thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jan 3, 2014 9:16:28 GMT -5
Be careful with having more. You could get one of these:
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 3, 2014 9:21:00 GMT -5
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jan 3, 2014 9:58:30 GMT -5
NomoreDramaQ1015, I'm surprised you want another one but it makes me kind of happy at the same time since you WERE very adamant about only wanting one Just goes to show, you never can tell... shanendoah, you're right about having control over this lifestyle change. Mainly my fear is just what @moneyjenny82 said (I absolutely DO NOT think you're a bad parent, MJ, and this isn't the first time you've articulated near-perfectly my own ambivalent feelings about the early years of motherhood, so I thank you for your honesty... really, seriously, thank you). It's rough being the parent of a young child, and would be double tough with two young children. The part that gives me hope is that as bad as the first three months of Babybird's life were for me (and they were pretty awful), it got SO much better after that. Like exponentially better every month, and that trend has continued into her second year. As much as I still sometimes miss my alone time and freedom and so forth (and I DO miss those things), I am at the point now where being a mom is awfully fun, and I truly enjoy being with Babybird. My life feels much more balanced and manageable now that she's a toddler. I think it'll get even better as she gets older. That's one thing that makes me confident about a second child. This time, I would have my eyes wide open and know a lot more about what to expect the first year (of myself, obviously, since you can't predict what the baby will be like and I wouldn't expect him/her to be just like Babybird). So, at least I've got that going for me. I knew I was done when there was no more desperate need in me. Personally, I think all procreating decisions are selfish... We have them or don't have them because of what we desire. So when I desired other things more, I was done. So long as there was any degree of desperate need in me, I'm not sure I would have been done...
oped, you have a knack for hitting the nail on the head too. I totally agree that all procreating decisions are selfish. If we wanted to be unselfish, we'd all adopt until every existing kid in the world had a home. This is key for me because I do still have that desperate desire and it probably won't go away. I felt it before I had Babybird, and I feel it now. My urge to have children has always been an urge to, literally, have "children" not "a child." More on this in a minute. My position changed when I finally decided *I* wanted another kid. No noble goals, no obligations, pure selfish I want one.Several of you said some variation of this. We wouldn't be having this discussion if it wasn't something DH and I both want badly. I want to be clear about that. Ambivalent is absolutely the right word for my feelings because as scared as I am and as confused as I am about *why* I want it, this is something I very much want and DH wants it as well. I wouldn't even consider having a second child otherwise. Outside pressure is not a factor for me. All the pressure I feel comes from me alone. I'm enjoying reading everyone's thoughts and they are very helpful but in terms of our eventual decision, I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks of it. DH's opinion is the only one that matters to me as much as my own. I would say, however, if you're really, truly not sure at that time you want to have another child, don't do it.
mmhmm, I don't think I'll ever be 100% sure either way But this thread is definitely helping me realize which side I'm "more" sure about, and I think I already know what I'm going to do. Probably knew it before I even started this thread. To be continued...
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jan 3, 2014 10:12:22 GMT -5
The idealistic side of me wants DS to have a sibling, but the realist side knows that having another child would be a really REALLY bad idea. Considering my feelings about my marriage alone makes it unwise to bring another kid into the fold, but I'm realizing that the person I once was - the "I do what I want and answer to no one" career woman - is now back in full force.... at least emotionally. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my son, but I need too much "me time" to have another kid - especially another baby. Yes, I know how effed up that sounds but it's the truth. I am now used to having 7+ hours sleep, I like not preparing bottles/pumping/nursing and that he basically eats what we eat. I like that we can roughhouse with him and I ADORE his laugh - it's a real, hearty belly laugh. I like not getting puke/pee/poop on my clothes on a daily basis. And most of all, I like feeling like an attractive, fun woman again. So those are my messed up/sad/pathetic reasons for stopping at one. If you hear I'm pregnant again, start stockpiling for the Apocalypse. I don't think there's anything bad about your thoughts/reasons at all. In fact, I think they are excellent thoughts. I say this because you are aware of your wants/needs and can articulate them and are basing your reproductive decisions on those wants/needs. It's called being honest. Too many people IMO have kids thinking they can have those kids AND their sleep or me time and it ends up being a huge clusterf*ck. Be kind to yourself.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 3, 2014 10:12:46 GMT -5
You're around my age aren't you Firebird? You have time yanno it's not like you need to make the decision tomorrow. I didn't want to discuss having a second while Gwen was still attached to my boob. Nor did I have any desire to have two kids in diapers though I know it works for some people. The thought of two kids attached to my boob, in diapers made me have a panic attack. Once we got Gwen potty trained I was much more open to the idea of having a second kid. I like that she's more independent now. She will be headed to kindergarten in a couple years. It lowers costs quite a bit, two infant rates would have killed us. Infant and a pre-schooler will hurt but not near as bad. Our director told us Gwen will qualify for pre-school thru the CB school system next year so I need to look up info on that. It's free so if it works out that saves us $545 a month. Couldn't do that if she was still an infant. I've had people tell me I waited too long since they'll be 4-ish yrs apart but screw them. This age gap works for ME and that's what is important. If less time works for other people they can knock themselves out. I agree with vonna that way too much pressure is put on us to have kids at the "right" time. Like everything else with parenthood no matter what you do, it's wrong.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jan 3, 2014 10:12:50 GMT -5
The only time I got conflicted was when my grandfather, mother, and grandmother all passed within 3 years. Our small family suddenly got much smaller and I wish DD had more family to be around.
