flutterby
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Post by flutterby on Mar 24, 2014 12:37:28 GMT -5
I'm seeing all his family this Saturday including his attorney brother because his sister is visiting from CT. I'll ask if they have any ideas. I'm sure his Mom will be thrilled to hear he's keeping it as he still owes her 2K for it and was going to pay her off when he sold it. The part I bolded: How about instead of asking for ideas (making it your problem), you tell them something like "I'm not in compliance with the divorce decree, and the MH needs to be in his possession. Therefore, who can take it or has somewhere they know of to park it? Otherwise I'll be forced to park it at the Walmart parking lot." Or something like that. Make it their problem. They can find the solution.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 24, 2014 12:39:39 GMT -5
He has an associates degree in robotics and has done a lot of work with automation and electrical tech stuff. He used to do field service where this company would fly him all over to places that needed service on their machines. Well, now he wants to do this on his own. Secure his own customers and be a contracted service guy. I'd actually be thrilled if he just immersed himself in this and was always working his ass off, but I don't know. I think for him it's just a be his own boss and not answer to anyone plan, but I don't think he gets that it's 10X the work. Pounding the pavement to find clients and keeping ANY kind of records? I just don't see it happening. Ok. Thanks. Yeah, I'm not sure DH gets how much more work it is to be your own boss. Then again, I'm not sure I do either, when you get down to it.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 24, 2014 12:40:13 GMT -5
I'm seeing all his family this Saturday including his attorney brother because his sister is visiting from CT. I'll ask if they have any ideas. I'm sure his Mom will be thrilled to hear he's keeping it as he still owes her 2K for it and was going to pay her off when he sold it. The part I bolded: How about instead of asking for ideas (making it your problem), you tell them something like "I'm not in compliance with the divorce decree, and the MH needs to be in his possession. Therefore, who can take it or has somewhere they know of to park it? Otherwise I'll be forced to park it at the Walmart parking lot." Or something like that. Make it their problem. They can find the solution. I really like this.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 24, 2014 12:41:24 GMT -5
I think for him it's just a be his own boss and not answer to anyone plan, but I don't think he gets that it's 10X the work
Probably and odds are good he's still not totally in line with reality based on his behavior. Not your problem though, it's up to him to sink or swim. He's responsible for getting his life together.
I doubt he'll get hired for anything that technical with his current record. Self made businessman may be the only way he can go if he wants to stay in that line of work.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 12:51:19 GMT -5
His record actually isn't that bad. It was reduced to a couple misdemeanor disorderly conducts and then the breaking the no contact order last Fall. No felony convictions or anything. I think he should just get a job, the headhunters for field service techs are always calling him with positions, but he never wanted to do it after we got married and his son was born because of all the travel. But, I think it would be great. He'd be gone for a couple weeks at a time, and they'd pay for his hotel and food while gone. And, he'd be making a lot of money and it would be documented for CS purposes.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 24, 2014 13:28:50 GMT -5
His record actually isn't that bad. It was reduced to a couple misdemeanor disorderly conducts and then the breaking the no contact order last Fall. No felony convictions or anything. I think he should just get a job, the headhunters for field service techs are always calling him with positions, but he never wanted to do it after we got married and his son was born because of all the travel. But, I think it would be great. He'd be gone for a couple weeks at a time, and they'd pay for his hotel and food while gone. And, he'd be making a lot of money and it would be documented for CS purposes. The only problem with working for someone else is that he'd likely get hit with periodic drug testing. Working for himself means that he does not have to avoid his drug of choice (once probation has lifted).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 13:45:13 GMT -5
