milee
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Post by milee on Mar 23, 2014 20:51:48 GMT -5
Yikes, the motorhome sounds like the next potential issue - he'll want to live in your driveway.
Can you head that off at the pass by trying to be "helpful"? Call up the in-laws and let them know that you know XH is going to want it ASAP, so you'll need to drop it off at their place...
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Mar 23, 2014 20:53:30 GMT -5
I'm glad you had a good productive weekend. Yeah that.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2014 21:07:23 GMT -5
Yikes, the motorhome sounds like the next potential issue - he'll want to live in your driveway.
Can you head that off at the pass by trying to be "helpful"? Call up the in-laws and let them know that you know XH is going to want it ASAP, so you'll need to drop it off at their place... I should have just let him lose the money he put down on that thing last Fall and not paid it off and brought it home. Had I known his mother was the one that gave him the down payment I definitely would have...but I guess this way I had something to give him in the divorce. It's 27 years old, so I'm sure it's going to have issues and this broken fuel line is just the start. It's stupid for him to keep it, same as it's stupid for him to be starting his own business. He needs an apartment and a job, but I need to quit worrying about it. I told him I thought driving places in that thing would be a huge money suck and he'd be better off getting a hotel, but he seems to think it would be a good idea. I said whatever, as long as it's not in my yard anymore. His parents can't take it. His mom lives in a section 8 apartment and his Dad has a small hobby farm, but there really is no room for this beast. Plus, he doesn't want it.
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milee
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Post by milee on Mar 23, 2014 21:42:33 GMT -5
None of that is your problem, though.
Get the motor home off your yard or that will be the next issue. Leave it in Dad's driveway, leave it in the driveway at the halfway house, pay for a month's worth of storage and leave it at a storage lot ... again, just get it off your property or that will be the next thing he uses to jerk you around.
Stop concentrating on his problems and start concentrating on solving yours. (I know that's tougher to do than say and it feels like you're being a bitch, but you're not - you're setting up the boundaries that will make your life liveable.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2014 21:54:02 GMT -5
It's going to take me a while to get it all loaded up. That's why I wanted it near the house. According to the divorce decree, I'm supposed to put all his personal stuff in there. Then it needs to get that gas line fixed before it can go anywhere and I need to transfer the title to his name. I wasn't going to bother since he was supposedly just going to sell it right away and it would save one fee, but I guess I'm going to have to do that. There's no way in hell I'm letting him take this Cheech and Chong mobile anywhere with my name on it. I think it's a really bad idea for him to keep it. It's asking for all kinds of trouble.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 24, 2014 6:01:26 GMT -5
Not your problem. Get your name off of it. Hopefully you don't need him to do that. I suppose you will have to fix whatever to get it running but get it off your property and ASAP. Towing might be cheaper, look into that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 8:03:16 GMT -5
YAY on having a happy, productive weekend!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 8:14:43 GMT -5
YAY on having a happy, productive weekend! Then I start out my Monday morning by falling on the ice and totally messing up my knees! I was carrying buckets of water for the horses and dumped them on myself too. So, here I am laying there on the ground in excruciating pain not able to get up, my hand is cut, and I'm freezing to death because I'm soaked and it's 15 degrees out. Kind of one of those moments when you think to yourself. "This could really be bad". Luckily, after a few minutes of rolling around with knives in my knees I was able to get up and make my way to the van where the kids were just sitting there watching a movie while their Mom was dying 50 feet away. I popped an Aleve when I got to work, but I think I'm going to be moving pretty slow for awhile.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 24, 2014 9:00:08 GMT -5
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 24, 2014 9:18:25 GMT -5
YAY on having a happy, productive weekend! Then I start out my Monday morning by falling on the ice and totally messing up my knees! I was carrying buckets of water for the horses and dumped them on myself too. So, here I am laying there on the ground in excruciating pain not able to get up, my hand is cut, and I'm freezing to death because I'm soaked and it's 15 degrees out. Kind of one of those moments when you think to yourself. "This could really be bad". Luckily, after a few minutes of rolling around with knives in my knees I was able to get up and make my way to the van where the kids were just sitting there watching a movie while their Mom was dying 50 feet away. I popped an Aleve when I got to work, but I think I'm going to be moving pretty slow for awhile. Your older DS should know better. But good for you on starting to get things done to seperate yourself from Ex. I'd change the title and I am not sure I"d worry about the fuel line. I still think you need a better custody agreement and visitation schedule, especially of your ex is thinking about living in the motorhome.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 24, 2014 9:20:59 GMT -5
Hugs MPL. Lots of hugs.
