mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on Jun 18, 2013 7:57:15 GMT -5
After a lot of thought I decided to do things that are memorable for the grandkids. DD1's boys love to go to Barnes and Noble once a month with grandma. So we trek there and they can each buy 2 books.
DD3 likes the help when she goes shopping. So once a week I take the 3 year old in a cart - just grandma and me type of thing. I don't buy him anything because I don't want him to be a brat in the stores, screaming for everything.
Then I do experiences. I took their families to Great Wolf Lodge and on a lunch cruise. Good quality time.
The ones in NY get a remember grandma box in the mail every other month. (since there's 2 families there) I have one DD in NY who's husband owns a large and growing small business. She doesn't need anything. However I send her girlie packages because she never puts herself first. She still carries the frugal mentality, more so than the others. The others will budget Jimmy Buffett tickets. She wouldn't think of spending money on them.
My gifts to the grands are never huge. I don't want them (neither do their parents) to think when they're 16, they are ready for a car as a gift. So books and stickers and doll clothes are my gifts of choice. Plus these things can be bought on sale.
I want to be remembered for my hugs, not a cash machine.
I hope this helps you a bit, SUSANNA.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 8:02:42 GMT -5
My parents help a lot. My Dad and stepmom opened UGMA accounts for each of the boys and put a small amount in every month, plus extra on birthdays and Christmas. Older son has about 10K in his now and the two year old 2K or so.
My Mom watches kids a lot. Whenever daycare is closed she'll take younger son and over the summer she has older son several of the weeks. She gets them haircuts, buys them clothes, takes older son with on vacations and covers his airfare and other expenses, helps host their birthday parties by buying the cake, making a lot of the food, etc.
None of this is stuff we NEED them to do, but it sure is helpful and takes some of the stress off, especially having the last minute back up daycare. I almost never have to miss work for daycare issues unlike some of my coworkers.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 8:55:48 GMT -5
Yes, it would be weird. I don't know what the answer is. If I were in the position I would try to do more than $1,000 to make it more fair. It would only be weird if the g'kid/parent knew what was in the accounts. If they have never been told, not weird. Yeah, but if the cousins are at all close, it's going to come out when they actually get the money. Oldest grandson gets 5K and the rest assume that's what they can expect too.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 18, 2013 9:12:19 GMT -5
I'm of two minds. The first is that it is a gift and the only proper response to a gift is thank you. While I understand the thought behind wanting to make any gifts to grandkids the same there are reasons to make some things like a 529 account different. One would be if I had two kids and wanted to give them money while I am alive and decided that a 529 for the grandkids college was the way I wanted to do it. I would make the same amount for each of my kids and split that amount between their kids. So if I wanted to do $40,000 for each of my children it would be split into to pots of $20,000 each to be evenly split for their children. If one of my kids has only one child that child would get the whole $20,000. If my other child had five kids they would have to split the $20K evenly and only get $4K each. If we win the lottery and become millionaires it would probably be different and everyone would get college paid for. I seriously doubt that will happen though.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 9:14:52 GMT -5
So if one if your kids doesn't have kids, do they just get the money?
