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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 23:26:52 GMT -5
Wow, milee has some serious hate for cheerleaders I coached in a Jr Cheer League. It was a work out - very aerobic. It was not about individual looks at all, more about conformity. Each gal had to wear the same exact outfit, so if it was a warmer day every then everyone had to shed the shirt worn under the jumper, no exceptions. Everyone had to jump the same height, kick the same way, move in unison with each other. Everyone had to do the same warm ups, or they were benched - no excuses. We were not a competitive or tryout based organization and didn't seem to have any kid b*tches. We had girls of all sizes and it really didn't matter. They all got to participate and be part of a TEAM. Learning to be part of a team is a good skill for girls to gain, no matter what sport or activity they participate in.
That said, for Swamps DD, I'd just teach her a positive affirmation to use like "I'm beautiful on the inside AND outside". Not sure how much of a dig you need for a 5 year old (sort of hard to imagine a 5 year old being catty) but I suppose there are those Tiara Tot types. Maybe just a comeback that she is sad their insides are so ugly.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 17, 2013 23:35:19 GMT -5
1." I've lost 25 lb since February" Nice, oped! 2. Thyme, I'm not sure i stop in mid sentence, so you're "better" than I. 3. Back to the original question, while my initial response would be similar to thyme's, I would then switch to something like. "I don't like the way you're speaking to to me, please leave me alone. " swamp, I'm also curious as to how your daughter felt about the girl's comment.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Jul 18, 2013 6:51:58 GMT -5
I guess I would have said in passing 'so do you think you're fat'? Saying it as I was folding clothes or sweeping the kitchen floor. If she said 'no', say 'alright then, don't worry about it'.
And let it go.
However, if it was said again, I would have asked that my DD be put in a different lineup and away from the girl. I know the class was only for 1 week but if your DD takes another class that the girl is in, I would request that they not be on the same team or in the same group.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 18, 2013 6:58:56 GMT -5
DD was at cheering camp today and another little girl walked up to her and told her she's fat. DD is 5. I told her next time it happens to tell the girl that she was mean and hurt her feelings and then tell the adult in charge. I wanted to tell her to say "i can lose weight, but you'll always be ugly and stupid" or to just hit her What would you do? I know I'm late to the party, and I have no advice, but I will share a story. My son had a favorite t-shirt. He wore it the day after I did laundry - every time. It had Mickey Mouse on it. One day, he stopped wearing it. After a little poking around he admitted that some kid told him it was a baby shirt and he didn't want to wear it anymore. I caught my self mid-sentence as I was saying "Tell that kid to f....pound sand." Later, I heard my son tell my husband the same story and I heard my husband say "That guy can just f....mind his own business." So - I'm no help. Our advice wasn't appropriate. We'll have to agree to disagree, I think what you DH said (well, may be minus the F word) is COMPLETELY right. Good for him!!!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 7:31:03 GMT -5
For her enjoying food just direct her towards healthy, non fattening choices. Don't make it about weight, make it about health. I love food as well. Not quantity, quality. It is one of life's great pleasures. There are so many fruits and veggies and well prepared lean meats that are just wonderful.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 7:38:19 GMT -5
As low woman on the totem pole, I did get stuck with JV cheerleader my first full year of teaching. I also got the debate team and sex Ed I admit the girls were chosen for looks AND athletic ability. When I cheered it was one or the other. Rare person THEN who had both. Fortunately, my experiences when I cheered and when I coached them were all positive. But things have changed now. They start as babies practically and some of the stuff they do is darned unsafe at their age. JMO.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 7:41:52 GMT -5
I am sorry about your DD swamp. Let's all try to remember that the poor dear is only FIVE, not 15! If the other girl is only 5 or 6 today is a new day and they could end up being BFF's for the day....kids are weird like that. Besides, camp is over tomorrow. Why make a mountain out of a molehill?
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jul 18, 2013 7:52:27 GMT -5
She cried and didn't want to go to cheering today.