I'm glad you had a productive weekend. And hopefully the pain will go away fast.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 9:31:27 GMT -5
Then I start out my Monday morning by falling on the ice and totally messing up my knees! I was carrying buckets of water for the horses and dumped them on myself too. So, here I am laying there on the ground in excruciating pain not able to get up, my hand is cut, and I'm freezing to death because I'm soaked and it's 15 degrees out. Kind of one of those moments when you think to yourself. "This could really be bad". Luckily, after a few minutes of rolling around with knives in my knees I was able to get up and make my way to the van where the kids were just sitting there watching a movie while their Mom was dying 50 feet away. I popped an Aleve when I got to work, but I think I'm going to be moving pretty slow for awhile. Your older DS should know better. But good for you on starting to get things done to seperate yourself from Ex. I'd change the title and I am not sure I"d worry about the fuel line. I still think you need a better custody agreement and visitation schedule, especially of your ex is thinking about living in the motorhome. Well, it's not like he could see me. I was running late and packed the kids up and did chores on my way out. They were in the van parked in front of the barn and I was out back taking water out to the pastures before letting the critters out of the barn. I am curious how long he would have waited before wondering what was up and coming to look for me though. I'm guessing quite a while. He gets involved with movies or books and loses track of time. When I got back in all wet and complaining about my legs the kids asked me if it was bad, when I said yes, they both said "we don't want to see it". Yep, those are my kids for sure. Heck, I don't want to see it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 9:32:26 GMT -5
Hugs MPL. Lots of hugs. I'm glad you had a productive weekend. And hopefully the pain will go away fast.
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milee
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Post by milee on Mar 24, 2014 9:54:30 GMT -5
But good for you on starting to get things done to seperate yourself from Ex. I'd change the title and I am not sure I"d worry about the fuel line. I still think you need a better custody agreement and visitation schedule, especially of your ex is thinking about living in the motorhome. Either get the fuel line fixed so you can drive it off your property or have it towed ASAP, but don't let this wait. Even if you have to prepay a month's worth of storage charges at a lot and leave it there in his name, that will be the best money you spend.
This isn't just a boundary issue, it's an issue of saving you huge amounts of time, hassle and legal expense. If he gets out of rehab and shows up to live in the motorhome on your property, you will have a heck of a time getting him out of there - especially if it's not driveable. Motorhomes are considered residences in most areas, so you may have to go through eviction procedures to get him to leave your property - and a tenant friendly judge could be very sympathetic to a "caring father who is putting his life back together" without any money to fix the motorhome that doesn't run. You'll be lucky if the eviction takes less than $5k and 3-6 months. And all this drama, police, etc. will be AT YOUR HOUSE where you can't escape it and your 3 year old will be watching it all.
Seriously - you can see this one coming a mile away. Save yourself major heartache and handle this now while he's confined.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 10:10:56 GMT -5
Can someone really just park a motorhome on your property and not leave? You'd think I could just call the cops? Technically it's even my motor home!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 24, 2014 10:16:46 GMT -5
It's going to take me a while to get it all loaded up. That's why I wanted it near the house. According to the divorce decree, I'm supposed to put all his personal stuff in there. Then it needs to get that gas line fixed before it can go anywhere and I need to transfer the title to his name. I wasn't going to bother since he was supposedly just going to sell it right away and it would save one fee, but I guess I'm going to have to do that. There's no way in hell I'm letting him take this Cheech and Chong mobile anywhere with my name on it. I think it's a really bad idea for him to keep it. It's asking for all kinds of trouble. I'd ask the parents and aunts if they could come and help you pack up his stuff, esp. if you've got bad knees right now. I agree that it's better to get this off your land before he gets released from the halfway house.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 24, 2014 10:17:50 GMT -5
Can someone really just park a motorhome on your property and not leave? You'd think I could just call the cops? Technically it's even my motor home! I don't know, but it's in your name now. Is the house/land in your name or his?
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milee
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Post by milee on Mar 24, 2014 10:19:14 GMT -5
Can someone really just park a motorhome on your property and not leave? You'd think I could just call the cops? Technically it's even my motor home! If it's a stranger, you'd be able to get the police to cite them for "trespassing". In some areas, police are more willing to help with that than others. But - depending on the laws in your area - even if they did give a stranger a trespassing citation, that wouldn't necessarily get them arrested or enable you to physically remove them. Also, because the motorhome can he considered a residence, the laws about moving those may be different than those for removing just a car, for example. It's complicated.
