KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Apr 29, 2015 12:37:52 GMT -5
No flames from me! I'd Hun and I ever divorce, I'm not going near another man w/kids. Nuhhuh!! No way!!
Nancy - LOL! I'll definitely let you guys know!
Beth - I appreciate the thoughts. Putting words to this helps. I think I've always known something was off, but never verbalized it. Now that I am, things are starting to make a lot more sense.
So far, nothing I've researched has fit what I see, so I suspect it's probably a little of a lot of things.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 29, 2015 12:51:58 GMT -5
I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. Unfortunately she has chosen to continue to ruin her children's lives after ruining her own. Probably why welfare mommas encourage their daughters to get pregnant early and destroy their lives, too. Validates their own poor choices. I think the best you can do is try to mitigate the damage this woman does as much as possible. That may mean not letting Rowdy interfere or interact too much with the rest of your children. Right now he still has food and shelter so it hasn't meant much to him. Living on the streets or back with loser mommy may be what he needs to hit home that this isn't the life he wants. I agree with stop trying to help/fix him. He does sound like a drama king from drama mama. The more he can suck you in, the more he succeeds. You seem to be the only one who gives a rats ass about him so maybe you are the only one to set him straight. I'd see a counselor about how to tell him goodbye and good luck. When he's ready to pull his head out of his ass, the door will be open.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Apr 29, 2015 13:24:07 GMT -5
No flames from me! I'd Hun and I ever divorce, I'm not going near another man w/kids. Nuhhuh!! No way!! Nancy - LOL! I'll definitely let you guys know! Beth - I appreciate the thoughts. Putting words to this helps. I think I've always known something was off, but never verbalized it. Now that I am, things are starting to make a lot more sense. So far, nothing I've researched has fit what I see, so I suspect it's probably a little of a lot of things. I agree. Sounds like she is dependent on her kids for their approval, knowing deep inside, whether consciously or not, that she has failed them. She needs their approval to not feel like a failure, yet she continues the terrible cycle. So sorry that all of this continues, but given Rowdy's age and attitude I'm afraid the passage of time (and him learning the hard way) is going to be the path.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 29, 2015 13:33:25 GMT -5
Good luck Kara! People like egg donor that are in my world are why I still continue to not own a gun, I just can't be trusted. My youngest (step)DS is ADHD & ODD and let me tell you, he won't stop digging the hole to save his life. No matter how many times you say directly to him, stop arguing before you get in bigger trouble, he just won't. Maybe even can't, who knows. I try to pick my battles, but when everything is an argument it sure is hard. Mine's only 10, I am looking at another 8 looooonnnggg years of trying to make him understand he's not always right and not always in charge. I suspect he's going to have to fail hard before he gets it. Let's hope DH will let him fail hard and I don't have to fight too much with him over it. So, in summary, no good suggestions just lots of wishes for luck.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 29, 2015 15:50:48 GMT -5
It breaks my heart for you. I'm so sorry.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Apr 29, 2015 22:23:54 GMT -5
Okay - I'm going to leave y'all with a cliff hanger and just a tease for now. I'm exhausted and need to be up early tomorrow.
"Child abuse", assault, 4 police cruisers, our house becoming the neighborhood peep-show and bio-mom to the "rescue".
Based on my work schedule tomorrow, I probably won't be able to get back on for a longer explanation until the evening. At least I'm not in jail or dealing with a court appearance! :-p
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Apr 29, 2015 22:31:51 GMT -5
Okay - I'm going to leave y'all with a cliff hanger and just a tease for now. I'm exhausted and need to be up early tomorrow. "Child abuse", assault, 4 police cruisers, our house becoming the neighborhood peep-show and bio-mom to the "rescue". Based on my work schedule tomorrow, I probably won't be able to get back on for a longer explanation until the evening. At least I'm not in jail or dealing with a court appearance! :-p OH.MY.GOSH !
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Apr 29, 2015 22:38:46 GMT -5
My prediction - Rowdy said you/Hun were abusing him (and it was probably vice versa), he had the police called, and Rowdy was "rescued" by bio-mom and now with bio-mom. Even if I'm wrong, for everyone involved.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Apr 30, 2015 1:38:26 GMT -5
Eagerly awaiting update.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Apr 30, 2015 6:10:56 GMT -5
Got just a moment before starting the day.
No ones in jail, but the police were very firm saying they just needed the word and it would happen. The captain of the force was involved and I think he WANTED to haul someone off. He asked 3 times if I was sure about not pressing charges.
