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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2013 12:44:14 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure from the way muttley describes everything she had going on at the time, that she wasn't looking too happy herself. A miserable looking lady with a crying baby and a toddler running around her in circles gets my "poor lady" vibe every time, no questions asked.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 25, 2013 12:51:12 GMT -5
Theater - who takes little kids to the theatre? Restaurant - well you still have to pay, you can't just get up and leave right that moment if you are the only adult. Plus carting 2 children out the restaurant takes a moment to regroup. So even if you want the screaming child to be gone immediately, it may not happen. Grocery store - It has to get done. DCS doesn't look on you fondly if you don't feed or diaper your children. Now, we did have cloth diapers, but when you are at the end of your rope doing an extra load of a laundry every 2 days is not the best option when you have to go to the store anyway to get food. THere are some illnesses you can take care of a child through, there are others you cannot. By sick, he was going through withdrawals because he ran out of narcotic pain meds in between me having DD and him having surgery. So, he was in severe pain, having the shakes, chills, diarrhea, restless legs when he tried to sleep, etc. He was in no shape to take care of 2 small children and that was before the surgery. Post surgery, not being able to lift, still in severe pain, then 3 weeks post op he fell on the ice, ran out of pain meds again trying to get through that incident, had withdrawals again. Drama said it better: Also, I get upset and frustrated when my kids misbehave and they are at home. No one sees when DS tells me "no" when I ask him to clean up his room. Doesn't mean it doesn't frustrate me. If I need my child to do something and it doesn't happen, I get upset. I get upset when I need my husband to do something and it doesn't happen. It isn't so much an out in public thing as it is a misbehaving thing.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 25, 2013 12:54:14 GMT -5
But if you are going to take kids to the theater - the matinee show is your friend. And get cheap tickets because they're going to be bored by intermission and you leave. BTDT with nieces at Nutcracker when they were 4-7ish.
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 25, 2013 12:58:15 GMT -5
<----------- No kids Sure, hearing a screaming baby/child/kid in WW, the grocery store, etc., isn't pleasant, but as an adult I learned I can control where my cart and I go. I've also noticed most parents remove their screaming child from other situations: Restaurants, the movie theater, etc. Based on what my sister has reported, it's very upsetting, to say the least, when one's child has a rough flight. As long as I can get away from the banshee kid I'm ok (flights being the exception). And I try not to laugh at the thought that I don't have to deal with the mess as I scurry away. I haven't run into it much, but it's when parents take their kids to not-so-family-friendly restaurants, and bars, and non G rated movies and then don't remove in light of a meltdown that I'll say crappy things about you, or at least think it. But it seems everyone here does that, so I'm not sure why I'm commenting. Though I can't really remember the last time I was around a screaming kid and not in a situation I couldn't easily get away from.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Sept 25, 2013 12:59:29 GMT -5
can we lay off the name-calling, please? this is a touchy subject, but we can leave that out. thanks.
-chiver mod
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 25, 2013 13:00:05 GMT -5
Our local discount theatre closed right as we discovered it. Too expensive to convert from film to digital. They also didn't get a lot of customers. We took Gwen to see Epic there and it was awesome because she disturbed nobody. It's a bummer because we planned on taking her to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 there.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 25, 2013 13:00:57 GMT -5
How strictly are we defining "no other alternative"?
I am sticking to the grocery store example, since I can't remember the last time I encountered a screaming child in a theatre, restaurant, or library.
Assuming one's alternatives, as laid out in this thread, are to: 1) take the kid out to the car until she calms down (but what if she doesn't? Go home? And what if going out to the car was exactly what she wanted to get out of the tantrum?); 2) Go home and come back without the kid; 3) Go home, don't come back, and tell the kid "tough shit" when they don't have food or TP the next day; or 4) Do your best to calm the kid down, grab what you need, and skedaddle out of there - is it really reasonable compassionate to expect a harried parent to do #1 - #3 just so you can avoid a few minutes of a crying kid in the background?