I told her there are no quitters in our house and she has to go.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 7:59:38 GMT -5
Awww.... Here's hoping I am right. << fingers crossed >>
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 18, 2013 8:06:26 GMT -5
She cried and didn't want to go to cheering today. I told her there are no quitters in our house and she has to go. That just breaks my heart. But I am going to get on my soap box again - isn't this even more reason to teach our kids that they shouldn't worry/pay attention to stupid things people say ?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 8:07:40 GMT -5
Here, here!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jul 18, 2013 8:11:49 GMT -5
She cried and didn't want to go to cheering today. I told her there are no quitters in our house and she has to go. Aww. Then, it did hurt her feelings. I'm so sorry. Being 5 years old isn't easy, darn it! That said, I would have done the same. Kids need to learn early not to let another's words take the fun out of their lives. This is, while difficult, a good opportunity for your little one to start with that lesson, and begin to learn how to handle future nastiness from those who would try to hurt her. It's also a chance for her to take her first steps toward being and becoming exactly what she wants to be and the devil take those who would find fault. If she learns to be happy with herself, and to make the changes she feels she needs to make to be happy with herself, she'll grow into a confident and capable woman.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jul 18, 2013 8:15:56 GMT -5
We're quitter's in this house. If we are treated bad or are unhappy, we say eff that and find something better to do. its 1 kid out of 75. I'm not going to let that little twit control my kids life.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 18, 2013 8:17:37 GMT -5
We're quitter's in this house. If we are treated bad or are unhappy, we say eff that and find something better to do. I've let my kid (almost 5) "quit" bc he didn't like an activity. I don't think I would be OK with him quitting bc some moron said something to him.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 8:21:15 GMT -5
Well, I wouldn't let them run scared of something. The last year son went to camp, there weren't many older boys left, older being maybe 9 or 10?, and the second day one of the kids with his own aid called him names. We talked about it, we talked about giving other people's opinions power, we talked about how the other boy had probably been teased a lot... He didnt want to go back, but I have him some strategies if it happened again, im not sure if i said sonething to staff?.., he went back, it didnt happen, he said it wasn't that bad, but still wasnt something he was having fun or interested in. He didnt go back. But, I didn't want him ending on that note. It's ok to walk away from something in my book, but you shouldn't be running, if that makes sense..
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 18, 2013 8:36:58 GMT -5
I am sorry about your DD swamp. Let's all try to remember that the poor dear is only FIVE, not 15! If the other girl is only 5 or 6 today is a new day and they could end up being BFF's for the day....kids are weird like that. Besides, camp is over tomorrow. Why make a mountain out of a molehill? I probably would tell my kids to say something nasty back if the kid was older but if it is a 5 year old I wouldn't. I have a hard time believing that sentiment came from the mind of a 5 year old. My first thou.ght is she was repeating what an adult said. I would say something to the coach when I dropped her off. They probably know which girls are in need of coaching on how to play well with others. Maybe the coaches can help. My DD has always been a little heavy. She also is the kid who LOVED going to restaurants and trying new foods. The strangest part to me is that although she is 20 lbs overweight, she is also skinier than most of the other girls at her school. It gave her a skewed view of what weight she should be. She is now trying to get her weight where it should be and it is much harder. My son on the other hand would skip eating for days if he wasn't reminded to eat. And by remind I mean stand over him and keep telling him to "finish your lunch" about a hundred times three times a day. It makes for an odd dynamic to have to push one kid to get as many calories as possible while limiting the others without actually saying anything about weight. I know what people will say, but I don't say ANYTHING about DD's weight. Nothing I say will do anything but piss her off for the rest of her life and be gauranteed to make her do the opposite. there is no upside. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Good luck.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 18, 2013 8:54:25 GMT -5
That just breaks my heart. But I am going to get on my soap box again - isn't this even more reason to teach our kids that they shouldn't worry/pay attention to stupid things people say ? That's easy to say that if you don't have extremely sensitive kids. My DS is a rule follower and extremely sensitive. He's 9 and it makes him cry (at home ) when the kids jaw on the playground. He won't stand up for himself (even though we've told him to) because he's doesn't think it's appropriate to hurt the other kids' feelings. He knows it's wrong and simply won't do it. He tries to talk to his teachers, but they don't want to hear it at his age. So, this fall, I have to get on with the school guidance counselor-so we know how to work with our son so that he can deal with the kids ripping on each other during recess and what not. As a parent, I'm out of all the typical "advice" things that I can give my kid. I can't change his personality, either. So, I'm hoping that someone better trained in this sort of thing can help.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jul 18, 2013 9:11:19 GMT -5
I'd figure out who the mean girl's mom is and say something to her along the lines of "you need to have a conversation with your daughter about bullying other children" I have found that some parents are relatively clueless when it comes to how their kids are behaving when they aren't around them. I wouldn't be surprised if the mean girl had an older sister that was bullying her. Trickle down effect.