And your situation is even more complicated because police will view this as a divorce squabble, not the same as if a stranger came and parked the motor home there. And again, any time something is used as a residence, you have all sorts of issues because you are probably forced into formal eviction proceedings rather than just having their vehicle towed.
Seriously, this is not simple or a no-brainer, especially if he has access to free legal aid. His legal aid attorney could drag out the removal by months and you'll be paying to defend yourself.
This is so, so very simple to head off at the pass simply by getting it off your property now, but is likely to be a huge headache if you don't. Where else is he going to go live? Seriously.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 10:20:37 GMT -5
Can someone really just park a motorhome on your property and not leave? You'd think I could just call the cops? Technically it's even my motor home! I don't know, but it's in your name now. Is the house/land in your name or his? Mine. It was never in his.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 10:24:08 GMT -5
Can someone really just park a motorhome on your property and not leave? You'd think I could just call the cops? Technically it's even my motor home! If it's a stranger, you'd be able to get the police to cite them for "trespassing". In some areas, police are more willing to help with that than others. But - depending on the laws in your area - even if they did give a stranger a trespassing citation, that wouldn't necessarily get them arrested or enable you to physically remove them. Also, because the motorhome can he considered a residence, the laws about moving those may be different than those for removing just a car, for example. It's complicated.
And your situation is even more complicated because police will view this as a divorce squabble, not the same as if a stranger came and parked the motor home there. And again, any time something is used as a residence, you have all sorts of issues because you are probably forced into formal eviction proceedings rather than just having their vehicle towed.
Seriously, this is not simple or a no-brainer, especially if he has access to free legal aid. His legal aid attorney could drag out the removal by months and you'll be paying to defend yourself.
This is so, so very simple to head off at the pass simply by getting it off your property now, but is likely to be a huge headache if you don't. Where else is he going to go live? Seriously.
Well, if he does try to live in it, I could always get a restraining order and he would have to leave my property. Or, since it's legally mine, I could torch it (when he was away of course). Once he gets out of the halfway house the county has a "men's home" where he can stay if he hasn't already lined up an apartment.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 24, 2014 10:30:10 GMT -5
MPL - is he going to line up an apartment when he already has a paid for living space? That's near his kid? He's not going to try to line up an apartment. He's going to tell them he's got this great motorhome and he doesn't need their help with finding a living space.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 24, 2014 10:35:36 GMT -5
Get a friend with a towkit and take it to his dad's or mom's or whatever. Say, "Here is all of EX's stuff, I wanted to make it easy for him since I know he doesn't have a car right now and getting to MY house to get his things could be problematic."
Then run (drive) away very fast
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milee
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Post by milee on Mar 24, 2014 10:36:39 GMT -5
Well, if he does try to live in it, I could always get a restraining order and he would have to leave my property. Or, since it's legally mine, I could torch it (when he was away of course). Once he gets out of the halfway house the county has a "men's home" where he can stay if he hasn't already lined up an apartment. You are seriously underestimating how difficult any of these options will be.
You may be able to get a restraining order, but he will use his free legal aid to fight it and/or carve out time for him to remove his "primary residence" - again, since it's where he'll be living, all sorts of different legal maneuvers can be involved. And if his halfway house and therapist all testify he's been achieving his goals and behaving, a judge could very well cut him some major slack on how long this all takes.
Pretty sure you're joking about the arson, but just in case... since your divorce decree grants him the motor home, it's not technically yours to torch even though it's still in your name. He'd have great material to fight with you in court about and you'll destroy your credibility with the court for all future proceedings if you start down that route.
You are kidding yourself if you think he's not planning on heading right back "home" to live in the motorhome which he got in the divorce and which conveniently happens to be within walking distance of two of the things he's obsessive about - you and his son.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 10:37:03 GMT -5
I really just don't see him trying to live in the MH on my property, plus they're not just going to cut him loose in May. He has to have a REAL place to go. A MH isn't going to cut it. The county kept him in jail all winter because his plan then was to live in the state forest in it. His bail was down to $50, but they wouldn't let him go without a signed statement from a family member that they were going to take him in.
