zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 13, 2013 3:55:09 GMT -5
DF had nothing but trouble from his stepson but he finally grew up and married a lovely woman. This is due entirely to DF btw not the bio mom. There is hope and a future, I promise. DF almost sent him to boarding school he was so bad. The list includes drinking, drugs, skipping school, fights, crashing cars, so it can and might get worse but it does end. Actually a stint in the military helped as well.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 13, 2013 8:21:15 GMT -5
Yeah - I know what you mean Zib - it won't last forever and I'm well aware it might get worse. It was funny yesterday - I was talking with my mom about the new drama and she kind of went off on how horrible SS is being. I reminded her that he was a 15 year old boy and boys that age seem to have connections missing in their brains causing them to do stupid things. When she continued to go on about him, I reminded her that they went through just as bad, if not worse, with my brother:
At 14, he was arrested for trying to steal a car. At 16-17, my parents' insurance company sent them an official letter stating - get your son off your policy or all of your accounts will be cancelled (he had 8 wrecks the first year he was driving - all minor but caused property damage). At 16-17, he was issued a ticket for "minor in possession of alcohol" Mom changed the subject because of course her "golden child" is an exception to the rule and he eventually grew out of it. Ummm....okay.....I'm pretty sure SS will do the same....eventually! (If I don't strangle him first! )
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 13, 2013 8:29:52 GMT -5
I definitely agree with letting the insurance adjuster handle it, Kara. It seems a little odd one wouldn't notice one's daughter's glasses having been broken. I hope no charges are brought against SS, but if they are (and if he's guilty of hurting the girl), that's something he (and you, unfortunately) will have to deal with when, and if it becomes reality. Right now, I'd stay out of it, personally. That's what insurance is for! Hope you get a break soon from all this DRAAAAAMMMMMAA! I'd be pulling my hair out (along with the hair of a couple of other people, just for good measure)! mmhmm - I think what's bolded is what really set off my "red flag" radar. This incident happened last Wednesday (September 4th). Supposedly the girl still has a scratch on her face and broken glasses from over a week ago and the mom just now found out about it? That sounds like a pretty substantial scratch if it is still there a week later (based on my own experiences). If the girl was in the car when it happened (which is what the lady is claiming), wouldn't the mom have know the girl was hit right away? I'm not sure, but I think the car is a convertible (only way it makes sense that the girl could have gotten hit), so how did the mom NOT know her child was hit? I know my own kids, if something like this had happened to us, they would have been VERY vocal about being injured as soon as it happened.
It just feels really weird and so we're letting the insurance handle it from this point forward.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 13, 2013 8:37:16 GMT -5
I hated wearing my glasses as a kid. I was forever losing them. So depending on the girl's age, I can see not telling mom they were broken if she didn't like wearing them. As for the scratch - a few months ago I scratched my son while trying to wipe his face. He was around 3.5 at the time. It bled, I cleaned it up and we didn't think much about it. Except it took like a 4-8 weeks for the scratch to heal. If I'd realized it was that bad, I'd have taken him to the doctor. But it was less than an inch long and it really seemed insignificant at the time. And it didn't seem deep or anything. eta - I totally agree with letting the insurance handle it from this point on. If your radar's going off, then listen to it.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 13, 2013 8:47:48 GMT -5
Oh! That's the other thing - if the lady is worried about retaliation on her daughter from my SS and his friend, then the daughter is definitely old enough to say something to her mom when it happened. They're in high school! It's not like they're in elementary school.
Any way - I'm totally okay with accepting the lady's story as the truth once there has been an investigation and the facts are laid out to the adjuster and/or police. SS has lied to us in the past and I cannot trust him to be telling us everything on this incident. The details from her are just not making sense at this point so I'm less inclined to accept her story at face value since details keep getting added after the fact.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 13, 2013 8:59:41 GMT -5
I disagree, sounds like SS has an attitude, is a bully, and has no problem damaging property. It's not too far of a stretch to assume he could do worse - as a teenage girl (how big is the SS?) I would not want to confront someone with anger issues who is likely bigger than me. Why in the world do you think that would be appropriate in this situation simply becuase they are in HS? SS is out of control and, it is on his parents, not some teenage girl, to deal with the issue.
Not what you want to hear, but of course every parent can't think their kid is capable of doing bad things, just because, until there is irrefulable proof.
