Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 9:49:23 GMT -5
When it comes to setting unrealistic expectations, well...I guess it's better than the generic "you can be whatever you want to be" that I heard growing up. I have to give MIL credit. She guided DH and BIL towards their chosen fields after she noted their interest. I still couldn't tell you what I want to be when I grow up.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Nov 15, 2013 10:04:10 GMT -5
My parents never set an expectation for us other than they expected us all to go to college and be self sufficient. There was never a "what do you want to be when you grow up?" conversation at our house. My dad always wanted one of us to be an Engineer but that never happened with myself or my siblings.
The only thing I've told DS about his future is that A. college is not an optional thing for him, he will be going. and B. I've encouraged him in the STEM direction because frankly that's how his brain works. If he isn't trying to solve 4 different things at once his brain just gets bored. Even when he is writing computer code he has a you-tube video running in the background and Skype open with his friends and is listening to a documentary on his tv. Anything that didn't stimulate his brain would drive him slowly insane. That's the only reason I've encouraged a STEM direction.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 15, 2013 10:08:11 GMT -5
This song came on playlist. Definitely sums up this thread.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 10:44:28 GMT -5
society puts pressure on you
family puts pressure on you
your SO puts pressure on you
and finally we all put pressure on ourselves in so many ways
the only people that never fail are the ones that never try anything.....and that just isnt my way to live life
look at your failures as future successes....at least now you know what you did wrong
or where you zigged when you could have zagged
as i said in an earlier post, my list of failures in life would take page upon page
i dont dwell on them.....i try to learn from them.....and i definitely try not to repeat the failure
too many of you are beating yourself up over spilt milk......
do the best you can......stop worrying about all the crap you CANT control.....and enjoy the things in life that make you happy
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,082
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 15, 2013 10:58:17 GMT -5
I don't normally dwell on my failures. I'll admit I had a pity party when my lender told me I have another 14 years to go on my SL-faint-but in general it's water under the bridge I can't go back and do it over again. Then I've struggled with adjusting now that I have a kid. Things seemed so clear cut when I was 18 but having two other people to be accountable to changes things considerably. What *I* might want to do isn't always what's best for us as a unit. I tend to be pretty single minded so having to rewrite my game plan shook me up. Deciding not to get my PhD, at least not in order to become a professor, threw me for a real loop as well because that's what I planned for and designed my life around since I started college. I don't regret anything but I didn't expect to be re-writing the game plan at 30, I thought I'd be close to done. Shows what happens when you grow up and reality sets in.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
|
Post by swamp on Nov 15, 2013 11:13:37 GMT -5
I feel like I should be in much better shape, running road races or something like that. I used to golf a lot before I had kids, and I was pretty good. I also played softball before kids, and was pretty decent at that.
I just feel like I've turned into a big slug. I have made an effort to address it, I go to zumba at least 3 times a week and try to hit the elliptical or walk at least twice a week, and I've hit my goal for the past two months.
I still feel like a slug though.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Nov 15, 2013 11:23:40 GMT -5
I graduated college with zero debt, consumer or otherwise, and turned it into a $40k grave that I only climbed out of this year.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,082
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 15, 2013 11:28:29 GMT -5
I had the last summer student point out to me that I run this lab. The only thing I don't have is the piece of paper and the title. That's puts things into perspective somewhat.
Academia just gets frustrating because it's all about the piece of paper. I have the equvialent experience of a master's plus 4 years but since I only have a bachelor's I'm reaching the end of the line. I like who I work for and what I do for a living but if I don't want to keep earning pieces of paper I'll have to move to private eventually.
Knowing I don't have much of a future right now career wise is a tad depressing, but I don't regret it because getting a PhD would close a lot more doors than it opens and I'd have even more competition for less jobs. Right now I have much more flexibility when it comes to reinventing myself.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 11:33:50 GMT -5
Lena, I don't understand your question. I just think it's crazy that people think that anyone who doesn't have a spouse or kids is not accomplished or a failure that's a big part of where I tripped up. Meet someone, date for a while, get married, have kids, etc.... that's what we're "supposed" to do. I mean don't get me wrong, I ADORE my son (and yes, at times I also want to give him horse tranquilizers to calm him the eff down), but....
