moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on May 28, 2013 22:47:58 GMT -5
Les, my heart aches for you. You're a pretty amazing person. Hang in there. "When you're going through hell, just keep going." You're all in my thoughts and prayers,
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on May 29, 2013 9:33:55 GMT -5
You are doing good Les. No one would be going through this situation without a lot of stress & emotional turmoil. It is so hard to watch someone fall apart and being able to do very little to help. Just keep making it day by day and know you are doing the right thing. Your husband clearly needs help and committing him insured he will get help. I hope you are taking care of yourself through all of this. Try to seek counseling for both you and your son. 16 has to be an incredibly tough age to be dealing with this. Cry when you need to cry, vent when you need to vent. Good luck.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 29, 2013 9:44:35 GMT -5
I was wondering if you're seeing anyone now too. And maybe the 16 year old too? My therapist is a Godsend. It's a safe place to /vent and explore my feelings.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 29, 2013 10:47:41 GMT -5
Trouble is, I'm afraid, les' family has no health insurance. Seeing a therapist is pretty expensive, so I doubt they can afford that. This is a really tough situation. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be caught in something like this. Les is one brave soul, as far as I'm concerned. I'd probably be gibbering in a corner, curled into the fetal position.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on May 29, 2013 10:55:46 GMT -5
I don't know where Les lives, but there are county health agencies which can offer help for troubled youth and also troubled families. For example, in my county, there is an agency called Starfish which is the county agency for subsidized mental health services counseling ( or one of them ) www.starfishonline.org/index.php/childrens-mental-health-and-counseling. If you contact your county health department, or social services such as Catholic Social Services or Lutheran Social Services, you might be able to dig up some ideas. I'm not trying to offer this as advice, only resource ideas. Best wishes to you and your family.
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suek1958
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Post by suek1958 on May 29, 2013 10:56:07 GMT -5
Doesn't Medicaid cover mental health care?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2013 11:06:13 GMT -5
This is from NY Medicaid website:
What health services are covered by Medicaid?
In general, the following services are paid for by Medicaid, but some may not be covered for you because of your age, financial circumstances, family situation, transfer of resource requirements, or living arrangements. Some services have small co-payments. These services may be provided using your Medicaid card or through your managed care plan if you are enrolled in managed care. You will not have a co-pay if you are in a managed care plan, except for pharmacy services, where a small co-pay will be applied.
-smoking cessation agents -treatment and preventive health and dental care (doctors and dentists) -hospital inpatient and outpatient services -laboratory and X-ray services -care in a nursing home -care through home health agencies and personal care -treatment in psychiatric hospitals (for persons under 21 or those 65 and older), mental health facilities, and facilities for the mentally retarded or the developmentally disabled -family planning services -early periodic screening, diagnosis, and treatment for children under 21 years of age under the Child/Teen Health Program -medicine, supplies, medical equipment, and appliances (wheelchairs, etc.) -clinic services -transportation to medical appointments, including public transportation and car mileage -emergency ambulance transportation to a hospital -prenatal care -some insurance and Medicare premiums -other health services
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on May 29, 2013 11:18:23 GMT -5
If the county Les lives in has a 211 Information Line (we have it; I don't know that everyone does), that might be another source. It's an umbrella resource of all the help available from all the agencies in the county. It's usually staffed by a live help desk, so it's not like trying to get information from a robotic voice on the other end.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 29, 2013 11:21:00 GMT -5
Ny medicaid does pay for mental health counseling.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 29, 2013 11:21:03 GMT -5
Another source of help might be the hospital in which les' husband is being treated. They usually have competent staff to help deal with problems like this and to find resources for family members. That would be worth a try, as well.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on May 29, 2013 11:37:01 GMT -5
Trouble is, I'm afraid, les' family has no health insurance. Seeing a therapist is pretty expensive, so I doubt they can afford that. That does make it really tough. I know some places offer sliding scale costs. There also may be support groups for this type of thing. Maybe there is an employee assistance plan. If the homeschooling is through some sort of group, there may be options there as well. I would start making phone calls & talk to the hospital as they may have some services or at least know of some. As Nazgul said perhaps there is county resources. Another thought is to call 211 - they general have tons of resources to point someone in the right direction. I just think the only thing worse than going through all this would be doing it alone. YM is great & usually supportive, but most of us haven't really been through anything like this & we have a few jerks that post really hurtful things & that can't be helping her right now. And a 16 year old boy probably doesn't really have anyone to talk to that can be understanding and supportive. Just thinking about her situation makes me want to cry, I can't imagine the stress of living in that situation or dealing with this as a teenager. I hope she can find or has some sort of support going through all this. I know she was mostly looking to vent & didn't want advice. But, she really needs to take care of herself through all this & when we are so focused on the problems of everyone else, we sometimes lose ourselves & that only makes things worse.
