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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2013 14:55:39 GMT -5
I cant say I fully disagree.....I would want to know what steps were being taken to protect the kids and,if I didn't feel they were enough, I would make suggestions to the school, etc. Otherwise, I would probably pull my kid if I felt they were unsafe. From what I've read here though, it doesn't sound like the school made any sort of effort...just looked into his background and said see ya. Maybe I dont have the full story though.
I don't think it's fair (and I have a significant problem) with them just firing the teacher (call it non renewal, same thing, IMO) without making any effort to address the problem in some other way. If that's the case, we should be doing background checks on every teacher. What if they have a disturbed child (like Newtown) or what if they start dating someone that has that kind of background...should teachers be required to report on their dating partners so they can be checked for potential red flags?
Where does it stop?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 13, 2013 15:03:17 GMT -5
I don't think it's fair (and I have a significant problem) with them just firing the teacher (call it non renewal, same thing, IMO) without making any effort to address the problem in some other
We don't know that they didn't consider other options. That all went on behind closed doors, we're only privy to the news making final decision. They may also be helping her either personally or thru church resources but don't want to announce it to the media so all her ex has to do is watch/read the news and know they're keeping tabs on her. Which would result in him showing up again to demand that information.
I'd have driven my friend to the Micha House but I'd have never told a living soul. Then his ex could find out where he was at and also come after me since I know the location of the shelter. If someone wanted to think me a lousy person so be it, better than the ex getting wind of anything.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 13, 2013 15:04:30 GMT -5
Another case where the victim pays a heavier price than the victimizer. While I can understand the school's concern, and I can understand the parents' concern, this woman has done absolutely nothing wrong; yet, she's lost her job and has no way to support her children. There's gotta be a better mousetrap in here somewhere. This just isn't right. If I got to run a piece of the universe I think I'd like to try something on the order of ankle bracelets to solve it. The abuser/stalker would wear one and the victim(s) would wear something similar. A proximity alarm would go off when the abuser/stalker got too close to the victim and police would pick him or her up and jail them for a designated period of time. I'd go for a three strikes and you are in jail permanently on the alarm. I have a feeling most of these stalker types are as likely to be cured as the average pedophile. I think this is an issue society should spend some money on solving. It is true these types of people don't hesitate to hurt others in their mad dash to destroy their "loved" one. We are much more likely to be able to come up with something to lessen this problem than surprise mass shootings. Far more women, children, and men die each year because of these people than those who die in school shootings. Yet right now, another victim has been set adrift because society hasn't cared enough to give her some real options. With the right resources a transmitter to sense that particular ankle bracelet could have been put on the perimeter of the school property so it called the police before he even got to the parking lot.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 13, 2013 15:21:22 GMT -5
As in... a group of angry parents at a mandatory meeting on how to address the problem of keeping their children safe and their schools lockdown-free in the face of the threat posed by a teacher's out-of-control ex-husband? I agree with you they might come up with the "best solution to [the] problem" in the sense that "string the ex-husband up by his balls" would likely be the agreed-upon course of action, but I maintain that "get this maniac and his ex-wife the heck away from my kids" would be a close second. The discussion seems to have drifted more onto the topic of penalties for domestic abuse, and I have no desire to wade into that topic. deantrip and other posters would appear to agree with you that "the community" could somehow deduce a better mousetrap (to use your analogy), but my deep skepticism endures. We're a diverse, intelligent bunch here in this thread, and although we've seen several proposals over the course of the day, we've seen only one (GEL's) that would allow Ms. Charlesworth to keep her job. And even with that proposal it's questionable whether the school could find a non-teaching job for Ms. Charlesworth somewhere outside school grounds, and more questionable still whether actual stakeholders (i.e. concerned parents) would agree to it. What I can tell you, categorically, is that no group of parents would consent to a semper fidelis approach of keeping staff on perpetual high alert to identify ex-husband and hopefully alert police and lock down the school before he was able to harm anyone. You might get a few individuals willing to put their kids at risk for Ms. Charlesworth's sake, but easily ten times as many that considered it totally unacceptable. It's obvious that a good many people, a good amount of research, and a good amount of time went into the decision to fire Ms. Charlesworth after her leave of absence. I don't believe these are unreasonable, cruel, or unsympathetic people, and yet it's decision they came to. Moreover, we have no idea what they (or others) may have done as individuals to help resolve the underlying situation. All we're seeing is the official response, and given they're the stakeholders, I see no reason to reject it based on a hunch that better solution might exist.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 13, 2013 15:38:34 GMT -5
Suppose the police have a lightning-fast 7-minute response time, and he needs 2 minutes after showing up on the school grounds to start shooting. That gives us a five-minute margin of lead time. Hence we'd need to compute a "radius" (I use the term loosely) around the school less than five minutes away from the school at reasonable driving speeds as an exclusion zone.
