An Anonymous Note

[TheOtherMe]

Why do parents pit adult children vs adult children?

[NoNamePerson]

Aug 8, 2023 13:16:14 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Why do parents pit adult children vs adult children?

I never understood this. My EXIL’s did this with the three siblings. And I know the result of this can last a lifetime. I sat back and watched it as an outsider and even saw residual fallout down the road and I’ve been removed from the family for 40 yrs. 

Having said that being an only child with zero immediate family except my son I’m not judging since never walked in those shoes. But it still just blew my mind. 

[TheOtherMe]

Totally blows my mind.  Now it seems like DN1 and family are leaving tonight.  I don't know what the Toddler will be doing.  

[NancysSummerSip]

Dear friend,

I am sorry you are having issues with your SIL (your late brother's widow) concerning money. The lawsuits provided a lot of funds and you handled it all well. You got her out of a leaky old house in disrepair, got that property sold and got her into a nice affordable apartment that could accommodate her physical limitations and was close enough to friends and downtown so she could get around easily. You made sure her kids, your niece and nephew, were set up with decent money; they would have to work, but they would not go hungry ever, and would have what they needed.

Now the widow is causing financial havoc with the funds, even though she is supposed to be on a monthly budget because she is considered disabled to the point to where she cannot work. That money has to last her lifetime. She has SSDI, but your brother left nothing; he was self-employed and died too young to leave any Social Security benefit.

You may have to let her fail. I know that would be hard for you, but some people only learn when they hit rock bottom and no one picks them up.

[TheOtherMe]

That's sad, Nancy.  

I had one rep payee client who was on SSDI.  She had schizophrenia.  She drove me crazy.  Her siblings at some point did decide to let her fail.  They did help her get a rep payee through an agency here.  They pay her bills and she gets a weekly allowance.  

They had her over for holidays and birthdays, but would have nothing to do with her money.  

She broke every rule.  She opened a credit card.  She opened a bank account at a different bank.  I had to pay the credit card because she didn't make the payments.  She finally fessed up on the bank account after it was overdrawn.  Paid that off and stayed with her while she closed the account.

She insisted she was a K-Mart heiress and would be a millionaire.  I talked to her sister.  There was no money from K-Mart.  She believed it and she had big plans.  

I got rid of her when I was having the gall bladder issues and she had signed a lease for an apartment that 100% of her monthly income would not cover.  I told the agency I could not deal with that after everything else she had done.  

Sadly, some people can not be helped when it comes to money and they don't learn.

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 4, 2023 15:37:13 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

That's sad, Nancy.  

I had one rep payee client who was on SSDI.  She had schizophrenia.  She drove me crazy.  Her siblings at some point did decide to let her fail.  They did help her get a rep payee through an agency here.  They pay her bills and she gets a weekly allowance.  

They had her over for holidays and birthdays, but would have nothing to do with her money.  

She broke every rule.  She opened a credit card.  She opened a bank account at a different bank.  I had to pay the credit card because she didn't make the payments.  She finally fessed up on the bank account after it was overdrawn.  Paid that off and stayed with her while she closed the account.

She insisted she was a K-Mart heiress and would be a millionaire.  I talked to her sister.  There was no money from K-Mart.  She believed it and she had big plans.  

I got rid of her when I was having the gall bladder issues and she had signed a lease for an apartment that 100% of her monthly income would not cover.  I told the agency I could not deal with that after everything else she had done.  

Sadly, some people can not be helped when it comes to money and they don't learn.

I will find out when I see him what the exact issues are. I don't know if there is a rep payee, or if my friend is fulfilling this role; I hope he is not. He is in Florida, she is in Maine. Not that things can't be handled by email, text, Zoom, etc., but he's family. I think an outside third party would be in everyone's best interest in this case. If she is overspending, it could be on shopping (she's had a longtime big time shopping habit) or going out with friends (she prefers restaurants and ordering in to doing anything herself; she is disabled, but the apartment is adapted to her disabilities), and I also thought of online gambling or long-distance "romance" scams.

[TheOtherMe]

To me, she needs a third party appointed as rep payee.  

My client also liked to shop.  Hence the credit card she opened.  We met on Mondays.  She would come in with the ads from the Sunday paper and have a room full of furniture circled that she needed.  She wasn't bringing in $800 per month.

I'm sorry.  I hope you friend can find a third party who will be in charge of her money

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 4, 2023 19:16:44 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

To me, she needs a third party appointed as rep payee.  

