Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Sept 29, 2013 20:52:46 GMT -5
This was a big shebang it seems, very choreographed and very spendy so I'm assuming that's why DD didn't get a plus one. She was okay with it until she found out the others did get a plus one and she wasn't even sitting at the same table with the girls she knew because they had DATES! Needless to say, she had a very short evening. She said it was very nice party and it would have been fun to attend had she had anyone to be with. Cash bar btw. Cash bar?? Holy hell...sorry, I disagree with asking a guest to your party to pay...and she had to pay for the shower? Tacky, tacky, tacky....then again, that wedding and shower should make the YM'rs proud! And since I usually only stick a few dollars in my evenin bag I wouldn't have even had money to buy my drinks. Good Lord. Don't you travel with full bottles of booze? WHO ARE YOU? <<<<<Sends PM to Virgil to replace 'Tequila' from user name and replace with 'Shirley Temple'>>>>>>
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 29, 2013 21:43:18 GMT -5
I know cash bar is supposed to be uncouth, but it seems to be the norm around here. It doesn't make it any better, but when I go to a wedding, I expect to pay for drinks. I didn't have a cash bar at my wedding, though. Yeah, norm where I grew up is soda, beer and wine included. Everything else cash. But some are cash bars, like the last wedding I went to. I screwed up at the last wedding we went to. We were staying with my parents and go out to the car and found out we had a flat tire. We had cash in the car, so I hadn't thrown any in my purse. Well, mom took us over to grandma's and we borrowed her car, but forgot the cash. We had to make due with the $20 DH had, which didn't make for as fun of an evening as I was planning. That one didn't bother me. It was DH's cousin's wedding where the cash bar was crazy expensive. No dancing at the wedding. Had a post reception drunk fest in the hotel bar afterwards with dancing , just yelling at each other and drinking. Plus I only knew 6 people. Not cool, not to mentn the 13 hr drive there.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Sept 29, 2013 23:30:45 GMT -5
Sometimes singles attending a wedding can meet other singles with happy results happened. 31 years ago I attended a large wedding stag . . . and met my DH. So yes it happens! Yep - I was a last minute, blind date, +1 invite for DH. We've been married 10 years now.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 30, 2013 6:33:04 GMT -5
Don't get me started on the cash bar thing. To me it's the equivalent of serving you dinner at a wedding and then presenting a check for the food. Ugghhhh! I actually was at a wedding about 15 years ago with a cash bar, only it wasn't really supposed to be for the wedding. My aunt and cousin are major Bible bangers so there was no alcohol served at her wedding. Much to her dismay the upstairs restaurant DID serve alcohol so there was a steady stream all night of guests running up to the restaurant to get some drinks. But to me that was different. They chose to not serve alcohol and never considered that guests at weddings will go out of their way to get some! But to put a bar in your reception area and then make the guests pay is beyond tacky to me. You either serve it and pay for it or you don't serve it at all. I was a broke-ass college kid when I got married and I never would have considered making my guests pay for anything related to my wedding.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2013 7:05:44 GMT -5
Don't get me started on the cash bar thing. To me it's the equivalent of serving you dinner at a wedding and then presenting a check for the food. I agreed with this until a few weeks ago. We went to a really nice wedding....beautiful church, beautiful reception venue, etc. and then DH went to the (open) bar and they were serving alcohol that was on par with Boones Farm. Honestly, I would have been happier if they had gone with a cash bar and decent liquor. I wasn't drinking but DH was and he had the worst hangover the next day. as for the plus ones...it depends on the situation. If they have been together a long time, are living together or engaged, that's one thing. Otherwise, I might not invite a plus one. Also, if they will know everyone there, that makes a difference too. And I would most definitely sit people with people they knew or at least had a ton in common with.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2013 7:16:02 GMT -5
We gave everyone we invited a plus one. We also kept the bar open during dinner too!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 30, 2013 7:17:46 GMT -5
We gave everyone we invited a plus one. We also kept the bar open during dinner too! that's the way you do it!lol That's actually what we did, too.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 30, 2013 7:28:06 GMT -5