They cut cheerleading in our school district. It isn't a sport anymore here. I asked around and the overall opinion was that no one really missed it. I feel bad for those girls that enjoyed it and don't have that activity anymore.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 9:45:12 GMT -5
Don't kids learn stuff like "I'm rubber, and you're glue" these days? That retort (along with "Sticks and stones") were passed down for just this reason.
We know words can hurt us worse than sticks and stones, but it helped many a five-year-old survive the playground meanies.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 18, 2013 9:57:03 GMT -5
I second the opinion that your daughter should learn some snappy, but not cruel comebacks. This little mean girl needs to be put in her place, but no good can come from your daughter getting involved in trading insults, learning how hurt people.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 18, 2013 9:58:51 GMT -5
Don't kids learn stuff like "I'm rubber, and you're glue" these days? That retort (along with "Sticks and stones") were passed down for just this reason.
We know words can hurt us worse than sticks and stones, but it helped many a five-year-old survive the playground meanies. Yeah, I tired the sticks and stones comment on bullies. They took it as an invitation to hit.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 10:02:36 GMT -5
Don't kids learn stuff like "I'm rubber, and you're glue" these days? That retort (along with "Sticks and stones") were passed down for just this reason.
We know words can hurt us worse than sticks and stones, but it helped many a five-year-old survive the playground meanies. Yeah, I tired the sticks and stones comment on bullies. They took it as an invitation to hit. I personally liked the rubber/glue one better for the same reason.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2013 10:03:02 GMT -5
I got teased a lot for being fat when I was little. I'm trying to remember what I did.... I think I just sat there and got laughed at. But I did have plenty of friends who didn't care what size I was, so that helped.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 10:19:21 GMT -5
DD was fat and DS was skinny. Real fun there. I'm trying to fatten him up so he doesn't look like a refugee and trying to have healthy food for her to eat. She was going into middle school and I told her if you think the girls were mean in elementary, you ain't seen nothing yet. Between that and Weight Watchers, she got down to a reasonable weight. She is never going to be skinny but she looks fine and healthy. She is very active but still has to watch her weight and probably always will. Unfortunately, she takes after her fathers sided the family and they are a hefty crowd.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 10:20:38 GMT -5
I have to admit, she felt shamed and angry at me about going to WW. I insisted on it but she was very happy losing the 35 pounds and being able to wear the cute clothes that others wore.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 18, 2013 10:26:50 GMT -5
I have to admit, she felt shamed and angry at me about going to WW. I insisted on it but she was very happy losing the 35 pounds and being able to wear the cute clothes that others wore. After all, it's the results that matter. Who cares how she feels? As long as she can wear cute clothes and not embarrass you with her disgusting fat, it's all good. "Fernando, don't be a schnook! It's not how you feel, it's how you look! And you look marvelous!" - Billy Crystal, a long time ago on SNL.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 10:30:11 GMT -5
She felt bad but not bad enough to do anything about it. She actually would say stuff about other people being fat! I bit my tongue but I wanted to say look in the mirror! I got sick of listening to her talk about feeling bad about being fat but not do anything about it. She had to be sneaking food somewhere but I had no clue. I'm sorry but I'm a pro active kind of person. Do something about it and quit bitching.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 18, 2013 10:31:17 GMT -5
She felt bad but not bad enough to do anything about it. She actually would say stuff about other people being fat! I bit my tongue but I wanted to say look in the mirror! I got sick of listening to her talk about feeling bad about being fat but not do anything about it. She had to be sneaking food somewhere but I had no clue. I'm sorry but I'm a pro active kind of person. Do something about it and quit bitching. Sounds a lot like how you describe your mother and how she treated you. IIRC, she was very "proactive" and you didn't care for it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 10:31:46 GMT -5
If she sees pictures now of when she was like that, she is horrified and actually blames me for her being fat. Sheesh, parents can never win. Because of course I traumatized her, too, by taking her to WW.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2013 10:33:58 GMT -5
What's funny about that is that mom got fat, too, and they both would say stuff about the other being fat. Crazy. And stuff about others being fat. I'm lucky I have a tongue left from biting it so much. Btw, I did take DD to a doctor and a nutritionist to make sure it was nothing medical. Which is why I asked.
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