ETA - Ok I re-read Kara's post and see that she is not in denial. It just seems that expecting everything to be handled "by the book" and through the insurance company may backfire if what the mother is saying is true. It may be that she went to the parents in an effort to NOT to have to file charges to avoid getting the SS in even deeper trouble.
Karaboo - one more thing to add, SS better be careful if he wants any kind of future. Some colleges will deny admission if there are certain activities/convictions on record. Same for getting into any branch of the armed services. His acting out now may lead to a much harder life later on with limited choices/opportunities.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 13, 2013 9:42:58 GMT -5
You have a point as well but I don't think Kara is sticking her head in the sand. She just wants insurance to handle it and her SS to stay away from this girl. His cronies as well should be warned to stay away from her.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 13, 2013 9:45:48 GMT -5
Kara, if you do warn SS to stay away and you find out he or his friends did not obey you, you need to take some very harsh measure starting with grounding and taking away that cell phone. Both of these should have been done already. Anything of his that has any value should be sold to help pay for the damage her caused. Christmas should be very limited and only what he actually needs as in clothes or shoes or school supplies. Nothing fun and certainly no extra curricular activities. Bad choices have bad consequences. Sooner he gets clued to this, the better. For him as well as others.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 13, 2013 10:56:25 GMT -5
Okay. I only have a minute but want to ask Captain:
The mom called us wanting the damage to be corrected. We completely agree and called our insurance to make that happen. After we inform her of that she says she's now going to the police about the incident? How does that even make sense that she is/was trying to keep SS out of even more trouble?
She wants to protect her daughter. Totally understandable. We want to protect SS from his own stupidity. Totally understandable. Let the police and/or insurance figure it out rather than two parties who are emotionally invested in their own side.
The way I'm looking at it, the insurance company is there to protect both parties. If her daughter was injured, the insurance will take care of it. If the damage does cost that much, the insurance will take care of it. We pay for insurance for reasons like this. We'll be paying even more for turning it in to insurance rather than handling it ourselves. In this case, I believe it is in our best interest to handle it this way.
Of course, I could be wrong. I've been wrong before.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 13, 2013 10:58:56 GMT -5
I'm sure Karaboo knows that, and told the 15 year old SS that. But I don't think it registers with them yet. 15 year old boys are dumb. And they think they're bulletproof.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 13, 2013 11:58:11 GMT -5
Okay. I only have a minute but want to ask Captain: The mom called us wanting the damage to be corrected. We completely agree and called our insurance to make that happen. After we inform her of that she says she's now going to the police about the incident? How does that even make sense that she is/was trying to keep SS out of even more trouble? If you agreed to pay the damages directly yourself then there is no possibility of the insurance company denying a claims or trying to find a reason not to pay full damages. Now that insurance is involved she may need a police report in order to file a protective claim with her company in case your company attempts to say there is some joint responsibility for what ever reason.She wants to protect her daughter. Totally understandable. We want to protect SS from his own stupidity. Totally understandable. Umm, no - you are protecting someone who has admitted to committing a crime (more than once) and now has possibly injured someone. Go ahead and keep shielding/covering for him. Don't even force him to confront the people he injured and apologize in person. Let the police and/or insurance figure it out rather than two parties who are emotionally invested in their own side. Your post earlier seemed to imply that is was up to the daughter (the injured party) to deal with the issue in some way while you were pushing it all off on the insurance company. Also from your prior post:"•The response back from her several hours later (around 8:30pm) was this: "I have not talk to your wife and about insurance I was told by the police officer you did not want to make a report. That is why I didn't make one with my insurance. I will talk to the police office at the school tomorrow to see what I need to do. We don't need to meet and I'm doing it for my daughter. She worry that your son and the other boy might do something to her. Thanks for your time I will send you pic if you like of the damage if you like."
The way I'm looking at it, the insurance company is there to protect both parties. Yet I see no mention of you telling your son to stay away from the girl. There is obviously reasonable cause for her to be concerned but you just want the insurance to take care of it all. "If her daughter was injured, the insurance will take care of it. " If the damage does cost that much, the insurance will take care of it. We pay for insurance for reasons like this. We'll be paying even more for turning it in to insurance rather than handling it ourselves. In this case, I believe it is in our best interest to handle it this way. Of course, I could be wrong. I've been wrong before. Kara - My thoughts are embedded in bold above. I think the woman wanted (and IMHO is entitled to) was an apology from your son, but hey - the isurance will take care of it, that's what it is for, right? We won't deal with the consequences of our offsprings actions on a personal basis but will let someone else clean up the mess, after all that's what they are paid for. The woman for certain (and potentially her daughter) are victims of your son's actions. The woman will have to spend her time dealing with the mess your son created and you can't even give her the courtesy of a face to face apology? Sure, let the insurance take care of it.