Ok....gotta go!
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Apr 30, 2015 6:20:11 GMT -5
OH.MY.GOSH !!!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 30, 2015 6:55:04 GMT -5
My prediction - Rowdy said you/Hun were abusing him (and it was probably vice versa), he had the police called, and Rowdy was "rescued" by bio-mom and now with bio-mom. Even if I'm wrong, for everyone involved. Based on her quickie update - Rowdy took a swing at someone and/or broke stuff. Cops were called because all/part was in public and a neighbor called them.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 30, 2015 7:55:21 GMT -5
Hope it was bio mom that should have been hauled off.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 30, 2015 8:11:05 GMT -5
Got just a moment before starting the day. No ones in jail, but the police were very firm saying they just needed the word and it would happen. The captain of the force was involved and I think he WANTED to haul someone off. He asked 3 times if I was sure about not pressing charges. Ok....gotta go! [img]http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/hug.gif[/img] Be Safe
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 30, 2015 8:11:51 GMT -5
My prediction - Rowdy said you/Hun were abusing him (and it was probably vice versa), he had the police called, and Rowdy was "rescued" by bio-mom and now with bio-mom. Even if I'm wrong, for everyone involved. Based on her quickie update - Rowdy took a swing at someone and/or broke stuff. Cops were called because all/part was in public and a neighbor called them. Rowdy's Mom showed up and made a huge scene
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 30, 2015 8:15:27 GMT -5
If that beast did show up and start shit, I hope she did get arrested. Too bad Kara is too nice. The EX doesn't show up at our house anymore because she knows what'll happen to her.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 30, 2015 8:41:13 GMT -5
Okay - I'm going to leave y'all with a cliff hanger and just a tease for now. I'm exhausted and need to be up early tomorrow. "Child abuse", assault, 4 police cruisers, our house becoming the neighborhood peep-show and bio-mom to the "rescue". Based on my work schedule tomorrow, I probably won't be able to get back on for a longer explanation until the evening. At least I'm not in jail or dealing with a court appearance! :-p Whatever happened, I think it involves Rowdy finally getting to the end of your rope. It's time for him to go live with his mother, if it's come to the point of things getting physical. No more of this in your house, in front of the other kids. If Rowdy is claiming "child abuse" on you and Hun, that's it. Over, done and outta here, buster. Enough of that nonsense. I don't care how old he is. Let him live the Flotsam/Jetsam lifestyle for awhile.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 30, 2015 10:11:31 GMT -5
Amen. Cut your losses. Flotsam is dying to get some child support and some reassurance that she's a great mom by getting a kid back. It's not what's best for the kid but it's probably what's best for everyone else. One bad apple can spoil the whole barrel.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Apr 30, 2015 10:28:22 GMT -5
Amen. Cut your losses. Flotsam is dying to get some child support and some reassurance that she's a great mom by getting a kid back. It's not what's best for the kid but it's probably what's best for everyone else. One bad apple can spoil the whole barrel. No child support, I'd think, since Rowdy is 18 and not going to graduate at this time. And hugs, Kara. You are way nicer than I think I could be in your situation.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 30, 2015 10:30:39 GMT -5
He's not 18 yet. I feel awful for Kara, both as a mom and as a teacher. She didn't fail but she's feeling she has. Teachers don't want a kid to fail and moms don't want a kid to fail, either.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 30, 2015 10:33:45 GMT -5
He's not 18 yet. I feel awful for Kara, both as a mom and as a teacher. She didn't fail but she's feeling she has. Teachers don't want a kid to fail and moms don't want a kid to fail, either. I think he either just turned 17 or is about to turn 17.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 30, 2015 10:35:50 GMT -5
He's not 18 yet. I feel awful for Kara, both as a mom and as a teacher. She didn't fail but she's feeling she has. Teachers don't want a kid to fail and moms don't want a kid to fail, either. I think he either just turned 17 or is about to turn 17.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Apr 30, 2015 10:41:55 GMT -5
Gah! Drive by posting....I so wish I could just get this OUT of my head!! Sitting in the bathroom at work trying to take a small break.