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jun 18, 2013 9:17:17 GMT -5
Why do you have to spend money to have a relationship with your grandchildren? My MIL/FIL are very close to my children, but it has nothing to do with shopping/restaurants/going places/clothes. We have huge stacks of puzzles/games and we break them out whenever we get together. Pop some popcorn, play games, and visit. Or hang out in the yard together - kids run in the sprinklers while the adults cheer them on. I loved my grandmother dearly and I don't know that she ever spent a dollar on me. But she did make the best tortillas and would spend hours rolling/cooking a batch while I inhaled them. Don't be too hard on yourself OP.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 18, 2013 9:20:54 GMT -5
So if one if your kids doesn't have kids, do they just get the money? I would come up with something to make it even, yes. I love both my kids and don't understand why I would give more of my money, and I consider a 529 as helping my kids pay for their kids college, to one than the other just because they had more kids.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 18, 2013 9:23:14 GMT -5
I'm of two minds. The first is that it is a gift and the only proper response to a gift is thank you. While I understand the thought behind wanting to make any gifts to grandkids the same there are reasons to make some things like a 529 account different. One would be if I had two kids and wanted to give them money while I am alive and decided that a 529 for the grandkids college was the way I wanted to do it. I would make the same amount for each of my kids and split that amount between their kids. So if I wanted to do $40,000 for each of my children it would be split into to pots of $20,000 each to be evenly split for their children. If one of my kids has only one child that child would get the whole $20,000. If my other child had five kids they would have to split the $20K evenly and only get $4K each. If we win the lottery and become millionaires it would probably be different and everyone would get college paid for. I seriously doubt that will happen though. I really don't understand that thinking. I would take the money available to fund g'kids education and do 40k/6 as I had 6 grandkids. If you were doing "back to school" clothing as gifts to the g'kids - would you buy the 1 kids a week's wardrobe, and the other 5 only 1 outfit? No I wouldn't but there is a BIG difference between a $50 dress or pair of shoes, and $20K in a 529. My kids will each get half of whatever we have left. Having a bunch of babies won't get them more than that half.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 9:27:11 GMT -5
Interesting. My father is fair to Sis and I equally. And to grandkids equally. Not two family units. She has no kids, but if she had one or three, the grandkids would all get the same.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 9:29:54 GMT -5
Yeah, but if the cousins are at all close, it's going to come out when they actually get the money. Oldest grandson gets 5K and the rest assume that's what they can expect too. No - I am saying that redistributing funds to make it even would only be weird if anyone knew what was in the accounts, and if no one knows, that the money be made equal for all. I agree. I guess I am just coming from an angle that I have seen this play out in real life on my husband's side of the family and how the other grandkids felt hurt. It happened to me as well with my older brother getting money for college (not a lot...but a few thousand) and I didn't get anything. I was told that they didn't have any money left to help me after helping him. So I guess I am just a little touchy when it comes to fair about college funds like this.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jun 18, 2013 9:32:55 GMT -5
I have a college savings plan for each of my 2 grandsons. About the same amount in each. They have been told, repeatedly, that the money is only for education beyond high school. If one does not go to college or trade school and the other does, I would have no compunction about transferring funds from one's account to the other's. (I'm the owner of both accounts; they are the beneficaries).
I don't see that as taking money away from my kids. Unless we use up our savings paying for LTC or high medical bills, they will inherit enough.
I still buy clothes for my granddaughter, but gift the boys directly on birthdays and Christmas.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 9:33:27 GMT -5
Actually, if you were going to give to family units, you should just give it to your kids, let them decide what to do with it. If you gift to a 529, you are gifting to the grandkids, not the kids, and I think eventually it would backfire on you in terms of appeared favoritism.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 9:40:18 GMT -5
Thanks for the perspective on the 529s, but you guys are making it bigger than it really is. My kids don't get upset about what is given to someone else. Maybe it's because none of them are struggling.
It's a gift to the grandchildren, not an entitlement. And you don't turn over a 529 to the grandchild when they graduate. I'll turn it over to their parents who don't even have to tell them about it. It will work out.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jun 18, 2013 9:42:05 GMT -5
I do not see a problem with SS changing her gifting. Especially as she indicates her kids are well set financially.
When my Grandmother died all the grandchildren and all the great grandchildren inherited equally. The $$ for the great grandchildren was designated for education. When DS was born my Mom offered to contribute a like amount to a college fund. I told her it was our responsibility to pay for our kids college education and she had no way to predict how many more grandchildren she might end up with. (There were 4 so It was a good call on my part). SS kids got the college fund for the oldest started, so they can concentrate on the younger kids.
My Mom pretty much only did gifts for Birthday and Christmas and did small easter baskets. I don't remember her doing anything else.
My MIL was our babysitter, she was paid the market rate and an additional amount for food. She sometimes bought the kids articles of clothing, but she bought them at discount stores. I did not object b/c I did not want to take away her enjoyment. If we felt she spent too much for whatever reason we tried to pass her some extra $$.