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 13, 2013 12:19:47 GMT -5
It'd be fishy to me if someone was originally only claiming damage to the car and then several days later is suddenly adding damage to the daughter and her glasses too. If something hits you enough to break your glasses AND leave a scratch I wouldn't expect you to sit silently so the person sitting next to you has no idea you got injured. I know I'd at least yelp and probably throw out some choice words too. On top of that - how the hell does a mom not notice a scratch on her daughters face when she didn't have said scratch when she got in the car?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 13, 2013 13:09:04 GMT -5
Both THECAPTAIN and JUSTME have some valid points. I'm sure we don't have the whole story but as much as Kara either knows or wants to tell us. An apology would be nice but if its insincere, it's better for him not to.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 13, 2013 17:34:39 GMT -5
I'm in a big hurry with lots of activities today and tomorrow, so I might not get back on until tomorrow night.
However, I did speak with the adjuster today and he had some interesting things to say about his conversation with the other lady.
So stay tuned!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 13, 2013 17:41:17 GMT -5
Oh lord.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 13, 2013 17:46:34 GMT -5
I'm in a big hurry with lots of activities today and tomorrow, so I might not get back on until tomorrow night. However, I did speak with the adjuster today and he had some interesting things to say about his conversation with the other lady. So stay tuned! Oh, yeah! Why does this not surprise me? I'm anxious to hear his take on this!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 13, 2013 19:28:30 GMT -5
Okay - I've been delayed for just a little while from the activities, so I'll try to post quickly regarding what the insurance adjuster said.
Captain - I'm not ignoring your last post, but I don't have time to answer it right now. I do plan on addressing it when I have time.
Insurance adjuster (Jay) called me today to get our side of the details of what happened. Laid it all out to him and admitted that SS is in the wrong here and we're trying to make it right. Answered all of his questions as truthfully as I could and if I didn't know an answer to his question, I let him know that. Gave him my DH's number and also said that SS would be available if necessary.
I did tell him that we'd received some odd texts from her yesterday and at this point, we were going to let insurance handle talking to her from this point forward. He asked what the texts were about and I just said, "I think it would be better for you to talk with her and get her side of the story." He agreed and said that was fine.
He then said he was going to call her and get her side of the story and view the vehicle.
He called me back a little while later. He told me, "That was the oddest conversation I've had with anyone regarding a claim." He proceeded to tell me that she told him everything I've already outlined here in the text messages. She then told him that the vehicle was already in the shop being repaired, would not tell him where it was located at so he could view the damage, would not agree to him talking with her daughter about her injury, stated she was going to file a police report regarding the incident and she would call him back when everything was finalized.
Jay told me he was also going to talk with the school and get their side of the story regarding what happened.
He said to stay tuned, he's going to be getting back with us.
Anyway - that's all I have for now. It'll either be late, late tonight or more probably tomorrow night before I get a chance to respond again.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Sept 13, 2013 19:41:54 GMT -5
Wow THAT sounds beyond strange and quite frankly fishy as all hell. If she is jerking the insurance adjuster around like that, I would watch your back.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Sept 13, 2013 20:25:32 GMT -5
I agree that it is strange that she wouldn't let the adjuster see the vehicle.
I don't think it is implausible that the mother didn't know about the daughter's face and glasses until a week later.
She probably didn't notice at the time because she was trying to maintain control of her vehicle. If something were thrown at my car while I was driving, it would likely take 100% of my attention to keep from crashing.
The girl might have begged her mother not to press charges. Maybe she hid her scratch with her hair and hid her glasses as long as she could (knowing that it would make charges more likely). As a former high school teacher, I can say that kids do not like to "tell on" other kids. In fact, they will often go to great lengths to avoid it because the social consequences can be severe.
It is also possible that your SS didn't randomly throw things, but threw them at the car because he saw the daughter and doesn't like her. It would make sense for her (socially) to hide the scratch and glasses even if it was random, particularly if she isn't popular. If your SS threw things at her specifically (because he doesn't like her), it makes complete sense for her to try and hide this.
