What are your absolute deal breakers? Think outside the box.

[Deleted]

A woman with kids.

[sarcasticgirl]

Jul 26, 2013 12:48:22 GMT -5 @mmc said:

A woman with kids.

a man with kids. 

edit: adult children would be acceptable later in life. 

[Malarky]

Jul 26, 2013 11:53:04 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

Jul 26, 2013 11:49:50 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

HOW CAN YOU DIE OF BOREDOM WHEN THIS HOTNESS IS ON THE SCREEN  PLEASE TO EXPLAIN!

I find absolutely nothing hot about that.....

Can we please keep quoting this so I can keep scrolling over his deliciousness? Please and thank you.

[Deleted]

Jul 26, 2013 12:51:17 GMT -5 sarcasticgirl said:

Jul 26, 2013 12:48:22 GMT -5 @mmc said:

A woman with kids.

a man with kids. 

edit: adult children would be acceptable later in life. 

Adult kids are fine as long as they are out and self sufficient.

[shanendoah]

Jul 26, 2013 11:54:45 GMT -5 sarcasticgirl said:

Movies and books are seriously deal breakers for you guys 

DH and I have wildly different tastes in tv, movies and music, but we still have a common ground (of things we love AND hate) and it really has little impact on our relationship. 

Yes and no, and I say this being the person who I think first brought up TV and movies (and not reading I book I recommended). 

Part of it is cultural touchstones. Would I have dated C if he'd never seen the Usual Suspects? Yes. But we almost certainly would have watched it together when I found that out.
I'd say not being willing to watch MythBusters with me would be a deal breaker, but given the way my geeky tendencies go, I can't imagine even getting past a couple of conversations with someone who wouldn't at least be interested in MythBusters, let alone consider going on a date with them. But it's not the show, it's what the show represents- curiosity, the scientific method, wanting to figure things out, etc. The idea that failure is always an option and that we learn as much from those failures as we do our successes. Someone who is not interested in those things isn't someone I'm interested in. (And I feel I should note, MythBusters wasn't even on the air until about the same time C and I got married.)

In a sense, you could say my geekiness is like a religion. There are many people who would never consider dating outside their religion, or even outside their church, and no one would find that strange. But religion represents a shared set of cultural values and beliefs. It's possible to find someone with those same cultural values and beliefs outside your church/religion, but it's much harder. The same could be said for my geekiness. Much of what I would call actual deal breakers are along the lines of values and beliefs. The symbols of these come in the form of movies and books (and the Bible is a book, too, and probably no one would blink an eye if someone said they wouldn't date a person who hadn't read the bible). It is the easy touchstone. I could probably find someone who shared my beliefs and values without sharing my love of these geeky symbols, but it would be much harder.

And yes, C and I also have some wildly different tastes in TV and movies. If he's not home, I will totally watch a "say yes to the dress" marathon, but if he's in the house, that show is not on the TV. And there are shows he watched only when I'm out of the house (Weeds was the big one.) There are books I read that he will never enjoy, and books he reads I have no interest in. But if I recommend a book, movie, or TV show to him, I do expect him to read/watch it - not because he must share all my tastes in these things, but because he trusts that I wouldn't recommend something I didn't think he would enjoy. And that's goes both ways. If he recommends something, I'll try it, because I trust that he wouldn't recommend something he didn't think I'd like.

But I also accept that my "deal breakers" are, for the most part, really just symbols for other things. I used to think I would only marry a man who had at least as much education as me, preferably more.  (C still doesn't have a Bachelors, and I have an MBA.) That was the easy touchstone for what I really wanted- someone who was smart, intellectually curious, and able to have intelligent conversations on a variety of subjects. 
I wanted a guy who was over 6' because I'm tall myself, over 5'9". (C is barely 6'.) But it really had nothing to do with height- I wanted someone who could make me feel safe when I needed that from someone, and all the men in my family were 6'1" or taller, so I associated height with that feeling.

We all use touchstones as symbols of what we really want because it's a nice easy shortcut and other people can understand it. But that doesn't actually mean those things are actually set in stone. The "right" person can always make you rethink. And for the most part, any single deal breaker can be overlooked if the rest of the package is there.

If you want serious, inside or outside the box, deal breakers for me, in truth, there are only two (three now) that by themselves, not considering any other factors, would be deal breakers.

1) someone who tries to force their values and beliefs on others
2) doesn't want pets
3) doesn't want kids (and this wouldn't have been a deal breaker up until DD entered my life)

Another way to look at it, is that there is only one deal breaker, but it's a big one - Is not C

[goldensam]

Jul 25, 2013 20:37:15 GMT -5 movingforward said:

This thread reminds me of something a local radio station does called a "second date update."  They talk to people who went on a 1st date with someone and thought it went really well, and can't understand why the other person is ignoring their calls and/or has no interest in a 2nd date.  So you get to hear the person describe the date and how smashing it all went.  Then the radio station gets the other person on the phone and you hear why they have no interest in a 2nd date with this person.  One lady didn't want to go out again because the guy showed up in those toe shoes you run in.  The guy was really shocked and asked her if it was a deal breaker and she said yes. 

