thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,763
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 20, 2013 7:56:55 GMT -5
I live in an awesome neighborhood. We all know each other, and hang out, and I have some really close friends here. Everyone in the 'hood knows my kids - as they are part of the semi-Lord of the Flies type of kid gang that rules the neighborhood. My kids are both awesome, and people seem to like them a lot.
I have one friend here who was a college athlete, her boyfriend was a college athlete and now works for a University's athletic program, and her Dad was a professional football player for a short time. Clearly, she was raised in a way that sports are very important to her. She has all the facts and figures right on the top of her head about how athletes are better people, and anyone who can't throw a ball is a total loser, and doesn't deserve to walk on the same ground and the beautiful, wonderful athletes who rule the world.
Several times, she has given me a lot of pressure about making sure my athletic son is on the right track. She talks often about how he could go on to college and get a scholarship and we need to find the right programs, etc. I've known people on that track, and it costs them >$5k per year (usually closer to $8, or even $10) and takes up a ridiculous amount of time. At the end of all that money and work, the only scholarships offered were to no-name schools with less than impressive academic programs. The club we would have to get involved with practices 4 days a week and is ~45 minutes away (and costs a boatload.) And, I'm not sure my son is the budding superstar that my friend thinks he is. So, I would rather leave him in the local club and save the money I would spend and just pay for my son to go to the college he wants to go to. Of course, he is still going to be a loser, because he doesn't get the title "accomplished athlete" after his name.
My daughter has just started at a performing arts school, and a different neighbor of ours has a past with this school. Their daughter attended there, and went through the ballet program and is now attending the school of a major city's ballet. It seems to work that you get accepted to the school, and pay to go there and dance for a couple of years, and if you are good, you will get taken into the company and become a paid ballerina. It costs about $35k per year to have this gal at the ballet. She skipped her last year of high school to do this. I can't imagine how low paid a beginning spot in the company must be. Her daughter comes home every once in a while, and when here she takes my daughter and they dance (a "dance lesson") for a bit. She swears that my daughter is the perfect body type and has great whatever, and will be the most awesome dancer, blah, blah. Now, I'm getting constant pressure to do certain things with the ballet program at school so my daughter will excel and be "on-track." After what her daughter went through, including being pressured to put aside school work to concentrate on dance, I'm not sure I want to go out of my way to make my daughter the crown jewel of the program.
Are my friends standard? Does everyone get this crap from people around them? What have you been pressured about with your kids? Is it okay that my "goals" for my kids is to send them to college to get a YM approved major, so they can go into the work world and slave for 40 hours a week, but get paid a comfy salary? Or should I have grander, but riskier dreams for them?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 0:24:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 8:03:15 GMT -5
One of the reasons to live in an upscale neighborhood is that your kids get raised seeing successful people all around them and think it is normal to be successful. Embrace the type A Keep up with the Jones neighbors you have.
The alternative is to live in a junky filled, welfare queen neighborhood with friends that encourage you to beat the system by not marrying your baby daddies so you can get more food stamps.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 0:24:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 8:04:29 GMT -5
What you dream for your kids isn't as important as what they dream for themselves.
Does either of your kid even want to get to an "elite" level? Do they want to spend their time practicing for hours a day? If not, then you tell Athlete Mom that your kids may be talented but they do not have the drive needed to get to that level and you're not going to push them.
ETA: My Grandfather always wanted to be a professional baseball player. Dad was forced to pitch for hours after school and was drafted right out of HS (he blew his elbow out in training camp so he never played a game). It spoiled baseball for him for the rest of his life. My Mom ended up signing up my brother for little league and taking him to all of his games.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
|
Post by swamp on Aug 20, 2013 8:08:33 GMT -5
I swam in college at the division III level. Its a huge commitment and you have to do it for yourself. I want that for my kids if they want it. Not because I want it. I want them to be physically active to be fit, not to win.
