mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 13, 2013 13:03:33 GMT -5
The hospital does have an ER, but no psych ward. We did not have "violent and crazy people coming in on a daily basis". Having a staff member with a crazy estranged husband did, indeed, change our risk level at that time. Do not tell me what I know. Bullshit. An ER means that every day you have both victims and perpetrators of violent crime, along with a parade of drug addicts and loons coming through your doors. You also get your share of normal people who are pushed beyond their limits and act out. This is in no way the same situation as an elementary school. Oh? You've been to the hospital in question and know all about what happens in the ER? Well, I'll be a son-of-a-gun! We might be neighbors; however, it's my guess I know a lot more about that hospital and what goes on there than you do, formerroomate. End of discussion with you.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 13, 2013 13:04:30 GMT -5
You've beat up your wife? LOL! Nope, but I wish I'd beat up the creep who beat me up!
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 13, 2013 13:05:22 GMT -5
Again...exactly. But even that isn't helping this woman support her children. And that's what some people don't get. There's more to domestic abuse than just the slap, punch, etc. It's the fall-out. She can arm herself, take self-defense classes and get a guard dog, but she still (at this point) doesn't have the ability to support herself and her children because she was fired for the actions of another. There's so much more that comes AFTER the act/acts of violence that we need to deal with. You abuse your wife? You are going to prison for 10 years. For 10 years, you are not going to be a threat to her/his safety. You are not going to be a threat to the safety of the children. You are not going to be a threat to her place of employment. Youare not going to raise children who think hurting their mother is ok. Nobody has to worry about your sorry ass for 10.....long.....years. Period. That is just in this case. I doubt the majority of women are fired over domestic violence. My bff is gainfully employed but chooses to stay with someone who ocassioanly knocks her around. What is her excuse? You do realize that the greatest chance of death from your abuser is when you leave and right after. The jerkwad in the OP was her EXhusband, so he went crazy and showed up at the school after they had already been divorced, not while she was still in his control for him to knock around. A lot of abusers escalate when they're losing control of their victim.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 13, 2013 13:05:43 GMT -5
You've beat up your wife? If so, are you butch? ROFL! Not that, either; although, my first husband might be convinced I am, had he not had the good grace to die young.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 13, 2013 13:07:22 GMT -5
If so, are you butch? ROFL! Not that, either; although, my first husband might be convinced I am, had he not had the good grace to die young. So he died young? Sounds like someone took matters into their own hands
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jun 13, 2013 13:07:47 GMT -5
This might work for a secular private school, but a lot of municipalities are very twitchy about mixing public funding with anything related to a church.
You also have the fact that the Catholic church provides an affordable alternative to failing pubic schools, which gets in the way of corrupt, power hungry polticians using children as an excuse for every tax hike. In some areas, that generates some animosity. Even in a place that isn't known for anti-Catholic sentiment, it could very well be the case that a public school would get police protection but a Catholic one would not.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 13, 2013 13:07:48 GMT -5
That is just in this case. I doubt the majority of women are fired over domestic violence. My bff is gainfully employed but chooses to stay with someone who ocassioanly knocks her around. What is her excuse? You do realize that the greatest chance of death from your abuser is when you leave and right after. The jerkwad in the OP was her EXhusband, so he went crazy and showed up at the school after they had already been divorced, not while she was still in his control for him to knock around. A lot of abusers escalate when they're losing control of their victim. So they should stay with their abuser?
