Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,891
|
Post by Cookies Galore on Sept 29, 2013 10:47:59 GMT -5
We invited couples as couples and singles as singles. Everyone knew people and our wedding fucking rocked. At $130 a head, we (myself, dh, and my dad) weren't paying for complete strangers when there were plenty of people who could haven't been there. We chose a venue that was perfect for 100 people because we didn't want it any bigger. Considering how many people didn't get invitations, there's no way in hell someone who wasn't in a committed relationship was getting a plus one. No one bitched and moaned or felt entitled to an opinion on how we should spend our money. No one is trying to tell you how you should have spent your money. I'm sure no one would be rude enough to say something to the bride about not getting a plus 1 (eyes zib suspiciously :-p). I would politely decline the invitation and be done with it....that is why there are anonymous message boards to bitch on :-p But you're married so you are automatically invited as a couple. You can't invite half of a unit, but you can only invite a single, unattached person. Though if zib is half as charming in real life, I don't think she has too much to worry about.
|
|
Sharon
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:48:11 GMT -5
Posts: 11,285
|
Post by Sharon on Sept 29, 2013 10:51:50 GMT -5
We are in the middle of planning DD's wedding and what I have learned is you can't please everyone so do what you can and the rest is "oh well".
DD picked a bridesmaid dress that is $150. I get that is a lot of money for a stupid dress but all she is asking is you get the dress and any style of silver shoes. The shoes do not have to match and if you already have a pair great. They can be flats, heels, whatever the bridesmaid wishes. We also ask that they comb their hair the day of the wedding. There are no plans, or expectations, of everyone going together to get their hair done and having mani/pedi's. There is no expectation of the bridesmaid's throwing a shower. For her bachlorette party DD would like to go out to dinner at a local restaurant, avg entree cost is $10-$15, and then go back to her apt and watch some movies. The bride and MOH are not yet 21 so no drinking in restaurants/bars for them. Yet DD is getting some push back on the cost. The grooms sister, also a bridesmaid, keeps stating that when she got married they were able to get bridesmaid dresses for $40.
Also the person addressing the invitations doesn't always know from the partial lists etc who needs a plus one. I was raised that in the inner envelope you write out the names of everyone who is invited. The grooms mother didn't give me those names, she just wrote family, and the groom doesn't know all of the names of his cousins kids.
On the list of friends that was received from the bride and groom and auto added a plus one. Like I said we are doing the best we can.
We did go to a printers and have the invitations done. While we were there we had custom designed Thank-you's and they are turning out to be a big hit. DD had her Thank-you's out from both of her showers within a week of the shower.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Sept 29, 2013 10:55:53 GMT -5
Also the person addressing the invitations doesn't always know from the partial lists etc who needs a plus one. I was raised that in the inner envelope you write out the names of everyone who is invited. The grooms mother didn't give me those names, she just wrote family, and the groom doesn't know all of the names of his cousins kids. It's probably not an Emily Post approved guideline, but I'm thinking that if neither the bride nor the groom know the name of the person, they're not close enough to be invited to a wedding. Unless it's one of those 300-1000 people weddings that certain cultures have where everybody in the entire village is invited and there is no need to limit the list. Flame away...