His record actually isn't that bad. It was reduced to a couple misdemeanor disorderly conducts and then the breaking the no contact order last Fall. No felony convictions or anything. I think he should just get a job, the headhunters for field service techs are always calling him with positions, but he never wanted to do it after we got married and his son was born because of all the travel. But, I think it would be great. He'd be gone for a couple weeks at a time, and they'd pay for his hotel and food while gone. And, he'd be making a lot of money and it would be documented for CS purposes. The only problem with working for someone else is that he'd likely get hit with periodic drug testing. Working for himself means that he does not have to avoid his drug of choice (once probation has lifted). True. But his probation is two years. If he's making enough money at his own business to eat after two years, I'll be impressed. My prediction is when the unemployment runs out, he's going to be hunting for a W2 job to make ends meet, which right now is only in two weeks if they don't vote to extend it. As for random drug testing, that isn't much of a threat around here. Lots of companies have that as their policy, but apparently nobody really does it. I've been here 20 years and don't know of anyone that was administered one and my husband has never been subjected to one at any of the places he's worked with the exception of the pre-employment one.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 24, 2014 14:02:24 GMT -5
Well, if he's going to do something completely asinine like park the MH on his ex's property and nobody is going to care, then he can still do that if I first drive it to a Walmart parking lot and leave it. All he has to do is drive it back. Um, no, that is called trespassing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 14:18:36 GMT -5
So, if you have a motorhome on your property and leave it unlocked, someone can plop their ass down in there and call it home and stay there and you'd have to have them evicted? I just find this a little hard to believe and would love for one of the attorney's here to weigh in.
The police already told me he couldn't do that.
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flutterby
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Post by flutterby on Mar 24, 2014 14:30:59 GMT -5
MPL, I don't know anything about trespassing laws/squatter's rights. What I do know is if he does that, and if you ask him to leave and he won't, then you will be in the unenviable position of having to call the police on your son's dad. That's why I'm saying it's better to avoid that possibility by just getting the motor home off your property before his release.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 14:31:38 GMT -5
And on another note. I take it to Walmart, he drives it back, cops show up, he says it was there the whole time. Now, who do they believe?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 14:38:10 GMT -5
MPL, I don't know anything about trespassing laws/squatter's rights. What I do know is if he does that, and if you ask him to leave and he won't, then you will be in the unenviable position of having to call the police on your son's dad. That's why I'm saying it's better to avoid that possibility by just getting the motor home off your property before his release. I get that. Just saying if that's his plan, he's just as likely to drive it there when he gets it. Especially since that's his only "car" now. He'll probably be using it as a vehicle for awhile. As for calling the police. In the past year, I've done it, his Mom's done it, his SIL has done it...but, my guess is he's REALLY paranoid about that threat these days and wouldn't want to bring the police into anything.
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flutterby
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Post by flutterby on Mar 24, 2014 14:41:11 GMT -5
You. You didn't just get out of jail or a residential treatment center. You weren't arrested last fall. You actually own the property. But I see your point that it could go badly even if you move the MH.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 15:40:34 GMT -5
I really don't think he'll try to live in it at my place. State forest maybe, but like I said, I doubt that his "team" (counselors, psychiatrist, probation officer) will even allow that.
