muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 30, 2013 11:54:43 GMT -5
I remember once after the kids went to bed my hubby said "Thanks for trying new recipes. That one tonight was awful." I already knew that - but I appreciated that he waited until the kids were asleep to let me know that he would rather starve to death in a barren desert than eat that again. I tried something pretty different from our usual diet on Sunday - scallops on Asparagus with Couscous. Hubby said he liked it. On Monday, MIL called and DH was telling her what we had on Sunday and he goes , "Yeah, I was fully expecting to choke it down, but it was really good" LOL. At least my DH loves me enough to choke it down. And DS loves couscous....I just wish he would learn to eat it neater.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 30, 2013 11:55:05 GMT -5
I don't think making a screaming and crying kid choke down cold beans because that is what is on the plate is helpful for anyone. I agree, but I also think that letting your kids skip dinner so they can eat bananas and grapes at bedtime, and then declaring they are healthy kids isn't a good idea either. I'm a huge fan of fruit, but there is zero protein in it. There is some nutrition, but mostly, they are made up of fairly simple carbs. Yes, it is better than giving them a twinkie at bedtime, but a bunch of fruit is not a substitute for a healthy, well balanced meal.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on May 30, 2013 11:56:21 GMT -5
With my kids we typically cook one meal for the family to eat. Everyone tries everything. We also have other foods the kids can eat if they don't like the dinner. I don't think making a screaming and crying kid choke down cold beans because that is what is on the plate is helpful for anyone. It took me along time to convince DS that if he ate the asparagus first (while hot) rather than putting it off until absolute mom's pissed last (cold and yucky) that he would like it better. He's one that will put off what he doesn't "like" and hope it goes away.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 30, 2013 11:58:45 GMT -5
I don't think making a screaming and crying kid choke down cold beans because that is what is on the plate is helpful for anyone. I agree, but I also think that letting your kids skip dinner so they can eat bananas and grapes at bedtime, and then declaring they are healthy kids isn't a good idea either. I'm a huge fan of fruit, but there is zero protein in it. There is some nutrition, but mostly, they are made up of fairly simple carbs. Yes, it is better than giving them a twinkie at bedtime, but a bunch of fruit is not a substitute for a healthy, well balanced meal. We don't force it, but we don't cater to DS either. If he doesn't eat dinner, no big deal, just no desert and no snack. You can have left over dinner or you can go to bed and eat in the morning. The kids won't starve and even though you want to, you can't let yourself stress out over it.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on May 30, 2013 11:59:18 GMT -5
I've known it for sometime now, reading all these parenting threads, but this one aces it. I was an abused child. My mother cooked our meals (did not ask for input), put the food on our plates, and we sat there till we ate it. Period.
And, yes. I heard about starving kids in India nightly. If we didn't eat our dinner, the plate was put into the fridge. It was served to us for breakfast, or lunch, or even dinner the next day depending on how long we held out. I think each of us tried it out once, and after eating leftovers the next day we figured they meant business & didn't try it again. We didn't get a choice. We had the food mom made for dinner and that was pretty much it. Once we got older and there were some meals that we really didn't like we could make ourselves a PBJ. But we had to make our own and still sit with the family for dinner.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 30, 2013 11:59:27 GMT -5
As a kid, my mother used to make my younger sister sit at the dining table until 8-9 pm to finish her food. What wasn't finished at that time was served to her the following morning as breakfast. So began the dislike-dislike relationship between them their whole lives. It was abusive. That does sound excessive, Tenn. But it would seem a better course of action would be just to eat the dinner. The blame there has to be shared. I know nothing about your sister, but was she being stubborn? If so, sometimes there are consequences for that. It didn't take me till I was a teenager to realize I just needed to eat my dinner. Mom wasn't serving stychnine. Luckily, we don't have a dislike-dislike relationship. Well....at least until I just called her and told her she was abusive. Both of them were stubborn as hell. I think at the time my sister was maybe 5-6 years old when she was made to sit at the dinner table until 9pm. While I can't defend my mother's abusiveness toward my sister, my grandmother was even worse to my mother. The damn trickle-down effect. Fortunately, the mother/daughter abuse stopped with my sister and her daughter.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 12:00:08 GMT -5
I don't think making a screaming and crying kid choke down cold beans because that is what is on the plate is helpful for anyone. I agree, but I also think that letting your kids skip dinner so they can eat bananas and grapes at bedtime, and then declaring they are healthy kids isn't a good idea either. I'm a huge fan of fruit, but there is zero protein in it. There is some nutrition, but mostly, they are made up of fairly simple carbs. Yes, it is better than giving them a twinkie at bedtime, but a bunch of fruit is not a substitute for a healthy, well balanced meal. We don't really plan our healthy, well balanced meals anyway. Sometimes we have no protein, sometimes we have no veggies, sometimes we have only pasta. I don't lose sleep over any individual meal.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 30, 2013 12:02:36 GMT -5