I am sorry you are going through this. I put my adopted father through hell during my teenage years. He is a great dad, and my behavior was not his fault. I am also sorry that the mother and daughter are going through this. It seems like a pretty scary event, as in people could have died if she lost control of the car scary event. Now, the daughter is involved in a criminal case with a classmate, which is also pretty upsetting for a teenager. Expecting the mother and daughter to act rationally right now might be expecting too much.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 13, 2013 23:38:06 GMT -5
Okay. I only have a minute but want to ask Captain: The mom called us wanting the damage to be corrected. We completely agree and called our insurance to make that happen. After we inform her of that she says she's now going to the police about the incident? How does that even make sense that she is/was trying to keep SS out of even more trouble? 1. If you agreed to pay the damages directly yourself then there is no possibility of the insurance company denying a claims or trying to find a reason not to pay full damages. Now that insurance is involved she may need a police report in order to file a protective claim with her company in case your company attempts to say there is some joint responsibility for what ever reason.2. She wants to protect her daughter. Totally understandable. We want to protect SS from his own stupidity. Totally understandable. Umm, no - you are protecting someone who has admitted to committing a crime (more than once) and now has possibly injured someone. Go ahead and keep shielding/covering for him. Don't even force him to confront the people he injured and apologize in person. Let the police and/or insurance figure it out rather than two parties who are emotionally invested in their own side. 3. Your post earlier seemed to imply that is was up to the daughter (the injured party) to deal with the issue in some way while you were pushing it all off on the insurance company. Also from your prior post:4-5. "•The response back from her several hours later (around 8:30pm) was this: "I have not talk to your wife and about insurance I was told by the police officer you did not want to make a report. That is why I didn't make one with my insurance. I will talk to the police office at the school tomorrow to see what I need to do. We don't need to meet and I'm doing it for my daughter. She worry that your son and the other boy might do something to her. Thanks for your time I will send you pic if you like of the damage if you like."
The way I'm looking at it, the insurance company is there to protect both parties. 5. Yet I see no mention of you telling your son to stay away from the girl. There is obviously reasonable cause for her to be concerned but you just want the insurance to take care of it all. "If her daughter was injured, the insurance will take care of it. " If the damage does cost that much, the insurance will take care of it. We pay for insurance for reasons like this. We'll be paying even more for turning it in to insurance rather than handling it ourselves. In this case, I believe it is in our best interest to handle it this way. Of course, I could be wrong. I've been wrong before. Kara - My thoughts are embedded in bold above. 6. I think the woman wanted (and IMHO is entitled to) was an apology from your son, but hey - the isurance will take care of it, that's what it is for, right? We won't deal with the consequences of our offsprings actions on a personal basis but will let someone else clean up the mess, after all that's what they are paid for. The woman for certain (and potentially her daughter) are victims of your son's actions. The woman will have to spend her time dealing with the mess your son created and you can't even give her the courtesy of a face to face apology? Sure, let the insurance take care of it. Okay - our activities finished earlier than I anticipated, so I'm going to respond now since I know I won't have a lot of time until tomorrow night. Instead of trying to respond inside my posts to your responses, I'm going to list them out for easy reference: 1. This claim is falling under our homeowner's liability policy. We called the claim in, admitted fault by a member of our household and expect our insurance company to pay the injured party 100% to all damages caused by SS. Based on my conversations with them (the insurance agent and adjuster), the policy will handle everything and there will not be any need for them NOT to pay.....unless they find the injured party is claiming unreasonable damages. Our story lays out that SS is 100% responsible for throwing the item out of the bus, thus WE are 100% responsible. 2. We never said we would not expect him to apologize to her and her daughter. We do expect an apology to happen...just not right this second. What DH and I did decide is that until an idea of what was actually going on was known, trying to communicate with someone who keeps adding damages each time communication happens doesn't seem like a step in the right direction for our own protection. The insurance company handles claims like this every day - we don't. 3. I'm sorry you got that impression. That's not what I meant at all. DH and I just think it is very strange that a mom would not know her daughter (who was sitting next to her in the vehicle) was injured and glasses broken until a week later. 