Whew, if someone sent me an invite addressed to MRS. I would probably shred it. They don't know me well enough. I haven't been a MRS for 32 yrs now. Hell, I have to remind myself to check the divorced box on apps instead of single. I go by my first name, middle initial and last name (I did retain married name but only because when my son got married I wanted to have same last name on invites - didn't want any one to think I had gone bonkers and remarried)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2013 7:41:46 GMT -5
Whew, if someone sent me an invite addressed to MRS. I would probably shred it. They don't know me well enough. I haven't been a MRS for 32 yrs now. Hell, I have to remind myself to check the divorced box on apps instead of single. I go by my first name, middle initial and last name (I did retain married name but only because when my son got married I wanted to have same last name on invites - didn't want any one to think I had gone bonkers and remarried) Yah, but technically, that's correct. Mrs. Your first name and XDHs last name. Of course f you never changed your name I assume it would be mrs. Your first name your last name. But you're still a Mrs. I learned this when now DH and I got invited to a wedding a few years back. The bride called me letting me know that she didn't want to offend DH by putting me as mrs., but because I was divorced, that was the technically proper way to do it.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 30, 2013 7:43:17 GMT -5
Whew, if someone sent me an invite addressed to MRS. I would probably shred it. They don't know me well enough. I haven't been a MRS for 32 yrs now. Hell, I have to remind myself to check the divorced box on apps instead of single. I go by my first name, middle initial and last name (I did retain married name but only because when my son got married I wanted to have same last name on invites - didn't want any one to think I had gone bonkers and remarried) Yah, but technically, that's correct. Mrs. Your first name and XDHs last name. Of course f you never changed your name I assume it would be mrs. Your first name your last name. But you're still a Mrs. I learned this when now DH and I got invited to a wedding a few years back. The bride called me letting me know that she didn't want to offend DH by putting me as mrs., but because I was divorced, that was the technically proper way to do it. What about Ms.?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2013 8:19:24 GMT -5
When in doubt, I address things to "Ms." just to be on the safe side.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Sept 30, 2013 8:33:22 GMT -5
I wouldn't want to go to a wedding alone. If my DH couldn't come, I'd ask my DD to come. Nothing more fun than sitting at a table of eight or twelve people and knowing no one. You guys not doing it right. That's why at russian parties there is no closing the bar for dinner time. Bar just comes to your table in a form of bottles of vodka, cognac etc. .............. This way you get to know those strangers after a few toasts and no one at the wedding is a stranger anymore. Have a pleasant time at any wedding...russian style!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2013 8:39:03 GMT -5
Well, DD decided what to do from now on, in, I think, a very practical way. She will attend showers and if wedding isn't a plus one, she will go with her boyfriend to the wedding and skip the reception. That way she sees the person get married, doesn't have to have no date, or buy a wedding gift. She will regret on Invite though so the count will be right for those who happen to be paying.
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nogooddeed
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Post by nogooddeed on Sept 30, 2013 9:02:58 GMT -5
My niece is getting married in less than 2 weeks and has communicated to her friends/family that small children are not to attend. You'd think she had committed murder. It's an evening event with a cocktail hour, dinner and dancing. Her wedding/reception are at a Botanical garden with a pond and fire feature. In addition to cake, she's serving s'mores and ice cream sundaes. She's always wanted an adult event and given the hazards of the water and fire, decided that no kids would be invited. I think it will be a great time, but we'll see how many don't show.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2013 9:20:05 GMT -5
We noted "Adult Reception" on our invitations, but my sister's babysitter cancelled on her last minute so she brought my nephew. And DH's cousin had a baby about two weeks before our reception and she brought her. They live in Philly and it was the first time that side of the family got to see her.
