milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Jun 18, 2013 12:05:59 GMT -5
Milee, this is the tradition in our family, on my Mom's side. Checks are distributed in Sept. So for us, it's not a big deal, it's our norm. We're a boring family - no drama and stable relationships all around. No one holds grudges, we all live nearish to each other and we like each other (most of the time.) But I realize that most families aren't like ours. I'm sorry your Dad is being a douchecanoe. I'm glad your family is peaceful and the system works for everybody. There is no right way to do this stuff, only what works for you and your family. And it's good to hear about nice families.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 18, 2013 12:12:09 GMT -5
Milee, this is the tradition in our family, on my Mom's side. Checks are distributed in Sept. So for us, it's not a big deal, it's our norm. We're a boring family - no drama and stable relationships all around. No one holds grudges, we all live nearish to each other and we like each other (most of the time.) But I realize that most families aren't like ours. I'm sorry your Dad is being a douchecanoe. I'm glad your family is peaceful and the system works for everybody. There is no right way to do this stuff, only what works for you and your family. And it's good to hear about nice families. And it's holding for the younger generation, at least so far. Admittedly the oldest is only 22...
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,762
|
Post by thyme4change on Jun 18, 2013 12:12:17 GMT -5
My mother has been experiencing heavy guilt because she took all the other granddaughters on a trip when they were 12, and my dad took the grandsons. Just a one-on-one trip. But my mom doesn't want to do that with my kids. The reason: because she is now 15 years older, and just doesn't feel comfortable. I told her it was fine, and I wasn't upset and the kids wouldn't even know. But guilt, guilt, guilt. This year, my Dad decided that he would take both of my kids and my mother to the beach. Guilt relieved. Done! Whoop!
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Jun 18, 2013 12:28:19 GMT -5
Interesting. My father is fair to Sis and I equally. And to grandkids equally. Not two family units. She has no kids, but if she had one or three, the grandkids would all get the same. My parents keep things equal. As did my grandparents. If one grandchild gets $5k, they should all get $5k.
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Jun 18, 2013 12:30:09 GMT -5
I have a college savings plan for each of my 2 grandsons. About the same amount in each. They have been told, repeatedly, that the money is only for education beyond high school. If one does not go to college or trade school and the other does, I would have no compunction about transferring funds from one's account to the other's. (I'm the owner of both accounts; they are the beneficaries). I don't see that as taking money away from my kids. Unless we use up our savings paying for LTC or high medical bills, they will inherit enough. I still buy clothes for my granddaughter, but gift the boys directly on birthdays and Christmas. Why would you treat the granddaughter different then the boys?
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Jun 18, 2013 12:41:14 GMT -5
I have a college savings plan for each of my 2 grandsons. About the same amount in each. They have been told, repeatedly, that the money is only for education beyond high school. If one does not go to college or trade school and the other does, I would have no compunction about transferring funds from one's account to the other's. (I'm the owner of both accounts; they are the beneficaries). I don't see that as taking money away from my kids. Unless we use up our savings paying for LTC or high medical bills, they will inherit enough. I still buy clothes for my granddaughter, but gift the boys directly on birthdays and Christmas. Why would you treat the granddaughter different then the boys? The granddaughter has different needs than the boys and will not be going to college. GG does other things for the granddaughter.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 10:28:14 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 12:46:16 GMT -5
Interesting. My father is fair to Sis and I equally. And to grandkids equally. Not two family units. She has no kids, but if she had one or three, the grandkids would all get the same. My parents keep things equal. As did my grandparents. If one grandchild gets $5k, they should all get $5k. Fair isn't always equal. I don't believe in just giving a child money if you want it to be for college and they chose not to go. I'm the same way as GG, my oldest knows if he doesn't use his college fund money or screws around while there, it's going to his younger brother. Younger brother doesn't use it, I'm buying a cabin on the lake.
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Jun 18, 2013 12:49:50 GMT -5
I must not know the backstory.
|
|
973beachbum
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,501
|
Post by 973beachbum on Jun 18, 2013 12:51:37 GMT -5
I think one of the differences here is I see regular gifts like for birthdays different from things like a 529 which to me is an early inheritance for my kids. I may be totally wrong but I see helping young people get through college as their parents responsibility. I know that for the wealthy it is a whole different ball game. So for Christmas i would try very hard to keep everyone happy and get them the present they wanted within about the same budget. But if one loves soccer or music and the other wants a video game I would prbably just pay for the soccer equipment or fees for the one and get the other a video game even if it looks different wrapped under the tree. Anyone want to bet it will make someone seriously PO'd?