|
|
Sharon
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:48:11 GMT -5
Posts: 11,285
|
Post by Sharon on Sept 29, 2013 11:04:38 GMT -5
Also the person addressing the invitations doesn't always know from the partial lists etc who needs a plus one. I was raised that in the inner envelope you write out the names of everyone who is invited. The grooms mother didn't give me those names, she just wrote family, and the groom doesn't know all of the names of his cousins kids. It's probably not an Emily Post approved guideline, but I'm thinking that if neither the bride nor the groom know the name of the person, they're not close enough to be invited to a wedding. Unless it's one of those 300-1000 people weddings that certain cultures have where everybody in the entire village is invited and there is no need to limit the list. Flame away... The bride and groom know their cousins. The groom comes from a very large Catholic family and no he does not know the name of the kids that his cousin(s) had in the last year or so. The list should probably be limited but the grooms parents want this and they are helping foot the bill so whatever. Like I said you can't please everyone. This wedding is turning totally non YM but again whatever.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 29, 2013 11:27:10 GMT -5
No one is trying to tell you how you should have spent your money. I'm sure no one would be rude enough to say something to the bride about not getting a plus 1 (eyes zib suspiciously :-p). I would politely decline the invitation and be done with it....that is why there are anonymous message boards to bitch on :-p But you're married so you are automatically invited as a couple. You can't invite half of a unit, but you can only invite a single, unattached person. Though if zib is half as charming in real life, I don't think she has too much to worry about. I was speaking as if I were single. I wouldn't go to a wedding by myself. But I would never be so rude as to say something to the bridal couple. I would just send my regrets.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Sept 29, 2013 11:31:00 GMT -5
You do realize, that you're telling brides to not invite people they don't see often or might not see again in favor of giving plus ones to people they will NEVER see again. I mean, if a reason not to invite a neighbor is because you won't remember them in 10 years....well you probably won't remember a plus one in 1 year.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 29, 2013 11:31:41 GMT -5
So, would you rather hve a single invite,or not be invited No one has to RSVP to an invite. If you don't want to go alone, don't go... It wouldn't matter to me if I didn't get invited as I wouldn't be going if it were an invite for me alone.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 29, 2013 11:35:50 GMT -5
You do realize, that you're telling brides to not invite people they don't see often or might not see again in favor of giving plus ones to people they will NEVER see again. I mean, if a reason not to invite a neighbor is because you won't remember them in 10 years....well you probably won't remember a plus one in 1 year. I'm just different. I would rather invite my close friends with a plus one than invite people I haven't seen in ten years. That is what I did for my wedding. That was my choice. Every bride decides what she wants to do for her own wedding. I can say as a member of a very large, extended family, I'm ok with cousins I have t seen in years not inviting me
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Sept 29, 2013 11:41:13 GMT -5
You do realize, that you're telling brides to not invite people they don't see often or might not see again in favor of giving plus ones to people they will NEVER see again. I mean, if a reason not to invite a neighbor is because you won't remember them in 10 years....well you probably won't remember a plus one in 1 year. I'm just different. I would rather invite my close friends with a plus one than invite people I haven't seen in ten years. That is what I did for my wedding. That was my choice. Every bride decides what she wants to do for her own wedding. I can say as a member of a very large, extended family, I'm ok with cousins I have t seen in years not inviting me I'm not advocating inviting never seen cousins either, just thought it was funny when the reasoning was "you never see them" or "probably won't remember them years from now" when you never see/remember plus ones again either. Case in point - my plus one to my bro's wedding was a bf and my family never saw him again, and my plus one this year to a friends wedding was someone I haven't seen since a month after the wedding so my friend sure isn't seeing him again!
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 29, 2013 11:46:38 GMT -5
I'm just different. I would rather invite my close friends with a plus one than invite people I haven't seen in ten years. That is what I did for my wedding. That was my choice. Every bride decides what she wants to do for her own wedding. I can say as a member of a very large, extended family, I'm ok with cousins I have t seen in years not inviting me I'm not advocating inviting never seen cousins either, just thought it was funny when the reasoning was "you never see them" or "probably won't remember them years from now" when you never see/remember plus ones again either. Case in point - my plus one to my bro's wedding was a bf and my family never saw him again, and my plus one this year to a friends wedding was someone I haven't seen since a month after the wedding so my friend sure isn't seeing him again! So you are still getting plus 1's? I can't tell what is local custom based on this thread. Locally, plus ones and the bridal party paying for the shower are custom. My niece just got married and she is only 25 so it isn't that it is generation thing ( I'm 42). Like I said, I don't care what anyone does. If I was expected to go to a formal event alone I would skip it. But I wouldn't be pissed off about it. I would be pissed off if I was invited to a shower and hit wih an unexpected bill when I got there
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 8:41:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2013 12:17:03 GMT -5