Driving 35 mph for 5 minutes is a radius of 2.91 miles. The exclusion zone would be about a third of San Diego proper.
I'm not saying that this is logically a bad proposal (provided police could shell out for real-time GPS tracking of an electronic bracelet). I'm saying that there's nothing even close to a legal precedent for a restraining order that comprises a third of a city. It would make more sense to simply ban the ex-husband from appearing anywhere inside the San Diego city limits. That starts wading into the murky waters of constitutional freedoms, including the freedom to freely associate (since we'd have ostensibly prevented the ex-husband from associating with friends, family, or anybody in the City of San Diego).
In short, if you got the ball rolling today, you might get the SCOTUS decision making it the undisputed law of the land handed down sometime in 2113.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 13, 2013 15:46:47 GMT -5
All that in addition to the fact that with tools even an unhandyman has in the garage, they are ridiculously easy to remove. And for the ones a bit harder to remove, all you have to do is let the charge run out. Sure...the monitor gets a signal of a non-functioning unit, but by the time they get out and about to look, the damage is done. (I live and work in a rather rural area so the tracking tools are less than state of the art. Our IP is still a hamster on a wheel. There is certainly more sophisticated EM tools out there but that doesn't do the rural people any good.)
There is no answer to this issue other than certain and lengthy incarceration. That's it. That's all there is.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 13, 2013 15:58:03 GMT -5
Well, I suppose you could keep the radius small and have the bracelet deliver an electrical shock when you hit school grounds. At a certain closeness it could deliver the kind of shock that would incapictate you. I haven't thought about it long, but it seems to me we could use technology to at least make it less likely for the stalker/abuser to get close to those he would harm. If we had sci-fi or future technology the bracelet could just sink in an anchor when he got too close so he couldn't go any further. Or the tiny patrolling robot could spray him with intruder goop. Guaranteed to cocoon intruders and keep them imbolie until law enforcement shows up.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 13, 2013 16:14:04 GMT -5
Optimest, you aren't the only ones to say this, but I've seen several people say something along the lines of "they should be jailed permanently."
The issue with that (beyond the cost of incarcerating someone for 60+ years behing astronomical) is it would never stand up in court. We have this thing on the constitution called "no cruel or unusual punishment." In other words, the punishment needs to fit the crime. Stalking sucks, but is it really worth throwing someone in Jail for the rest of their natural life for? Do you really believe that?
It stinks that you have to wait for some violence to happen before the law can do something, but I don't see an alternative. We can't start jailing people forever for crimes they MIGHT commit. That's not really a road we want to go down.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 13, 2013 16:16:15 GMT -5
Well, I suppose you could keep the radius small and have the bracelet deliver an electrical shock when you hit school grounds. At a certain closeness it could deliver the kind of shock that would incapictate you. I haven't thought about it long, but it seems to me we could use technology to at least make it less likely for the stalker/abuser to get close to those he would harm. If we had sci-fi or future technology the bracelet could just sink in an anchor when he got too close so he couldn't go any further. Or the tiny patrolling robot could spray him with intruder goop. Guaranteed to cocoon intruders and keep them imbolie until law enforcement shows up. Incapacitating shock bracelets. Game master Optimist is tough... but fair.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 13, 2013 16:24:46 GMT -5
CIT.I.ZEN.
YOU ARE IN VI.O.LATION OF RE.STRICT.ED PRE.MI.SES DI.REC.TIVE A2505-B.
THIS U.NIT IS AU.THO.RIZED TO DE.PLOY IM.MOB.I.LI.ZA.TION COUN.TER.MEA.SURES. RE.MAIN MO.TION.LESS WHILE YOU ARE IM.MOB.I.LIZED USING IN.TRU.DER GOOP.
FAIL.URE TO COM.PLY WILL NOT BE TOL.ER.A.TED.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HEAR THIS MESS.AGE RE.PEAT.ED, PLEASE SAY "RE.PEAT" BE.FORE YOUR MOUTH IS FILLED WITH GOOP.