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Jun 18, 2013 12:51:40 GMT -5
My parents keep things equal. As did my grandparents. If one grandchild gets $5k, they should all get $5k. Fair isn't always equal. I don't believe in just giving a child money if you want it to be for college and they chose not to go. I'm the same way as GG, my oldest knows if he doesn't use his college fund money or screws around while there, it's going to his younger brother. Younger brother doesn't use it, I'm buying a cabin on the lake. We could use the money for college or a house downpayment. My brother and I both used it for buying houses.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Jun 18, 2013 12:51:43 GMT -5
I must not know the backstory. Right. And I'm trying to help you not poke a potentially painful area.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 10:28:14 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 12:59:32 GMT -5
You might see it that way beach bum, but 1) legally it isn't. It's a gift to the kid. 2) it's very unlikely the grandkids will see it that way. ... They are the ones being penalized for having siblings essentially.
If you really want to gift to your kids, then, like I said earlier, just gift money to your kids, let them decide what they are doing with it.
|
|
973beachbum
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,501
|
Post by 973beachbum on Jun 18, 2013 13:32:28 GMT -5
You might see it that way beach bum, but 1) legally it isn't. It's a gift to the kid. 2) it's very unlikely the grandkids will see it that way. ... They are the ones being penalized for having siblings essentially. If you really want to gift to your kids, then, like I said earlier, just gift money to your kids, let them decide what they are doing with it. I checked when i set up ours and I control it's distrubution unlike a regular gift. I can change the beneficiary at any time I want. We would just pay taxes on anything it earned as ordinary income if I took it out for us to buy a vacation home or something. It may be different in other states. I guess I just don't understand why someone should be given extra for having more kids. And this is giving the parents that had more kids extra since it is their responsibility to help their kids get through college.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,762
|
Post by thyme4change on Jun 18, 2013 13:37:54 GMT -5
I have never once thought that my sister really gamed the system by having 3 kids when I only had 2. It never occurred to me that my parents gave more money / spent more on Christmas to her family than to mine, because there were 3 kids in that family. She should have a set $100 limit per daughter. If that daughter has 3 kids, then they get smaller gifts, and if that daughter has 2 kids, they get larger gifts. That doesn't make any sense to me. My parents gave each of their grandchildren an equal benefit to their money, just because my sister's children added up to more money doesn't mean my sister really got any benefit from that. Grandchildren are people. And my parents treated each person with the same amount of respect. They didn't split it up based on rationing via their own children. Who would do that?
|
|
gooddecisions
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,418
|
Post by gooddecisions on Jun 18, 2013 13:38:43 GMT -5
I'm of two minds. The first is that it is a gift and the only proper response to a gift is thank you. While I understand the thought behind wanting to make any gifts to grandkids the same there are reasons to make some things like a 529 account different. One would be if I had two kids and wanted to give them money while I am alive and decided that a 529 for the grandkids college was the way I wanted to do it. I would make the same amount for each of my kids and split that amount between their kids. So if I wanted to do $40,000 for each of my children it would be split into to pots of $20,000 each to be evenly split for their children. If one of my kids has only one child that child would get the whole $20,000. If my other child had five kids they would have to split the $20K evenly and only get $4K each. If we win the lottery and become millionaires it would probably be different and everyone would get college paid for. I seriously doubt that will happen though. If you do it like this- then you should call it "gifts to your kids". If your kids then decide to use it to make 529 accounts for their kids, then it's reasonable. Otherwise, it's not fair to consider it gifts to the grandchildren when the amounts are not equal. It's not their fault they have more siblings than their cousins. When my grandma died, she gave equal amounts to her two sons and nothing to us grandchildren. My dad earmarked some money to go to each of his children. I have no idea what my uncle did for his one daughter or if he gave her anything after our grandma died. Anyway, that's all in death which was not the point of the post. When my grandma was alive, she gave much nicer gifts to my cousin. I never understood it as a child (what child would?), but as an adult I can see that she was making it equal between her sons. I don't think I'll be doing that if I'm a grandma. Grandchildren are individuals and should be treated as such.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 10:28:14 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 13:40:50 GMT -5
You can change the beneficiary. But whose gift exclusion did the 529 go against? It wasn't the parent, it was the grandkid. It is an odd gift in that it can be directed and rescinded, but it is still to the grandkid, not the parent.