The Captain, this is a concern for me as well. It'd be one thing if we lived on the same block as SIL and her two daughters, one of whom is almost exactly a year older than Babybird. Or if our nieces lived with us. But neither is likely to happen. We'll hopefully live close enough to SIL and the nieces to visit frequently, but it won't be the same as having an everyday relationship with them. One reason only children sometimes don't mind being onlies is because they have cousins close by who can be substitute siblings. It wasn't that way for me, which might have changed things. If we lived close enough to our nieces that Babybird could see them whenever she wanted, I probably wouldn't be SO concerned about her getting a sibling because she'd practically have sisters already. You also can't project a good babyhood into being a good toddler, preschooler, etc kid. It's just this stage, just right now.
giramomma, this is true. I know a bunch of people who had picture perfect babies or toddlers who turned into terrors as they got older (or the reverse). I'm confident I can love a second baby just as much as Babybird. S/he'll be who s/he is, just like Babybird, whether s/he is a good baby or otherwise. For me, the tough part is the emotional aspect of having two kids. I notice that's not on your list.
I would be very interested in hearing what you mean by this. Can you say more? It's getting worse now that DS is getting older (nearly 16) and will be off to college in 2 1/2 years. We are equal parts excited to be empty nesting it and terrified that we will be sad and lonely with him gone.
sheilaincali, I can understand that - but what do you expect, having such a great kid?
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jan 3, 2014 10:19:48 GMT -5
Firebird - Like you I was/am still somewhat conflicted about DD being an onlie since we come from a small family. However, having a sibling is not a guarantee of relationships. My mother had a brother, who to be honest, is not worth the air he breathes and actually caused a lot of trouble for my Dad, me and my sister after mom passed and we were working on getting Grandma into a nursing home. My own brother is trying very hard to surpass my uncle in terms of the example he set. My father was the youngest of 13 children who lived to adulthood. He only had a meaningful relationship with two of them once he moved out of the house (and it was not due to age differences). It's a crap shoot.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 3, 2014 10:28:29 GMT -5
My parents are both onlies. On one hand my mom admits sometimes she wishes she had a sibling, like when my grandparents died. But at the same time she watches people she works with fighting with siblings over elder care, estates yada yada. It was horrible when my great grandmother was unable to care for herself. My grandfather was one of FIVE brothers and they all bailed. When he passed the two youngest skipped town to Arizona leaving the eldest holding the bag. So while it was sobering to be "an orphan" at the same time being sole decision maker made things easier to handle in her opinion. There have been upsides to being an only. I'm estranged from my brother. DH isn't close to his siblings. Then there is my SIL and her sister who think having siblings is all important and I'm doing damage if I don't provide Gwen with one. My counter argument is whatever latest drama my brother cooked up. Yeah I'm so much better off. I do mourn the relationship my brother and I had pre-loserville. If we still had that my tune would probably be very different. You can't control sibling relationships. I have had to come to grips with that when it comes to the decison of having another kid.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 3, 2014 10:28:44 GMT -5
I don't have much to say that hasn't been said. I was one who always wanted more then one, if dulled some when ODD was a baby but started flaring up around the time she hit 2. DH was a bit slower to get ready to try again. But by the time ODD was 3 we were trying and by the time she was almost 5 we had YDD. I really think that was a great age for DD to become a big sister, she was beginning to feel independent, didn't mind the attention. We had started her in a P-K that January, and kept her in during the summer so she had some time away from YDD with friends too. That fall she started K, and love school. I say all of this because I think ODD having lots of stuff going on her life helped with her not getting jealous, or feeling left out.
