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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2014 15:41:33 GMT -5
I've got over 500 connections on LinkedIn and over half of them are guys, including a few I slept with well before I ever met DH. I just sent a Happy Birthday wish to an old boyfriend on FB yesterday. (So did his Ex.)
I do have a friendly e-mail relationship with a guy I dated in college whom I found on LinkedIn a few years ago. He's been in the area a few times and we've visited, and he's had dinner with DH and me. I'm very open about it with DH and there's never been anything in an e-mail I wouldn't want DH or my friend's wife to see. I'm fortunate to have a husband who trusts me.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 10, 2014 15:41:33 GMT -5
Ummm...someone who you would or do spend time with and enjoy their company. I'm having a hard time defining friend without using the word...friend. I have people that I would consider friends that span from going on a weekend trips with to friends up I see at parties and catch up on the last year and a whole range in between. I have lots of female friends that I enjoy talking with at parties. I have no female friends that I would go on a camping trip just her and I. Why Archie? We should try...maybe. |
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Feb 10, 2014 15:42:12 GMT -5
I wouldn't tolerate it from my husband. But I knew going in that he wasn't the jealous type. And he knew the same about me. But it's not my place to criticize my friends' choice in partners. Perfect people don't exist, and love is hard to find. If I'm the collateral damage, so be it. I can live. It sucks for me to lose my guy friends, but I'm glad that they are happy. I also have a woman friend, and her husband always listens in on our conversations. I don't know if he thinks that I'm a lesbian or what, but he is always listening in. So weird... I'm more judgmental that Rainy?    Personally that is one of my absolute deal breakers because I believe that 99% of the time: 1) Cheaters are who worry about their SO's cheating, 2) It is more about control than insecurity and they never stop at just controlling your friends. I agree with you *in theory* on not judging other people's relationships because you never really know what goes on between 2 people. I guess just not on this topic. lol!!!!. Yep, but I have always been generous in my thinking with my friends. Strangers, not so much. |
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 10, 2014 15:43:22 GMT -5
What a bull! It whether you don't care about spouse or you'll be jealous. I realize that not everyone is getting married because they are in love...that's sad.  If he was sleeping with a female coworker, I'd be jealous. But otherwise, why do I care if he's friends with women? Why is he friend with woman? I am my husband's only woman-friend. I think when man needs another woman to be friend with - his wife needs to question herself 'why ta heck he is talking to another woman'? |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2014 15:43:56 GMT -5
I have people that I would consider friends that span from going on a weekend trips with to friends up I see at parties and catch up on the last year and a whole range in between. I have lots of female friends that I enjoy talking with at parties. I have no female friends that I would go on a camping trip just her and I. Why Archie? We should try...maybe. Now that would be a camping trip. |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Feb 10, 2014 15:44:08 GMT -5
If he was sleeping with a female coworker, I'd be jealous. But otherwise, why do I care if he's friends with women? Why is he friend with woman? I am my husband's only woman-friend. I think when man needs another woman to be friend with - his wife needs to question herself 'why ta heck he is talking to another woman'? BEcause he likes her? |
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Feb 10, 2014 15:45:20 GMT -5
DH and I have a large group of friends- male and female. He is friends, or at a minimum acquaintances, with basically everyone that I know and I know everyone that he is friends with.
We had some issues a few years ago with his addiction and cheating on me. I work very hard to trust him and he is well aware of my triggers and concerns. Our relationship is very transparent now.
One of the engineers that he gets assigned to is female. She and I get along fine and her husband is a great guy. Rationally I have no concerns about DH and her working together but sometimes the past bites me in the ass and I have anxiety issues.
I work with all men. I occasionally go out to lunch with them and they'll come in and hang out in my office from time to time. I am good friends with the wives of my co-worker friends so there's no issue there from them. In fact they've been known to text me and tell me "hey remind my husband to get me flowers for Valentine's Day" or "tell him he needs to pick up his son from soccer at 4 today".
It's a respect thing. DH trusts me with my guy friends/co-workers and I've been working on trusting him with his female co-workers.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Feb 10, 2014 15:45:47 GMT -5
Half the people your husband will ever meet are women. You don't want him talking to any of them? That seems more than a little nutty.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2014 15:45:46 GMT -5
If he was sleeping with a female coworker, I'd be jealous. But otherwise, why do I care if he's friends with women? Why is he friend with woman? To try and sleep with her. |
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cael
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Post by cael on Feb 10, 2014 15:46:38 GMT -5
I've kinda gravitated towards preferring being friends with guys over ladies for a lot of my life, ever since I was told "you're stupid!!" by some older boys I was following around at church when I was 4. I went to a small private school with mostly the same kids through 8 years of school, and the girls were jerks and boys weren't so I preferred hanging out with the boys. I have a fair amount of guy friends, most of whom are also friends with my DH, but my two coworkers I'm closest to are guys. One is married with kids, 15 years older than me and I love him to death like he was my big brother, the other is just a crazy Polish guy who everyone loves lol. My DH knows and likes both of them, and appreciates that I have the backup of guys at work in case I get into something sketchy - they both totally have my back. I kinda enjoy being one of the guys. DH works mostly with girls/women, and he did at his previous job too, and they all love him because he's crazy and outgoing and friendly. He used to take care of the ladies at his old job (he was their boss), and in return they brought him food all the time so it worked out In general though his friends are mostly guys, besides female friends I've had for years who he's friends with now. I do also have a good group of girl friends who I'm really close to. Neither of us really care either way! |
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 10, 2014 15:47:50 GMT -5
My business partner is also one of my best friends. We have traveled together quite a bit. So no biggie. If u can't trust your spouse why bother?