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 13, 2013 13:10:11 GMT -5
ROFL! Not that, either; although, my first husband might be convinced I am, had he not had the good grace to die young. So he died young? Sounds like someone took matters into their own hands *cackle* Wasn't me. Actually, he died of cancer. From what I understand, it took him very slowly and piece by piece. It shames me to say I'm not particularly sorry. It wasn't only me who took the brunt of his cruelty. When he couldn't get to me anymore, he tried to turn on the kids. I left before he could get physical with them. I knew the course of his hideousness and it wasn't going to happen. I knew, then, I'd kill him first.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 13, 2013 13:13:03 GMT -5
You do realize that the greatest chance of death from your abuser is when you leave and right after. The jerkwad in the OP was her EXhusband, so he went crazy and showed up at the school after they had already been divorced, not while she was still in his control for him to knock around. A lot of abusers escalate when they're losing control of their victim. So they should stay with their abuser? No, that's not what I said at all. I was just saying that it's not as simple as walking away.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 13, 2013 13:13:08 GMT -5
So he died young? Sounds like someone took matters into their own hands *cackle* Wasn't me. Actually, he died of cancer. From what I understand, it took him very slowly and piece by piece. It shames me to say I'm not particularly sorry. It wasn't only me who took the brunt of his cruelty. When he couldn't get to me anymore, he tried to turn on the kids. I left before he could get physical with them. I knew the course of his hideousness and it wasn't going to happen. I knew, then, I'd kill him first. I always feel the worst for the children. They really have no choice in the matter. How do your kids remember their father?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 13, 2013 13:14:20 GMT -5
So they should stay with their abuser? No, that's not what I said at all. I was just saying that it's not as simple as walking away. Realistially there are only two choices...stay and put up with it or leave. It really is simple. If I had to take my kids across country and go off the grid, I would.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 13, 2013 13:16:22 GMT -5
*cackle* Wasn't me. Actually, he died of cancer. From what I understand, it took him very slowly and piece by piece. It shames me to say I'm not particularly sorry. It wasn't only me who took the brunt of his cruelty. When he couldn't get to me anymore, he tried to turn on the kids. I left before he could get physical with them. I knew the course of his hideousness and it wasn't going to happen. I knew, then, I'd kill him first. I always feel the worst for the children. They really have no choice in the matter. How do your kids remember their father? Not well, I'm afraid. My daughter would have nothing to do with him. She's the oldest, and has the best memory of events. My son tried to keep contact, and even went to see his father when his father was diagnosed. He wasn't well received. My son didn't go back, and didn't go to the funeral. Now, they rarely mention him.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 13, 2013 13:18:26 GMT -5
I always feel the worst for the children. They really have no choice in the matter. How do your kids remember their father? Not well, I'm afraid. My daughter would have nothing to do with him. She's the oldest, and has the best memory of events. My son tried to keep contact, and even went to see his father when his father was diagnosed. He wasn't well received. My son didn't go back, and didn't go to the funeral. Now, they rarely mention him.
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deantrip
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Post by deantrip on Jun 13, 2013 13:19:09 GMT -5
This might work for a secular private school, but a lot of municipalities are very twitchy about mixing public funding with anything related to a church. You also have the fact that the Catholic church provides an affordable alternative to failing pubic schools, which gets in the way of corrupt, power hungry polticians using children as an excuse for every tax hike. In some areas, that generates some animosity. Even in a place that isn't known for anti-Catholic sentiment, it could very well be the case that a public school would get police protection but a Catholic one would not. It's sad that the majority of the people can't seem to put aside their petty differences to look at a solution to a problem that most freak out over.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 13, 2013 13:21:40 GMT -5
Not well, I'm afraid. My daughter would have nothing to do with him. She's the oldest, and has the best memory of events. My son tried to keep contact, and even went to see his father when his father was diagnosed. He wasn't well received. My son didn't go back, and didn't go to the funeral. Now, they rarely mention him. It really is sad what domestic abuse does to children. When my son married his wife, she had three children by a previous marriage. My son never had children. He came to me, worried. He wanted to know if there was a possibility he'd be mean to the kids, like his father. Brought me to tears. There's no comparison between my gentle, loving son and his father ... except that he looks a bit like his father and his voice is identical. My heart just broke that he'd think he could abuse a child. Heck, he used to try to shoo flies outside so they wouldn't get swatted to death!