I will say both girls take after me and are extroverts.
Right now they are playing and loud in the living room. Not really sure what they are playing........ but lots of laughter.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jan 3, 2014 10:31:06 GMT -5
@shooby - I feel much the same way about siblings. Yes, I know I have an overly romanticized view of them and all that, but I still feel how I feel. Maybe because *almost* everyone I know who has siblings is awfully close with them and glad to have them. Please keep breeding! We don't want a real-life play out of Idiocracy Smart, responsible, educated people need to be having more kids!!!
Sam_2.0 - I love that movie. But, how do you know that Babybird is going to make an awesome sister?
giramomma - I don't, I guess. Just a feeling. Although I've heard from Honest Toddler how deadly Infant Sibling Disease (ISD) can be for her age group... Why did you want a sibling?
The biggest reason had to do with our family dynamic during my childhood and is too complicated/personal to go into here, but my other reasons were pretty standard - no close cousins to substitute, had trouble making friends my own age and was often lonely, felt kind of freakish for being different (everyone I knew growing up had siblings), etc. Even if she could express her feelings to you, IMHO, it's not her call.
NomoreDramaQ1015, of course it's not her call but Babybird having a sibling is a huge part of the reason I want another baby. I wouldn't be doing it FOR her, but she would be a big factor. Kind of like buying a house - obviously the kid doesn't get any say in which house you buy, but you're not going to buy a house that doesn't have a bedroom for your kid, or that's in a horrible school district. Your kids are a huge factor in which house you buy - but that doesn't mean they're in charge. I am not in the "kids should have whatever they want all the time" camp by any means. There's a definite intensity to the dynamics in a one child household. For example when DH and I go out on a date night it's not the parents leaving the kids out, it's us choosing to leave DS out. I think if there were another child in the house DS would understand better that some rules are specific to children rather than just him.
@anne81, your reasons for stopping at one make absolute sense. I'd do the same in your situation. And thank you for saying this. It's one of those truths that parents don't like to admit - but I think that the fact that you can honestly acknowledge it bodes very well for your son and help him understand better as he gets older. Don't let fear get you. If you want something ... especially something as big as a baby, fear can't be what holds you back. muttleynfelix, thanks for sharing your story Since I was about 20, I've prided myself on not letting fear hold me back. I've done some pretty gutsy things and never regretted a single one. I guess this feels different to me because it's not just *my* life on the line, it's one or more innocent kids too. However, this is a solid point which others touched on also, and you're right. The main thing holding me back is fear, which is not how I live my life in other areas and not the kind of parent I want to be. That picture of DS and DD is too, too adorable.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 3, 2014 10:31:22 GMT -5
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jan 3, 2014 10:33:38 GMT -5
For me it's a couple things: 1) Money - daycare for an infant at our center is $1500/month. We would have to stop saving for retirement temporarily in order to afford this. Vacations would be a distant memory. But at the same time, B and any new kid would only overlap for a few years. 2) Fertility - if we are going to have another one, we need to have it now. There will be drugs involved. Last time, side effects sucked. They will probably suck again this time. Oh yeah, and that shit's expensive. 3) Pregnancy - I disliked being pregnant, a lot. And I didn't have a terrible pregnancy or anything compared to others. 4) The first 6 months of baby's life - I liked it more than I thought I would, but it was still the worst time of my life, marriage, etc. Going through that again, this time WITH another kid to take care of... *shudder* ETA: 5) Logistics: There are 2 bedrooms upstairs and they are ours. Not comfortable having either kid downstairs, and can't sleep with a baby in the room. Don't want B to wake up every time baby cries. Only possible solution is to move baby into hallway closet.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jan 3, 2014 10:37:40 GMT -5
geenamercile - oh my goodness, are those yours?!!? Those smiles, those curls, that impish grin on the younger one. Nice!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 3, 2014 10:38:39 GMT -5
of course it's not her call but Babybird having a sibling is a huge part of the reason I want another baby. I wouldn't be doing it FOR her, but she would be a big factor.
If I had it my way right now, I wouldn't want a sibling. Life would be so much smoother.