We just won't see this the same. I don't see individual grandkids as the product of a family unit, I see them as individuals. I know its how my family treats them. What I'm suggesting is that you might want to consider that that is how it will look to the grandkids too...
I understand your sentiment is, Why should I reward you somehow for having more children... I just want to be sure you understand the implications of making this a statement...
|
|
973beachbum
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,501
|
Post by 973beachbum on Jun 18, 2013 13:44:11 GMT -5
I have never once thought that my sister really gamed the system by having 3 kids when I only had 2. It never occurred to me that my parents gave more money / spent more on Christmas to her family than to mine, because there were 3 kids in that family. She should have a set $100 limit per daughter. If that daughter has 3 kids, then they get smaller gifts, and if that daughter has 2 kids, they get larger gifts. That doesn't make any sense to me. My parents gave each of their grandchildren an equal benefit to their money, just because my sister's children added up to more money doesn't mean my sister really got any benefit from that. Grandchildren are people. And my parents treated each person with the same amount of respect. They didn't split it up based on rationing via their own children. Who would do that? I specifically said I wasn't talking about Christmas or B-day gifts. I was talking about money in a 529 which can add up to tens of thousands of dollars. All this thread has done is convince me to not give any money to anyone. It seems like an easier way to make everyone happy.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 10:28:14 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 13:45:37 GMT -5
Why can't you just give it directly to your kids, since that is who you say you want to help?
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Jun 18, 2013 13:46:06 GMT -5
I have never once thought that my sister really gamed the system by having 3 kids when I only had 2. It never occurred to me that my parents gave more money / spent more on Christmas to her family than to mine, because there were 3 kids in that family. She should have a set $100 limit per daughter. If that daughter has 3 kids, then they get smaller gifts, and if that daughter has 2 kids, they get larger gifts. That doesn't make any sense to me. My parents gave each of their grandchildren an equal benefit to their money, just because my sister's children added up to more money doesn't mean my sister really got any benefit from that. Grandchildren are people. And my parents treated each person with the same amount of respect. They didn't split it up based on rationing via their own children. Who would do that? Crazy people...that's who. My parents treat us equally, but neither of us care if they don't. My brother and I are not greedy or money grubby. dhs parents favor his brother and his child. What makes it worse, is he is a complete f-up. It makes me what to just change our number and forget they exist. Dh still hopes they will one day appreciate him. I think if it has not happened it never will. They have seen our son once since he was born. They make no effort to spend time with him. Even with him having surgery, they have said nothing. But of course their Facebook pages are full of photos of the precious granddaughters preschool graduation. Give me a break....
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,762
|
Post by thyme4change on Jun 18, 2013 13:48:57 GMT -5
Why should a child be punished with less college money because his parents decided to have 4 kids, while his cousin get more money from Grandma because his parents just had the one kid? I don't understand why you are splitting up your grandchildren by their parents. Treat them equally.
Or, whatever, do whatever you want, of course. It just wouldn't be my deal to treat one grandkid as a part of one family, and another one as part of another family when it came to funding college. I want all my grandchildren to be educated. Now, if one of my children happened to be a trillionaire because they developed some great new invention and that kid's kids didn't need my money to go to college, but my other child was dirt poor, doing health care services to a village in Africa, I might make different choices. But, if both my kids are middle class, I will treat my grandchildren the same as each other.
|
|
973beachbum
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,501
|
Post by 973beachbum on Jun 18, 2013 13:49:41 GMT -5
Why can't you just give it directly to your kids, since that is who you say you want to help? The thought was that by then our kids will be done, this is hypothetical you know. So we could set money aside for my kids to help with their kids college when they get there. This thread has convinced me to not do anything because whatever we do is going to piss someone off obviously. They can just wait till we die I guess.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 10:28:14 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 14:47:37 GMT -5
Interesting. My father is fair to Sis and I equally. And to grandkids equally. Not two family units. She has no kids, but if she had one or three, the grandkids would all get the same. My parents keep things equal. As did my grandparents. If one grandchild gets $5k, they should all get $5k. Lol, Doxie. Will you please start sending me snowflake money to make this happen? Or are you really saying that I should cash in all of their college accounts? Lol. What seemed like a good idea at the time got out of control. I am not going to redistribute by taking from the oldest. I can do that when some of them actually go to college in nine or more years. Or not. I will be retired in six years, before some of them even start school. There are more waiting to be conceived. New article for MSN Money: Funding Your Grandkids' 529 While on Social Security!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 10:28:14 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 14:56:46 GMT -5
Why should a child be punished with less college money because his parents decided to have 4 kids, while his cousin get more money from Grandma because his parents just had the one kid? I don't understand why you are splitting up your grandchildren by their parents. Treat them equally. Yeah, I don't get that either. I would consider the gift to be to the grandchild, not the family they belong to.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 10:28:14 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 15:51:30 GMT -5
Maybe I can ease the tension by making some of you laugh.