And we do have hockey parents around here. Its nuts.
|
|
garion2003
Familiar Member
Joined: Feb 20, 2011 15:48:25 GMT -5
Posts: 758
|
Post by garion2003 on Aug 20, 2013 8:13:08 GMT -5
Sounds like another form of Keeping up with the Joneses. And we know how YM feels about THAT!
|
|
alabamagal
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 11:30:29 GMT -5
Posts: 8,146
|
Post by alabamagal on Aug 20, 2013 8:26:43 GMT -5
I love sports for kids, but HATE the focus on using sports to get a scholarship. My son played high school football. He was a very good player in a very small private school league. About half the parents think their kids will get scholarships. Very few do, and most are to very small colleges. Many of the opportunities are at small Div III colleges and they get an "academic" scholarship. Several kids that did this only went one year and then transferred to the college they want to go to. My son had the opportunity to do this, but I am thankful that he didn't. If he went to play football, the first thing they would do is make him work out and gain weight. He was 6'2" - 240 in high school, he is now near 6'4" and they would want him to be high 200s-300. Instead, he took an academic scholarship to state school, he is very happy, lost weight and really looks good, good grades, and has a nice girlfriend.
I just found out that friends of ours who have a son in high school football just sold their house and moved into a doulbe wide trailer ~15 miles from here so their son could go to a better athletics private high school (and worse academics). There son is a junior who plays quarterback. His chances of getting a scholarship are very slim. He is a straight A student, so he could go to any GA public university for free. OK, if he turns out to be Tom Brady, I guess I will have to eat my words.
My SIL family has kids who are really good baseball players. Two of them got scholarships for baseball. They are to two very small schools somewhere in the middle of nowhere. One of them is a very strict Christian school. The two boys are Jewish kids who grew up in S. FL. It was a pretty big culture shock. One of them is in his 3rd year and still has not got to play in a baseball game. I don't think either of them is very happy.
|
|
formerroomate99
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 12, 2011 13:33:12 GMT -5
Posts: 7,381
|
Post by formerroomate99 on Aug 20, 2013 8:37:19 GMT -5
No
My mother is the only person in my life who does this. Everyone else knows better.
Yes. A good job can ususally be done when you're middle aged. Sports and dance cannot. A good, but not all consuming, job will leave room for other things in your life, like a family and hobbies. Becoming an elite athlete or dancer doesn't leave room for much else in your life. Let your kids work on developing their minds and keeping their bodies healthy instead of beating their bodies all to hell and not developing their minds.
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Aug 20, 2013 8:45:06 GMT -5
I've never understood the math on athletic scholarships. You pay 5-10K/yr for 10 years so your kid can play with the best as a child (nevermind the HUGE sacrifice in time to your family). That's 50-100K. All that so you *might* get a scholarship? That makes zero financial sense to me. Much better to spend 1-2K/yr for 10 years (10-20K) and then use the difference to pay for tuition. I'm not saying kids shouldn't do elite sports, but to do it as a way to save money on a scholarship is asinine. When DD was getting pressured to join team in gymnastics that's all I ever heard: you'll get great scholarships. Um...yeah...she's 6 and college was 12 years away.
I agree with Beer: what do your kids think? This is their life, after all. It's great that two of your neighbors found their identities in something so early and it has worked out (though debatable on the ballet dancer IMO). But honestly, that's great for them. It doesn't mean EVERYONE should follow those paths. Just because someone is tall doesn't mean they'll want to play basketball. I have a friend who lives and breathes all sports. His son could care less...he sucked at every single sport they tried. Turns out, though, he's quite brilliant at chess. Dad grieved for a bit, but is now fully embracing his son for who he is.
As to your question, I have pretty typical expectations for my kids. I fully expect DD to graduate from college with a marketable skill, although I don't have a specific degree in mind. DS (autism) is a special case. Some days I think he'll end up getting a PhD in astrophysics, other days I think he'll live with us forever and maybe bag groceries as part of a govt program for disabled adults. I don't ever EVER put pressure on them to be more than they are. I think many parents live vicariously through their kids and push them for reasons that have nothing to do with their kids' welfare.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Aug 20, 2013 8:46:09 GMT -5
Around here there are increasingly fewer and fewer sports choices for kids who aren't looking to be Olympic athletes or seek out college scholarship. When the kids are 5-8, there are plenty of appropriate level sports teams/leagues where kids can try different things, but much past that age and the sports available are much like described in the OP - very competitive, 4-5 days a week plus weekend events and thousands of dollars a year.