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Feb 10, 2014 15:48:43 GMT -5
I have people that I would consider friends that span from going on a weekend trips with to friends up I see at parties and catch up on the last year and a whole range in between. I have lots of female friends that I enjoy talking with at parties. I have no female friends that I would go on a camping trip just her and I. Why Archie? We should try...maybe. You saw his picture too. Archie is a cutie!! I would love to tag along. [wink] |
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 10, 2014 15:52:26 GMT -5
Why is he friend with woman? To try and sleep with her. Thanks. Some just being ostriches but soon something will bit them in the butt and they will have to get that head out of the sand. |
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 10, 2014 15:53:17 GMT -5
Why Archie? We should try...maybe. You saw his picture too. Archie is a cutie!! I would love to tag along. [wink] I do not let my men (now men yes) to tag along with anything. |
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Feb 10, 2014 15:55:13 GMT -5
Rawr!!!!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 10, 2014 15:56:22 GMT -5
Half the people your husband will ever meet are women. You don't want him talking to any of them? That seems more than a little nutty. He is talking to every one of them in the store behind a counter while I am talking to you here. I sit so he can not leave while I am sitting here, so in order for him to leave I have to get up. And when I am up I can observe his behavior from my position... |
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cael
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Post by cael on Feb 10, 2014 15:56:38 GMT -5
Are you having a torrid affair, loony?!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 10, 2014 15:58:40 GMT -5
My business partner is also one of my best friends. We have traveled together quite a bit. So no biggie. If u can't trust your spouse why bother? Are you...(I don't have a word) What do you mean trusting your husband  They have to think you trust them but do not actually get soft, sister. |
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 10, 2014 15:58:40 GMT -5
Considering there are 40 hours a week where DH is out of my sight if he wants to cheat he'll figure out a way to cheat.
Driving myself crazy trying to limit his exposure to other women isn't going to solve anything.
I don't have any male friends at the moment that I see on a regular basis. DH struggles with jeaously issues, his HS sweetheart cheated on him with her male best friend. I've told him it was 20+ years ago now, get over it. I'm not going to bend over backwards trying to prove to you I'm faithful. Either you trust me or you don't and if you don't we got problems.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Feb 10, 2014 15:58:42 GMT -5
Half the people your husband will ever meet are women. You don't want him talking to any of them? That seems more than a little nutty. He is talking to every one of them in the store behind a counter while I am talking to you here. I sit so he can not leave while I am sitting here, so in order for him to leave I have to get up. And when I am up I can observe his behavior from my position... That sounds creepy. |
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Feb 10, 2014 16:04:29 GMT -5
I don't have any friends...  I'll be your friend.  To answer op - I don't tolerate jealousy, nor I am jealous. Friends and friends and lovers are lovers and I don't really see any grey area. My field is 90% men. So it's pretty obvious what my work-pool friends are like. IRL I have a mix of men and women. Trying to get more women friends, though its hard. |
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 10, 2014 16:05:32 GMT -5
Are you having a torrid affair, loony?! I am certainly about to. Which one do you want me to have 1. very hot and dry or 2. full of difficulty or tribulation. |
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Feb 10, 2014 16:05:36 GMT -5
I don't have female friends, my wife doesn't have male friends. I consider work excluded from that, we each have plenty of opposite gender work friends that we socialize with or eat lunch with at work. We dont' see any of them outside work though (and since we work for the same company, and used to work in the same department, we pretty much know each other's work friends).
I wouldn't care if she had guy friends outside work...she just doesn't. I don't think she'd be ok with me hanging out alone with female friends outside work, but that probably has more to do with the inappropriate comments I'd make about it more than her jealousy.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Feb 10, 2014 16:06:07 GMT -5
Glad I'm not the only one who thought so. If you can't even trust him to talk to a woman in your store without watching him the whole time like a creepy stalker, why even marry the guy?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 10, 2014 16:14:20 GMT -5
Glad I'm not the only one who thought so. If you can't even trust him to talk to a woman in your store without watching him the whole time like a creepy stalker, why even marry the guy? Because no other man would propose! |
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Feb 10, 2014 16:18:34 GMT -5
Maybe the creepy controlling thing was scaring them off. If you had loosened up a little and trusted people you wouldn't have had to settle for one you have to watch 24/7.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 10, 2014 16:19:41 GMT -5
Maybe the creepy controlling thing was scaring them off. If you had loosened up a little and trusted people you wouldn't have had to settle for one you have to watch 24/7. I like to watch him 24/7. He is kind of cute. |
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Feb 10, 2014 16:21:33 GMT -5
Nobody is that cute.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Feb 10, 2014 16:34:00 GMT -5
The question doesn't really apply to me.
1. I don't have any friends, not locally anyway.
2. I'm single, so there are no "rules." The only person I have to be accountable to is myself. So no one can give a flying rip what gender any friend(s) of mine are. I mean, I guess they could, but why would I care?
Historically, it's been a pretty even split. When I was a kid, several of my friends were girls.
As a side note, I do find that incredibly odd, sharing a hotel room with a co worker on business travel. I've never had to do that, let alone with an opposite gender co worker. We always get our own rooms.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Feb 10, 2014 16:39:35 GMT -5
Oh, and one other thing. The opposite gender thing can still affect me. I have had a situation before where I was was trying to meet up with someone but their spouse forbid it. I have a feeling that situation will become more common as I get older and more and more of my peers get married.
Plus there's always the kinda awkwardness that acompinies being a single person who's friends with a couple.
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