Some people are just picky. You can drive yourself crazy or just work around it. Your kids are pretty young so they are not going to be adventurous in eating yet. I don't force feed anyone and i really don't want to be bothered trying to make anyone eat anything. Eat what you like and offer new things when you go out and if they want to try it fine, if not, don't worry about it. Eventually, when they become teens they will want to try new things.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 12:02:55 GMT -5
Maybe you can get your kids and husband to start smoking so they deaden their tastebuds and will eat anything. That was a good one Archie.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 12:03:30 GMT -5
As a kid, my mother used to make my younger sister sit at the dining table until 8-9 pm to finish her food. What wasn't finished at that time was served to her the following morning as breakfast. So began the dislike-dislike relationship between them their whole lives. It was abusive. Yes, that's abusive. I don't consider it abusive, however, to tell kids, "this is what's for dinner, eat it or not, your choice, but I'm not running a restaurant here". I'd make sure, of course, that I didn't serve stuff they hated night after night. I'd also try to make sure that at leat one thing at the table was something they liked and relatively filling. the stuff they didnt' like, they'd have to try a small quantity and no more. Part of it does seem to be body chemistry. I have a younger brother who was picky from Day 1. Lunches at school were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. As an adult, that was frequently what he brought to work! When he had to travel on business to Asia, my SIL would stuff his suitcase with cellophane-wrapped packages of peanut-butter and cheese crackers so he wouldn't starve. The other 4 of us will eat just about everything; in my business trips to India I was in heaven eating all the wonderful spicy food. My only real dislike is organ meats (liver, etc.) DS has been the same way- he never was a picky eater. I do think, though, that kids can turn food into a battleground if you let them. It shouldn't be one, from either side. Parents should supply a reasonable variety of nutritiuos food and children should be free to eat it or not.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on May 30, 2013 12:04:42 GMT -5
I grew up with a somewhat opposite slant: my dad was (is) an extremely picky eater and so my mom would only cook what he ate. Result was my sister and I had a VERY limited diet. Yes, it takes work, but I wish my mom would have had other foods available for us to at least try. I remember going to a restaurant once in my early 20's and announcing that "that was the best brocolli I've ever had!". Turns out, they were brussels sprouts, which I had never seen before.
I don't blame my parents. They did their best, but I did use that experience to try to expand my own kids' diets. Wasn't nearly as successful as I had hoped, but now that they are all in their early 20's they too are branching out a bit. I cooked a lot for them (still do) so they had healthy foods available and were given the opportunity to try anything they wanted.
OP, sorry to ramble about myself. Just to say, yes, try gradually introducing new things. They may not like them for years, but at least it's an effort and tastes do change over time.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 30, 2013 12:04:47 GMT -5
We take a middle of the road approach. With the foods that my kids don't like because of texture, we don't force them. My oldest is 9 and has never liked the texture of mashed potatoes, since age 1. I'm not going to start WWIII by making him eat them. We generally don't make too many of those dishes, though. (That said, sometimes DH and I like super spicy foods. Like jerk chicken. We'll cook chicken for the kids, but without all of the hot peppers. There's a ham dish they don't enjoy. So, we set aside some plain ham for them, but really, it isn't an effort.)
We do prepare meals that have fruits, veggies, and a protein. Only sometimes a starch. The kids have to try what's on their plate. If they absolutely pitch a fit, well, they are welcome to fix themselves a PB and J sandwich, or yes, go hungry. (I personally think my kids can take some personal responsibility for themselves, and suffer the natural consequences for their decisions.)
We eat dinner between 5 and 5:30. My 5 yo goes to bed at 7 (she's up between 5:30 and 6 in the morning.) There is no bedtime snack for her. I don't believe a 5 year old needs to eat a snack 60 to 90 minutes after supper.
We also will have nights where the kids get to choose what they want..but that's only if my DH is super tired.
Otherwise, it's one family meal.
Likely, next year, we'll make our 10 yo plan a meal and help cook a meal. He's already being introduced to the concepts in cubs this year, so I don't think we're completely out of line.
Have you considered getting your kids to help cook? Generally, I start baking with my kids by the time they are 2, so at 6 and 4, I think your kids could help.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 30, 2013 12:05:25 GMT -5
The author of sneaky chef never says her methods are a replacement for a well balanced diet or encouraging new things.