Being fit and healthy is important to our family and I'm trying to keep my boys in activities that not just do that now, but give them good habits for a lifetime. Neither of them is ever going to be a collegiate athlete or Olympian and it would be fantastic to have some good sport club options where they play or practice 3 times a week and it's as much an enjoyment and social thing as hard core drills.
Good example is swimming. My son who just turned 9 has always loved being on the swim team. Ages 5-8 have great programs where they swim the entire hour and it's broken into some laps, drills and games. So the kids learn the strokes and their cardiovascular endurance is amazing, but it's not hard core and there are only fun meets (optional) every other month or so. It's been fantastic, he's become a great swimmer and just loves it... has zero interest in ever competing, though. For example, he came home a few months ago and explained that there was a new boy in swimming that was sad that he was the slowest, so my son had been swimming much slower to allow the new boy to have company and not feel behind. Unfortunately, now that DS turned 9, the only swim teams available are very competitive. His skill level is acceptable and he qualifies, but he isn't interested in swimming 4 days a week and only doing drills and laps and having meets every weekend. Not sure what we're going to do.
With all the issues this country is having with obesity, surely there's a market for social sports for kids to teach them fitness is fun and also something they can do all their life, even if they're not going to the Olympics.
Sorry to hijack, but this is a pet peeve of mine.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,763
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 20, 2013 8:46:46 GMT -5
What you dream for your kids isn't as important as what they dream for themselves. Does either of your kid even want to get to an "elite" level? Do they want to spend their time practicing for hours a day? If not, then you tell Athlete Mom that your kids may be talented but they do not have the drive needed to get to that level and you're not going to push them. ETA: My Grandfather always wanted to be a professional baseball player. Dad was forced to pitch for hours after school and was drafted right out of HS (he blew his elbow out in training camp so he never played a game). It spoiled baseball for him for the rest of his life. My Mom ended up signing up my brother for little league and taking him to all of his games. My son is 9, so of course his goal is to be a astronaut/professional soccer player/fireman. No 9 year old will ever say "I want to be Director of Procurement for a manufacturing company." As far as the work ethic, I have pointed out to my neighbor multiple times that he doesn't work self motivated, etc. She insists that neither was she. She liked going to practices and playing with the team, but any work outside of that was either non-existent or forced, and that is why you need to get into the elite clubs that have frequent practices. I understand that he would have to come about this on his own, but her stance is that we have to set him up for success before we see what he really wants to do. She says he can quit later, but you can't get back precious training / learning years. For my daughter - her work ethic is strong. She is always stretching and leaping around. She is super-tough and could really excel at anything she put her mind to, I think.
|
|
jeffreymo
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 21, 2011 12:32:17 GMT -5
Posts: 969
|
Post by jeffreymo on Aug 20, 2013 8:47:40 GMT -5
Our son made the cutoff by 2 days for fall tee ball. Most of the family had assumed that we would sign him up for it, but we decided that he's not quite mature enough yet.
My sil has her kids signed up for a billion sports/activities and since she only works part time, she fills the rest of her day driving her kids around. I will admit that one of their kids is very talented at pretty much whatever he tries, so I suppose it might pay off in the end. The genes that our kids have received aren't the same and I'm afraid that my in-laws will be let down that they don't have a couple of activities every week to go to. For one, our work schedule won't allow us to do it, and two, I don't think it's the best thing for a kid to be engaged 52 weeks a year.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Aug 20, 2013 8:50:23 GMT -5
A good job can ususally be done when you're middle aged. Sports and dance cannot. But yes, sports and dance can be done in middle age and that's why we need to make those activities available to a broad range of kids, not just the ones who want to play them on an elite level. Getting kids into physical activities that they enjoy and can do for the rest of their lives is, IMHO, one of the best things a parent can do for their kids' long term health.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 0:24:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 8:51:28 GMT -5
Around here there are increasingly fewer and fewer sports choices for kids who aren't looking to be Olympic athletes or seek out college scholarship. When the kids are 5-8, there are plenty of appropriate level sports teams/leagues where kids can try different things, but much past that age and the sports available are much like described in the OP - very competitive, 4-5 days a week plus weekend events and thousands of dollars a year.