I told my Mom a long time ago not to worry about making everything equal between her grandchildren. My kids have been told since the beginning of time to say thank you for gifts but not to expect anything. We tried to teach the kids that gifts should be affordable and people should not be expected to spend $$ on gifts if they are worried about paying for food/shelter. I know from my kids outrage at what others expect from and of Grandma and Grandpa that they learned this lesson.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 9:53:40 GMT -5
I highly doubt my kids will get the same from G&G for college. They started each account a couple months after each birth, and put exactly the same in each one each month, but one was started in 2002 and one in 2010 and are invested differently for their ages. I don't anticipate this being an issue though as it's really just a gift to me since I plan on covering their tuition 100%. This will just reduce the amount I have to come up with.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 18, 2013 9:59:35 GMT -5
My parents give checks for b-days and Christmas - $25 for b-days and $35 for Christmas. But the Christmas one is actually given to me/DH and we're expected to pick out a present, wrap it and tag it from the grandparents to be opened at the family party, usually the Sunday after Christmas. I know these next few lines are going to make me sound completely awful and ungrateful. That being said, I would not consider this a very nice "gift." From the week before Thanksgiving until dusk on Christmas day, I am crazy busy (busiest time at work, school stuff, all gift buying for family and clients, social obligations, etc). Although I love the holidays and am glad to have a chance to do things for my family and others, I am maxed. My Dad is mostly retired and quite well off now. He has several homes and lives a good life. A few years ago started using his Amex rewards points to buy gifts for my boys, which is fine - he's welcome to give whatever gifts he'd like of course. He called to let me know how great the system was in that not only did it not cost him anything but all he had to do was click a few keys and have the stuff shipped directly to my house. Easy for him, but not so fun for me to unpack, verify and wrap the stuff. (I know - sounds petty, right?) So I explained that he was retired and had plenty of time and money. He needed to either pay a few bucks to have it wrapped before it was sent, have it sent to his house and wrap it himself (not a biggie since he comes here on Christmas day anyway) or understand that the stuff might be just placed unwrapped under the tree. Because adding to my "to-do" list around Christmas is not a nice gift at all. When he's in his 80s and no longer mobile, my attitude will be different but for now, I get a little pissed that he's making his life easier at my expense at a time when I don't have the time to spare.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 18, 2013 10:14:43 GMT -5
Sorry - I got Gardening Grandma and SouthernSusana mixed up there. I also think it won't be fair to give the first kid $5k and the all the rest $1k. I would redistribute.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 18, 2013 10:33:53 GMT -5
Of the 4 kids in my family I am the most independent and as a result I kind of get screwed. In 2012 my parents gave my DS $75 for his birthday and one board game for Christmas. For the birthdays 5 of the 8 grandkids got checks for $75, BUT my brother's two kids got actual presents. This told the other grandkids that they weren't special enough for Nana and Papa to make the effort of going to the store, buying a present, and wrapping it up. For Christmas the 3 oldest boys (one of which is my DS) each got one present but the little kids (age 3 to 8) had dozens to open. And even dollar wise the older kids gifts weren't expensive. It was disheartening for my DS to have to say "I don't have any more to open" every single time it came back around to be his turn to open presents since they do it from youngest to oldest. You probably think I'm whining or whatever but it's hard to see your son be disappointed. He is 15 so it's not like he didn't understand.
So help with the grandkid- I get none.
My younger brother- my parents buy all of his kids birthday and Christmas presents (that they are told are from their dad), buy all of their school clothes and school supplies. In addition to that my mom balances his checkbook and pays all of his bills for him. They also feed him and his kids dinner and baby sit his kids several times a week. My parents take his children on vacation every year.
My older brother- my parents give my brother a monthly stipend of $600 and pay for his three kids to participate in summer camps, orchestra and take them on vacation every year.
My sister- my parents buy her kids some school clothes and take them on vacation.