My client also liked to shop.  Hence the credit card she opened.  We met on Mondays.  She would come in with the ads from the Sunday paper and have a room full of furniture circled that she needed.  She wasn't bringing in $800 per month.

I'm sorry.  I hope you friend can find a third party who will be in charge of her money

Me too. Even over a text, he sounded sad and stressed. She's his brother's widow, so I think he feels responsible for dealing with her. Her kids won't. Thing is, if she blows through this money, it is all she has. She would be homeless or faced with living with one of the kids (neither wants her) or in a subsidized nursing home.

[mollyanna58]

Dear new volunteer,

I just sent you the signup link that you requested. This is the fourth time I have sent it to you at your request. I suggested previously that you bookmark this link. I also told you five times that it is pinned on our Facebook page.  

It's really not that hard to find.

[tractor]

Dear SIL,

The estate will be settled next week. I know this will be more money than you have every seen, but I also know there isn't a dollar you haven't spent at least three times. The whole family knows you will burn through the cash in only a few months, that is your choice.

Please do not contact your sister to ask for more money once yours runs out. She doesnt need any more stress in her life. We all got the same amount, but some of us prefer to invest and save for our future. It doesn't matter if we don't "need" it, we made different choices in life to get to this point.

So have fun with your friends, buy all the drugs and party all you want, we are done dealing with your lies and pleads for help. Have fun in jail.

Your BIL

[Artemis Windsong]

Oct 19, 2023 11:51:42 GMT -5 tractor said:

Dear SIL,

The estate will be settled next week. I know this will be more money than you have every seen, but I also know there isn't a dollar you haven't spent at least three times. The whole family knows you will burn through the cash in only a few months, that is your choice.

Please do not contact your sister to ask for more money once yours runs out. She doesnt need any more stress in her life. We all got the same amount, but some of us prefer to invest and save for our future. It doesn't matter if we don't "need" it, we made different choices in life to get to this point.

So have fun with your friends, buy all the drugs and party all you want, we are done dealing with your lies and pleads for help. Have fun in jail.

Your BIL

Cut any connection with this toxic person.

[ners]

Dear Co-worker Would appreciate a email before you make a change to the Accounts Payable system.

[mollyanna58]

Dear Social Security Administration,

You really need to work on your form letters. A friend showed me a letter she received, which had two misspelled words and said her SS payment would be revised as of Feb. 20, 20233.  It also included this sentence: "We learned that your 2021 modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) was the amount we used to help us figure out your IRMAA".  Seriously, you learned that you used an amount? What you were trying to convey is that you learned her MAGI was different than what you had previously used, so you need to adjust her adjustment.  

[toomuchreality]

Oct 19, 2023 11:51:42 GMT -5 tractor said:

Dear SIL,

The estate will be settled next week. I know this will be more money than you have every seen, but I also know there isn't a dollar you haven't spent at least three times. The whole family knows you will burn through the cash in only a few months, that is your choice.

Please do not contact your sister to ask for more money once yours runs out. She doesnt need any more stress in her life. We all got the same amount, but some of us prefer to invest and save for our future. It doesn't matter if we don't "need" it, we made different choices in life to get to this point.

So have fun with your friends, buy all the drugs and party all you want, we are done dealing with your lies and pleads for help. Have fun in jail.

Your BIL

Sorry you have to deal with this.

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 13, 2023 22:24:38 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Dear Social Security Administration,

You really need to work on your form letters. A friend showed me a letter she received, which had two misspelled words and said her SS payment would be revised as of Feb. 20, 20233.  It also included this sentence: "We learned that your 2021 modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) was the amount we used to help us figure out your IRMAA".  Seriously, you learned that you used an amount? What you were trying to convey is that you learned her MAGI was different than what you had previously used, so you need to adjust her adjustment.  

Are you sure this was from SSA? Ever the skeptic here!  But that’s just me

[toomuchreality]

Nov 18, 2023 10:28:11 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Nov 13, 2023 22:24:38 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Dear Social Security Administration,

You really need to work on your form letters. A friend showed me a letter she received, which had two misspelled words and said her SS payment would be revised as of Feb. 20, 20233.  It also included this sentence: "We learned that your 2021 modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) was the amount we used to help us figure out your IRMAA".  Seriously, you learned that you used an amount? What you were trying to convey is that you learned her MAGI was different than what you had previously used, so you need to adjust her adjustment.  