BUT we're 23 years into this so it's a little late to wish he'd never been born. Several years ago I would have given you a totally difference answer.
At 6 I went back and forth. My mom commented that I was furious my sibling wasn't a sister, I wanted a sister. I don't feel that way today, I have nothing against having a male sibling.
Gwen's preference changes daily, if not hourly. Kinda hard to undo getting pregnant on Wendesday if she decides next week she doesn't want one.
DH and I have wrestled with having a second kid due to our hang-ups with our siblings. We have to accept that our issues our are own, we can't transfer them to Gwen. It's a complete crapshoot what kind of relationship she'll have with kid #2.
We're proceeding because we want another one. Period. There is no reason Gwen should prevent us from having another one. She may end up estranged, they may be joined at the hip. We have no control over that and can't live our lives paralyzed by indecision and inability to control the future.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 3, 2014 10:39:55 GMT -5
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jan 3, 2014 10:44:57 GMT -5
Firebird one thing I'd say to reflect on is do you want another baby because you have that feeling that you need to have another child, or do you want one because you always swore you wouldn't have an only child?
raeoflyte - Out of anything said so far (not discounting the other points made, which have all been great), this is the question that I lay awake last night pondering. I'd almost go so far as to call it the "defining" question for me. All I can say right now (because I'm still thinking it over) is that for me, it's impossible to separate my desire for another child from my need to have more than one child, if that makes any sense. I said in the other thread that if there was a hole inside me that was filled by having Babybird (which there absolutely was), there's another hole right next to it. I really and truly feel like there is another child inside me, waiting to get out, and I can't tell you if that feeling comes from my "need" to have a second child that stems all the way from my childhood, or my desire as an adult for another child, or my feelings for Babybird, or... whatever else is going into this. I just know that hole is there. I could learn to live with it going unfilled, probably, but there's no question in my mind that I would always feel it. And since your folks are a big part of your daycare and life balance, think about how having 2 kids will change that dynamic.
Also a great point. If it came to it, we'd be willing to put one or both children in regular full time daycare, but it would certainly change things. Most likely, we'd have an arrangement similar to what we have now (my mom watches Babybird 3 days a week total - two full days and two half days - which seems to be the perfect amount for her, and the rest of the time she's in daycare or with her babysitter). nutty - I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl I can't imagine how devastating that must have been. FB, base your decision not on fear, finances, or lifestyle. Base it on how full *your* life is.
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl, this one resonated quite a bit also. Thank you. I'm still on page 1, but is your 3-years-apart timeline flexible at all?
midjd, obviously you never know But can I see myself doing what my cousin and SIL did, having #2 when #1 is 7-9 years old? Not really. I wouldn't want to start over at that point. There's a little flexibility, but not too much. For a variety of reasons, we really want our kids fairly close together. And... awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I'm pretty sure that you and your DH could make it work if presented with the situation. You won't starve, or be homeless, or go without care. You have a support network (Mom lives across the street or something, IIRC?). All that logistical crap can be overcome.
8 Bit WWBG - yes, and yes. I agree that we can do this if we want.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 3, 2014 10:51:55 GMT -5
I understand the sibling issues. But I believe a lot of those come from my parents and the choices they made with us. DH and his sister are very close. One of my concerns is that DH and I are both older siblings, so I worried that we wouldn't be able to relate to YDD, and problems she may have with ODD. Yea we get how annoying it is to have a younger sibling always wanting to do what you are doing, but can we ever really get the other side of that.
But over all we are just doing our best, and loving our time with both girls.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jan 3, 2014 10:55:42 GMT -5
Thanks I just love the pictures.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 3, 2014 10:55:50 GMT -5
I wanted to add we also wrestled with her being an only. My parents are fine with being only children. Firebird, you're obviously not and I know other people aren't. I would have been fine being an only. DH probably would not have been.
Total crapshoot. Gwen could have hated me for not giving her a sibling or she could have loved me for it.
I could go round and round on the subject till my head explodes.
Eventually you just have to pull the plug and pick one.
We gave ourselves a 5 year window to decide. That's the expiration date for a Mirena so decisions would have to be made about BC regardless. We figured that was good because I'd be 32 and DH would be 42. He expressed a desire to not be a new dad any older than that and I felt good about that being my cut off age.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jan 3, 2014 11:02:30 GMT -5
Firebird, if you think you may want one, i say definitely go for it. You will not regret having another one but you may end up regretting not having another one.