THANK YOU.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 13, 2013 16:27:15 GMT -5
Quite possibly 'no', but my rights don't supersede those of the others being protected.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 13, 2013 16:54:35 GMT -5
This guy had twenty years of history of abuse in, what? Three states? He had no family, no friends, no one? That's a red flag right there. I know DF from long ago and I knew his people as he did mine. But if I hadn't and I was going to get serious about him, you bet your BIPPY I'd run a background check. I'd want to know if he owed the IRS or anyone a lot of money and why. I'd want to know if there was more than ONE EX. Yes, I've been lied to about that as well by potential dates. I'd also want to know if he was up on his CS if he had minor children. I'd also want to know if he was really divorced. People can and do lie about that as well.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 13, 2013 16:55:56 GMT -5
Optimest, you aren't the only ones to say this, but I've seen several people say something along the lines of "they should be jailed permanently." The issue with that (beyond the cost of incarcerating someone for 60+ years behing astronomical) is it would never stand up in court. We have this thing on the constitution called "no cruel or unusual punishment." In other words, the punishment needs to fit the crime. Stalking sucks, but is it really worth throwing someone in Jail for the rest of their natural life for? Do you really believe that? It stinks that you have to wait for some violence to happen before the law can do something, but I don't see an alternative. We can't start jailing people forever for crimes they MIGHT commit. That's not really a road we want to go down. Domestic violence stalkers have most likely already have physically hurt their victims. The best solution would be to jail these people and enroll them in cognitive and aversion therapy so they will not repeat the behavior. I agree lifetime incarceration is expensive which is why the death penalty is favored in certain quarters. If you don't think you can rehabilitate someone, you might as well get to the end game cheaply many think. If they are stalking and carrying weapons you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know they've got murder on their mind. We shouldn't be allowing domestic violence abusers the right to kill one or more SOs their lifetime just because we don't want to spend the funds on jail either IMO. We don't need to jail people on crimes that might commit, but I think its logical if they are in the midst of committing a crime, perhaps we could stop them before they kill people. If you cannot stop yourself from going too close to someone as defined by a legal restraining order it is pretty reasonable to assume you are planning to do some serious harm to them. Of course perhaps you like the current status quo. Crazy spouse goes to estranged spouse's workplace and kills estranged spouse, several co-workers, and injures others. Successfully committing suicide after the murder spree optional. If you don't violate the rules of the restraining order you remain free. Listen, we lock up people everyday in mental wards because they are deemed a harm to themselves and others. Doesn't even need to be true. So yes we already lock away people without doing crimes. Furthermore we warn about locations of pedophiles because of the expected future harm. Once they get to the breaking restraining order stage the odds of killing someone must be much greater than 50%. The penalty should be less than actually committing murder, but conspiracy to commit murder does give people jail time. Planning to be DIYer shouldn't get you off the hook until you manage to be successful. In any event, at least in this case they would be actively breaking the restraining order. If it turns out they aren't dangerous, carrying no weapon, unable to harm someone via fisticuffs then they stay out of jail.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 13, 2013 17:13:50 GMT -5
1. Fired teacher purchases and learns how to use a weapon of choice. A 9mm is an excellent choice. 2. Fired teacher takes her children to a safe place for a few days. 3. Fired teacher waits at home for the ex to show up - which, with history, is a pretty good bet. 4. Fired teacher blows his head off the minute he comes through her door. No jury will convict her of any crime. Problem solved. Or did you mean the school's options? Problem solved only if he is armed and #3 happens while she is awake and ready. In other words, not a slam dunk. Killing abuser/stalker as they enter unarmed or without weapons drawn and available could mean a lifetime sentence for Mom. And you have the fact that most Moms aren't keen on killing Dad in front of their kids. 1.Mom's in the bathroom, kiddo opens the door to Daddy and then even if Mom has the gun with her Dad can turn it into a hostage/shoot-out situation. 2. Dad breaks in while the family is sleeping and kills Mom before she wakes to defend herself. 3. Dad breaks in while the family is away and lies in wait. So many ways this can go including the not too long ago version of the guy who blew up himself and his kids. In other words, the problem could resolve itself in a way you don't like.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 13, 2013 18:57:24 GMT -5
The number of things certain posters "can't understand" is astonishing. The ability to put yourself in another's shoes is called *empathy* - its generally viewed as a positive trait, and people who lack it to such a degree are generally understood to be disabled or psychopaths.