My husband is scheduled to have knee surgery (again) the day after Christmas, when we will have a 3-4 week old infant. It is not going to be fun, but our other alternative was scheduling it in January or February and paying an extra $8K (since we've already hit our OOP this year). I am hoping that if I end up dragging the baby to the grocery, since DH won't be able to walk or drive and will be under the influence of some heavy narcotics, my fellow Hoosiers will be a little more forgiving of any outbursts than some of the posters on this thread would seem to be.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Sept 25, 2013 13:03:28 GMT -5
<----------- No kids Sure, hearing a screaming baby/child/kid in WW, the grocery store, etc., isn't pleasant, but as an adult I learned I can control where my cart and I go. I've also noticed most parents remove their screaming child from other situations: Restaurants, the movie theater, etc. Based on what my sister has reported, it's very upsetting, to say the least, when one's child has a rough flight. As long as I can get away from the banshee kid I'm ok (flights being the exception). And I try not to laugh at the thought that I don't have to deal with the mess as I scurry away. I haven't run into it much, but it's when parents take their kids to not-so-family-friendly restaurants, and bars, and non G rated movies and then don't remove in light of a meltdown that I'll say crappy things about you, or at least think it. But it seems everyone here does that, so I'm not sure why I'm commenting. Though I can't really remember the last time I was around a screaming kid and not in a situation I couldn't easily get away from. I used to travel for work. A LOT. Regarding a screaming baby on a delayed/long/whatever flight, a fellow saleswoman once put it best to it's parent who had apologized to her: "It's just doing what we adults wish we could do in this situation." From then on out, I thought about that very comment every time there was an upset kiddo and parent on an undesirable flight.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 25, 2013 13:03:44 GMT -5
Theater - who takes little kids to the theatre? Sorry - wasn't clear - movie theatre. Around here it's so common that you are actually better off going to matinees because at least then the kids won't be exhausted. I've been at R rated, violent movies, where parents have had toddlers with them out at 9-10 at night. Restaurant - well you still have to pay, you can't just get up and leave right that moment if you are the only adult. Plus carting 2 children out the restaurant takes a moment to regroup. So even if you want the screaming child to be gone immediately, it may not happen. Agreed, my issue is when the parent doesn't even try to regroup, but finishes their meal and/or spends the whole time telling Johnny to be quiet. Makes no real effort to remove the child from the scene.Grocery store - It has to get done. DCS doesn't look on you fondly if you don't feed or diaper your children. Now, we did have cloth diapers, but when you are at the end of your rope doing an extra load of a laundry every 2 days is not the best option when you have to go to the store anyway to get food. THere are some illnesses you can take care of a child through, there are others you cannot. By sick, he was going through withdrawals because he ran out of narcotic pain meds in between me having DD and him having surgery. So, he was in severe pain, having the shakes, chills, diarrhea, restless legs when he tried to sleep, etc. He was in no shape to take care of 2 small children and that was before the surgery. Post surgery, not being able to lift, still in severe pain, then 3 weeks post op he fell on the ice, ran out of pain meds again trying to get through that incident, had withdrawals again. I get this now, but still think it is the exception, rather than the norm, when there really is no other alternative. And if there is no alternative, why would you care what others think?Drama said it better: Also, I get upset and frustrated when my kids misbehave and they are at home. No one sees when DS tells me "no" when I ask him to clean up his room. Doesn't mean it doesn't frustrate me. If I need my child to do something and it doesn't happen, I get upset. I get upset when I need my husband to do something and it doesn't happen. It isn't so much an out in public thing as it is a misbehaving thing. I guess this is something I simply won't be able to understand. Yes I get upset with DD when she misbehaves, but I am able to do something about it. If I can't do anything about it, then I have nothing to be embarassed about.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 25, 2013 13:09:15 GMT -5
<<--secretly wishes she could follow Captain to the store wtih a very irritable baby just to annoy him :-p
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 25, 2013 13:10:14 GMT -5
<<secretly wonders if Captain's real name is Amy Farah Fowler or Sheldon Cooper>>
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Sept 25, 2013 13:14:22 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure from the way muttley describes everything she had going on at the time, that she wasn't looking too happy herself. A miserable looking lady with a crying baby and a toddler running around her in circles gets my "poor lady" vibe every time, no questions asked. To be fair, there are a lot of people who have something really shitty and overwhelming going on in their life at some point. Are THEY allowed to be annoyed by screaming children when the parents are too tired to give a fuck?
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Sept 25, 2013 13:14:27 GMT -5
<<--secretly wishes she could follow Captain to the store wtih a very irritable baby just to annoy him :-p Captain=lady-person, I believe.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 25, 2013 13:18:46 GMT -5
I think everyone is allowed to be annoyed by whatever they want. It's how you express that annoyance that matters.
