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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2014 11:06:20 GMT -5
Countertops, vacuuming up sand & dog hair, laundry, putting away toys, clothing & projects, shredding/filing paperwork, neatening up the car, dishes, wiping down stovetop, putting stray items back. None of those seem like big deals to me. Countertops and stove get wiped down after dinner, vacuuming is a 15 minute job if that. I have pretty much zero paperwork as everything is paperless these days. I take out what I bring into the car every time I leave, so nothing to "neaten", no actual vaccuuming or cleaning of it happens until it's warm, dishes, start the dishwasher every night, empty every morning. I don't know what "clothing and projects" is. If everyone is at work/school during the day, keeping a house clean isn't that hard unless you just leave it for once or twice a week.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 6, 2014 11:06:55 GMT -5
Countertops, vacuuming up sand & dog hair, laundry, putting away toys, clothing & projects, shredding/filing paperwork, neatening up the car, dishes, wiping down stovetop, putting stray items back. I get you there. I clean, and we try to clean as we go. But I don't declutter routinely. And, well, that shows. Eh. Even stuff like clothing, I usually try weed out the outgrown stuff after DH does the laundry but before it puts it away. It's like a 5 minute task I do once a month or so. When I did laundry, I put the load in to wash before I went to bed, and in the dryer the next morning before I went to work. DH prefers to take a day to do the wash.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 6, 2014 11:09:21 GMT -5
I'm freaked out by how little people spend time cleaning. I have someone come every week for a few hours, sometimes I work right along side her, and I still clean for an hour every day. DS and I do a lot of craft/fun projects though. Like I'll hand him a squeeze bottle of vinegar/koolaid, volcano, and full box of baking soda and then deal with the aftermath. Or picking little flubber pieces off the floor. Or shaving cream playdough. That **** gets everywhere. It would be interesting to see how everyone's day broke down. There seems to be a lot of stuff missing from the list. I consider clean-up of the activity as part of the activity, not a standalone cleaning chore. Same as if we're at the art studio in the children's museum. But, if it's something super messy, we put our coats on (since it's winter), I'll throw one of my t-shirts over her coat and we'll take it to the picnic table outside.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Feb 6, 2014 11:12:45 GMT -5
People, I just started the discussion because this topic is interesting to me and I like hearing other opinions, not because I'm trying to start a mommy war or make anyone feel bad.
I'm truly sorry if my opinions are upsetting to anyone because that's not my intent. I don't presume to know how anyone else's home *should* operate. My comments are mostly about how things would work in *my* home and I'm sorry if it's not coming across that way.
I really do need to start work now so I'll have to let this be my final comment on the matter for awhile.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Feb 6, 2014 11:14:39 GMT -5
I've been trying to make diligent use of the phrases "TO ME" and "IN MY OPINION" but apparently that's not cutting the mustard.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2014 11:16:15 GMT -5
MPL - I don't think they are big deals, just wondering if people spend more time cleaning than they think they do. We're pretty hard on our house though since I'm home every day, DS is home for a good chunk of the day, DH will often come home for lunch, we have the dog, etc. I cleaned WAY more when I was home all day with my son. But these days, we're never there. There's a window from 5:30 - 8:00pm that I'm home where any cleaning gets done, but that time is shared with dinner, barn chores, baths, helping with homework, bedtime stories... 8:00 I go to take a shower and collapse on the couch until bed. I don't do any cleaning after 8.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2014 11:29:10 GMT -5
Me either!