Perhaps some posters should make more of an effort.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2013 19:07:56 GMT -5
The number of things certain posters "can't understand" is astonishing. The ability to put yourself in another's shoes is called *empathy* - its generally viewed as a positive trait, and people who lack it to such a degree are generally understood to be disabled or psychopaths.
Perhaps some posters should make more of an effort. Wow, get off the high horse! Just because some posters understand how the other parents might not want to put their kids in danger or at risk doesn't mean they are disabled or psychopaths. You want to make a social statement with your own kids, you are more than welcome to. Doesn't mean I or another parent have to do the same. Everyone in this thread voiced how they felt bad for her and the school was put in a tough position... But at the end of the day the security of the staff and students outweighs the teacher's jobs. But good job resorting to name calling instead. If wanting to protect my child or putting their safety above a teacher's job make me a psychopath then that is a name I will gladly carry.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 13, 2013 19:09:20 GMT -5
The number of things certain posters "can't understand" is astonishing. The ability to put yourself in another's shoes is called *empathy* - its generally viewed as a positive trait, and people who lack it to such a degree are generally understood to be disabled or psychopaths.
Perhaps some posters should make more of an effort. BSB is absolutely right. We've seen far too little empathy for the families who already went through one lockdown scare as a result of a teacher's domestic dispute. We haven't heard a word of sympathy for the diocese who were put into an untenable position trying to gauge the lesser of two evils. And we've all but crucified the ex-husband, although if we looked into his past we'd probably find a history of abuse being taken out on him as a child. It's the only world he knows, and as a society what have we done to rehabilitate him besides lock him away in a cell for years on end? Have any of us endured that kind of pain and isolation? What we need to eliminate the threat, ensure everyone's safety, get this man some help, and resolve this whole situation is more empathy. A lot more empathy.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 13, 2013 20:16:48 GMT -5
Oh boo-friggin-hoo, Virgil. I don't care what in the hell happens to a person. It does not give them the right to hurt someone else. I will not now, nor have I ever accepted that a person's prior life experiences give them the right to be an asshole. Each and every one of can point to a traumatic experience in our lives. But it's a CHOICE on how you deal with it. If you hurt another person, that was a choice. Nobody forced you. Nobody took control of your fist and slammed it into someone else's face. You can excuse them or make excuses for them if you wish. That's your prerogative but understand they make enough excuses and probably don't need your help. I'll hope they rot in hell.
As far as the rest of your post, I agree. I do feel bad for everyone in this situation (except that POS ex-husband). I should have said so.
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Post by Pants on Jun 13, 2013 20:37:05 GMT -5
The number of things certain posters "can't understand" is astonishing. The ability to put yourself in another's shoes is called *empathy* - its generally viewed as a positive trait, and people who lack it to such a degree are generally understood to be disabled or psychopaths.
Perhaps some posters should make more of an effort. Wow, get off the high horse! Just because some posters understand how the other parents might not want to put their kids in danger or at risk doesn't mean they are disabled or psychopaths. You want to make a social statement with your own kids, you are more than welcome to. Doesn't mean I or another parent have to do the same. Everyone in this thread voiced how they felt bad for her and the school was put in a tough position... But at the end of the day the security of the staff and students outweighs the teacher's jobs. But good job resorting to name calling instead. If wanting to protect my child or putting their safety above a teacher's job make me a psychopath then that is a name I will gladly carry. Not talking about you. But thanks.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 13, 2013 20:41:24 GMT -5
Oh boo-friggin-hoo, Virgil. I don't care what in the hell happens to a person. It does not give them the right to hurt someone else. I will not now, nor have I ever accepted that a person's prior life experiences give them the right to be an asshole. Each and every one of can point to a traumatic experience in our lives. But it's a CHOICE on how you deal with it. If you hurt another person, that was a choice. Nobody forced you. Nobody took control of your fist and slammed it into someone else's face. You can excuse them or make excuses for them if you wish. That's your prerogative but understand they make enough excuses and probably don't need your help. I'll hope they rot in hell. As far as the rest of your post, I agree. I do feel bad for everyone in this situation (except that POS ex-husband). I should have said so. Sounds to me like you lack empathy. ETA: And my previous post was meant to be mildly satirical. We can empathize with everybody involved until the cows come home, it doesn't change the fact that a rotten set of circumstances exists and a tough decision has to be made. If anyone here can suggest a reasonable alternative to firing Ms. Charlesworth that takes the school staff and students completely out of harm's way, nobody here has given any indication they'd prefer any other resolution to the problem. But wishing that such a solution exists, and opining that we could deduce it given enough time and thought does not make it so. The "perfect solution" is a vigilante stepping forward and putting a man who's already had too many chances out of his misery. Barring that, you're looking at the best a school board can do.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 13, 2013 20:42:09 GMT -5
To clarify, I'm specifically referring to all the posters who proclaim they have no idea why anyone would ever stay in an abusive relationship. Because the idea of a slow, continual wearing-down of one's self-esteem, the slow alienation of friends and family until there's no one left to turn to, and the slow removal of escape routes is something they simply can't imagine.