So, would you rather hve a single invite,or not be invited No one has to RSVP to an invite. If you don't want to go alone, don't go... Failing to RSVP is VERY rude. Whether you accept or decline, you should respond. Failure to respond is a major breach of etiquette.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Sept 29, 2013 12:28:26 GMT -5
I'm not advocating inviting never seen cousins either, just thought it was funny when the reasoning was "you never see them" or "probably won't remember them years from now" when you never see/remember plus ones again either. Case in point - my plus one to my bro's wedding was a bf and my family never saw him again, and my plus one this year to a friends wedding was someone I haven't seen since a month after the wedding so my friend sure isn't seeing him again! So you are still getting plus 1's? I can't tell what is local custom based on this thread. Locally, plus ones and the bridal party paying for the shower are custom. My niece just got married and she is only 25 so it isn't that it is generation thing ( I'm 42). Like I said, I don't care what anyone does. If I was expected to go to a formal event alone I would skip it. But I wouldn't be pissed off about it. I would be pissed off if I was invited to a shower and hit wih an unexpected bill when I got there Yes I am, though the only weddings I've been to in the last 6 years was my bro's and a close friend. I think it'd depend who invited me whether I'd go without a date (actually my invite to my friend's wedding didn't say and guest, but we had been talking about her wedding for months so I knew I had one) - if I knew a lot of people there or if it was a close friend I'd probably go without a date.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 8:41:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2013 13:23:55 GMT -5
Anyway... Aunt Nell was widowed, so as I was trying to address the invitation, I asked MrSroo what his uncle's name was so I could address the invitation to Mrs. Unclesname Lastname. Yep. I'm familiar with classical etiquette rules and only a divorcee would be addressed as "Mrs. Nell UnclesLastName". Glad you did it right! ETA one more observations: sometimes singles attending a wedding can meet other singles with happy results. A cousin of my mother's married a man she met at my parents' wedding. More recently- next month we're attending the wedding of my cousin. She met her fiancé when her stepsister attended a wedding in another city, met this nice young single guy from the city where my cousin lived and said, "you really ought to give my stepsister a call-I think you'd like each other". They did. If he'd shown up at the wedding with some random date, I doubt that conversation would ever have happened.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 8:41:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2013 13:32:35 GMT -5
So, would you rather hve a single invite,or not be invited No one has to RSVP to an invite. If you don't want to go alone, don't go... Failing to RSVP is VERY rude. Whether you accept or decline, you should respond. Failure to respond is a major breach of etiquette. You are correct. I meant to say no one has to RSVP Yes... They may decline to attend.
|
|
Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:53:02 GMT -5
Posts: 15,554
Location: Paradise
|
Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 29, 2013 16:47:28 GMT -5
LMAO!!! I was thinking "Holy Cow has etiquette gone out the window when they don't even list a date on the invite! How do you put the event on the calendar?" We need an air head emote! I agree that a significant other like a long term relationship, engaged couples and live together couples should be included. Random plus one's for a formal wedding or sit downs are not expected unless the people are rich and want a huge party. I also don't think people who are on tight budgets should feel pressured into inviting people they don't even know or going in to debt over it. Besides - that is SO un-YM-like!!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 8:41:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2013 17:31:04 GMT -5
I honestly don't enjoy weddings, anyway. My friends' kids are all married so I am left with kids of kids (not there yet) or a few young colleagues from work. Forget the "plus one." Young colleagues invite us to showers but not weddings. They want presents, not our presence. That is another etiquette no-no, but I ignore it if I like the person. If I barely know who they are, then I skip the shower and the shower gift. Only my friends (different generation) do formal invitations when we throw a shower or retirement party for someone. Everyone else sends an e-vite. I checked Emily Post, and it is now permissible for your own family to throw a shower for you. She does say, though, that formerly etiquette didn't allow that. I found it sad that she said something like if that is the only person who can do it, ok. What? Your mother-in-law has no friends? That's who gives them in the South. It is still a big no-no for family to do it. Run, Bride, run!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 8:41:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2013 17:34:33 GMT -5
Anyway... Aunt Nell was widowed, so as I was trying to address the invitation, I asked MrSroo what his uncle's name was so I could address the invitation to Mrs. Unclesname Lastname. Yep. I'm familiar with classical etiquette rules and only a divorcee would be addressed as "Mrs. Nell UnclesLastName". Glad you did it right! Actually, if I remember correctly, a divorcee's social name would be Mrs. Maiden Name UnclesLastName. She could use Mrs. Nell UncleslastName professionally, however. Just so you guys wouldn't think I was making stuff up, I googled the Emily Post Institute. Although they are now in favor of more modern address, they did have this tidbit: "Not so long ago, a divorced woman replaced her first name with her maiden name as her form of address: Sally Merritt DuPree was known as Mrs. Merritt DuPree. In today's world, including a divorced woman's first name with her title and the last name she uses--Mrs. [or Ms.] Sally DuPree--has simply become the less confusing, more sensible thing to do." I went to a girls' school, and we had to read Emily Post.