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Feb 6, 2014 11:31:48 GMT -5
I think that a stay-at-home parent works to take care of the kids (childcare) and then the household work should come second, which usually is divided in half in the evenings. So let's say someone who works 40 hours a week, commutes 10 hours a week= 50 hours a week, gets to come home and do nothing but relax? Bullshit By that logic, the stay-at-home parent who took care of the children and perhaps did some housework for those 50 hours, should also get to hang up their apron and relax. Who does the dinner, the bath, the evening clean up? right, both parents should. Sorry if this was already brought up. I didn't read all the posts because I got all fired up. I just start working again after a year-long maternity leave. I did everything. Now, I'm back to work. I work from home (regular job), but I still do everything that I did before household-wise. Both children are in daycare (8-4). DH makes up for it by doing pretty much everything on the weekend. But he bitches about it if I bitch about something. Like he does this big favour for me on weekends. Weekday He gets both children up, and feeds them breakfast. I wake up after breakfast is done, and help everyone into their clothes and coats (snow pants, coat, hats, mitten, boots) He drops them off at daycare (a couple of minutes' walk). I clean up from breakfast, clean the house and/or do special cleaning/organizing projects, do children-related stuff (birthday presents, doctor's appointments, everything children-related), do all housework including laundry). I also cook dinner, and feed both children dinner and keep them entertained until DH comes home. (three hours) We do the evening routine together. (books, bath on bath night, tucking in). WeekendDH gets them up, feeds them. He creates the weekly menu (30 minutes). He goes grocery shopping with the kids (2 hours). he does all weekend cooking. He drives if we go somewhere. I still help out. We do evening routine together as always. And we both work 40 hours (variable for me though), and the only thing he has more than me work wise is that he commutes 10 hours. I think that 10 hours is relaxing, decompressing time. He disagrees. You all tell me who got the short end of the stick? ETA for the record, I don't mind doing all the cleaning. I NEED a clean house. I cannot stand clutter and dirt. So it always explains why I only trust myself to do it. My DH and I don't have the same perception of what clean is.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Feb 6, 2014 11:32:35 GMT -5
Most days I feel like I do everything and he does nothing (even though I know it's not true). I could take the time to figure it out, but it just feels like it'd be more work. This.
I hired a cleaning lady so I wouldn't kill him.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Feb 6, 2014 11:33:16 GMT -5
I'm freaked out by how little people spend time cleaning. I have someone come every week for a few hours, sometimes I work right along side her, and I still clean for an hour every day. How big is your home? How much stuff do you have that you have to dust, wash, wipe down? I can vacuum my ranch house(1200 sq ft) in about 7 minutes(I've actually timed it) and clean the wood floor in kitchen/DR in another 10. Our living room has one big couch, an armoire and a chest of drawers....no end table, no lamps, no superfluous crap. I can dust everything in 3 minutes. 2 bathrooms take about 20 minutes each to scrub and do everything. Family room/man cave has this great commercial carpet that is very easy to maintain. Litter box takes a few minutes to empty and clean. My kids are grown and gone so no one's home during the day, whereas if I remember correctly, you're all home during the day. That makes a big difference. I've always been compulsive about keeping a clean and orderly home. I also have never wanted a lot of stuff so my home reflects those minimalist choices. These add up to a lower level of work required to maintain things to my standards...just sayin.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Feb 6, 2014 11:36:08 GMT -5
I always have a hard time quantifying who does what
DH works about 60 hours a week. commute is about 4 hours a week. DH handles all issue with rental properties. DH does most of the yardwork and snow removal. Often his Dad cuts our grass and sometimes I shovel before he gets home. DH just completed building out our basement into an office, family room, bar, full bath and guest bedroom. It took 4-5 years. All that is left is getting rid of the extra building material and deciding where the tools he acquired along the way are going to "live". DH does about 70% of the cooking. Grocery shoppng he does maybe 30-40% - he shops for fresh produce and ethinic food and he will but what he wants to serve for large parties. I usually do the laundry but DH will take it out of Dryer and hang it up if need be. Occasionally DH will sweep/mop but he considers it my "job" which really irritates me.
I work 50-60 hours a week. My coummute is about 8-9 hours a week. I do 60-70% of Grocery Shopping, 30% of the cooking. All the dishes and Most of the laundry. I am the only one that ever cleans the bathrooms. I do 9-% of sweeping and floor cleaning. I do the bill payment/taxes including the taxes for his buisiness which are quite involved. I am the one who maintains the filing- but I always am under the gun at tax time. I bought a neat receipts scanner and hope it helps the organization.
I think you just need to go with the flow and keep each other posted with what is going on and what your needs are. DH works a lot and it is high stress. I have decided he is entitled to sit on the couch and relax - he dosn't need me nagging. Offering to hire someone to do something often results in him getting up to complete said task.