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 13, 2013 13:24:03 GMT -5
No, that's not what I said at all. I was just saying that it's not as simple as walking away. Realistially there are only two choices...stay and put up with it or leave. It really is simple. If I had to take my kids across country and go off the grid, I would. Realistically, logically, yes. But I doubt you've ever been cowed by a man. Unfortunately by the time the real abuse happens there's very little logic left. Hell, I had a friend where half the time fights between her and her bf would dissolve into them hitting each other once or twice (not all out beat downs or serious injuries) and I was begging her to end it because they both had just gotten abusive and she kept talking about how the hits didn't really hurt, or she pushed his buttons, or they loved each other and wanted to work it out. I was pulling my hair out and extremely grateful when he pulled the plug.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jun 13, 2013 13:25:08 GMT -5
And why not?? There are children in hospitals too - either as patients or visitors. Same for any place where there's a large number of people - even a shopping mall. If said abuser stalks his victim, this could happen anywhere that there could and would be children present - along with adults who would be in just as much danger as the kids.
Meanwhile, the school has basically made this teacher even more vulnerable now that she doesn't have a paycheck coming in and they've pretty much damaged her teaching career permanently.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 13, 2013 13:27:54 GMT -5
It really is sad what domestic abuse does to children. When my son married his wife, she had three children by a previous marriage. My son never had children. He came to me, worried. He wanted to know if there was a possibility he'd be mean to the kids, like his father. Brought me to tears. There's no comparison between my gentle, loving son and his father ... except that he looks a bit like his father and his voice is identical. My heart just broke that he'd think he could abuse a child. Heck, he used to try to shoo flies outside so they wouldn't get swatted to death! Oh God, that brought tears to my eyes so I can't imagine what it did to you. I keep telling bff that she is setting her dd up to repeat the cycle. Bff's dad used to knock her mom around and now she gets knocked around. Breaks my heart
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 13, 2013 13:28:55 GMT -5
And why not?? There are children in hospitals too - either as patients or visitors. Same for any place where there's a large number of people - even a shopping mall. If said abuser stalks his victim, this could happen anywhere that there could and would be children present - along with adults who would be in just as much danger as the kids.
Meanwhile, the school has basically made this teacher even more vulnerable now that she doesn't have a paycheck coming in and they've pretty much damaged her teaching career permanently.
We did have a maternity floor. Frankly, that's where some of our worst problems originated. The ER was pretty adept at handling incipient problems. The maternity floor staff wasn't near as competent at spotting and defusing possible problems. We initiated some training and silent drills to help them learn to intercede a bit better, as well as what to do if a situation appeared to be getting out of hand.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 13, 2013 13:30:11 GMT -5
It really is sad what domestic abuse does to children. When my son married his wife, she had three children by a previous marriage. My son never had children. He came to me, worried. He wanted to know if there was a possibility he'd be mean to the kids, like his father. Brought me to tears. There's no comparison between my gentle, loving son and his father ... except that he looks a bit like his father and his voice is identical. My heart just broke that he'd think he could abuse a child. Heck, he used to try to shoo flies outside so they wouldn't get swatted to death! Oh God, that brought tears to my eyes so I can't imagine what it did to you. I keep telling bff that she is setting her dd up to repeat the cycle. Bff's dad used to knock her mom around and now she gets knocked around. Breaks my heart You're welcome to share my story with your friend, MT. If a man is abusive to you, his wife, you can bet if he can't get to you, he knows your weak point - the kids.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jun 13, 2013 13:30:18 GMT -5
Bullshit. An ER means that every day you have both victims and perpetrators of violent crime, along with a parade of drug addicts and loons coming through your doors. You also get your share of normal people who are pushed beyond their limits and act out. This is in no way the same situation as an elementary school. Oh? You've been to the hospital in question and know all about what happens in the ER? Well, I'll be a son-of-a-gun! We might be neighbors; however, it's my guess I know a lot more about that hospital and what goes on there than you do, formerroomate. End of discussion with you. Yes, apparently, you must work at the 'Magical unicorns farting rainbows' hosptial, one that never treats criminals or crazy people, where nurses never get attacked by their patients and where family members never act out. I have a lot of nuses in my family. According to them, even if you don't work psych ward, getting beat up is an occupational hazard, and the security protocals that hospitals have had in place forever are what keeps the occasional beating from turning into a murder.
