip you with things like Daddy & Me classes. I think you got plenty of evidence to keep that from happening. You just need to get the ball rolling. Your lawyer will know what to do, this isn't his first rodeo.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Apr 2, 2014 12:58:49 GMT -5
Yay MPL!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 13:00:56 GMT -5
Well, you guys are a PIA. I emailed my attorney.Good job! Now what else do you need us to nag you about?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 2, 2014 13:02:51 GMT -5
Well, you guys are a PIA. I emailed my attorney.Good job! Now what else do you need us to nag you about?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 2, 2014 13:04:10 GMT -5
<Beth looks into mirror to make sure she's still Beth and isn't morphing into beerwench, because we seem to be on the same page a lot lately...>
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 13:42:19 GMT -5
Terroristic threats, with a few disorderly conducts thrown in there for good measure.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 14:12:01 GMT -5
I think the urgency you hear on this thread is because being mentally ill isn't a crime. Once he gets his legal stuff straight, if he does, then you have no leverage to get things legal as they should be for your son.
Being proactive is a good thing. Hard as hell, but a good thing.
Read Carl's house thread. People told him about the costs of a new home vs. older. You get caught up in the emotion of the situation and it causes problems with your thinking.
Everyone else can see the shit disaster my marriage was. I couldn't completely see that until I was away long enough and could look at it from a distance. I think you will eventually see the same thing. At some point you hit the "I am done with this crap" phase and then life starts to improve.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 2, 2014 14:38:51 GMT -5
You allege in the petition that he is mentally unstable, in a half way house, on psych meds, not compliant, etc and you let him deny it.
Then you subpoena the records when he denies it.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Apr 2, 2014 14:40:12 GMT -5
Yeah for emailing your lawyer MPL. Now make sure you follow through. So keep us in the loop (for as much as you are comfortable with) or we will keep on nagging you. Meh, just because following up on things is a big part of my MO, I will nag anyway until this is settled. But only because I like you and want you and the kids to be and stay safe
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 14:40:37 GMT -5
You allege in the petition that he is mentally unstable, in a half way house, on psych meds, not compliant, etc and you let him deny it. Then you subpoena the records when he denies it. Bam.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 15:21:34 GMT -5
MPL needs a Swamp!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 15:26:46 GMT -5
You allege in the petition that he is mentally unstable, in a half way house, on psych meds, not compliant, etc and you let him deny it. Then you subpoena the records when he denies it. Technically he's not in a halfway house anymore.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Apr 2, 2014 15:31:02 GMT -5
No, because he violated the rules and was sent back to jail. That's worse.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 2, 2014 15:33:17 GMT -5
So change it to he's mentally unstable, got arrested, had a court ordered stay in a half way house and was placed on psych meds, violated the rules and is currently back in jail.
Let him deny it and then your lawyer can subpoena the records. Your ex isn't going to have a leg to stand on.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 2, 2014 15:39:09 GMT -5
(someone needs to change the title of this thread . . . .)
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Apr 2, 2014 15:42:41 GMT -5
MPL - you seem to be hung up on the concept of "proof." In real life sometimes the best proof that exists is extemporaneous notes and statements of witnesses. Took me a long time to realize that my judgment of situations is at least as good as anyone else's and frankly, a lot better than many.
I too am one of those people that always tries to be fair, practice the golden rule and even walk a mile in the other guy's moccasins. Problem with that is in some situations like this one, our own judgment is all there is.
I have also BTDT with regards to walking on eggshells to keep the peace at whatever the cost. I too felt more comfortable blaming myself for my husband's bad behavior because I damn well knew he would not do a thing about it. I believed that if I was just careful enough I could control his uncontrollable behavior ... I've been gone 25 years and he still gets drunk on occasion and still jumps off the barn every few years while drunk - on a side note, he never did that one for me but did many other things.
The reality came down to hearing this - I did not cause the problem and I cannot cure it. It was easy for me to accept that I was not the cause of his alcoholism and PTSD - but I had a much harder time accepting that I could not cure it - as in took a few years. Over time, I came to see that my delusions of control were just that - delusions about being able to prevent the tragedy made me feel falsely in control of a situation in which there was no control.
Glad to hear that you emailed your attorney! I know it feels unfair and kind of underhanded in a dirty kind of way. But this is not about being fair and above board - it is about protecting your son and doing what you know to be in his best interests - especially when his father is too unwell to do so himself. Just keep reminding yourself that no matter what anyone else thinks it is up to you to do your best.
Sending lots of love, support, hugs and prayers - even my GSD Tara is adding doggy kisses!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 16:05:58 GMT -5
MPL, the first step is the hardest! You did it, we are all so proud of you! And you should be proud of yourself too. That will come, in time. You're not there yet. One step at a time.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Apr 2, 2014 22:02:28 GMT -5
MPL, the first step is the hardest! You did it, we are all so proud of you! And you should be proud of yourself too. That will come, in time. You're not there yet. One step at a time. MPL
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 3, 2014 7:35:36 GMT -5
MPL, the first step is the hardest! You did it, we are all so proud of you! And you should be proud of yourself too. That will come, in time. You're not there yet. One step at a time. MPL
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Apr 3, 2014 18:55:59 GMT -5
Did you hear back from your attorney?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2014 9:57:13 GMT -5
No. I'm starting to think he must be out this week...
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