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archrival
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Post by archrival on Jun 18, 2013 10:35:39 GMT -5
My parents give checks for b-days and Christmas - $25 for b-days and $35 for Christmas. But the Christmas one is actually given to me/DH and we're expected to pick out a present, wrap it and tag it from the grandparents to be opened at the family party, usually the Sunday after Christmas. I know these next few lines are going to make me sound completely awful and ungrateful. That being said, I would not consider this a very nice "gift." From the week before Thanksgiving until dusk on Christmas day, I am crazy busy (busiest time at work, school stuff, all gift buying for family and clients, social obligations, etc). Although I love the holidays and am glad to have a chance to do things for my family and others, I am maxed. My Dad is mostly retired and quite well off now. He has several homes and lives a good life. A few years ago started using his Amex rewards points to buy gifts for my boys, which is fine - he's welcome to give whatever gifts he'd like of course. He called to let me know how great the system was in that not only did it not cost him anything but all he had to do was click a few keys and have the stuff shipped directly to my house. Easy for him, but not so fun for me to unpack, verify and wrap the stuff. (I know - sounds petty, right?) So I explained that he was retired and had plenty of time and money. He needed to either pay a few bucks to have it wrapped before it was sent, have it sent to his house and wrap it himself (not a biggie since he comes here on Christmas day anyway) or understand that the stuff might be just placed unwrapped under the tree. Because adding to my "to-do" list around Christmas is not a nice gift at all. When he's in his 80s and no longer mobile, my attitude will be different but for now, I get a little pissed that he's making his life easier at my expense at a time when I don't have the time to spare. milee - have you thought of just going to the dollar store and picking up some of those big gift bags? This way, you can just open up the shipped toys and put them in the gift bag without wrapping it up? This way, your father wouldn't feel like you are unappreciative.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 18, 2013 10:37:50 GMT -5
All I'm saying is treat the grandkids equally. I can tell you that it hurts the kids feelings when they are old enough to see the difference. In April my mom hosted a birthday party for my niece at her house complete with cake and presents. Two weeks later she opted not to even bother attending the birthday party I had for my son at my house (however my dad came and brought with my maternal grandmother).
I fully expect to pay for my son's college education myself and expect that my parents will pay large portions of the other 7 grandkids' educations.
It's not a financial issue for my parents. They are multi-millionaires- it has nothing to do with cost and everything to do with their attitude towards the different grandkids.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 18, 2013 10:44:12 GMT -5
I know these next few lines are going to make me sound completely awful and ungrateful. That being said, I would not consider this a very nice "gift." From the week before Thanksgiving until dusk on Christmas day, I am crazy busy (busiest time at work, school stuff, all gift buying for family and clients, social obligations, etc). Although I love the holidays and am glad to have a chance to do things for my family and others, I am maxed. My Dad is mostly retired and quite well off now. He has several homes and lives a good life. A few years ago started using his Amex rewards points to buy gifts for my boys, which is fine - he's welcome to give whatever gifts he'd like of course. He called to let me know how great the system was in that not only did it not cost him anything but all he had to do was click a few keys and have the stuff shipped directly to my house. Easy for him, but not so fun for me to unpack, verify and wrap the stuff. (I know - sounds petty, right?) So I explained that he was retired and had plenty of time and money. He needed to either pay a few bucks to have it wrapped before it was sent, have it sent to his house and wrap it himself (not a biggie since he comes here on Christmas day anyway) or understand that the stuff might be just placed unwrapped under the tree. Because adding to my "to-do" list around Christmas is not a nice gift at all. When he's in his 80s and no longer mobile, my attitude will be different but for now, I get a little pissed that he's making his life easier at my expense at a time when I don't have the time to spare. milee - have you thought of just going to the dollar store and picking up some of those big gift bags? This way, you can just open up the shipped toys and put them in the gift bag without wrapping it up? This way, your father wouldn't feel like you are unappreciative. No, I have not because again - that's one more thing for me to do. The entire point is that if he wants to give a gift, I don't want to be the one that the work is pawned off on. As I told him and expressed in my post, the boys and I are always properly appreciative for whatever is given. They will also be properly appreciative if it's not wrapped. If he wants it to be wrapped, he needs to do it.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 18, 2013 10:45:22 GMT -5
Not petty at all Milee, sometimes, people don't realize how just a little bit more can be way too much. Hopefully you two ironed this out. Still working on it. Money and time issues are sensitive things with him/me. Large backstory unfortunately.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Jun 18, 2013 10:52:15 GMT -5
All I'm saying is treat the grandkids equally. I can tell you that it hurts the kids feelings when they are old enough to see the difference. In April my mom hosted a birthday party for my niece at her house complete with cake and presents. Two weeks later she opted not to even bother attending the birthday party I had for my son at my house (however my dad came and brought with my maternal grandmother). I fully expect to pay for my son's college education myself and expect that my parents will pay large portions of the other 7 grandkids' educations. It's not a financial issue for my parents. They are multi-millionaires- it has nothing to do with cost and everything to do with their attitude towards the different grandkids. A small part of why DH and I don't have kids yet is because I feel that they will be treated differently than DH's nephew (only grandchild for the in-laws, plus child of their favorite child). I can see how it hurts DH that his mom and dad favor his sister (even though he won't admit it), even now that they are in their mid-30s, and I can't imagine subjecting a child to that. It must have been hard for him as a kid, and I just want to know why - what did he do that made them that way? Is it because he's a boy? Is it because he came only 13 months after his sister and they wanted more time between kids, only one kid, etc.? Sorry, off on a tangent! But ya, different amounts to each grandchild could be taken that way. I would give them all the same amount in their 529s and leave them at that. My dad treats my brother and I equally down to the penny. My mom would make sure our Christmas gifts would total the same dollar amount, though the amount of gifts might be a little off (if one of us wanted a more expensive gift, etc.).