It was really interesting a couple of weeks ago because one lady went on and on about how great this date went and how baffled she was that he hadn't called her.  They got the guy on the phone he said he absolutely had no desire to go out with her again because she made racist comments all through dinner.  She didn't say a single word or even try to defend herself.  She just hung up which indicates to me that she is a racist and knows it.  If the things he was saying about her are true I am surprised he even made it through dinner.  I probably would have gotten up and left immediately. 

Anyway, it is just interesting to listen to these stories and hear how two individuals had such a different experience on the same date. 

We are in the Houston area and have that same segment.  I (literally ) died listening to it a few weeks ago because they talked to the guy first and he went on and on about how great the date was and couldn't fathom why she wouldn't return his calls.  When they got her on the phone, she said after dinner he walked her to the passenger side of the car and on the way back to the driver side, he stopped behind the car to relieve himself.  Then he got in the car and wanted to touch her and be affectionate with his pee hands. 

He couldn't understand why everyone on the phone and on the show thought he was completely out of line!

[sheilaincali]

Much like Shanen.  I am a Geek, my husband is a Geek and we are raising our son to be a Geek.  I'm relatively new to the movement.  The Geekier DH and DS become the Geekier I become by extension. 

I heard one of those radio things the other day and the guy thought the date went amazing but the girl never returned his calls or text messages after that.  Her big turn off with him was when they went back to his apartment.  He has a smallish dog and started baby talking with the dog and exchanging kisses with the dog (like licking the dog back after the dog licked him).  Yeah- I like pets and all but there is a line and that guy definitely crossed it.  Gross

[Deleted]

Jul 26, 2013 12:57:29 GMT -5 Malarky said:

Jul 26, 2013 11:53:04 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

I find absolutely nothing hot about that.....

Can we please keep quoting this so I can keep scrolling over his deliciousness? Please and thank you.

I seemed to have lost my panties...

[shanendoah]

Please know that I love me some Viggo, but as I said, Sean Bean is at the top of my list





and for those of you that prefer the clean cut look



or like a man in uniform



and for the record, if you are Sean Bean, then that "not C" deal breaker goes right out the window 

[Deleted]

We drove 6 hr round trip to see the Zelda symphony last night. Lots of geeks out there hooking up with geeks, and raising geeks

[Chocolate Lover]

Even some of less geeky are raising geeks, I'm sure oldest DS would have LOVED to gone with you to that.

[Cookies Galore]

Jul 26, 2013 9:44:43 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Unless he's the bass player. 

But definitely the drummer! :-) I had one of those in a former life.

[Cookies Galore]

I dumped a guy after he said the song "Yellow" by Coldplay made him cry. I can't do someone who likes Coldplay!

[justme]

Jul 26, 2013 11:53:30 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

I agree HoneyBBQ! I also liked this eye candy:

I fell in love when I first saw him, despite the hair! Then found out he has better hair IRL and the accent? *swoon* Even through some of the slower parts I snapped right to attention when he came on the screen.

[Deleted]

I'd rather have a mediocre looking woman who ages well over a great looking woman who ages poorly.

[Malarky]

Jul 26, 2013 15:27:22 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Please know that I love me some Viggo, but as I said, Sean Bean is at the top of my list





and for those of you that prefer the clean cut look



or like a man in uniform



and for the record, if you are Sean Bean, then that "not C" deal breaker goes right out the window 

I have no objection to the repeated quoting of these images either.

[Apple]

He looks great in all but the last pic--looks too young and blonde, lol.

Which brings me to another deal breaker... blondes.  I'm a blonde, and that's fine, but when a guy is blonde it just makes me think he's feminine.  For the right guy, I'm sure I could get over it.

[swamp]

Velcro sneakers. 

[Cookies Galore]

Jul 26, 2013 17:20:31 GMT -5 Apple said:

He looks great in all but the last pic--looks too young and blonde, lol.

Which brings me to another deal breaker... blondes.  I'm a blonde, and that's fine, but when a guy is blonde it just makes me think he's feminine.  For the right guy, I'm sure I could get over it.

Lol, I have reddish hair, but redheaded dudes freak me out!

[Deleted]

Stupid last names - example: Weiner

[shanendoah]

Apple - he looks young in the last picture because he was young. It's from one of the earlier Sharpe's movies (made for BBC), which means it circa 1993.
Though I have to say, he's aged these 20 years pretty darn nicely.

[Apple]

Lol, yeah, I figured, but I like my guys older

[Deleted]

Jul 26, 2013 17:21:24 GMT -5 swamp said:

Velcro sneakers. 

Poor Macklemore....