I didn't have to watch over either of them so it wasn't that big of a deal to me.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 30, 2013 11:50:19 GMT -5
When in doubt, I address things to "Ms." just to be on the safe side. Then I would come to your wedding Beer. I resent being addressed as MRS. I don't give a flying F what the proper way is. That is so OLD way of thinking. Ms will be just fine if you have to put a title to things. And I have gotten invites that address me as Ms. And besides Emily Post is dead
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 30, 2013 11:54:47 GMT -5
I don't get worked up over the name thing. There are plenty of intelligent, well meaning people who don't know the traditional etiquette conventions and it's not a deal breaker for me (although to be safe, I try to stick to the etiquette conventions.) People can misspell my name, guess on the title, etc. Unless they do something that appears to be deliberately unkind, I always assume they had good intentions and just didn't know better... give them a little grace.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 30, 2013 12:03:33 GMT -5
Years ago, the technical etiquette rules were a way for people to quietly snub others and to discern social standing. People were trained in the rules so it was obvious if the gaffe was a deliberate snub or exposed poor breeding/manners. Now, because the rules aren't part of the social fabric, not everybody knows them. So a breach of etiquette - especially on some of the more obscure rules - does not indicate a snub or poor breeding necessarily. For the most part, people who are sending me invites like me and want good things for me, so if there's a gaffe, I'm going to assume it's just a simple mistake or oversight, not that someone is trying to insult me or that they're a cretin.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2013 12:14:48 GMT -5
When in doubt, I address things to "Ms." just to be on the safe side. Then I would come to your wedding Beer. I resent being addressed as MRS. I don't give a flying F what the proper way is. That is so OLD way of thinking. Ms will be just fine if you have to put a title to things. And I have gotten invites that address me as Ms. And besides Emily Post is dead Out of genuine curiosity (not trying to be a jerk), why do you resent a title? It's not saying anything about you as a person. Why is it a big deal? I don't pay attention to details like that because, honestly, I don't give a crap. As long as they get my first and last name right (and ill even give leeway on the last name), I'm good. But I would like to understand why it is important to some people so that I can make sure not to upset people (unless I'm doing it on purpose...).
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 30, 2013 12:29:25 GMT -5
Years ago, the technical etiquette rules were a way for people to quietly snub others and to discern social standing. People were trained in the rules so it was obvious if the gaffe was a deliberate snub or exposed poor breeding/manners. Now, because the rules aren't part of the social fabric, not everybody knows them. So a breach of etiquette - especially on some of the more obscure rules - does not indicate a snub or poor breeding necessarily. For the most part, people who are sending me invites like me and want good things for me, so if there's a gaffe, I'm going to assume it's just a simple mistake or oversight, not that someone is trying to insult me or that they're a cretin. I agree...maybe only because I don't actuallY KNOW the rules
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Sept 30, 2013 12:36:27 GMT -5
I thought this thread was about sending out wedding invitations with no dates on them. As in, "Hey we are getting married sometime in the future - but we aren't tellying you when!"
More coffee needed here I guess.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Sept 30, 2013 12:46:54 GMT -5
I thought this thread was about sending out wedding invitations with no dates on them. As in, "Hey we are getting married sometime in the future - but we aren't tellying you when!" More coffee needed here I guess. LOL, that was my first thought as well when I read the thread's title.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Sept 30, 2013 12:49:12 GMT -5
I thought this thread was about sending out wedding invitations with no dates on them. As in, "Hey we are getting married sometime in the future - but we aren't tellying you when!" More coffee needed here I guess. Ahahaha - THANK YOU! I read the whole first page thinking that, too! Thought it was just a typical Monday morning for me...