To me the inability to understand how someone could feel trapped in a relationship like that shows a stunning lack of empathy. And imagination, for that matter.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 13, 2013 20:53:53 GMT -5
To clarify, I'm specifically referring to all the posters who proclaim they have no idea why anyone would ever stay in an abusive relationship. Because the idea of a slow, continual wearing-down of one's self-esteem, the slow alienation of friends and family until there's no one left to turn to, and the slow removal of escape routes is something they simply can't imagine. To me the inability to understand how someone could feel trapped in a relationship like that shows a stunning lack of empathy. And imagination, for that matter. I suspected that after reading a few of the posts during the parts of the conversation I "missed". My response doesn't pertain to anything said during that part of the conversation.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 13, 2013 21:03:29 GMT -5
Oh boo-friggin-hoo, Virgil. I don't care what in the hell happens to a person. It does not give them the right to hurt someone else. I will not now, nor have I ever accepted that a person's prior life experiences give them the right to be an asshole. Each and every one of can point to a traumatic experience in our lives. But it's a CHOICE on how you deal with it. If you hurt another person, that was a choice. Nobody forced you. Nobody took control of your fist and slammed it into someone else's face. You can excuse them or make excuses for them if you wish. That's your prerogative but understand they make enough excuses and probably don't need your help. I'll hope they rot in hell. As far as the rest of your post, I agree. I do feel bad for everyone in this situation (except that POS ex-husband). I should have said so. Sounds to me like you lack empathy. ETA: And my previous post was meant to be mildly satirical. We can empathize with everybody involved until the cows come home, it doesn't change the fact that a rotten set of circumstances exists and a tough decision has to be made. If anyone here can suggest a reasonable alternative to firing Ms. Charlesworth that takes the school staff and students completely out of harm's way, nobody here has given any indication they'd prefer any other resolution to the problem. But wishing that such a solution exists, and opining that we could deduce it given enough time and thought does not make it so. The "perfect solution" is a vigilante stepping forward and putting a man who's already had too many chances out of his misery. Barring that, you're looking at the best a school board can do. I do lack empathy for those who abuse others. Totally. I know this is a highly un-Christianlike attitude, but I suspect anybody who has ever been up close and personal to the situation, has listened to all the "I'm sorrys" and "I love yous" and "it won't happen agains" would feel the same. I try very hard to love my neighbor. I fail when it comes to those neighbors who think they have the right to hurt others and those who hurt children. Somehow, I think I'll be forgiven. At least I surely hope so!! I agree with you that there is no "good" solution and although I'm one that wishes it could be different, I don't blame the school at all. There is one person at fault here and that is Mr. Buttface. Unfortunately, one doesn't have to be at fault to suffer.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 13, 2013 21:08:56 GMT -5
To clarify, I'm specifically referring to all the posters who proclaim they have no idea why anyone would ever stay in an abusive relationship. Because the idea of a slow, continual wearing-down of one's self-esteem, the slow alienation of friends and family until there's no one left to turn to, and the slow removal of escape routes is something they simply can't imagine. To me the inability to understand how someone could feel trapped in a relationship like that shows a stunning lack of empathy. And imagination, for that matter. Huh? How so I lack empathy because I don't understand being a human punching bag? My husband would get one shot at hitting me and that would be it. I am a very strong person and just wouldn't put up with being beat so I don't understand why anyone else would. I will be the first to admit that I lack empathy in a lot if ways...this isn't one of them.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 13, 2013 21:28:53 GMT -5
To clarify, I'm specifically referring to all the posters who proclaim they have no idea why anyone would ever stay in an abusive relationship. Because the idea of a slow, continual wearing-down of one's self-esteem, the slow alienation of friends and family until there's no one left to turn to, and the slow removal of escape routes is something they simply can't imagine. To me the inability to understand how someone could feel trapped in a relationship like that shows a stunning lack of empathy. And imagination, for that matter. Huh? How so I lack empathy because I don't understand being a human punching bag? My husband would get one shot at hitting me and that would be it. I am a very strong person and just wouldn't put up with being beat so I don't understand why anyone else would. I will be the first to admit that I lack empathy in a lot if ways...this isn't one of them. I don't think most of us are capable of empathizing with victims of chronic domestic violence for the very reason you articulate. Even the people who can empathize will acknowledge the mortal peril and inherent irrationality of staying with an abuser. The empathy comes in recognizing that people in these situations often act on emotion (fear, hope, love) rather than reason, which is a mental illness like any other, and that we oughtn't be so critical of people who can't overcome it.
