Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jan 3, 2014 16:37:44 GMT -5
? I think I've missed your backstory. I'm sorry. He sounds like an ass of the first degree. He can be super nice to people outside the family, (it usually costs the family budget some $$ though) then these people tell me what a gem of a guy I got. Sounds like a narcissist.
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giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,140
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Post by giramomma on Jan 3, 2014 16:43:55 GMT -5
He can be super nice to people outside the family, (it usually costs the family budget some $$ though) then these people tell me what a gem of a guy I got. I'm sorry.. I have a situation a bit like that, except not with DH. People would never believe the behavior that happened behind closed doors. I've found it's kinda hard to navigate...not being able to be honest with anyone IRL about what's happening, because they think you are lying.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 3, 2014 16:51:12 GMT -5
Been there and done that. I realized its over when I found myself thinking how easy it'd be to let him just kill himself by falling drunk off our dock or letting him slip off our boat when he was stoned. Then DD said the same thing and she was only 8 or 9 at the time. That was it. It was most assuredly affecting my kids.
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suesinfl
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 9, 2011 18:02:27 GMT -5
Posts: 2,765
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Post by suesinfl on Jan 3, 2014 18:50:00 GMT -5
I decided enough was enough when I would pull into a parking lot and cry because I did not want to go home. That and I was doing all the things (kid care, taking care of everything inside and outside the house, paying bills, etc.), basically a single mother anyways. His income did not matter because he spent it on beer, higher insurance rates due to a DUI, and starting betting on the ponies. Not to mention the fights, threating to kill himself...you get the idea.
It took me about a week once the decision was final to gather important papers, make arrangements to go about 100 miles south to stay with my sister, and pack some clothes for me and the kids. I made arrangements to take 2 weeks vacation from work and told no one other than my sisters.
The night before, I gassed up the van and acted like life was normal. The next morning I acted normal, got the kids ready for daycare/school and myself ready for work. He usually left the house about 1/2 hour before I did and as soon as he left I threw everything into the back of van and took off. I was so scared that he would come home or would see me on a different route and I could hardly breath until I hit the county line.
It's been about 8 years and no regrets.
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skubikky
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 7:37:12 GMT -5
Posts: 3,044
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Post by skubikky on Jan 6, 2014 12:39:59 GMT -5
There is no dirty laundry to air. If I actually got into the details of what the things that piss me off about him or even the event that made me realized that I couldn't live like this anymore, you guys would tear me apart for being a biatch or crazy. My old boss used to say there were. 3 issues that broke up marriages: sex, money and squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle. The last one, of course, was generally a symptom of deeper issues . I hope you do get counseling because if you don't, your anger issues are likely to affect your mothering and any future relationships. Exactly. One can leave what they believe is a bad relationship, but you still take yourself and all your issues into the future.
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