Well, after a day of sitting, my knee that I was sure was hosed feels pretty much fine, but my right one that I thought was just bruised up, IS hosed. I had to go down a flight of steps and that was an interesting endeavor. I really don't think I'll be loading anything in the MH tonight. The steps are busted on it and you have to heave yourself up quite a ways to get in.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 24, 2014 15:47:35 GMT -5
I really don't think he'll try to live in it at my place. State forest maybe, but like I said, I doubt that his "team" (counselors, psychiatrist, probation officer) will even allow that. Well, after a day of sitting, my knee that I was sure was hosed feels pretty much fine, but my right one that I thought was just bruised up, IS hosed. I had to go down a flight of steps and that was an interesting endeavor. I really don't think I'll be loading anything in the MH tonight. The steps are busted on it and you have to heave yourself up quite a ways to get in. THAT is what your older son is for!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 15:47:40 GMT -5
I really don't think he'll try to live in it at my place. State forest maybe, but like I said, I doubt that his "team" (counselors, psychiatrist, probation officer) will even allow that. Well, after a day of sitting, my knee that I was sure was hosed feels pretty much fine, but my right one that I thought was just bruised up, IS hosed. I had to go down a flight of steps and that was an interesting endeavor. I really don't think I'll be loading anything in the MH tonight. The steps are busted on it and you have to heave yourself up quite a ways to get in. So if they don't allow him to live in the state forest, but want him out of the halfway house.....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 15:54:10 GMT -5
I really don't think he'll try to live in it at my place. State forest maybe, but like I said, I doubt that his "team" (counselors, psychiatrist, probation officer) will even allow that. Well, after a day of sitting, my knee that I was sure was hosed feels pretty much fine, but my right one that I thought was just bruised up, IS hosed. I had to go down a flight of steps and that was an interesting endeavor. I really don't think I'll be loading anything in the MH tonight. The steps are busted on it and you have to heave yourself up quite a ways to get in. THAT is what your older son is for! He's got swimming lessons and scouts tonight so he probably won't even come home, he'll stay at his Dad's more than likely. Easier than running down to get him at 8:30 at night. But tomorrow, I can have him help.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 15:54:51 GMT -5
I really don't think he'll try to live in it at my place. State forest maybe, but like I said, I doubt that his "team" (counselors, psychiatrist, probation officer) will even allow that. Well, after a day of sitting, my knee that I was sure was hosed feels pretty much fine, but my right one that I thought was just bruised up, IS hosed. I had to go down a flight of steps and that was an interesting endeavor. I really don't think I'll be loading anything in the MH tonight. The steps are busted on it and you have to heave yourself up quite a ways to get in. So if they don't allow him to live in the state forest, but want him out of the halfway house..... Men's home. It's the next step after the halfway house if he hasn't already secured an apartment.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 15:55:46 GMT -5
So if they don't allow him to live in the state forest, but want him out of the halfway house..... Men's home. It's the next step after the halfway house if he hasn't already secured an apartment. Sounds like you should sell the damn motor home. Or give it away if someone is willing to take it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 15:56:22 GMT -5
Men's home. It's the next step after the halfway house if he hasn't already secured an apartment. Sounds like you should sell the damn motor home. Or give it away if someone is willing to take it. I can't. I gave it to him in the divorce.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 15:58:48 GMT -5
Sounds like you should sell the damn motor home. Or give it away if someone is willing to take it. I can't. I gave it to him in the divorce. With additional stipulations. If they can't be met, get rid of the damn thing.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 24, 2014 20:13:11 GMT -5
For someone divorced you sure seem velcroed to him. Perhaps working on this issue would be good?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 20:28:31 GMT -5
For someone divorced you sure seem velcroed to him. Perhaps working on this issue would be good? I'm too lazy to look for it, but I think MPL said that the divorce was mostly so the ex could get/qualify for something. That doesn't sound like a divorce happening because you are ready to let that person go and move on with life. To me, the reason for the divorce explains why she's still so concerned about how certain things are going to affect him. My apologies MPL if I'm remembering incorrectly.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 24, 2014 20:40:21 GMT -5
Oh. I'm just going by what she posts. She says she doesn't want to be involved with him but I'm thinking not really.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 21:19:18 GMT -5
Oh. I'm just going by what she posts. She says she doesn't want to be involved with him but I'm thinking not really. But I will be involved with him for the next 14 years no matter what I want. I just don't see where assuming he's an evil enemy out to get me all the time is going to do anything but drive me batshit crazy in no time.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 23:46:01 GMT -5
Somebody may have already asked but i didnt get a chance to read everyone's posts. Why are you going to HIS family function? If his mom is an enabler, they/she will just try to make you feel bad.
A few other things... Do not feel sorry for him for anything. If he has to pay 546 out of 1700 income, it is none of your business if he doesnt have enough to live on. If he owes back cs, too bad so sad for him. Child support services can and should put a lien on any property he has, they can take money out of his IRA, whatever to catch him up. Again it is none of your business, he is a grown man. Let him deal with the consequences.