4. We never talked to the police officer before finding out about the incident, so how could we tell him we didn't want to make a report? We EXPECTED a report to be made, we've been waiting on the phone call from the police regarding the report, but we're finding out now that one hasn't been made. 5. This is a very fluid situation right now. When I posted last night, that was approximately 24 hours ago. At that time, you are correct, we did not talk with SS because we wanted to talk with the insurance adjuster first after receiving the odd-to-us text messages from her. We wanted to be able to talk with SS regarding the facts of what was about to happen. We couldn't do that until we had all of the facts in front of us. DH and I talked with SS earlier tonight. One of the questions we asked him was who was in the vehicle that was behind the bus. He said an adult and teenage girl. He couldn't tell us who the girl was - he said he's never seen her before and didn't know who she was. We let him know about the mom's claim of injury to her daughter and concern regarding retaliation. He had this look on his face and then stated, "I was stupid to throw that item out the window, but I would never be a douchebag (his words) and take something like this out on a girl - that's just wrong!" He also stated, "I don't understand how this lady is claiming all of this damage - we were stopped when I threw the item out the window. I was on the driver's side of the bus - I don't understand how her daughter in the passenger seat was injured - it just isn't possible in my mind" (all SS's words). We told him that it is possible given the right circumstances and that this is why we get on to him for doing stupid things. We suggested that he stay away from the girl if he happened to see her in school because of this event. He said that would be easy because he wouldn't know her if he ran into her (their school has around 3,000 kids who attend). 6. I agree that an apology should be made by SS. I do not agree that she should dictate the terms of what we will and won't do regarding damages when the story keeps morphing during a 6-8 hour time span when the incident happened a week before. Add in the new fact that she would not initially willingly work with our insurance company to be compensated for the damages just makes me overly cautious. If the above explanations still has you believing that we're sticking our heads in the sand, trying to shield SS from responsibility for his actions and being overall irresponsible parents, then nothing I say will change your mind and I'm sorry you feel that way. For the life of me....I cannot understand how allowing our insurance to speak with the injured party instead of directly to us, after we're admitting 100% fault, while everything is settled money-wise, puts us in the wrong on this. Someone please explain that to me because I'm just not getting it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 14, 2013 6:54:36 GMT -5
I feel so sorry for you. I'm afraid this isn't over. Does this girl have a father? He may or may not be more rational. If the mother isn't dealing with the insurance adjuster, she may have trouble getting paid. Suing you sure isn't going to get her much, no offense. Maybe this is the wake up call SS needs. Since bio mom is nuts, it may not fall too far but he may be salvageable. DFs two stepkids, although they have issues or have had them, are decent members of society thanks to DF not their bio mom so environment can help greatly.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2013 7:08:59 GMT -5
Kara for what it is worth, I think you are handling this the correct way. Some people are not happy no matter what you do.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Sept 14, 2013 7:28:36 GMT -5
Kara for what it is worth, I think you are handling this the correct way. Some people are not happy no matter what you do. Yeah that.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 14, 2013 7:49:56 GMT -5
Okay - our activities finished earlier than I anticipated, so I'm going to respond now since I know I won't have a lot of time until tomorrow night. Instead of trying to respond inside my posts to your responses, I'm going to list them out for easy reference: 1. This claim is falling under our homeowner's liability policy. We called the claim in, admitted fault by a member of our household and expect our insurance company to pay the injured party 100% to all damages caused by SS. Based on my conversations with them (the insurance agent and adjuster), the policy will handle everything and there will not be any need for them NOT to pay.....unless they find the injured party is claiming unreasonable damages. Our story lays out that SS is 100% responsible for throwing the item out of the bus, thus WE are 100% responsible. 2. We never said we would not expect him to apologize to her and her daughter. We do expect an apology to happen...just not right this second. What DH and I did decide is that until an idea of what was actually going on was known, trying to communicate with someone who keeps adding damages each time communication happens doesn't seem like a step in the right direction for our own protection. The insurance company handles claims like this every day - we don't. 3. I'm sorry you got that impression. That's not what I meant at all. DH and I just think it is very strange that a mom would not know her daughter (who was sitting next to her in the vehicle) was injured and glasses broken until a week later. 