Just when you have a picky eat it's better than nothing and there is no harm in bumping up the nutrition levels of stuff you like to eat.
I still use a lot of her tips out of habit. I originally started to improve DH's diet. It was that or strangle him. Once he realized broccoli wasn't going to kill him because he just ate it in my meatloaf he started becoming open to trying new things.
I think some pickiness is fine. I will never like eggs, my mom tried for years to make me eat them but I refuse. I survive just fine in life without eggs. DH survies just fine not eating onions.
Gwen is easier because I've controlled her diet from the start. I ride out her picky phases. She at least tries new things and in general is much more open/adventerous than DH. Since her pickiness tends towards healthy things I don't sweat it. I'm not going to get bent when she wants an apple for dinner.
I started with Sneak Chef for DH and then gradually started switching simple things like brown rice instead of white, smart pasta instead of white (I hate whole wheat pasta), stuff like that barely registered on his radar.
Then I started moving on to trying new things. Some have been pretty spectaular flops, but he's open to the idea.
I'm also flexible. They don't have to like every frut under the sun as long as they eat fruit. DH can have as many apples as he wants if it means he doesn't turn to junk food. Same with vegetables.
I also have a lot of recipes I turn to over and over. I'll throw in a new thing every once and awhile. DH is much more open to trying new things a little at a time rather than something out of the ordinary at every meal. He'll try curry (flop!) if he knows I'll promise to make meatloaf tomorrow.
I also enforce the three bite rule. Everyone has to at least TRY it. In general it takes multiple exposures before you like something. I don't allow DH to say he hates something if he's never had it. Take a bite and if you still don't like it I'll drop the subject. Gwen I push a little harder since she's still developing her eating habits.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 12:05:41 GMT -5
I really ate anything Mom put in front of me except for that one dish. It was after one of the "sit in front of it at the table until bedtime" moments that she made the deal that if I ate 3 bites she wouldn't make it again (and it's not like my siblings were that thrilled with it either ). I guess she decided that she had so many other recipes in her repertoire that she could take that one out of the rotation.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 30, 2013 12:06:42 GMT -5
The reality is in most homes there is simply a LOT more stuff for kids to eat. Most homes have a pantry full of stuff. So, if they don't eat dinner, they will easily find something else to fill up on. I for one was not interested in becoming the Food Police. And, for awhile i did make 2 meals because my younger son has Celiac's so i wound up having to cook 2x for that. But, now that they are older, i make what i make. If they want to eat it, fine. If not, they can go make themselves a PBJ and figure it out for themselves. Nobody has starved yet.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 30, 2013 12:07:54 GMT -5
I don't really agree with that either. Sometimes it is best to move on.
We certainly don't get an A+ on all our meals either. But if the OP's consistent routine is to not bother to have her kids eat dinner and then eat a bunch of fruit at bedtime (or whatever she is giving them as a healthy snack), then it isn't a single meal, a single day or even a week of non-balanced meals. It is a lifetime.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 12:09:47 GMT -5
I don't really agree with that either. Sometimes it is best to move on. We certainly don't get an A+ on all our meals either. But if the OP's consistent routine is to not bother to have her kids eat dinner and then eat a bunch of fruit at bedtime (or whatever she is giving them as a healthy snack), then it isn't a single meal, a single day or even a week of non-balanced meals. It is a lifetime. Oh, this thread is about the OP?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 30, 2013 12:11:07 GMT -5
LOL Arch
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on May 30, 2013 12:15:53 GMT -5
I hate to use the old "back in the day" ploy, but my brother and I weren't allowed to "hate" foods unless the foods actually made us sick (allergies on my brother's part). If you didn't want to eat something, fine. You don't eat. Food was prepared and served. Somebody worked hard to earn the money to buy that food, and somebody worked to prepare it for us. We were given to understand that if we didn't want what was prepared we were welcome to leave the table and go to our respective rooms. There would be no desert, and there would be no snacks. We used up a lot of energy, so we were hungry. It didn't take long until we got the message. Your husband is doing nothing more than enabling the kids' behavior. I'd point that out to him. He's responsible for teaching the kids how to best get along in the world, and how to eat healthy foods and maintain their bodies in the best possible way, just as you are. At least, that's how I'd approach it. That's how my mom approached it. Thank goodness she did, because when my father was dying, the people I stayed with not only didn't care about my food preferences, the didn't care about my food allergies. There was a period of a week where for breakfast, I had to choose between skipping breakfast, eating something I was allergic to, or eating from a box of cereal that had become infested with these tiny little bugs, too tiny to pick out. Oh well, extra protein. Needless to say, I don't have much patience for food primadonnas.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 30, 2013 12:17:34 GMT -5
Well, when my sons were little, i believed that i had to control every aspects of their life to be a good mother. So, i had served some canned peaches in HEAVY SYRUP and they STILL wouldn't eat them. We had been having some food battles for a while. Anyway, i made my 2 sons sit at the table until they would eat one. Well, my one son finally did. My other son tried and gagged and threw up and then i thought, What the heck am i doing, sheesh! I also found out shortly thereafter that he had Celiacs and wasn't feeling good when i was trying to force him to eat. After that, i gave up. I make good dinners and they eat what they eat. I am done being the Monitor.