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jun 18, 2013 10:53:02 GMT -5
Of the 4 kids in my family I am the most independent and as a result I kind of get screwed. In 2012 my parents gave my DS $75 for his birthday and one board game for Christmas. For the birthdays 5 of the 8 grandkids got checks for $75, BUT my brother's two kids got actual presents. This told the other grandkids that they weren't special enough for Nana and Papa to make the effort of going to the store, buying a present, and wrapping it up. For Christmas the 3 oldest boys (one of which is my DS) each got one present but the little kids (age 3 to 8) had dozens to open. And even dollar wise the older kids gifts weren't expensive. It was disheartening for my DS to have to say "I don't have any more to open" every single time it came back around to be his turn to open presents since they do it from youngest to oldest. You probably think I'm whining or whatever but it's hard to see your son be disappointed. He is 15 so it's not like he didn't understand. So help with the grandkid- I get none. My younger brother- my parents buy all of his kids birthday and Christmas presents (that they are told are from their dad), buy all of their school clothes and school supplies. In addition to that my mom balances his checkbook and pays all of his bills for him. They also feed him and his kids dinner and baby sit his kids several times a week. My parents take his children on vacation every year. My older brother- my parents give my brother a monthly stipend of $600 and pay for his three kids to participate in summer camps, orchestra and take them on vacation every year. My sister- my parents buy her kids some school clothes and take them on vacation. Sheila, a co-worker told me years ago that she did not worry about making the $$ equal out she just bought them the same # of gifts. I tired to do this for years, but the last 2 christmasses were a little crazy. Now I am doing well to just give my kids everything they ask for. Short list=less presents. My kids did not seem unhappy. My kids also know that their Grandma makes everything $ equal - so If someone has more presents, well it was the same amount spent. Maybe you should gently tell your mother that she needs to pick one $ equal or # of presents equal so it does not seem so unfair. My younger nephews and niece got presents for a few years and the older kids got $$. MIL did not buy the presents I bought them for her on Black Friday. I think the family knew that, no one really seemed unhappy. Gifts are a lot more important to smaller kids. Our christmas last year was quite chaotic. The Grandkids range in age from 7-31 and there are 2 great grands. Really it is Grandma and Grandpa that have the most gifts at our celebration! We were waiting for Grandma to finish opening gifts. We have a somewhat similar situation b/c my DS does not have anywhere near the income my DB and I do. My kids know this, and know we don't sweat the details. My kids got nothing to complain about they are not lacking in possessions or clothing or Grandparental Attention. The most valuble thing my inlaws do for us right now is provide doggie daycare for our family pet. He is probably the favorite grandchild right now and my kids laugh about it. DS had the dog with him on Father's day so he went to My family celbration, then to his girlfriend's family celebration, then to my Husband's family celebration.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 18, 2013 11:23:29 GMT -5
I try to make the dollar range about the same, and give them the same number of gifts to open. Sometimes that means that two items that are related are in the same wrapping, and sometimes it means that two items that are related are wrapped separately. I was also told I could use the full retail value or replacement value of something to count my dollars, since the last thing I bought my daughter was a $30 on sale for 5-bucks. They can't do the math yet, and I wasn't going to shop more to try and even things out. I expected to pay $25, I decided to go with the $30 item, and only paid $5 when I got to the register. All I know, is I had money to buy 2 more bottles of wine.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 18, 2013 11:35:25 GMT -5
Bean- oh how I wish I could gently tell my mother anything. That isn't an option in my world. My mom is very paranoid and reads way too much in to everything. Example- they invited all of us over for breakfast for father's day on Sunday. My sister's two kids rushed to the door to talk to me so I spent a minute or so talking to them while helping my grandma take off her shoes and hang up her purse before I finished helping her (I picked up at the nursing home) into the kitchen and getting her a cup of coffee. Because I didn't stop and make grandma stand there while I greeted my brother's two kids who were in a different room, in my mom's eyes I "ignored them completely and hurt their feelings". Never mind that I sat down and colored with them as soon as I got grandma comfortable. I asked my sister to not add as much cheese to the scrambled eggs as last time and my mom started to cry because I was being mean to my sister. For the record my sister and I have a close relationship and she wasn't at all offended and admitted she tends to over 'cheese' when she cooks.