Being fit and healthy is important to our family and I'm trying to keep my boys in activities that not just do that now, but give them good habits for a lifetime. Neither of them is ever going to be a collegiate athlete or Olympian and it would be fantastic to have some good sport club options where they play or practice 3 times a week and it's as much an enjoyment and social thing as hard core drills.
Good example is swimming. My son who just turned 9 has always loved being on the swim team. Ages 5-8 have great programs where they swim the entire hour and it's broken into some laps, drills and games. So the kids learn the strokes and their cardiovascular endurance is amazing, but it's not hard core and there are only fun meets (optional) every other month or so. It's been fantastic, he's become a great swimmer and just loves it... has zero interest in ever competing, though. For example, he came home a few months ago and explained that there was a new boy in swimming that was sad that he was the slowest, so my son had been swimming much slower to allow the new boy to have company and not feel behind. Unfortunately, now that DS turned 9, the only swim teams available are very competitive. His skill level is acceptable and he qualifies, but he isn't interested in swimming 4 days a week and only doing drills and laps and having meets every weekend. Not sure what we're going to do.
With all the issues this country is having with obesity, surely there's a market for social sports for kids to teach them fitness is fun and also something they can do all their life, even if they're not going to the Olympics.
Sorry to hijack, but this is a pet peeve of mine. on that note, IMO there should be more opportunities for ADULTS to play rec sports too. Near me there are a lot of volleyball leagues and maybe soccer, but not much more in the way of team sports. To play field hockey I'd have to travel 1.5-2 hrs to join one of the north/south Jersey teams, and that's just not feasible. I don't do tedious treadmill running. Working out needs to be fun and enjoyable for me, not a chore.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Aug 20, 2013 8:53:35 GMT -5
One of my DD's friends has a father who was MR ATHLETE in HS and college. He played for the minor leagues and was always convinced he would be scouted some day. His "job" now is to provide private coaching lessions to kids that want to make it into the club league ( ). His wife is at the end of her rope and is tired of supporting him (he isn't even a full time caregiver, she has to pay daycare or have grandma watch the kids) while he persues his dream. Everytime we get together with them it's all about his next big plan to parlay off his glory years. I really feel sorry for the wife. My niece was a very talented volleyball player and did the club thing for awhile. It was expensive, grueling, time consuming, and she didn't have much of a life/summers off during Jr High and High School. She finally told her mom at the start of her Jr year in HS she'd had it since she knew there was no way she'd qualify for any scholarships with the level of competition out there. In addition the scholarships are puny at best. Athletics are important, but in my limited world I've seen far too much emphasis put on the competition and money aspect and everyone seems to have forgotten about the fun and fitness part.
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Aug 20, 2013 8:53:35 GMT -5
Around here there are increasingly fewer and fewer sports choices for kids who aren't looking to be Olympic athletes or seek out college scholarship. When the kids are 5-8, there are plenty of appropriate level sports teams/leagues where kids can try different things, but much past that age and the sports available are much like described in the OP - very competitive, 4-5 days a week plus weekend events and thousands of dollars a year.
Being fit and healthy is important to our family and I'm trying to keep my boys in activities that not just do that now, but give them good habits for a lifetime. Neither of them is ever going to be a collegiate athlete or Olympian and it would be fantastic to have some good sport club options where they play or practice 3 times a week and it's as much an enjoyment and social thing as hard core drills.