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
|
Post by midjd on Nov 15, 2013 11:35:28 GMT -5
I always wanted to be a writer. I wrote a 300-page novel when I was 17/18 (finished it my second weekend of college) and shopped it around to a few agents but no one bit. So I gave up. It is still sitting in my closet, I haven't touched it for 10 years.
Then I had dreams of going to an Ivy law school and graduating into a $180K/year job in NYC. I didn't get into Yale or Columbia, the recession hit a few months before I graduated, and - most of all - I realized that I am too lazy to want to work 100 hours a week for ANY amount of money.
So we moved back home and now I work for the state government making about a third of my "dream salary." This would not be a problem had I not taken out student loans on the expectation I'd be earning well into the six figures. I am very, very fortunate to have a job that will qualify me for public service loan forgiveness after another 80 payments, but that in itself is a failure of sorts (since I'll be writing off about $150K in federally-backed debt that would otherwise follow me to my grave).
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 11:50:21 GMT -5
Send it to me Mid, I'll edit for you.
Jenny, I'm going to Philly soon... Have you seen Pompeii yet?
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
|
Post by swamp on Nov 15, 2013 11:51:26 GMT -5
I just think it's crazy that people think that anyone who doesn't have a spouse or kids is not accomplished or a failure that's a big part of where I tripped up. Meet someone, date for a while, get married, have kids, etc.... that's what we're "supposed" to do. I mean don't get me wrong, I ADORE my son (and yes, at times I also want to give him horse tranquilizers to calm him the eff down), but.... I love my kids dearly, but I often want to give them away.
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,891
|
Post by Cookies Galore on Nov 15, 2013 11:51:34 GMT -5
Send it to me Mid, I'll edit for you. Jenny, I'm going to Philly soon... Have you seen Pompeii yet? I just saw an ad for it on a bus! I want to go now that I know about it!
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 15, 2013 11:51:43 GMT -5
My sister is always telling me I should write a book, IDK if it's because she's insane or she thinks all my in law stories would be best seller. I usually just laugh at her.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 11:53:41 GMT -5
She's not the only one telling you to write a book! (and not the only one who's insane, neither! )
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,082
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 15, 2013 11:54:45 GMT -5
I wrote a 300-page novel when I was 17/18
I wrote one that'ss over 600. Started it in middle school. I also wrote my own musical. Well it's a play with the lyrics for songs in it, I can't actually compose music. I also have a ton of poetry I wrote. I should break those out and edit them.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 15, 2013 11:57:18 GMT -5
She's not the only one telling you to write a book! (and not the only one who's insane, neither! ) You would get along well!
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,010
|
Post by raeoflyte on Nov 15, 2013 11:58:33 GMT -5
Cawiau--please don't include infertility as a failure. As others have said that isn't something you can control. Our fertility clinic required that couples go to therapy before we could start treatment. I'm really not a 'therapy cures all' kind of girl, but I hate to see you think/feel like that.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 12:05:23 GMT -5
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 12:09:27 GMT -5
I've failed (and continue to fail) at a lot of things. One benefit to age is that you do have the benefit of giving things some perspective. My two biggest failures I turned out to be blessings in disguise. Big failure #1 In high school I decided I wanted to become a doctor. I thought it was the highest profession I could achieve. In hindsight this was an unbelievably inappropriate goal. I was NEVER good at math (except for word problems and geometry LOL). While I have always enjoyed helping people, looking back I think I was probably attracted to the field because of its prestige. Washed out in my first quarter by getting Cs in physics, calculus and chemistry. While I was never a straight A student, I had never gotten a C before other than from the alcoholic teacher in 5th grade. I remember riding my bike home from college, thinking I failed my finals and got into a horrific bicycle accident. I was darn lucky to survive. I hit a car making a left turn at about 35 miles per hour bounced off the hood and wound up hitting the pavement. No helmets back in those days (1979). I guess my hard, wooden head came in handy. I really got lost for a while but just kept plugging along. I knew I wanted to finish my degree but didn't know what I wanted to do. Wound up graduating in about 3 years with a double major in Political Science and French Literature, a completely unmarketable degree. I learned much later that I am a little dyslexic. Through all those years of schooling no one picked up on it. I look back on my original goal of becoming a doctor and think what a disaster that could of been had I transposed drug doses. 2nd big failure was my first marriage. I stayed in that relationship waaaay too long. I wouldn't quit until I was exhausted and broke. I was darn lucky I didn't wind up pregnant and stuck maintaining that relationship in some form or another. The upside of that relationship was that I got pushed into a career path I wouldn't have done on my own. The rest of the stuff after this failures were just mistakes...or as my mother would say, "learning experiences".