Are you sure this was from SSA? Ever the skeptic here!  But that’s just me

The same thought crossed my mind.

[Opti]

Nov 13, 2023 22:24:38 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Dear Social Security Administration,

You really need to work on your form letters. A friend showed me a letter she received, which had two misspelled words and said her SS payment would be revised as of Feb. 20, 20233.  It also included this sentence: "We learned that your 2021 modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) was the amount we used to help us figure out your IRMAA".  Seriously, you learned that you used an amount? What you were trying to convey is that you learned her MAGI was different than what you had previously used, so you need to adjust her adjustment.  

I would call and confirm. Scammers are everywhere and trying all sorts of things. The letter could be fishing or it could be semi legit from someone new. I would not use any contact numbers in the letter though and go through whatever phone tree to be safe.

Had a customer today who came in about a phishing text. Sometimes people do not want to believe that just deleting and ignoring is the best course of action. If they just have your phone number and suspected bank, they need more info to scam you. Same with possibly this letter. Have your friend be careful and again, go through a phone tree starting with a known correct SSA number to be safe. Scamming of seniors and others considered vulnerable is high especially this time of year.

[mollyanna58]

Yeah, we thought it might be fake, too, but the local SS office confirmed it was real. Just poorly done. Also, most scammers are wary of going through the US postal system.

[NancysSummerSip]

To the host of last night's party,

OK, maybe I am out of touch when it comes to party etiquette.

Maybe I am a genuine a-hole.

But I do wonder if the role of a host is to embarrass guests into doing karaoke to the point of physically dragging them to their feet to perform.

Yes, you and your wife sing well. And that is a heckuva karaoke setup in your house. But I thought the point of being a good host was making your guests welcome and comfortable. Up until you started threatening us with the whole singing thing, it was a really good time.

For the record, I don't do threats or coercion or embarrassment tactics. Never worked with me, and still doesn't. That's why I left. Y'all were so loud, you did not even hear me go.

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 19, 2023 12:02:29 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

To the host of last night's party,

OK, maybe I am out of touch when it comes to party etiquette.

Maybe I am a genuine a-hole.

But I do wonder if the role of a host is to embarrass guests into doing karaoke to the point of physically dragging them to their feet to perform.

Yes, you and your wife sing well. And that is a heckuva karaoke setup in your house. But I thought the point of being a good host was making your guests welcome and comfortable. Up until you started threatening us with the whole singing thing, it was a really good time.

For the record, I don't do threats or coercion or embarrassment tactics. Never worked with me, and still doesn't. That's why I left. Y'all were so loud, you did not even hear me go.

If anyone tried to coerce me into doing karaoke they would sooooooo regret it. My potty mouth left brain would kick in and do a world of substitutions for some words. But then I’m a first class B that way.  Otherwise I’m an Angel. 

[NancysSummerSip]

Nov 19, 2023 13:18:38 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Nov 19, 2023 12:02:29 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

To the host of last night's party,

OK, maybe I am out of touch when it comes to party etiquette.

Maybe I am a genuine a-hole.

But I do wonder if the role of a host is to embarrass guests into doing karaoke to the point of physically dragging them to their feet to perform.

Yes, you and your wife sing well. And that is a heckuva karaoke setup in your house. But I thought the point of being a good host was making your guests welcome and comfortable. Up until you started threatening us with the whole singing thing, it was a really good time.

For the record, I don't do threats or coercion or embarrassment tactics. Never worked with me, and still doesn't. That's why I left. Y'all were so loud, you did not even hear me go.

If anyone tried to coerce me into doing karaoke they would sooooooo regret it. My potty mouth left brain would kick in and do a world of substitutions for some words. But then I’m a first class B that way.  Otherwise I’m an Angel. 

I cannot sing. No one in my family sings. Or dances. Or plays a musical instrument. We are literal no-talents when it comes to those arts. We do have actors and photographers.

It was the self-centered nature of it. Like, fine, if you have the setup and you do karaoke, well, dandy for you. But you herded your guests into this tiny living room and forced us to listen and participate. To me, the host made it all about himself, and not about his guests. When I host, it's all about you as my guests. I am there to do my best for you, not make you feel like it's a party-turned-prison.

[TheOtherMe]

I have done karaoke exactly once and I a bit inebriated.  After hearing that, I will never ever do it again.  

No one egged me on.  It was at a Beatles Convention and the time was late.  Most people were drinking and we decided to do it.  I don't drink much so it didn't take much to get me inebriated.  I tossed that tape long ago.  