Oh, and Kudos to those of you who keep a clean house. DH and I did a really good job of it until we had 2 kids and 2 careers. Now we have 2 careers and one teenager and keeping the hose clean is a major challenge. I struggle with hiring cleaning help - but I don't think we need to go there. We just need to do a decluttering push now that the basement is done, and keep on top of things.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Feb 6, 2014 11:37:36 GMT -5
I've been trying to make diligent use of the phrases "TO ME" and "IN MY OPINION" but apparently that's not cutting the mustard. I'd suspect that your use of the word " should" might come under some scrutiny.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Feb 6, 2014 11:37:50 GMT -5
I've been trying to make diligent use of the phrases "TO ME" and "IN MY OPINION" but apparently that's not cutting the mustard. It never does on YM.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 6, 2014 12:31:15 GMT -5
This is always a loaded subject for me. It has always been an issue in our relationship, but post kids is when it became a problem. Before kids I just did it. I'd get pissed about it, but always believed that dh would do better if, when, etc.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that my dh is chronically ill. It is not likely that he will ever be able to *consistently* help me around the house. (For a week or maybe he'll 2, he'll do everything and act like I'm insane for making a big deal about it, but then nothing else happens for weeks or months). If I had to vote for a good dad or a good housekeeper I'm glad that he's a good dad and puts the kids first.
So my goal at this point is to make so much money that I can just hire out everything I can't happily do. We'll see if that ever happens.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2014 12:41:51 GMT -5
We divide it how it seems fair to us. I don't think how others choose to divide it should influence anyone. I know a couple where the husband works and does all the housework, while the wife doesn't do a thing. That is it the husband's fault if he isn't happy with the arrangement (I don't know if he is or not). I wouldn't be happy in the husband's role, but maybe he is. It is none of my business. Besides, different things work for different couples.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 6, 2014 13:01:54 GMT -5
I'm afraid to even post on this thread...lol
This is how is works for us and only us....
When my kids were little I stayed home for many months and then worked part-time. The infant stage is hard because they demand so much of your attention but they also nap 2 to 3 hours a day. When they napped, I cleaned and cooked. I didn't expect my husband to come home after working all day and then cook dinner or clean. Part of my job as a SAHM was cooking and cleaning. That said, he would come home and take the kids so I could get a break (or a nap!).
But kids do not need their mom sitting and staring at them 24/7. I had two kids and always managed to cook and clean, bond with the kids and run my youngest to her gazillion appointments. My house might not have been Home and Garden worthy, but it was clean, dinner was cooked, kids were played with, etc.
I am more with FB. I do think the person staying home (and that was me for awhile) should be responsible for most of the household duties. I would flip a gasket if I worked all day, came home to a filthy house and was expected to cook and clean. My husband would do the same thing.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 6, 2014 13:11:42 GMT -5
I've been trying to make diligent use of the phrases "TO ME" and "IN MY OPINION" but apparently that's not cutting the mustard. Because you are talking about something that is theoretical to you and as you even stated it isn't likely to happen in your house. So, why do you get so defensive when people who have a SAHP say that it probably won't work the way you are thinking it would when it doesn't matter because you aren't going to do it anyway?
I really do love ya Firebird, but your comments when you talk in theory - like coming home to a clean home when you have 2 little ones at home, is silly. Listen my kids are good kids, but today is the third day in a row of below zero windchills. So, they can't go outside. When I come home, if they are still playing, the living room is littered with toys. We don't even buy them toys (they have all come as gifts). Now DH and I can clean up the living room in less than 5 minutes. At the kids' b-day party, the guests pulled out everything in DS's closet and my dad and I cleaned up everything (had it in the correct container) and back in the closet in 10 minutes. It isn't hard, but it isn't something you hurry up to do just because Mommy is coming home. We work with DS to clean up after himself. That means picking up takes longer than the 5 to 10 minutes it takes me and DH.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Feb 6, 2014 13:23:56 GMT -5
The Cats: Relation therapy (sitting on our laps and purring) at least 13 hours a week Entertaining the humans (chasing a kitty toy) at least 7 hours a week Watching the birds at the birdfeeder 13 hours a week eating - 5 hours a week sleeping (umm lets see 24 X's 7 minus the above) 130 hours a week They tell me they're exhausted because they don't get enough rest. Love it. Ah, the life of a cat. LOL! Holy Cow - I live a cat's life! DH works full time and I do not work any more. We don't keep score but I take care of everything except the shopping. He also does the "fixes stuff" that I don't know how to do and we have a landscaper that does our lawn. I agree that the SAHPerson should do the bulk of the work at home if the other person works full time. It makes sense and seems fair to us. We have 5 cats that make enough mess around here that I have job security.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Feb 6, 2014 13:28:13 GMT -5
Yannknow? My mom had three kids to raise and I guarantee you if she expected my Dad to cook and clean house after he came home (from a 12 hour shift) there would be hell to pay. Yes he'd watch us on his one day off or take us somewhere to give mom a break, but I can't ever recall him lifting a mop or folding laundry (nor should he have to).