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 15, 2013 12:24:55 GMT -5
This is my biggest failure. I don't do nothing well. I don't. My dad is the same way. I have to be doing something. Last Christmas, I had everything ready for the baby. So, I just started baking and baking and oh yeah, did I mention I had gestational diabetes, so I couldn't really eat anything I ate, well I could, but I couldn't eat more than one every couple hours. DS liked to help me, so it was a lot of fun. I can't wait to get caught up on work so I can spend some time baking with DS. But if I have a couple hours free I bake, I sew, I work on the yard. I read quite a bit, and I can sit down for an evening and read a whole book, but during the day, I have to be moving.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,082
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 15, 2013 12:42:59 GMT -5
thinking she needs to teach MidJD and DramaQ1015 about the joys of doing nothing
You think you'll have better luck than DH? He's been trying to teach me for 10 years.
|
|
Blonde Granny
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 15, 2013 8:27:13 GMT -5
Posts: 6,919
Today's Mood: Alone in the world
Location: Wandering Aimlessly
Mini-Profile Name Color: 28e619
Mini-Profile Text Color: 3a9900
|
Post by Blonde Granny on Nov 15, 2013 13:07:32 GMT -5
I started to post on this thread, but deleted it....I didn't want to come across as Debbie Downer, but in reading this page, it seems we all have things in our past that have affected us, some small some big.
Therefore, I'll post what I had written: You don't fail if you don't try!!!! Many years ago, I had a realization that no matter what I ever did or achieved, it was never good enough for my parents, and that I could never measure up to the level of my older brother.
At that time, I carefully crafted a life where if I thought there was a chance to fail, I simply didn't try. Oh yes, I did achieve a few things as an adult: I won a state championship in womens tennis singles in 1989. I've now been married for 49 years...but always in the back of my mind, hiding among the shadows is the fear of not succeeding. Nothing was worse to my parents than making a mistake, not winning the race etc. Making a mistake in my family was about the worse thing that could happen, it was not willingly forgiven.
I made sure when we had our son that he was never subjected to those innuendos, always telling him he could do anything (and he has). I never passed onto him my fear of the dentist.
It's a good thing we can't go back and change the past, I wouldn't know where to start or for that matter what I would change.
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Nov 15, 2013 13:31:32 GMT -5
Another failure to add to my list. I won't have my wares available on Amazon this holiday season. Today was supposed to be the day I announced that everything was up so the NMN'ers that have been waiting to purchase from me could do so. Instead I've been on the phone with Amazon tech support for two hours trying to figure out why nothing was posted. It took that long before I got somebody on the phone that knew about their new holiday buying guidelines. You can only offer things for sale in the toy and game categories during the holiday season if you sold your first item on Amazon prior to September 17th. Shipped at least 25 orders during October. Maintained certain thresholds on late shipments, returns, etc.
The only way for me list on Amazon now is if I have them do my order fulfillment, which is a whole other deal. I'd have to pack up half my store inventory and ship it to an Amazon warehouse, on my dime of course, which would leave my store pretty bare heading into the holidays.
Joy.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
|
Post by swamp on Nov 15, 2013 13:33:11 GMT -5
If you carry something we want, can we just email you our credit card number and add the shipping to the bill?
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Nov 15, 2013 13:37:09 GMT -5
You could, but I really don't recommend it. Emailing your credit card number unencrypted to some random guy on the internet is a real good way to lose your identity. I won't do that to you guys obviously, but you have no way of knowing that, and no way of knowing who's going to get your credit card number if you float it around like that.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
|
Post by swamp on Nov 15, 2013 13:39:14 GMT -5
do you trust me to send you a check?
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Nov 15, 2013 13:42:55 GMT -5
Give me a few days and let me see if I can get my own site up instead. I'll hire a freelance web designer or something. Fucking Amazon.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 18:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 13:44:40 GMT -5
Does a FB business page have personal messaging capabilities? Maybe the NMSNMers can send you PM's of their wish list and you can sent the inventory once their checks clear.
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Nov 15, 2013 13:58:36 GMT -5
You guys can send me a PM through the FB page whenever. I've already gotten a couple, I think from NMSNers, wishing us well.
|
|