4. We never talked to the police officer before finding out about the incident, so how could we tell him we didn't want to make a report? We EXPECTED a report to be made, we've been waiting on the phone call from the police regarding the report, but we're finding out now that one hasn't been made. 5. This is a very fluid situation right now. When I posted last night, that was approximately 24 hours ago. At that time, you are correct, we did not talk with SS because we wanted to talk with the insurance adjuster first after receiving the odd-to-us text messages from her. We wanted to be able to talk with SS regarding the facts of what was about to happen. We couldn't do that until we had all of the facts in front of us. DH and I talked with SS earlier tonight. One of the questions we asked him was who was in the vehicle that was behind the bus. He said an adult and teenage girl. He couldn't tell us who the girl was - he said he's never seen her before and didn't know who she was. We let him know about the mom's claim of injury to her daughter and concern regarding retaliation. He had this look on his face and then stated, "I was stupid to throw that item out the window, but I would never be a douchebag (his words) and take something like this out on a girl - that's just wrong!" He also stated, "I don't understand how this lady is claiming all of this damage - we were stopped when I threw the item out the window. I was on the driver's side of the bus - I don't understand how her daughter in the passenger seat was injured - it just isn't possible in my mind" (all SS's words). We told him that it is possible given the right circumstances and that this is why we get on to him for doing stupid things. We suggested that he stay away from the girl if he happened to see her in school because of this event. He said that would be easy because he wouldn't know her if he ran into her (their school has around 3,000 kids who attend). 6. I agree that an apology should be made by SS. I do not agree that she should dictate the terms of what we will and won't do regarding damages when the story keeps morphing during a 6-8 hour time span when the incident happened a week before. Add in the new fact that she would not initially willingly work with our insurance company to be compensated for the damages just makes me overly cautious. If the above explanations still has you believing that we're sticking our heads in the sand, trying to shield SS from responsibility for his actions and being overall irresponsible parents, then nothing I say will change your mind and I'm sorry you feel that way. For the life of me....I cannot understand how allowing our insurance to speak with the injured party instead of directly to us, after we're admitting 100% fault, while everything is settled money-wise, puts us in the wrong on this. Someone please explain that to me because I'm just not getting it. Kara - until the above post (unless I missed it) I don't recall any mention of you stating you were going to have SS personally apologize to the parties he damaged. If I missed it I'm sorry, but all I read was you were protecting him and would let insurance deal with the fallout. I will also say that from your posts this incident is at least/over a week old. You've stated that an apology is in order but the longer it takes, the less meaning it has IMHO. At some point it is just a formality (to salve your conscience?) because you've spent most of the time CYA and shielding the SS instead of looking the injured parties in the eye and owning the action. At least that is how I would view it if someone elses kid damaged me by throwing objects at my property. As far as the son saying he would never intentionally take something out on a girl, well I'd take that with a grain of salt - after all the "object" in question obviously was going to cause damage and it's just sheer luck when throwing things that it hits to exact target, right? And from whats been posted she knows him, but he claims not to know her. Is it possible his reputation is more widely known that you are aware of? I am also very concerned about a mindset that feels entitled to damage the property of complete strangers. At the end of the day my opinion means nothing, I'm just a faceless combination of electrons on a website. However you've posted for alternative views and thoughts and I'm trying to provide a viewpoint of someone who is not emotionally involved in this incident. Teens are very well known for thought processes which drive sane adults nuts. Your SS appears to be no exception. I wish you luck with him.
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susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
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Post by susanb on Sept 14, 2013 13:42:35 GMT -5
For the life of me....I cannot understand how allowing our insurance to speak with the injured party instead of directly to us, after we're admitting 100% fault, while everything is settled money-wise, puts us in the wrong on this. Someone please explain that to me because I'm just not getting it. If the shoe were on the other foot, how would you feel about not getting an apology when you requested one? I think you are a nice lady who is trying to do the right thing. I also think that a lot of suspicion and blame is being thrown at your SS's victim. Might have missed it, but haven't read any empathy for this woman or her daughter coming from you. Also, haven't read what SS's punishment is. Not that you owe us an explanation of his punishment, but most of the focus seems to be on the victim, and what she is doing wrong, in your posts.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 14, 2013 13:51:06 GMT -5
SS might do with an intervention like Scared Straight.