@bunnysmom, I was just thinking about you this morning because I was remembering being a kid and telling everyone that someday I wanted to have identical twin girls Maybe that's where the desire for "0 or 2" all started! My dd is now 12 and I can't imagine my life without her. Knowing what I know now, I would still have had her (I don't mean just that I wouldn't have had an abortion - I would never have done that...but I mean I still would have gotten pregnant knowing that she would be special needs).
Miss Tequila, this statement was very powerful to read. Thank you so much for sharing your story. To be honest, having a special needs child (and disability in general) is something I fear more than almost anything. Mostly because I fear permanent dependence, and wouldn't ever want that for my child. It makes me so happy that you would have done everything the same even knowing what you know now. Is this the thread where we are trying to impregnant firebird?I didn't know that was a group activity! One thing I know FOR SURE is that if I waited too long between kids, we would only have one. I don't want to go back to stages. I want to have it, as long as it takes, and be done with it.
whoisjohngalt, that's how I feel too. I can't imagine starting all over (not to mention resetting the 18 year clock) when my kids are grade school age or older. More power to people who do that - I would have loved a sibling at that age - but it's just not how I see things working for us. @moneyjenny82, let me say again how much I identify with most of what you said. I think the honest moms are the best kind You're around my age aren't you Firebird? You have time yanno it's not like you need to make the decision tomorrow.NomoreDramaQ1015, I don't remember how old you are but I'll be 28 in February. So yes, I've got some time biologically but space-wise, there's a bit more of a clock. I'd really like to be done having babies by the time I'm 30. DH and I have wrestled with having a second kid due to our hang-ups with our siblings. We have to accept that our issues our are own, we can't transfer them to Gwen.
No matter what, I do realize that I can't make this decision based on my own childhood hangups. I don't know that I can separate my desire for another child FROM my hangups entirely... but I won't have another baby solely out of some misplaced desire to make lil Firebird happy. I made THAT promise to myself shortly after Babybird was born and it still stands. I FINISHED RESPONDING BY 8:00! YAY! Ta-ta for now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2014 11:10:12 GMT -5
"To be honest, having a special needs child (and disability in general) is something I fear more than almost anything. Mostly because I fear permanent dependence, and wouldn't ever want that for my child."
I totally understand this. That was a fear for me too. But you are young enough and dont have any history of anything in your family as far as i know. So no reason for you to think this would happen. Of course it is always a possibility for everyone but what i mean is it is not like you are a high risk candidate.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 3, 2014 11:12:02 GMT -5
This thread makes me realize what a shallow person I am. I never gave any thought to only, twosies or large family, small family. But I think it is just a generational gap with me (OMG I can't believe I said that out loud). It seems today's younguns have way too much to consider. I just went with was dealt me and my son is the same way. We jokingly say we have a family reunion everytime we get together. He has some family on his dad's side but none of them are close by and they rarely ever keep in touch. Heck his dad isn't even close by. Don't misunderstand what I am saying, I am glad people are thinking thru if they can afford kids and all the rest just glad I didn't - I probably would have never married or had a kiddo but my one is my heart and wouldn't take anything for him - well there are times I would love to trade him out for some of my friends PERFECT kids!!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 3, 2014 11:14:04 GMT -5
DramaQ1015, I don't remember how old you are but I'll be 28 in February
That's two-ish years then and would it really be the end of the world if you had kid #2 closer to 31? Giving yourself a few months to table the topic isn't going to push you over the edge.
I had honest to god panic attacks when I thought of having a second ASAP even though our arbitrary goals were before I was 32. I couldn't stand the idea of having a second but felt pressured to hurry up because the clock was ticking.
DH finally told me to table the topic, it was clear it was upsetting me. I'll be 31 somewhere in the timeframe of kid #2's birth. So what if I'm closer to my "cut off" date? This is when I felt ready to have another kid.
I'd rather be ready than force myself to make a decision either way because of a random age I picked to be "done".
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jan 3, 2014 11:16:59 GMT -5
Well, there's the 20 year life insurance policy to consider too (KIDDING... It's YM, I had to say that!)
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Jan 3, 2014 11:21:41 GMT -5
(Preface: I have a child with learning disabilities. I've been through the whole Special Ed wave pool. We've spent $$XX,XXX of our own money for outside help. He won't be a Fortune 500 CEO or an Einstein, but that's not how *I* value human life anyway and he has immense, unending, intrinsic human value in ways those types of people may never have. I absolutely would have the same exact child again in a heartbeat. The world is far richer with him in it. So, no flames, please. Take what I post below for what it is worth.)