I've seen this with some friends of ours, there are the ones who someone manage to have taking care of the kids expand to fill all their waking hours (even some with only one kid, I can understand multiples being more difficult). Then there's the ones who take care of the kids, volunteer, run a girl scout troop, and coordinate market day for the whole school while still making sure the house is kept clean and the kids are fed (I know for a fact since the dad is a pilot and frequently away from home). This one has three school age (one is DD's friend) and a 3yo. Four kids total and for all extents and purposes, essentially a single mom because of the dad's work schedule.
I honestly don't know how she does it but if you want to have your kids fill your day and get nothing else done that's fine, but somehow others are able to manage kids, housework, and then some.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 6, 2014 13:31:18 GMT -5
I really think it depends on the kid and the age of the kids. When mine was a baby, she never napped more than 30 minutes, usually it was 20 min. I cringe every time someone says babies sleep all the time. She also woke up every other hour at night for the first 11 months, so I was exhausted during the day. By 2, she dropped naps all together. And now (still 2) she's not old enough to enjoy playing independently.
There has been no point in the past 2 years where doing chores while entertaining her as been easy. In another 2 months, we'll have a newborn, so add another 2+ years to not being able to get stuff done around the house easily. It's a totally different ballgame when you have kids in school and stay at home or a baby who sleeps all the time. I'd probably judge every SAHM lifestyle as easy if that had been my reality.
My only experience staying at home has been on my 3 month maternity leave, vacations, weekends, holidays and evenings, so I'm judging based solely on that experience and entertaining/childcare can be a full-time effort. I've also watched a fair number of Super Nanny's where the SAHM has vacuumed several times a day, scrubbed floors, counters, constantly picked up after the kids, etc- and was miserable and stressed. Super Nanny just stared in disbelief at one who put that much energy into cleaning instead of her 3 small kids.
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archrival
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Post by archrival on Feb 6, 2014 13:37:03 GMT -5
I see people posting the hours spent working at a job vs hours spent taking care of a home for a SAHP. But you see, you can't really compare the hours worked because the job worker brings home the MONEY.
A full time worker does NOT want to come home to an unkempt house with a SAHP, period. The secret to being a SAHP is to tidy up for 10-20 mins before the full time worker comes home.
Seems so simple... you can have a messy house all day long, but dang, just spend 10-20 mins and clean up before 5 or 6 PM or whenever the full time worker comes home at night.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Feb 6, 2014 13:42:37 GMT -5
Wait, I'm on Page 3 and I just realized there's actually supposed to BE a division of labor? Crap, now y'all tell me. I work full time, plus a part time job. The part time job is freelance, so I fit it in when I can. DH is retired. It's a little hard to divvy this up, now that I think about it. Me: Working 40+ hours, commute is 10 hours a week. Freelance is an unknown quantity, so I'll have to leave it out. Cooking, laundry, dusting and bathrooms. Pet care (most daily feedings) Social calendar maintenance Deals with accountant for federal tax filing Deals with computer issues DH: Heavy home maintenance (lawn mowing, yard work like cutting down tree branches, cleaning the driveway, roof and gutters) Car repairs Pet care (vet visits and midday feeding) Vacuuming, polishing wood floors Costco shopping Deals with tradespeople (painters, plumbers, electricians) Deals with the litterbox (yay!) Deals with paying homeowners insurance, auto insurance, county taxes Both of us: Grocery shopping together Do our own doctor/dentist appointments Pay our own bills
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Feb 6, 2014 13:57:45 GMT -5