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Sept 29, 2013 18:07:56 GMT -5
Sometimes singles attending a wedding can meet other singles with happy results happened. 31 years ago I attended a large wedding stag . . . and met my DH. So yes it happens!
|
|
Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:53:02 GMT -5
Posts: 15,554
Location: Paradise
|
Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 29, 2013 18:13:04 GMT -5
Sometimes singles attending a wedding can meet other singles with happy results happened. 31 years ago I attended a large wedding stag . . . and met my DH. So yes it happens! Too bad that doesn't count because you guys don't have a real marriage. <<hopes it was kittensaver that has separate accounts with her DH>>
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 64,494
|
Post by Tennesseer on Sept 29, 2013 18:22:16 GMT -5
31 years ago I attended a large wedding stag . . . and met my DH. So yes it happens! Too bad that doesn't count because you guys don't have a real marriage. <<hopes it was kittensaver that has separate accounts with her DH>> Married at city hall?
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 29, 2013 19:12:57 GMT -5
You're right about the friends of the bride giving the shower. It just seems now that it ends up being family or it isn't happening at all.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 29, 2013 19:18:33 GMT -5
This was a big shebang it seems, very choreographed and very spendy so I'm assuming that's why DD didn't get a plus one. She was okay with it until she found out the others did get a plus one and she wasn't even sitting at the same table with the girls she knew because they had DATES! Needless to say, she had a very short evening. She said it was very nice party and it would have been fun to attend had she had anyone to be with. Cash bar btw.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 29, 2013 19:20:13 GMT -5
Even though I'm SO CHARMING, I've never been invited to anything couple oriented as a single. Even when I was single and not dating anyone in particular. Neither DFor I would attend anything couple time as a single so the reply would be negative and the "friend" would be no longer one.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 8:41:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2013 20:16:01 GMT -5
For whatever reasons, some people do not get the invitations that others receive. Instead of examining the reasons behind their being neglected/excluded, they can congratulate themselves for saving money instead of spending it on gifts. And, instead of frittering away shekels on a "cash bar", they can sit at home, alone, and get much more alcohol for their pennies.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 29, 2013 20:17:28 GMT -5
This was a big shebang it seems, very choreographed and very spendy so I'm assuming that's why DD didn't get a plus one. She was okay with it until she found out the others did get a plus one and she wasn't even sitting at the same table with the girls she knew because they had DATES! Needless to say, she had a very short evening. She said it was very nice party and it would have been fun to attend had she had anyone to be with. Cash bar btw. Cash bar?? Holy hell...sorry, I disagree with asking a guest to your party to pay...and she had to pay for the shower? Tacky, tacky, tacky....then again, that wedding and shower should make the YM'rs proud! And since I usually only stick a few dollars in my evenin bag I wouldn't have even had money to buy my drinks.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 29, 2013 20:18:43 GMT -5
For whatever reasons, some people do not get the invitations that others receive. Instead of examining the reasons behind their being neglected/excluded, they can congratulate themselves for saving money instead of spending it on gifts. And, instead of frittering away shekels on a "cash bar", they can sit at home, alone, and get much more alcohol for their pennies. Unless it said "cash bar" on the invitation she wouldn't have known before she got there...which means she already spent the money on a gift
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
|
Post by swamp on Sept 29, 2013 20:40:54 GMT -5
I know cash bar is supposed to be uncouth, but it seems to be the norm around here. It doesn't make it any better, but when I go to a wedding, I expect to pay for drinks.
I didn't have a cash bar at my wedding, though.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 29, 2013 20:42:03 GMT -5
I know cash bar is supposed to be uncouth, but it seems to be the norm around here. It doesn't make it any better, but when I go to a wedding, I expect to pay for drinks. I didn't have a cash bar at my wedding, though. I guess it is another regional difference. I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I would be pissed!lol
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
|
Post by swamp on Sept 29, 2013 20:42:35 GMT -5
This was a big shebang it seems, very choreographed and very spendy so I'm assuming that's why DD didn't get a plus one. She was okay with it until she found out the others did get a plus one and she wasn't even sitting at the same table with the girls she knew because they had DATES! Needless to say, she had a very short evening. She said it was very nice party and it would have been fun to attend had she had anyone to be with. Cash bar btw. I don't understand that. During dinner, you're stuck with people you don't kow, but once the party starts, just mill paround and talk with and dance with whomever you want.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
|
Post by swamp on Sept 29, 2013 20:43:59 GMT -5
I know cash bar is supposed to be uncouth, but it seems to be the norm around here. It doesn't make it any better, but when I go to a wedding, I expect to pay for drinks. I didn't have a cash bar at my wedding, though. I guess it is another regional difference. I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I would be pissed!lol Until I was planning my wedding, I had no idea a cash bar was considered rude, lol.
|
|