FB: I totally empathize with your concerns about having a child with special needs. It IS a difficult road.
But, that said, bear in mind, that otherwise "typical" children (and adults) can become disabled at ANY time thanks to a fall from a skateboard when briefly riding helmet-less or from a car accident or from a drug overdose or from a bout of meningitis or any of a myriad of tragedies that can befall anyone of us.
Just because a child is born "typical" doesn't mean that is how his or her life will play out.
This may sound like an argument against having another (or any!) child. But my point here is that we can't let the bad things that *could* happen rule our lives. Making life decisions based upon an inordinately elevated fear of a relatively low risk closes doors to most of life's richness and wonder.
JMHO. YMMV.
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NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
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Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 3, 2014 11:27:06 GMT -5
I so agree with this. Life can't be based on what if's. We would all be standing in the same place from birth to death. My EX was somewhat like this and I used to say if we had stayed together and I had buried him I was going to put on his tombstone "Died at 25 buried at 83" Of course he would have said Married to a Loon for all these year and survived her
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 8, 2024 6:44:20 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2014 11:44:08 GMT -5
I'm glad that my honesty is appreciated, but even if it wasn't, I would have still given the same response. I do feel pretty badly that I didn't realize what I know about myself earlier, but I guess if I didn't I wouldn't have DS. He drives me insane, but I love him in a way I didn't know was possible. He is my heart and I can't imagine him gone from my life.
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Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
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Post by Angel! on Jan 3, 2014 11:44:59 GMT -5
Funny that you would link to my previous thread for this. I need to go back and reread it, but will do so later. I had so badly wanted a third kid since DD was born and was worried I would forever regret it if I didn't. It was weird because I had never prior to that ever considered more than 2. I knew I wanted my kids close together though & that meant a limited timeframe. I wanted them to have more in common (at least in stage of life) & once I was truly out of the diapers/toddlers stage I knew I wouldn't want to go back. It had been feeling like a now-or-never thing for around a year. But at the same time there were a lot of reasons I shouldn't have another child & many YMers would never have wanted a third in my situation. So I was really torn.
We had been half-way trying for almost 6 months & I was feeling like maybe fate was telling me something. The first two pregnancies occurred within a month, so the fact that this one was taking 6 months & I was questioning the decision really had me thinking about what I should be doing. Around 3 weeks after that thread I had given up and made the decision that I was done. It was sad, but I decided that would really be for the best. A little over a week later I found out I was pregnant . I freaked out. I had just finally come to terms with the fact that I shouldn't have more. I was really torn on the whole thing at that point. Spent the next 8 months really going back and forth between being excited & wondering WTF I was thinking. Especially on days when the kids were fighting and causing me a headache I would think "How the hell am I going to deal with a third?".
Well now DS 2 is just over a month old & I don't regret it at all. I love the little bug so much & while I am aware of the cost of that choice, I am thrilled. Even more importantly to me, I don't feel that hole anymore. I don't want another & know I am not having another. Hopefully my feelings don't change, but I am not experiencing the intense sadness I did when DD was this age & it felt like she was growing up too fast.
It probably helps that the pregnancy was very hard on me physically & it turns out that I now have medical issues that would make any future pregnancies high-risk. So more than just not feeling like I want another child, I really don't want to go through another pregnancy & really shouldn't.
I feel my family is complete & am looking forward to our future together. I am excited about getting the kids into activities, family vacations, camping, game nights, etc.
So, I don't know what you should do FB, but that is my story. It will cost me financially & slow down a lot of goals, but I am happy to have a third. It is totally worth it for me.
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Sam_2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:42:45 GMT -5
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jan 3, 2014 11:49:16 GMT -5
Well, there's the 20 year life insurance policy to consider too (KIDDING... It's YM, I had to say that!) Don't tell YM that I got a WL policy just to cover unknown scenarios like a disabled child While I would like to think that I wouldn't have any dependents in 30 years, the truth is that I just don't know. And it's a lot cheaper to get in your 20's than to try to get re-underwritten in your 50's or beyond. Or what if my child passes and I am raising grandkids? Too many unknowns to lock my life into a 20-30 yr term because it's "cheaper".
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jan 3, 2014 12:32:21 GMT -5
I love all the baby/kid pictures--freakin' adorable! Feel I should share (if it works):
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