My mom tries to find the "Bitchy" in everything I say. If I said "oh you made pancakes" she assumes I'm being bitchy because she thinks what I meant was that I'd rather have waffles.
So no- telling her in a gentle manner isn't possible.
It just sucks for the Boy because his paternal grandparents haven't seen him since 2008. They sometimes send him a Christmas check in January or February and once every other year remember his birthday. Sad because he is their only Grandchild- you'd think they'd be able to remember one kid. They were very well off financially too so it's not a money thing there either.
Oh well. DS has a great group of people that we have made into our extended family so he's ok with that.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 18, 2013 11:39:55 GMT -5
I'd rather my parents spend time with the kids than buy them things but they can't figure out a way to do that equally either. They'll drop everything and drive 5 hours one way to attended a school concert for my nephews but if I ask them if they can judge a knowledge bowl meet (about a 4 hour time commitment) they are "too busy".
They'll take half of the grandkids on vacation to California but totally ignore the other 4 kids. So the parents are stuck explaining why Nana and Papa took so and so on vacation and why couldn't they go too.
Eh- it is what it is. I should probably stop complaining so much I just wanted to explain that it does hurt the kids' feelings when they aren't all treated the same.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 18, 2013 11:41:17 GMT -5
Man to be a fly on the wall at your family gatherings Sheila. It sounds like a bad reality TV show!
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 18, 2013 11:50:44 GMT -5
I know these next few lines are going to make me sound completely awful and ungrateful. That being said, I would not consider this a very nice "gift." From the week before Thanksgiving until dusk on Christmas day, I am crazy busy (busiest time at work, school stuff, all gift buying for family and clients, social obligations, etc). Although I love the holidays and am glad to have a chance to do things for my family and others, I am maxed. My Dad is mostly retired and quite well off now. He has several homes and lives a good life. A few years ago started using his Amex rewards points to buy gifts for my boys, which is fine - he's welcome to give whatever gifts he'd like of course. He called to let me know how great the system was in that not only did it not cost him anything but all he had to do was click a few keys and have the stuff shipped directly to my house. Easy for him, but not so fun for me to unpack, verify and wrap the stuff. (I know - sounds petty, right?) So I explained that he was retired and had plenty of time and money. He needed to either pay a few bucks to have it wrapped before it was sent, have it sent to his house and wrap it himself (not a biggie since he comes here on Christmas day anyway) or understand that the stuff might be just placed unwrapped under the tree. Because adding to my "to-do" list around Christmas is not a nice gift at all. When he's in his 80s and no longer mobile, my attitude will be different but for now, I get a little pissed that he's making his life easier at my expense at a time when I don't have the time to spare. Milee, this is the tradition in our family, on my Mom's side. Checks are distributed in Sept. So for us, it's not a big deal, it's our norm. We're a boring family - no drama and stable relationships all around. No one holds grudges, we all live nearish to each other and we like each other (most of the time.) But I realize that most families aren't like ours. I'm sorry your Dad is being a douchecanoe.
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lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
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Post by lurkyloo on Jun 18, 2013 11:54:34 GMT -5
Sorry to hear it, sheila. My mother is of the same ilk as far a taking offense at everything, although not quite so sensitive. She's making an effort to be nice/mend bridges right now (she really loves babies) and I'm going to have to invite her out to meet her new grandson...and I'm gritting my teeth about it because I don't want to be petty or vindictive, but I don't really want a closer relationship with her either
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