We got sick of fighting over chores. So I finally typed up a list - things that have to be done daily and things that have to be done by Sunday evening each week. LOL, DH was surprised I actually put cleaning the bathroom and changing the bed linens on the weekly list. Not sure how often he thought they needed to be done but weekly was my minimum, and aparently he never noticed me doing those things each week. I think it helped him to see all the things I was doing and now he sees the list and what needs to be done. It's laminated so we can check off the weekly chores as they are completed and then start fresh each Monday. I work a set 40-hr week schedule. Adding in commute time + picking up DD from daycare I am gone from home about 50 hrs per week. I do all cooking or tell DH he's in-charge, which means he brings home take-out or takes us all to dinner. It works, we get fed and I don't have to cook. I do 90% of the shopping for food. He picks up beer and sandwich fixings, lol. I do 75%+ of the childcare (all bathing, most changing, potty training, dressing, hair, most feeding, almost always bedtime, etc). DH works as an independent contractor so there's no "typical" week. He usually leaves home when I do at 8am, but he could come back anywhere from 4pm-9pm depending on his meetings. I would say he's gone 60 hrs per week. Little house + a toddler that's a bit more independent means we both put in about the same amount of hours "working" each week even though I take on more of the household work. I can clean the house from top to bottom in 2 hours, maybe 2.5 if DD decides to "help" me instead of watching Mulan Shopping is another hour, cooking about 3. And I am sure wrangling DD more than takes up the other 4, haha! DH usually takes her on Saturday mornings to let me sleep in and they have a special date to the local donut shop & then off to guitar center to play.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Feb 6, 2014 15:36:42 GMT -5
Yannknow? My mom had three kids to raise and I guarantee you if she expected my Dad to cook and clean house after he came home (from a 12 hour shift) there would be hell to pay. Yes he'd watch us on his one day off or take us somewhere to give mom a break, but I can't ever recall him lifting a mop or folding laundry (nor should he have to). I've seen this with some friends of ours, there are the ones who someone manage to have taking care of the kids expand to fill all their waking hours (even some with only one kid, I can understand multiples being more difficult). Then there's the ones who take care of the kids, volunteer, run a girl scout troop, and coordinate market day for the whole school while still making sure the house is kept clean and the kids are fed (I know for a fact since the dad is a pilot and frequently away from home). This one has three school age (one is DD's friend) and a 3yo. Four kids total and for all extents and purposes, essentially a single mom because of the dad's work schedule. I honestly don't know how she does it but if you want to have your kids fill your day and get nothing else done that's fine, but somehow others are able to manage kids, housework, and then some. ARggh! Unless your mom was sitting on the couch eating bons bons all day, I would've been pissed if I was your mom working all day (let's say 12 hours), and then have to continue to keep working by cooking dinner and feeding everyone and cleaning up afterwards, and helping with homework, and have my husband come home after a 12-hour shift, put on his slippers and watch the game!! yuck. yuck yuck yuck. Unless, that stay-at-home parent did ABSOLUTELY nothing all day, that parent should have the right to "punch out" too. BUT let's imagine that both people did their work all day long. When they get home from their "paying job" and their "unpaid job," they should both share the work until it's done for the day. Anything less, is completely unfair!!!
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Feb 6, 2014 15:46:25 GMT -5
Just me. And the kids 'help'
No clue on how much time I spend on things. Dishes for me take longer, no dishwasher. And some days I do them up to 3 times!
House is all hardwood or tile, so I sweep daily. Mop...spot mop daily. 2 dogs, a cat and 5 kids. Lots of fun stuff to clean!
Laundry. I don't want to talk about it. It will never end.
Cooking probably around 1.5 to 3 hours per day. Depends on what I'm fixing. 3 meals a day.
The only time I dust is when I'm moving stuff. And I see it. Otherwise I don't go looking for it.
Bathroom I try to clean daily. Lots of gross things happen in that room!
And my youngest has an issue with pillows and blankets staying on the beds. He can't stand it. I don't know why. So I pick those up 20 times a day. Maybe more. He's an odd one. LOL
Thankfully I don't have to work outside of the home. I will be doing it again in maybe a year or so. Who knows. It's not something I have to do right now, so I don't worry about it. And when I do go back to working, I will be able to get by on a low paying dead job and it will be good.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Feb 6, 2014 15:49:37 GMT -5
I guess it depends on what is considered "work"...
I love DD more than anything, but after spending the entire day with her, by the time DH gets home at 5:30 I'm ready to run for the hills. DH, who hasn't seen DD since 7am, wants to spend time with her.