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justme
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Post by justme on May 30, 2013 12:19:08 GMT -5
Oh, another piece of advice for picky eaters as they grow up. When we went out to eat my parents were fanatic about what I would choose to order in middle and high school. Second guessing my picks with "are you sure you want that" "I don't think that's something you'll eat" "I don't want you to order something and then not eat it" and it really stunted me trying new things as I'd usually shirk back to something I knew I liked because I didn't want to be faced with an "I told you so" even though most restaurants are nice and will get you something else if you absolutely hate it. It wasn't until a year or so into college that I finally told them to back off and that I can decide what I want. It wasn't until this thread that I realize it's probably been about 5 years since they stopped bugging me about my choices.
To be fair to them, I was the person to most often veto a restaurant or not find something I like and when I was younger they didn't have money to go out a lot so they didn't want me to waste a meal out.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 30, 2013 12:21:33 GMT -5
My kids are awesome. Once again, I believe I'm speaking from a place where I take credit for their natural awesomeness. We have a few squabbles about food, but they do a good job. I should clone my kids. I could make a fortune on the black market - because they are awesome.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 30, 2013 12:22:30 GMT -5
Good points. If you DO want your kids to try something new and they order something, then don't chastise them if they take a bite and hate it. You have to give them the freedom to try and the freedom to admit they don't like something as well.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 12:23:22 GMT -5
I was an extremely picky eater as a kid, but you would never know that about me now. I keep trying with DS, but I can't let him starve and he is too little to make his own food. The kid LOVES his carbs so I'm trying to find some way to sneak more veggies and/or protein into them so that his diet is more balanced. He is big on appearance and texture so if he doesn't like the look or feel of something, he won't even bother to taste it.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 30, 2013 12:24:49 GMT -5
*chuckle* My kids were the same, thyme. Either one will eat just about anything. If they really don't care for something, they'll just skip it, but that's pretty darned rare. We're fortunate!
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 12:28:12 GMT -5
I remember my mom stabbing my brother in the leg with her fork (he was a preteen at the time) because he wouldn't eat his peas. He still doesn't like peas. My sister always hated any sort of stewed or stringy meat. She still does. My mom talks about pulling the bacon off her liver, as a kid, and then having to choke down, cold, slimy liver and onions. She hates liver and onions to this day.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 30, 2013 12:30:34 GMT -5
I remember my mom stabbing my brother in the leg with her fork (he was a preteen at the time) because he wouldn't eat his peas. He still doesn't like peas. My sister always hated any sort of stewed or stringy meat. She still does. My mom talks about pulling the bacon off her liver, as a kid, and then having to choke down, cold, slimy liver and onions. She hates liver and onions to this day. LOL - my niece said she has never eaten even a single pea - because her mother (my sister) hates them so much she has never once cooked them in her house. I love peas. They were my favorite vege for a long time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 12:32:03 GMT -5
liver and onions is one of those meals I have absolutely zero desire to try.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 30, 2013 12:36:05 GMT -5
I was an extremely picky eater as a kid, but you would never know that about me now. I keep trying with DS, but I can't let him starve and he is too little to make his own food. The kid LOVES his carbs so I'm trying to find some way to sneak more veggies and/or protein into them so that his diet is more balanced. He is big on appearance and texture so if he doesn't like the look or feel of something, he won't even bother to taste it. Honestly, MJ - he sounds pretty normal. I don't think he is outrageous one way or the other for a kid his age. I mean - keep on it, because you don't want to feed him nothing but bread, and then wake up to a 12 year old with health problems and he won't eat anything. But, don't worry that he isn't perfectly balanced naturally at this time. It sounds like you are doing great. Go forth with confidence.
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 12:40:24 GMT -5
His saving grace is that he also likes plain almonds (thanks to his dad), grapes, cheese, plain yogurt, bananas, and applesauce. He'll eat peeled and sliced apples, but only if they're the pre-packaged ones from Wawa. Go figure. I at least make sure he has a helping of fruit with his dinner since he's not eating any vegetables. But thank you.
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