Good example is swimming. My son who just turned 9 has always loved being on the swim team. Ages 5-8 have great programs where they swim the entire hour and it's broken into some laps, drills and games. So the kids learn the strokes and their cardiovascular endurance is amazing, but it's not hard core and there are only fun meets (optional) every other month or so. It's been fantastic, he's become a great swimmer and just loves it... has zero interest in ever competing, though. For example, he came home a few months ago and explained that there was a new boy in swimming that was sad that he was the slowest, so my son had been swimming much slower to allow the new boy to have company and not feel behind. Unfortunately, now that DS turned 9, the only swim teams available are very competitive. His skill level is acceptable and he qualifies, but he isn't interested in swimming 4 days a week and only doing drills and laps and having meets every weekend. Not sure what we're going to do.
With all the issues this country is having with obesity, surely there's a market for social sports for kids to teach them fitness is fun and also something they can do all their life, even if they're not going to the Olympics.
Sorry to hijack, but this is a pet peeve of mine. We have the same problems in our area. This is especially frustrating for me re my autistic son. He is extremely weak and uncoordinated and I'd love to have him do a sport to help him get stronger, but there just isn't anything that would take him without the other kids getting pissed "he made them lose."
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 0:24:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 8:57:09 GMT -5
Most kids will not push themselves to be great. You need to push them. When they grow up they will either love you or hate you for pushing them so hard.
If you don't push them and let them figure it out on their own they they will most likely not be great when they grow. They will either love you are hate you for not pushing them harder when they were younger.
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Aug 20, 2013 8:59:17 GMT -5
Around here there are increasingly fewer and fewer sports choices for kids who aren't looking to be Olympic athletes or seek out college scholarship. When the kids are 5-8, there are plenty of appropriate level sports teams/leagues where kids can try different things, but much past that age and the sports available are much like described in the OP - very competitive, 4-5 days a week plus weekend events and thousands of dollars a year.
Being fit and healthy is important to our family and I'm trying to keep my boys in activities that not just do that now, but give them good habits for a lifetime. Neither of them is ever going to be a collegiate athlete or Olympian and it would be fantastic to have some good sport club options where they play or practice 3 times a week and it's as much an enjoyment and social thing as hard core drills.
Good example is swimming. My son who just turned 9 has always loved being on the swim team. Ages 5-8 have great programs where they swim the entire hour and it's broken into some laps, drills and games. So the kids learn the strokes and their cardiovascular endurance is amazing, but it's not hard core and there are only fun meets (optional) every other month or so. It's been fantastic, he's become a great swimmer and just loves it... has zero interest in ever competing, though. For example, he came home a few months ago and explained that there was a new boy in swimming that was sad that he was the slowest, so my son had been swimming much slower to allow the new boy to have company and not feel behind. Unfortunately, now that DS turned 9, the only swim teams available are very competitive. His skill level is acceptable and he qualifies, but he isn't interested in swimming 4 days a week and only doing drills and laps and having meets every weekend. Not sure what we're going to do.
With all the issues this country is having with obesity, surely there's a market for social sports for kids to teach them fitness is fun and also something they can do all their life, even if they're not going to the Olympics.
Sorry to hijack, but this is a pet peeve of mine. on that note, IMO there should be more opportunities for ADULTS to play rec sports too. Near me there are a lot of volleyball leagues and maybe soccer, but not much more in the way of team sports. To play field hockey I'd have to travel 1.5-2 hrs to join one of the north/south Jersey teams, and that's just not feasible. I don't do tedious treadmill running. Working out needs to be fun and enjoyable for me, not a chore. OK...embarrassing thing to confess to: I never really learned how to throw a ball. I wasn't athletic as a kid. Anyway, last weekend DH and the kids and I were playing softball where he was pitcher, I was catcher, and the kids took turns either at bat or as outfielder. It was super fun, and DH gave me some pointers on how to release the ball and I was actually doing it (although my range SUCKED). But the point is it was fun and the idea crossed my mind that it would be cool to join an adult league and play. But let's be real: I probably couldn't throw a ball from one base to another, let alone do outfield. And my batting is not very good. Who'd want me on their team?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 0:24:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 8:59:43 GMT -5
Well, since it's going to be your fault either way thyme4change, then I guess you make the decision based on your desire to run them around all over town in pursuit of "the dream".