[Opti]

Nov 19, 2023 14:52:57 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Nov 19, 2023 13:18:38 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

If anyone tried to coerce me into doing karaoke they would sooooooo regret it. My potty mouth left brain would kick in and do a world of substitutions for some words. But then I’m a first class B that way.  Otherwise I’m an Angel. 

I cannot sing. No one in my family sings. Or dances. Or plays a musical instrument. We are literal no-talents when it comes to those arts. We do have actors and photographers.

It was the self-centered nature of it. Like, fine, if you have the setup and you do karaoke, well, dandy for you. But you herded your guests into this tiny living room and forced us to listen and participate. To me, the host made it all about himself, and not about his guests. When I host, it's all about you as my guests. I am there to do my best for you, not make you feel like it's a party-turned-prison.

Sorry to read this. It should be about the guests and only those that want to participate should. My entire family has sung in church choirs among other things. I agree hosting is about making guests comfortable or at the very least insuring they have a good time and are happy they came.

[jerseygirl]

I did karaoke twice in Japan. I was only woman and about 10 Japanese and Dutch men. All were drinking scotch (scotchu) I had one. The Japanese guys got inebriated pretty quickly and we’re going to another club. I bailed. Dutch guys left after the second club.
Japanese guys I think stayed at one of the hotels that have little capsule rooms.
All arrived on time at work next day.
Also karaoke in China at DGS wedding. After wedding we went to KTV. Bride’s family went to one room, we went to another and guests went to couple others. Nice setup, snacks, beer and soft drinks with big sofas. Both Chinese and American songs and we had fun.
KTV is a popular evening activity in many Chinese cities

[toomuchreality]

I've never done it. I don't sing out loud, when I'm driving, alone in my car. Or the shower, so it's not very likely to happen.

I'd be pissed if someone did that to me.
Call me, outta here! And they'd likely know exactly why I left.
I think that was rude.
I wouldn't go to another party there. Nope. Nope. Nope!

[Opti]

Nov 19, 2023 19:49:14 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

I did karaoke twice in Japan. I was only woman and about 10 Japanese and Dutch men. All were drinking scotch (scotchu) I had one. The Japanese guys got inebriated pretty quickly and we’re going to another club. I bailed. Dutch guys left after the second club.
Japanese guys I think stayed at one of the hotels that have little capsule rooms.
All arrived on time at work next day.
Also karaoke in China at DGS wedding. After wedding we went to KTV. Bride’s family went to one room, we went to another and guests went to couple others. Nice setup, snacks, beer and soft drinks with big sofas. Both Chinese and American songs and we had fun.
KTV is a popular evening activity in many Chinese cities

I would have enjoyed both but definitely bailed when you did in Japan. Both my mom and I are fans of Japanese culture. I would love to go to Japan some day. I have been in the Netherlands though.

Would like to go to China as well. I am reminded I would like to go on the big trip one martial arts master usually does every year. Big money, but his significant other is Chinese so its a personal and interesting trip. Is KTV some version of karoke TV?

[azucena]

DH,

Pls stop getting mad when we ask for your help with our various subscriptions. You never share or write down the passwords, so we can't help ourselves when hulu, etc prompt for them. I suggested saving them in your phone contacts like I do with my own passwords but you can't be bothered.

Also doesn't help when you say they are all the same but that's not true. You can't remember them yourself, so often reset and now they are all variations of your typical password.

Write them down for all us and save yourself.

Frustrated wife and teen

[saveinla]

Must be something in the DNA. I have the same issue with my DH also.

[toomuchreality]

Nov 24, 2023 11:54:30 GMT -5 azucena said:

DH,

Pls stop getting mad when we ask for your help with our various subscriptions. You never share or write down the passwords, so we can't help ourselves when hulu, etc prompt for them. I suggested saving them in your phone contacts like I do with my own passwords but you can't be bothered.

Also doesn't help when you say they are all the same but that's not true. You can't remember them yourself, so often reset and now they are all variations of your typical password.

Write them down for all us and save yourself.

Frustrated wife and teen

I have no one to blame, but myself. So periodically, I google my saved passwords and write them down. I have to do this, because they keep requiring me to update them. And they change the rules for what an acceptable password is.
It never occurred to me, to keep them in my phone. I'll probably do that, from now on.
Thanks for the idea/suggestion!
😊

[jerseygirl]

I have a small notebook for website passwords
Many cross outs due to needed changes in passwords