I will say - you're all wrong though. Rowdy called 911, but he wasn't involved in the altercation. I did think the cops were going to haul him off at one point - he was screaming and cussing at three of them on our front porch.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 30, 2015 10:45:53 GMT -5
I hope Monkey (I think that's the younger girl) wasn't involved then.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 30, 2015 10:56:01 GMT -5
Gah! Drive by posting....I so wish I could just get this OUT of my head!! Sitting in the bathroom at work trying to take a small break. I will say - you're all wrong though. Rowdy called 911, but he wasn't involved in the altercation. I did think the cops were going to haul him off at one point - he was screaming and cussing at three of them on our front porch. If he called 911, he's involved by virtue of having made the call, though I am glad to hear he was not physically involved. That would be a whole 'nother level of awful if he was.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 30, 2015 12:32:42 GMT -5
Or some serious consequences might shock him enough to get his head on straight. Thankfully they didn't shoot him. Good grief!! He's on their radar now.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 30, 2015 12:34:05 GMT -5
You can't have those other kids exposed to this. What a mell of a Hess.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Apr 30, 2015 18:49:40 GMT -5
Okay - I'm going to leave y'all with a cliff hanger and just a tease for now. I'm exhausted and need to be up early tomorrow. "Child abuse", assault, 4 police cruisers, our house becoming the neighborhood peep-show and bio-mom to the "rescue". Based on my work schedule tomorrow, I probably won't be able to get back on for a longer explanation until the evening. At least I'm not in jail or dealing with a court appearance! :-p Got just a moment before starting the day. No ones in jail, but the police were very firm saying they just needed the word and it would happen. The captain of the force was involved and I think he WANTED to haul someone off. He asked 3 times if I was sure about not pressing charges. Ok....gotta go! Gah! Drive by posting....I so wish I could just get this OUT of my head!! Sitting in the bathroom at work trying to take a small break. I will say - you're all wrong though. Rowdy called 911, but he wasn't involved in the altercation. I did think the cops were going to haul him off at one point - he was screaming and cussing at three of them on our front porch. Okay - I'm just going to combine my posts from the last ~24 hours - just because it's easier for me to remember! The evening started out just fine - everyone ate dinner, everyone was acting civil....until Hun got up to ask Monkey to take her shower. He found her in the bedroom, "KiK"ing with someone on a smart-phone he'd never seen before. Come to find out, she'd gotten the phone from Jetsam (bio-mom), it didn't have a sim card, but it had full access to the internet. Now - we've not given the kids full access to the internet until they had proven they were capable of handling it - especially not on phones because of all the risk. Monkey especially has shown that she's not responsible on-line. We can't monitor what the kids are doing on the phones - this is why they don't have access on the phones we have given them (which we've been told by the kids and BM that we're horrible for.....everyone else - counselors, law enforcement, teachers, etc - has all told us "good for you!"). She refused to give the phone to Hun, I heard them yelling at each other and went to investigate. Walked in to Monkey saying it was hers, she'd paid for it and we couldn't take it from her. Hun and I both told her didn't matter, give it up (she'd hidden it at this point - Hun had made the mistake of walking out of the room for a moment to collect himself). She still refused. I commented to her, "Give it to us, or I will tear the room apart piece by piece. You know I will do it and leave you to clean up the mess, so save us both the time and effort." She rolled her eyes, said "UUGGGHHHH.....FINE!!!" and turned to grab it. In the process, she started to shut it down (or something), Hun said no, reached for it and she dodged him, moving further into the closet (where she was standing). I reached out and grabbed the sleeve of her shirt and pulled her out of the closet so Hun could grab the phone. She went ballistic, struggling against my hold, cussing at both of us and calling me a "B". I slapped her on the cheek (I've slapped her before - this time, due to angle, I didn't slap her as hard as I did the previous time). She slapped me back. (Oh....HELL NO! You didn't just do that!) I grabbed her right arm, pinned the other arm against her chest and pushed her against the shelves in the closet and sternly told her (not yelling, but not exactly quiet either) - "I will NOT put up with attitude like this from you, from your brother or anyone else living in this household, do I make myself clear!?!" She screamed and struggled against me for probably around a minute (felt like a lot longer!). Since I was right in her face, I'm not 100% sure what Hun was doing - all of my focus was on Monkey - but I seem to remember him yelling something similar at her...and I think at Rowdy as well....I'm just not sure. She finally calmed down enough for me to release her and I took a step back. Hun put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Rowdy's on the phone with the police." I told him - "I don't care, let them come, I was eating dinner when all of this erupted. Do you have the phone?" Yep he did, so we went back to the kitchen to finish eating (well.....I did.....I'm not sure if Hun ever finished his dinner last night). (to be continued! )
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Apr 30, 2015 19:07:36 GMT -5
DAMN !!!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Apr 30, 2015 19:12:39 GMT -5
Dang it! We pause this message for dinner.....
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