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Sept 30, 2013 13:13:01 GMT -5
Not sure what NNP believes, but I've always been a bit annoyed that women have to reveal their marital status by their title and men never do. I didn't know if you don't change your name that your preferred address remains the same married or divorced. I use Ms. when forced to choose a title, but had no idea Mrs. was a title a woman essentially keeps for life once she marries.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Sept 30, 2013 13:20:21 GMT -5
31 years ago I attended a large wedding stag . . . and met my DH. So yes it happens! Too bad that doesn't count because you guys don't have a real marriage. <<hopes it was kittensaver that has separate accounts with her DH>> Yes, you remember correctly about the separate accounts. HOWEVER, since I was married TWICE (a minister AND a rabbi), that overcomes the deadly marriage neutralization caused by the separate accounts
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 30, 2013 13:24:01 GMT -5
Too bad that doesn't count because you guys don't have a real marriage. <<hopes it was kittensaver that has separate accounts with her DH>> Yes, you remember correctly about the separate accounts. HOWEVER, since I was married TWICE (a minister AND a rabbi), that overcomes the deadly marriage neutralization caused by the separate accounts I'm sorry to break it to you...that just means that you can't commit to a religion anymore than you can your husband
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Sept 30, 2013 13:29:13 GMT -5
I know cash bar is supposed to be uncouth, but it seems to be the norm around here. It doesn't make it any better, but when I go to a wedding, I expect to pay for drinks. I didn't have a cash bar at my wedding, though. I guess it is another regional difference. I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I would be pissed!lol What's even worse are the dry weddings.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Sept 30, 2013 13:29:24 GMT -5
I wouldn't want to go to a wedding alone. If my DH couldn't come, I'd ask my DD to come. Nothing more fun than sitting at a table of eight or twelve people and knowing no one. You guys not doing it right. That's why at russian parties there is no closing the bar for dinner time. Bar just comes to your table in a form of bottles of vodka, cognac etc. .............. This way you get to know those strangers after a few toasts and no one at the wedding is a stranger anymore. Have a pleasant time at any wedding...russian style! I remember going to the wedding of a Russian co-worker. I was at a table of English-speaking American colleagues of this guy and his fiancee. I remember our table pretty much forfeited the bottle of vodka from the "bar" on our table - we weren't drinking it fast enough, and other tables needed it!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 30, 2013 13:30:59 GMT -5
I wouldn't want to go to a wedding alone. If my DH couldn't come, I'd ask my DD to come. Nothing more fun than sitting at a table of eight or twelve people and knowing no one. You guys not doing it right. That's why at russian parties there is no closing the bar for dinner time. Bar just comes to your table in a form of bottles of vodka, cognac etc. .............. This way you get to know those strangers after a few toasts and no one at the wedding is a stranger anymore. Have a pleasant time at any wedding...russian style! I always liked the Russian style of serving booze at a party. No need to move from table to bar and back to the table. Saves all those pesky trips. You don't even have to stand up to get falling-down drunk. It's a shorter distance from the seat to the floor. Less chance of injury that way. And don't get me started on "dry" weddings. I don't drink much, and even I think this is just a bad idea. I went to one, and it was just a hot mess. An outdoor ceremony in ninety degree weather, the bride was eight months pregnant (and the groom had already left her at the altar once before, when he first found out she was expecting), cold cuts for lunch and sparkling cider to drink. The best part of the wedding was the cake, which I gifted them.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Sept 30, 2013 13:32:58 GMT -5
You guys not doing it right. That's why at russian parties there is no closing the bar for dinner time. Bar just comes to your table in a form of bottles of vodka, cognac etc. .............. This way you get to know those strangers after a few toasts and no one at the wedding is a stranger anymore. Have a pleasant time at any wedding...russian style! I remember going to the wedding of a Russian co-worker. I was at a table of English-speaking American colleagues of this guy and his fiancee. I remember our table pretty much forfeited the bottle of vodka from the "bar" on our table - we weren't drinking it fast enough, and other tables needed it! A few years back I went to a pretty rockin' Armenian wedding. 6 full bottles of different spirits on a table for 10 . . . and separate glasses/barware for each liquor. Fun times
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