You do not have say yes everytime he asks to see/speak to his kid. Reasonable does not mean every time he wants. You certainly do not have to answer every call from him. I learned that from my lawyer during my divorce. I was scared tgat if i didnt answer, i would be seen as being difficult.
You said your lawyer charges $260/hr but is he good? Not every expensive lawyer is good. If not, try to find an aggressive one that can scare off your ex. My ex would say all kinds of bs too. I ended up spending close to 5k for no reason because if him being a douchebag and flip flopping.
I am very sorry you are going through this. I wish you and your family the best.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2014 5:35:47 GMT -5
MPL - been there, done that....I know everyone here is 'continue to kick him when he's down' and looking in from the outside it's easy to say that, but I know what it's like to want to at least be civil to your child's father. Good luck!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 25, 2014 6:37:50 GMT -5
Well, he is already stressing you out. You are taking responsibili for all his issues and problems as well as your own. The NICE thing about being divorced is that these/his problems are not yours unless you want them to be. But if you want them to be, that's your call as well. He is only going to be involved in your life as much as you want him to be. If you really got divorced so he could qualify for help then that's another story.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 25, 2014 7:44:12 GMT -5
Oh. I'm just going by what she posts. She says she doesn't want to be involved with him but I'm thinking not really. But I will be involved with him for the next 14 years no matter what I want. I just don't see where assuming he's an evil enemy out to get me all the time is going to do anything but drive me batshit crazy in no time. I don't think he's an evil enemy out to get you. But I do think he's more inclined to be selfish and to figure out how to get what he wants than you are. And I'm not sure your defenses against him are more than straw. Because even if he's not an evil bastard, his thinking is not the same as yours and you need to protect yourself - body, heart, mind and soul. Because that will make it easier to protect your kids from him. Because they, esp. the younger one, have NO defenses against him right now except you.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2014 7:48:51 GMT -5
Somebody may have already asked but i didnt get a chance to read everyone's posts. Why are you going to HIS family function? If his mom is an enabler, they/she will just try to make you feel bad. A few other things... Do not feel sorry for him for anything. If he has to pay 546 out of 1700 income, it is none of your business if he doesnt have enough to live on. If he owes back cs, too bad so sad for him. Child support services can and should put a lien on any property he has, they can take money out of his IRA, whatever to catch him up. Again it is none of your business, he is a grown man. Let him deal with the consequences. You do not have say yes everytime he asks to see/speak to his kid. Reasonable does not mean every time he wants. You certainly do not have to answer every call from him. I learned that from my lawyer during my divorce. I was scared tgat if i didnt answer, i would be seen as being difficult. You said your lawyer charges $260/hr but is he good? Not every expensive lawyer is good. If not, try to find an aggressive one that can scare off your ex. My ex would say all kinds of bs too. I ended up spending close to 5k for no reason because if him being a douchebag and flip flopping. I am very sorry you are going through this. I wish you and your family the best. I've been going to his family things for the past year without him. His Mom is a big time enabler, but she's also not very bright and kind of intimidated by me. The difference between her and her sisters and my Mom and her sisters is pretty dramatic. My family the women are all educated, strong-willed, run the family types. Her side they're meek, don't work outside the home, get their news from Facebook types. She doesn't tell me what to do. The rest of his family are not enablers and I like his brothers and SILs. His Dad lived 10 miles away from the jail and refused to even go visit him once during the 4 months he was in. This was MY family for the past 7 years too. I think my son should still be able to have a relationship with his grandma and aunts and uncles. His aunt/godmother is coming from CT to visit, that's what this one is about and she only makes the trek once a year. As for feeling sorry for him, yeah, I do kind of. He's lost EVERYTHING. He doesn't even have most of his clothes anymore because he was living in the state forest when he was arrested and I'm sure they're all gone now. He doesn't have property to garnish and I wouldn't want them taking money from his IRA even if that was legal. How much all of this was his fault and how much was out of his control? I don't know. But, if he'd been severely injured in a car accident and I just said "tough, pay up", you'd all think I was evil.
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