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 13, 2013 23:20:39 GMT -5
OK, sorry, I can't read 10 pages, but am I getting the gist of it that most think she SHOULD have been fired to protect the children??
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 13, 2013 23:31:32 GMT -5
One of the biggest problems with DV is the lack of empathy for the victim. I get that people don't understand why a victim might stay, but I don't think people realize that the victim is sick in her own way. The victim needs help, not judgement. It is like I don't understand how a mother could be so depressed she couldn't care for her baby or how someone could let alcohol ruin their life. It doesn't help the mom to hear "well I would never ignore my baby when they cry" Psychologically there is a lot going on that causes a victim to stay. Most wont understand, maybe you cant unless you have been there.
And i think this absolutely encourages victims to stay silent or even just stay in a relationship. It is a lot harder to get out when you realize his crazy ass can get you fired.
But I also think the attitude of most people encourages silence. I thought I was being smart & proving I wasn't a typical victim by telling people what was going on. That decision really fucked everything up in my life. I am very careful in what I tell people anymore & if I had to do it all over again I would have told no one.
You think people will be supportive & they try, but more than anything I was criticized & judged. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to leave him in jail & not let him come home when he was released. I know that sounds stupid & most of you don't get it. I was a mess, miserable, depressed, could barely function, yet I did as much as I could handle in the situation. Looking back, I am proud of myself for the strength I had.
But, you know what I got from my support group - criticized. No one acted proud. They acted like I was an idiot for not celebrating. Being told someone else would never stay in an abusive relationship really just kicks you when you are down because they make it sound like it should be easy to leave. No one was happy about the steps I took, all I heard was about the steps I didn't take. I was supposed to change the locks, I was supposed to move, I was supposed to file for divorce immediately, I was supposed to terminate his parental rights, etc. All I heard was the things i was doing wrong. One of my closests friends literally told me she couldn't be my friend anymore because I didn't handle things the way she thought I should. My parents didn't speak to me for a month because I didn't get rid of my dogs, short sale my house, and move in with them. Telling people didn't leave me feeling supported or that I was being strong. Telling people fucked up a bunch of relationship & left me feel like I was a loser because it was hard & feeling weak because I wasn't emotionally able to do everything everyone else thought I needed to do. IMO, that is why victims stay silent - because most people don't get it and you don't get the support you actually need.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 13, 2013 23:43:57 GMT -5
Angel, I think you should continue to talk. I DO think you handled it with great amount of strength and courage and you should be very very proud of yourself. And so should be your friends and your parents and your kids (if they will ever know what happened).
I think we need women like you to continue talking. And I hope you will. I think your story is one of the ones you look up to.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 14, 2013 6:30:18 GMT -5
Yes Lena, most people think the school did the right thing to fire her.
MT - you say things like "human punching bag" and "my husband would get one shot at me" because "i'm a strong person" and you don't see that as lacking empathy? Oh, also, you want to slap your friend who "whines" about her husband beating her. Yup, you've got empathy written all over you.
Look, I'm not claiming to know the perfect solution. I do know THIS AIN'T IT. My preferred solution would be the "soft landing" GEL and thyme spoke of. What was running through my head over and over as I read this thread was "She doesn't have to be on school grounds, but they don't have to fire her!" Maybe she's put on administrative leave. Maybe the Archdiocese of San Diego doesn't feel she can teach there - but many the Archdiocese of San Francisco, or Bozeman, MT or wherever else does.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jun 14, 2013 7:10:09 GMT -5
And for all we know that soft landing may have been offered. In these cases the employer's hands are tied as far as how much information they can disclose while the employee can release as much information about the situation as they wish.
As with many things we will never know all of the facts.
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