I am planning on working on getting his stuff in there starting tonight if my legs work. I want my laundry room back for one thing as right now it's full of totes and camping supplies that I'd started to collect in there.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 24, 2014 10:38:45 GMT -5
I really just don't see him trying to live in the MH on my property, plus they're not just going to cut him loose in May. He has to have a REAL place to go. A MH isn't going to cut it. The county kept him in jail all winter because his plan then was to live in the state forest in it. His bail was down to $50, but they wouldn't let him go without a signed statement from a family member that they were going to take him in. I am planning on working on getting his stuff in there starting tonight if my legs work. I want my laundry room back for one thing as right now it's full of totes and camping supplies that I'd started to collect in there. Don't be afraid to call your family for help. I think they will understand and be willing to give you a hand.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 24, 2014 10:42:46 GMT -5
Well, if he does try to live in it, I could always get a restraining order and he would have to leave my property. Or, since it's legally mine, I could torch it (when he was away of course). Once he gets out of the halfway house the county has a "men's home" where he can stay if he hasn't already lined up an apartment. You are seriously underestimating how difficult any of these options will be.
You may be able to get a restraining order, but he will use his free legal aid to fight it and/or carve out time for him to remove his "primary residence" - again, since it's where he'll be living, all sorts of different legal maneuvers can be involved. And if his halfway house and therapist all testify he's been achieving his goals and behaving, a judge could very well cut him some major slack on how long this all takes.
Pretty sure you're joking about the arson, but just in case... since your divorce decree grants him the motor home, it's not technically yours to torch even though it's still in your name. He'd have great material to fight with you in court about and you'll destroy your credibility with the court for all future proceedings if you start down that route.
You are kidding yourself if you think he's not planning on heading right back "home" to live in the motorhome which he got in the divorce and which conveniently happens to be within walking distance of two of the things he's obsessive about - you and his son.
Also to millee's point. I had a family member get divorced. The man was not mentally ok (he had a nervous breakdown, spent some time committed and suffered a major personality shift). So she thought she'd be 'nice' and cut him some slack and let him live in the apt above the garage until he found a place. He NEVER found a place. She ended up having to sell the property and move herself to get him away from her.
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milee
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Post by milee on Mar 24, 2014 10:43:27 GMT -5
I'm going to try one more time and then I'll drop it.
The county was opposed to his plan to live in the state forest in the motorhome because at that time, he was considered mentally unstable plus most state forest lands have strict rules about duration and types of camping. So the county knew he'd be violating those rules and they'd have a nightmare dealing with a large mentally ill guy on state land.
In the county's eyes, though the situation now is completely different. He's on his meds and doing just fine in his rehab. Plus, his motor home is parked on private land, so not the state's headache. So they may not view this as a problem at all.
I know this is a lot for you to deal with, but you can deal with it now while your X is not involved or you wait to deal with it until your X is out and living in it on your property (in which case it will be his primary residence, etc.) but you're going to have to deal with it. X is not going to get it fixed and find a legit parking place for it until he's forced. This is a guy who can't/won't follow rules and you expect him to sort this all out and behave reasonably?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2014 10:45:40 GMT -5
Well, if he's going to do something completely asinine like park the MH on his ex's property and nobody is going to care, then he can still do that if I first drive it to a Walmart parking lot and leave it. All he has to do is drive it back.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 24, 2014 10:45:45 GMT -5
I really just don't see him trying to live in the MH on my property, plus they're not just going to cut him loose in May. He has to have a REAL place to go. A MH isn't going to cut it. The county kept him in jail all winter because his plan then was to live in the state forest in it. His bail was down to $50, but they wouldn't let him go without a signed statement from a family member that they were going to take him in. I am planning on working on getting his stuff in there starting tonight if my legs work. I want my laundry room back for one thing as right now it's full of totes and camping supplies that I'd started to collect in there. Seriously, ask your family to help with loading up the motorhome with his stuff. It's a couple of hours, if that, to load up what you've already got assembled. Then once that's done you can load up a box and carry it out right away. It's ok to ask for help. Hell, I'd come help if I lived closer. There's lots of people that live in motorhomes. If it's not on a pad, with power and water, I can see it being an issue for winter. But in summer it might very well be different. 1. Get the family to help load it up tonight or tomorrow. 2. Decide on visitation schedule. If he wants to do Daddy and Me on Tues (or whenever it was) then that's his weekly visitation. 2b. Tell him that all contact needs to be in writing - either letters or email, to ensure that you both are on the same page. 3. Call lawyer about tightening up visitation, custody and restraining orders. 4. Get motorhome off your land, even if you have to pay to fix the fuel line and the flat tire.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 24, 2014 10:48:40 GMT -5
Well, if he's going to do something completely asinine like park the MH on his ex's property and nobody is going to care, then he can still do that if I first drive it to a Walmart parking lot and leave it. All he has to do is drive it back.
I believe the problem is that the MH is already on your property. It'd be different if he pulls into your driveway with it after you removed it.
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