I took my two older grandsons (9 and 7) to get yogurt last week and for a run at the thrift store for books. The oldest loves to read; his brother thinks if his older brother read a book first, it is too hard for him. They are cute. There is no limit to the books I will buy so it's always lots of fun, especially since I have a library degree and know a lot of cool books.
But as we drove around, we started talking about "when the baby comes." They already have a baby at their house; he's 13 months. But their newest brother is due in August.
The oldest grandson got this absolutely morose tone and said, "You aren't going to be able to afford Christmas presents for eight grandchildren, are you?" I think his parents have been pulling his string.
I quickly assured him that I always save up for Christmas presents. He then wanted to know how much per month so he could calculate the available present per grandchild.
Can you tell his father is a CPA?
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Jun 18, 2013 16:08:31 GMT -5
My parents keep things equal. As did my grandparents. If one grandchild gets $5k, they should all get $5k. Lol, Doxie. Will you please start sending me snowflake money to make this happen? Or are you really saying that I should cash in all of their college accounts? Lol. What seemed like a good idea at the time got out of control. I am not going to redistribute by taking from the oldest. I can do that when some of them actually go to college in nine or more years. Or not. I will be retired in six years, before some of them even start school. There are more waiting to be conceived. New article for MSN Money: Funding Your Grandkids' 529 While on Social Security! I am saying that what you do for the oldest grandchild, should be done for each grandchild. If you can't afford to do so then you should not give, or reevaluate your giving to make it equal.
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Jun 18, 2013 16:16:49 GMT -5
For instance, I am the oldest grandchild on my mothers side. My grandmother paid for a car for me, that I made payments on, to her. When I bought my first house, she forgave the loan and wrote all the other grandchildren a check for the same amount of money.
I hated my dads mother because she was a witch but even she would give us each the same spending limit on a shopping trip once a year. She did the same for all eight children. She did not keep it equal with her own children and there is a lot of hatred amongst them, to the point they no longer have contact. At least she learned a lesson by the time grand kids came into the picture.
Keep it reasonably equal is the point I am trying to make.
|
|
The Home 6
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:24:57 GMT -5
Posts: 1,906
Location: Bourbon Country
Favorite Drink: Wine. With a wine chaser.
|
Post by The Home 6 on Jun 18, 2013 16:28:48 GMT -5
I am saying that what you do for the oldest grandchild, should be done for each grandchild. If you can't afford to do so then you should not give, or reevaluate your giving to make it equal. While this sounds nice in theory, you really can't plan for how many grandkids you have. If you would ask my Grandma, she would never have expected to have 24 grandkids and 7 great-grandchildren (so far). She only gave birth to 3 kids.
|
|
HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on Jun 18, 2013 16:31:44 GMT -5
Keep it reasonably equal is the point I am trying to make. And she said she can't, lol. Why is this so hard to understand?
|
|
HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on Jun 18, 2013 16:32:59 GMT -5
While this sounds nice in theory, you really can't plan for how many grandkids you have. If you would ask my Grandma, she would never have expected to have 24 grandkids and 7 great-grandchildren (so far). She only gave birth to 3 kids. Yep. I'm 100% positive that my DD's grandmother (on H's side) had NO IDEA he'd have another child with wifey #2. So grandkids coming 20 years apart is a pretty hard thing to predict and make financial plans for.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,762
|
Post by thyme4change on Jun 18, 2013 16:33:02 GMT -5
Keep it reasonably equal is the point I am trying to make. And she said she can't, lol. Why is this so hard to understand? Sure she can. She can move money around so that the oldest doesn't get $5k and the youngest get $893 15 years later.
|
|