I'm annoyed by people who wear too much perfume or reek of cigarette smoke, but I don't glare at them or mutter about what a horrible person they are for not going out to sit in their car until the stench dissipates.
Obviously if the kid is a danger to himself or others (e.g. running amok in a restaurant with hot foot being served, running loose in a parking lot, throwing rocks at cars, etc.) that's something that should be addressed. But a crying baby in the grocery store is, to me, not worth getting all hot and bothered.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 25, 2013 13:19:30 GMT -5
<<--secretly wishes she could follow Captain to the store wtih a very irritable baby just to annoy him :-p Captain=lady-person, I believe. Really? Based on the tone of the posts I just assumed it was a clueless father. I stand corrected
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2013 13:20:24 GMT -5
Do people really get babysitters to go to the grocery store? I didn't have a DH to leave my children at home with, so they went everywhere with me until they got old enough to stay home alone. I only used babysitters when I had to work, go to the doctor, or if I went out with friends. Every day running around, including shopping and eating out, they went with me. Either I got lucky and escaped the public escapades or I was so traumatized that I blocked it all from my memory. If I got lucky in the early years, my luck definitely ran out by the teen years.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 25, 2013 13:24:21 GMT -5
<<--secretly wishes she could follow Captain to the store wtih a very irritable baby just to annoy him :-p So if someone disagrees with the Mommynazies they must be male? Good to know. BTW you also just made my point about compassion going both ways, unless you're a parent.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 25, 2013 13:25:03 GMT -5
We've used the grandparents to watch the kids so we could go grocery shopping. Not lately but when we had 2 under the age of 3.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2013 13:26:48 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure from the way muttley describes everything she had going on at the time, that she wasn't looking too happy herself. A miserable looking lady with a crying baby and a toddler running around her in circles gets my "poor lady" vibe every time, no questions asked. To be fair, there are a lot of people who have something really shitty and overwhelming going on in their life at some point. Are THEY allowed to be annoyed by screaming children when the parents are too tired to give a fuck? I've had some really shitty and overwhelming stuff happen in my life and I don't recall there being a time when a screaming baby in a grocery store being the last straw for me. If anything, I probably was glad that at least I didn't have to deal with THAT too. If I went to a restaurant to escape for a little while and get away from my own kids, yeah I'd be annoyed with someone else's kid hanging out at my table knocking stuff over and asking me a zillion and two questions.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Sept 25, 2013 13:31:06 GMT -5
Do people really get babysitters to go to the grocery store?
They did when I was in HS. I had a standing date with one family on Sat. am for 2 hours to look after their kids. However, this was on a military base and at the time, unless a child had an ID card (was 12) or could fit in the cart, they were not allowed in the commissary.
Not sure if that's the case now.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Sept 25, 2013 13:33:38 GMT -5
I've had some really shitty and overwhelming stuff happen in my life and I don't recall there being a time when a screaming baby in a grocery store being the last straw for me.
Closest I was there was when I had the mother of all sinus infections and was waiting for the pharmacist to give me the elixir of life (pseudo-ephedrine). I hurt like hell, my sinuses were ready to explode and the baby crying behind me made me want to cut my head off. I just got the hell out of there as soon as I got my drugs.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 25, 2013 13:35:55 GMT -5
Do people really get babysitters to go to the grocery store
We try to or have only one of us go. Otherwise she comes with us. Can we get some adults babysitters too? I've seen a lot more adults who have no business being out in public till they've had their naps than I have kids.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 25, 2013 13:36:15 GMT -5
<<--secretly wishes she could follow Captain to the store wtih a very irritable baby just to annoy him :-p So if someone disagrees with the Mommynazies they must be male? Good to know. BTW you also just made my point about compassion going both ways, unless you're a parent. So someone asking for a little compassion because you don't know what someone else is going through is a mommynazi? Good to know. Honestly it applies to everyone. I think it is just important to realize parent or not that someone maybe having a bad day. They may be out of pain meds, they may have experienced the loss of a loved one, they may have lost their job. Just because someone in public isn't behaving exactly as we think they should doesn't mean that is their normal behavior. I'm just asking as a human to give people the benefit of the doubt. Yes I was using parenting examples, because that is my life right now. Somedays someone's best is not as good as other days and there are probably circumstances you don't know about.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Sept 25, 2013 13:36:26 GMT -5