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Aug 20, 2013 9:01:31 GMT -5
Most kids will not push themselves to be great. You need to push them. When they grow up they will either love you or hate you for pushing them so hard. If you don't push them and let them figure it out on their own they they will most likely not be great when they grow. They will either love you are hate you for not pushing them harder when they were younger. Part of the problem with deciding whether or not to push your kids, however, is that it needs to be based on a reasonable assessment of their potential. Pushing a kid that has potential is possibly more excusable than pushing a kid that doesn't - for obvious reasons. Pushing can create huge issues in the parent/child relationship, the work involved is a big sacrifice and pushing can backfire for kids who spend all their life striving for something they cannot realistically achieve. But the crux of the issue is that many parents are not objective enough to be good judges of whether or not their kid truly has potential, so aren't making the decision to push based on anything realistic.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 0:24:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 9:02:19 GMT -5
on that note, IMO there should be more opportunities for ADULTS to play rec sports too. Near me there are a lot of volleyball leagues and maybe soccer, but not much more in the way of team sports. To play field hockey I'd have to travel 1.5-2 hrs to join one of the north/south Jersey teams, and that's just not feasible. I don't do tedious treadmill running. Working out needs to be fun and enjoyable for me, not a chore. OK...embarrassing thing to confess to: I never really learned how to throw a ball. I wasn't athletic as a kid. Anyway, last weekend DH and the kids and I were playing softball where he was pitcher, I was catcher, and the kids took turns either at bat or as outfielder. It was super fun, and DH gave me some pointers on how to release the ball and I was actually doing it (although my range SUCKED). But the point is it was fun and the idea crossed my mind that it would be cool to join an adult league and play. But let's be real: I probably couldn't throw a ball from one base to another, let alone do outfield. And my batting is not very good. Who'd want me on their team? We would have taken you!!!! My softball team was the bestest group of gals there ever was because we would take anyone who wanted to play! Mom saying she had no social life? Join the team! Friend who wanted to try playing? We'll teach you! And the year we won it all was the sweetest victory I have even had.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,763
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 20, 2013 9:05:39 GMT -5
I swam in college at the division III level. Its a huge commitment and you have to do it for yourself. Years ago I met someone who had an athletic scholarship. After his first year, he calculated the value of the scholarship vs. the number of hours he was required to train and compete. It ended up being about 60 cents per hour. He decided to quit and get a minimum wage job, pay taxes and still came out ahead. Granted this was back in the early 90's when tuition payments were less than what it costs to buy a car, instead of more than what it costs to buy a house.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,763
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 20, 2013 9:10:59 GMT -5
Most kids will not push themselves to be great. You need to push them. When they grow up they will either love you or hate you for pushing them so hard. If you don't push them and let them figure it out on their own they they will most likely not be great when they grow. They will either love you are hate you for not pushing them harder when they were younger. Can't I just push them in a less than elite club? That way he will still learn the value of hard work, the joy of winning, the confidence of being one of the best (at his level) and will still be fit, but won't have the resume or contacts to move onto the next level? I guess we are back to the sub-par college question. Is it better to be the best player at Western Iowa Tech or the worst player at University of Wisconsin? Also - I won't push my kids at anything but school. I will support whatever dream they have. I will pay the fees, I will drive them, I will encourage them, I will go to the events, I will ask them questions, I will watch the TV shows that relate, I will google the rules and understand the process. I won't let them skip practice and I won't let them quit without a lot of thought. But I won't force them to do something they don't want to do. And I won't tell them daily that this is their future.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 0:24:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 9:14:33 GMT -5
OK...embarrassing thing to confess to: I never really learned how to throw a ball. I wasn't athletic as a kid. Anyway, last weekend DH and the kids and I were playing softball where he was pitcher, I was catcher, and the kids took turns either at bat or as outfielder. It was super fun, and DH gave me some pointers on how to release the ball and I was actually doing it (although my range SUCKED). But the point is it was fun and the idea crossed my mind that it would be cool to join an adult league and play. But let's be real: I probably couldn't throw a ball from one base to another, let alone do outfield. And my batting is not very good. Who'd want me on their team? We would have taken you!!!! My softball team was the bestest group of gals there ever was because we would take anyone who wanted to play! Mom saying she had no social life? Join the team! Friend who wanted to try playing? We'll teach you! And the year we won it all was the sweetest victory I have even had. damn, that sounds fun! I don't even know if they have an adult women's softball league around here.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 0:24:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 9:15:58 GMT -5
Ours was through the Town Recreation Department. My volleyball league was through the Town as well.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,763
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 20, 2013 9:21:11 GMT -5
I played on a volleyball team. Our team name was "Oops, sorry." We came in last every year. But we sure had a good time. And the cutest T-shirts.