I'm more than happy to go fix dinner, clean up the kitchen, etc. while DH sits on the couch and plays with DD. Neither of us consider that "work." OTOH, if DH got home and had to spend another 30-45 minutes standing in the kitchen fixing dinner, and I had to spend another 30-45 minutes trying to entertain DD and keep her from having a meltdown, we'd both be crabby.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Feb 6, 2014 16:06:50 GMT -5
Sunnyday - my Mom was a SAHP (and preferred ice cream to bon bons). Now of course I couldn't tell you how things were before we were schoolage, but I doubt it changed much from when we were really little because she had things down pretty well. She considered her "paying job" to be running the house, paying the bills, caring for the kids, and doing the route books (delivery tickets, orders and invoices) for the delivery route my Dad ran. By your statement above it appears some consider taking care of the kids as their "paying job" and everything else should be split. I'm noting that based on personal experience and observing friends that some people are capable of doing more. Dad worked (12 hours a day, 6 days a week), mowed the grass, and changed the oil on the cars. Everything else was on Mom and she managed I think pretty darn well. I'm really not trying to get the mommy wars started up, just stating that based on what I've observed that it's entirely reasonable to believe someone can care for kids and manage the house at the same time. If you want your kids to fill your time up, they will. If you want to manage things and get stuff done around the house, most people can find a way. BTW - once we started school Mom continued as a full time SAHP. She had her lunches with friends, bridge club, etc. Dad did not begrudge her any of that. When we were older (9-11) we did most of the chores ourselves so yes, there was some major deferred payback for the time she put in up front. Would you consider that unfair
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Feb 6, 2014 16:06:51 GMT -5
Our situation is very fluid right now. I work a minimum of 60 hours a week. Loop officially works 32, but she's been putting in closer to 40 for a while, not including meetings outside of normal hours and commuting, which add another 10ish hours a week.
Loop does the bulk of the cleaning on weekends. The kids and I try to keep the place picked up between weekends, and I do most of the shopping/cooking. We each do our own laundry as we need it. Loop pays all the household bills and whatnot.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 6, 2014 16:18:24 GMT -5
I guess it depends on what is considered "work"... I love DD more than anything, but after spending the entire day with her, by the time DH gets home at 5:30 I'm ready to run for the hills. DH, who hasn't seen DD since 7am, wants to spend time with her. I'm more than happy to go fix dinner, clean up the kitchen, etc. while DH sits on the couch and plays with DD. Neither of us consider that "work." OTOH, if DH got home and had to spend another 30-45 minutes standing in the kitchen fixing dinner, and I had to spend another 30-45 minutes trying to entertain DD and keep her from having a meltdown, we'd both be crabby. This is so true.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Feb 6, 2014 16:20:21 GMT -5
Sunnyday - my Mom was a SAHP (and preferred ice cream to bon bons). Now of course I couldn't tell you how things were before we were schoolage, but I doubt it changed much from when we were really little because she had things down pretty well. She considered her "paying job" to be running the house, paying the bills, caring for the kids, and doing the route books (delivery tickets, orders and invoices) for the delivery route my Dad ran. By your statement above it appears some consider taking care of the kids as their "paying job" and everything else should be split. I'm noting that based on personal experience and observing friends that some people are capable of doing more. Dad worked (12 hours a day, 6 days a week), mowed the grass, and changed the oil on the cars. Everything else was on Mom and she managed I think pretty darn well. I'm really not trying to get the mommy wars started up, just stating that based on what I've observed that it's entirely reasonable to believe someone can care for kids and manage the house at the same time. If you want your kids to fill your time up, they will. If you want to manage things and get stuff done around the house, most people can find a way. BTW - once we started school Mom continued as a full time SAHP. She had her lunches with friends, bridge club, etc. Dad did not begrudge her any of that. When we were older (9-11) we did most of the chores ourselves so yes, there was some major deferred payback for the time she put in up front. Would you consider that unfair No, I wouldn't but I know the details now. But I think parenting has changed. You can't just let your kids out to play in the neighborhood or plop them in front of the TV like when I was a kid. Whether you agree or not with the new style of parenting or not, your (general) kids will be competing with children who are use to having their every moment utilized in some way. They have baby sensory classes now. Raising today's kids is very hands on, education-oriented, and time consuming. My toddler is in nowhere the amount of activities that other kids are in at her age, but she already takes language tutoring. She is three. I feel pressure to raise my children a certain to keep them competitive. Your mother's or my mother's style of parenting would not fly where I live and in the time I live. Structuring and ensuring the education of my children along with the regular old-style childcare is a full time job on top of my regular paid job.
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