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 13, 2013 13:39:47 GMT -5
What everyone here is describing to make the schools "safe" sounds like a jail. I know this makes me a flaming liberal but I don't want my kids going to school in a well dressed prison. In fact we took great pains to move to a place where the schools weren't.
While I feel sorry for the woman and would actually donate to help her relocate etc I don't want her in my kids schools while psycho exhubby is gunning for her. And I don't think moving her to another school in the district is right either. If someone being there poses that much of a danger to the other teachers and students putting her in another school just gives him a different address to target. If it is too much danger for the first school worth of students and teachers why is is okay to endanger another school of people?
Standing to make a point only works if the person is willing to pay the price to make that point. What makes it okay to force that price on others?
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 13, 2013 13:40:02 GMT -5
Oh? You've been to the hospital in question and know all about what happens in the ER? Well, I'll be a son-of-a-gun! We might be neighbors; however, it's my guess I know a lot more about that hospital and what goes on there than you do, formerroomate. End of discussion with you. Yes, apparently, you must work at the 'Magical unicorns farting rainbows' hosptial, one that never treats criminals or crazy people, where nurses never get attacked by their patients and where family members never act out. I have a lot of nuses in my family. According to them, even if you don't work psych ward, getting beat up is an occupational hazard, and the security protocals that hospitals have had in place forever are what keeps the occasional beating from turning into a murder. I don't care who's in your family, formerroomate. You have no personal knowledge of what you're talking about. Most of the "crazy people" went to the regional hospital (which had a psych unit), and all of the criminals were taken there. We didn't get either of those on a regular basis. The only way we'd get a criminal or "crazy people" was if they were brought in by EMS because EMS didn't have time to get them to the regional facility. If that was the case, they were pretty harmless ... they were busy dying. You're clueless in this regard. Yes, getting injured is a working hazard for all nurses. In all my years, I was injured by a patient only twice, and neither time was the injury done on purpose. If you know what you're doing, you can see trouble coming long before it actually arrives. That's when you take steps to keep it from happening.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 13, 2013 13:55:27 GMT -5
I'm with MT. Who marries someone without getting to know them, their history, their family? I had background checks run on guys I dated that I knew I was going to continue dating. I had kids and there's always myself to think about. I wasn't going to get involved with some crazy.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 13, 2013 13:56:02 GMT -5
I didn't run a background check on my husband. I guess I should do that.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 13, 2013 13:59:37 GMT -5
I can't easily get ahold of my vaccination records, they are too old to be put into the electronic system. I would think arrest records in Alaska dating back 20+ years are not going to be high on the list of things to put into the system a background check program would access. I didn't call every police department in the country to see if DH had records going back to his mid-20's. Guess I got lucky.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 13, 2013 14:01:33 GMT -5
I didn't run a background check on my husband. I guess I should do that. LOL! Neither did I, thyme! I'm sure glad the guy turned out to be 37 years worth of great!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 13, 2013 14:07:56 GMT -5
I've only known my husband for 19 years - so the jury is still out on him.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 13, 2013 14:09:41 GMT -5
I wouldn't have found much on DH if I had done a backround check on him snce we were so young. If I had done one on his family I probably would have run for the hills!
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 13, 2013 14:37:36 GMT -5
I have to agree with DramaQ.
If your two choices are ensuring your kids safety or taking a moral and political stand against dmoestic violence, I'm going to choose to protect my kid first. It sucks, and it's a tough decision. But I don't understand why the school should be held responsible for this situation. As others have said, it's a private school and they can't afford to lose too many parents before going under.
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