|
|
Bob Ross
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:48:03 GMT -5
Posts: 5,883
|
Post by Bob Ross on Aug 20, 2013 9:25:30 GMT -5
One thing I like to do around my neighborhood is tell my neighbors to shut the f*ck up (or more often, ignore them), unless they're cool, so you might wanna take a little tip from the Bobster. As far as your budding ballerina goes, know that every...single...little girl in America at some point wants to be a ballerina, but only one in infinity ever gets to do it professionally, and that comes at a high cost from a health and physical standpoint. But don't worry, there's a backup option. I'm sure Blue can tell you more about that.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,763
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 20, 2013 9:28:06 GMT -5
And that is the problem. Usually these people are all cool. It has just been lately with the opinions on my kids.
I could say the exact same about every little boy and wanting to be a professional athlete. That is why I don't want to delude my children into thinking that either of these are viable career paths.
|
|
steph08
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 13:06:01 GMT -5
Posts: 5,504
|
Post by steph08 on Aug 20, 2013 9:37:32 GMT -5
DH and I were discussing this last year. We decided that if we ever had a kid, if it got my build but DH's muscle tone, he/she would be a great athlete. I said a boy is not allowed to play football; DH said he could play football but football couldn't be his life. I agreed with that. I was running with the local running club last night and we were discussing what sports we did in high school. The best runner, who wins all the local races and runs 2:30 marathons, didn't run in high school and instead played football. A local school's cross country coach, he played football as well and didn't do track. I did a single year of track and played volleyball in junior high. What you like as a kid/teenager doesn't necessarily translate to what you like and what you will do well as an adult. My parents never pressured my brother and I. We did well in school because we pressured ourselves, but they would have pressured us to do well if we started to slide, but they didn't force us into anything. We did the other activities that appealed to us: art, chorus, band, drama, science club, etc. When I wanted to do better in band, they did pay for private lessons but it was our decision.
|
|
geenamercile
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,535
|
Post by geenamercile on Aug 20, 2013 9:38:03 GMT -5
I push my kids as far as they are having fun. ODD does riding. When I first asked her is she wanted to continue in the summer after spring lessons she said no. When I asked if she enjoyed it she said yes, when I asked so why don't you want to do it, the reasons were she didn't want to get up early and she wanted plenty of time to play with her friends. Same reasons she didn't want to do a 1/2 a day art camp for a week this summer. I over ruled her objections and signed her up for both. Why because the girl can't sleep past 8:00, and after 3 days of summer break she was bored.... It her answered to either had been I don't like riding or art, it isn't fun I wouldn't have.
I also picked the stable we go to because it is low key and no pressure. Some of the stables around here are crazy with the showing. If she ever does decided she wants to show we will need to look into another stable, and those cost are just crazy too, no way we would able to recoup that with a scholarship.
|
|
geenamercile
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,535
|
Post by geenamercile on Aug 20, 2013 9:39:56 GMT -5
|
|