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Sharon
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:48:11 GMT -5
Posts: 11,287
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Post by Sharon on Sept 14, 2013 14:06:13 GMT -5
For the life of me....I cannot understand how allowing our insurance to speak with the injured party instead of directly to us, after we're admitting 100% fault, while everything is settled money-wise, puts us in the wrong on this. Someone please explain that to me because I'm just not getting it. If the shoe were on the other foot, how would you feel about not getting an apology when you requested one? I think you are a nice lady who is trying to do the right thing. I also think that a lot of suspicion and blame is being thrown at your SS's victim. Might have missed it, but haven't read any empathy for this woman or her daughter coming from you. Also, haven't read what SS's punishment is. Not that you owe us an explanation of his punishment, but most of the focus seems to be on the victim, and what she is doing wrong, in your posts. There is wanting to do the right thing and feeling empathy for the victim and there is allowing yourself to be taken advantage of by the victim. I too would hold off and let the professionals handle this before it snowballs into a mess that I can not fix. As soon as the lady started pulling crap like not letting the adjuster see her car etc. I too would pull back. As far as SS punishment this thread was started looking for financial advice not parenting advice. ETA: I debated about throwing this out here but this here is why I believe this way now. Several years ago I rear ended a women. Totally my fault I was distracted by DD then 3. I was apologizing all over the place my insurance was working to pay everything etc. The women had a dented bumper. It was a low speed rear ending in heavy traffic. I was sued for $100,000 for life changing injuries. She saw the doctor twice and was then claiming to be permanently injured. She also refused to release her medical records to the adjuster.
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Peace77
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 1:42:40 GMT -5
Posts: 3,992
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Post by Peace77 on Sept 17, 2013 10:36:35 GMT -5
Karaboo,
I hope things are calmer and you're feeling better.
Have you had a chance to call Chase and Lowe's about their hardship programs? What did they say?
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myrrh
Established Member
Joined: Apr 12, 2011 22:55:14 GMT -5
Posts: 478
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Post by myrrh on Sept 18, 2013 14:47:54 GMT -5
Karaboo I mostly lurk but I've been following your story for awhile and I have to say I admire your strength in dealing with four teenagers, much less stepkids with a less than stellar mom who loves the blame game.
I know it will be hard but I have faith you and your DH will work through the debt situation as well. I just wanted to mention that for any credit cards you are keeping current, those accounts should not be raising your interest rates just because you are late on other cards. Universal default was banned in the Credit Card Accountability, Responsibility and Disclosure Act in 2009.
No other advice, just ((hugs)).
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KaraBoo
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 17:14:51 GMT -5
Posts: 3,076
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 18, 2013 21:59:42 GMT -5
I realize it seems like I've dropped off the boards, but I've just been incredibly busy these last several days.
I still appreciate everyone's advice and opinions - even the ones I may not agree with.
It's late where I am right now (almost 10pm) and I'm exhausted, so I'm not going to address everything mentioned since Friday until tonight. However - I have been thinking about one particular issue that I do want to comment on.
Several people have mentioned that I seem like I'm blaming SS's victim/daughter in the incident that happened 2 weeks ago. I was struggling with this because I don't believe I'm blaming the daughter at all - but I think I know where that came from and it's entirely my fault - I'm using a lot of pronouns (her and she) when I'm actually referring to the Mom/adult right after mentioning the daughter. I'll try to be more clear in the future.
If I'm saying her and/or she, my reference is actually for the Mom/adult, not the daughter. Maybe you understand that I'm referring to her, but from some of the posts, it doesn't seem like it because there just seems to be a huge disconnect from what I'm trying to convey to what's being responded to. I'm sorry for any confusion I may have caused.
Lastly, I've spoken with the insurance adjuster and he agrees that how we are handling this (having the Mom/adult talk with him) is the way he would continue to encourage us to proceed for now. His reasoning is that she cannot come back and claim that we "promised" her X after he's already agreed to cover Z. There is more drama happening with the other party that has DH and I moderately concerned for ourselves and SS to the point we're considering going to the school/police ourselves to at least report our side of the story to head off any potentially larger accusations.
At this point, the other party still has not agreed to speak with the adjuster, has not filed a police report, continues to text us regarding what we are going to do to handle the issue and every text adds a new layer of "injury" to her and her daughter. This is after we continue to tell her to talk to our insurance (which she refuses to do).
As for empathy for the damages caused to her vehicle and any injuries her daughter may have received....I had empathy for what happened to them to the point that I did not hesitate to report it to our insurance and being the claim process, called her, left a message with the claim number after apologizing for her having to deal with all of this due to the actions of SS and told her she may call me at any time. From the moment DH and I knew who SS injured to the point we responded with an apology (from us, not from SS just yet) and an attempt to correct any damage by informing our insurance was less than 2 hours from point of contact with Mom and DH to message left with claim # and apology from me. That empathy drained when we were met with larger and larger claims and demands from her (the Mom/adult).
Final note - the boat has been voluntarily surrendered to the bank as of yesterday.
Anyway - I'm out for the night. I'll try to get back on tomorrow night.
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