I don't see anything in my posts that resorted to name calling, but if that's the only way you can handle a discussion, then so be it. The fact that you having such a strong reaction to my statments again make my point. If you truly believe you did the best you could, then you wouldn't give a "FLYING FUCK" about what others think or post. Your reactions speak more strongly than your words. Because this whole situation takes me back to January and February. I had a newborn baby, my DH had major back surgery on February 1 and could not lift anything over 10 pounds for a month. THat meant he was not suppose to lift DD and I keep going back to my trips to the grocery store where I had to have both kids with me and I did the best I could, but holy crap those were a rough couple months. I've explained this over and over again in my posts, and that is why I am so emotional. Your words about screaming kids and I'm trying to explain why a parent can't always take their kids out. Why it isn't always feasible. THat is why I am emotional. Not because my kids are awful. I don't even take them out in public that often by myself and they are usually pretty good, but going back to having a newborn, an essentially disabled husband, in the middle of winter with a 3 year old whose world was just turned upside down and it was hard. It was really hard and it was survival mode and yes I cared that my kids were not behaving in public but I had nothing left. That is why I'm sitting here saying have some compassion. You don't know what someone is going through. All you are seeing is a screaming kid. That is it. And that is what I have been saying this entire time. but SOMETIMES it is just a screaming kid and a parent who doesn't give a hell because the parent tunes the kid out. sometimes, parents are just a-holes. Seriously, I deal with this all the damn time on the train in the morning. The kid (not a baby- a child) is calling to their parent a dozen times, the parent keeps flipping through their blackberry. the kid escalates to screaming and having a tantrum and the parent keeps checking their email. WTF? stop tuning them out... deal with your child. these are situations that can and should be controlled. These are completely different situations than yours.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 25, 2013 13:39:09 GMT -5
There used to be, at my church, a mothers morning out. For all of two hours. Bliss to be able to shop without a baby/toddler. Even the grocery store was an "outing." I must have been the happiest person in the store.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2013 13:39:57 GMT -5
Because this whole situation takes me back to January and February. I had a newborn baby, my DH had major back surgery on February 1 and could not lift anything over 10 pounds for a month. THat meant he was not suppose to lift DD and I keep going back to my trips to the grocery store where I had to have both kids with me and I did the best I could, but holy crap those were a rough couple months. I've explained this over and over again in my posts, and that is why I am so emotional. Your words about screaming kids and I'm trying to explain why a parent can't always take their kids out. Why it isn't always feasible. THat is why I am emotional. Not because my kids are awful. I don't even take them out in public that often by myself and they are usually pretty good, but going back to having a newborn, an essentially disabled husband, in the middle of winter with a 3 year old whose world was just turned upside down and it was hard. It was really hard and it was survival mode and yes I cared that my kids were not behaving in public but I had nothing left. That is why I'm sitting here saying have some compassion. You don't know what someone is going through. All you are seeing is a screaming kid. That is it. And that is what I have been saying this entire time. but SOMETIMES it is just a screaming kid and a parent who doesn't give a hell because the parent tunes the kid out. sometimes, parents are just a-holes. Seriously, I deal with this all the damn time on the train in the morning. The kid (not a baby- a child) is calling to their parent a dozen times, the parent keeps flipping through their blackberry. the kid escalates to screaming and having a tantrum and the parent keeps checking their email. WTF? stop tuning them out... deal with your child. these are situations that can and should be controlled. These are completely different situations than yours. Anyone who still uses a blackberry cannot be helped.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2013 13:41:01 GMT -5
I have a blackberry.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2013 13:42:50 GMT -5
I have a blackberry. Not for long.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 25, 2013 13:43:15 GMT -5
Uh, oh.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 25, 2013 13:44:28 GMT -5
<<--secretly wishes she could follow Captain to the store wtih a very irritable baby just to annoy him :-p So if someone disagrees with the Mommynazies they must be male? Good to know. BTW you also just made my point about compassion going both ways, unless you're a parent. I'm very compassionate as a parent. And tehre have been times that no matter what I did my child was screaming but I couldn't just leave. Because of my experience as a mother and having BTDT, I realize that you can't always control little ones and I don't just assume that the mother doesn't care. The fact that you continue to say that a parent wouldn't be embarrassed if they did nothing wrong proves that you dont' have a clue. I can do everything in my power, have my child continue to scream and be mortified...not because I feel that I didn't do enough but because I know damn well that some asshat out there is judging me...
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