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les63
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Post by les63 on May 30, 2013 21:21:49 GMT -5
Thank you all for your support. I visited him today. It went okay. He doesn't like being there. It's all bullshit to him. I brought up about people wanting to hurt him. Told me, yeah, you wanted me go for a walk or drive, uh huh. I'm like, now I'm part of it again? I'm that low to you? I just wanted him to get out of the house to prove to him that no one was out there to hurt him. Got a call from him a little after 5 o'clock this evening. His doctor came in and told him he was being released tomorrow. Oh boy. The doctor never called me during this whole thing. Do I think he is ready to come home? Some yes, a lot no. I don't think I'm going to sleep much tonight. . I guess I will take it one day at a time. I will not hesitate if I see him getting strange again. Please pray for my family.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on May 30, 2013 21:29:44 GMT -5
Prayers for you and your family. Have you verified with the doctor that he really is being released? He may have decided on his own that he was ready to be released and is just telling you the doctor said so.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 30, 2013 22:13:23 GMT -5
Les, call his doctor first thing in the morning. Tell the doctor about your conversation with your DH. As Sharon says, the doctor may not have told DH he was going to be released. Hospitalized patients often misunderstand, or confuse wishes with reality. Whatever, the doctor should know the input you're getting. Things like this are best handled when the whole family has input, in my experience. Give the doctor a call and talk to him/her, not only about DH but about how you feel.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 22:48:36 GMT -5
Les, I will pray for you and your family. I agree that you should talk to the doctor yourself. I have a friend from high school whose Mom has been treated for mental illness for over 20 years. Until a couple years ago, she was treated at the largest behavioral health hospital in our area. My friend hates that hospital because they didn't involve the immediate family in the treatment. They just took her Mom's word for what was going on. As my friend said, why would they go on what her Mom said when she was there because her reality was altered because of her illness? They now use a different hospital and the psychiatrists that are affiliated with them. My friend is pleased with the help her Mom gets there because they listen to what her Dad and she and her sister tell them about her Mom's behavior when she starts having trouble. You have a lot to deal with, especially with the concerns about your children's safety. Take care and good luck.
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irishpad
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Post by irishpad on May 30, 2013 22:58:32 GMT -5
Les and know that you are in my prayers. It has been a long time (couple of years) since we have posted together, but I was and am awed by your strength while dealing with difficult life situations. Your dedication and advocacy for your younger son is truly love exemplified. I hope you are able to draw on support around you to help you through this difficult time.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 30, 2013 23:04:24 GMT -5
Thanks for weighing in, Padre. Your "touch" is always a joy.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on May 31, 2013 10:01:53 GMT -5
Les, keep your own safety and that of your sons paramount. Keep a charged cell phone handy. Have a physical escape plan ready if it all goes south. You can always get more stuff, or your own stuff or whatever. You cannot get a life back. You cannot reverse pain and injury. Keep your heart open, but your guard up. And we're all here and pulling for you.
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les63
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Post by les63 on Jun 4, 2013 20:50:01 GMT -5
Update, sigh. He is withdrawn and feeling worthless. Feels he doesn't need to keep on the meds. Is in bed more than out. I did get him out of the house today. He didn't show any signs of paranoia; had no problem leaving the house.
Breathe in and out. One day at a time. I've given him enough days to readjust I think. Or am I wrong? Tough love tomorrow. If that don't work back to his local family here for another intervention.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jun 4, 2013 20:53:58 GMT -5
Les - I have no advice, but I wanted to give you (((((hugs))))).
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 5, 2013 9:10:33 GMT -5
Les, this is red zone territory. He thinks he does not need the meds. What he thinks is not the point. He is not in a place emotionally to determine that. His doctors and mental health professionals should have made their determinations clear when he left. The meds do take time, and some do need changing and adjusting, but for many people with mental illness, they do work. The withdrawn and worthless feelings are a big signal of the slippery slope to come. You need a plan, and I know you have one. Protect yourself, protect the kids. Get out, get him out, whatever it takes to stay safe.
Do not allow yourself to become a victim, a target or a punching bag in all of this. You are not at fault. Your DH isn't to blame, but there is a level of responsibility he must accept as a functioning human being. I know he may not understand all the ramifications of his behavior, which is what makes this situation so hard. That responsibility involves you doing what you need to do to maintain sanity and stability, even if it leaves him feeling hurt and worthless. All four of you cannot afford to get caught in this spiral, especially your sons; they had no say in how all of this happened.
Glad to see you updated us; let us know how things progress.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 5, 2013 12:08:43 GMT -5
Try to make sure he stays on the meds. That is a big problem with mental illness - the person starts to feel normal & stops taking their meds because they don't believe they need them anymore. Is he still seeing a doctor or counselor regularly?
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les63
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Post by les63 on Jun 5, 2013 20:13:49 GMT -5
Thank you all again for being there for me. I left the house this morning with my sixteen year old son. We were gone for about 4 hours. The day was gorgeous. Sunny and in the low seventies. We had fun being out and about. Got my vehicle washed and went thrift shopping. When we left DH was in bed and when we returned he was still in bed. He did get up and finish some potato salad and cookies. I went in and woke him up when it was getting time to get ready when Noah would be arriving back home. He just asked if my older son and I could handle it. Yep, no problem. Nancy, thank you for your post. No one can really help him but himself. This is so above me. I had depression problems years ago and told myself not again. I just can't get down with Noah. He needs me. I guess my inner bitch has not come out yet. Getting close. I will eventually do what is best for my sons and me. Thank you all again and especially for your patience.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 7, 2013 8:15:06 GMT -5
Hugs Les.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 7, 2013 9:03:50 GMT -5
Thank you all again for being there for me. I left the house this morning with my sixteen year old son. We were gone for about 4 hours. The day was gorgeous. Sunny and in the low seventies. We had fun being out and about. Got my vehicle washed and went thrift shopping. When we left DH was in bed and when we returned he was still in bed. He did get up and finish some potato salad and cookies. I went in and woke him up when it was getting time to get ready when Noah would be arriving back home. He just asked if my older son and I could handle it. Yep, no problem. Nancy, thank you for your post. No one can really help him but himself. This is so above me. I had depression problems years ago and told myself not again. I just can't get down with Noah. He needs me. I guess my inner bitch has not come out yet. Getting close. I will eventually do what is best for my sons and me. Thank you all again and especially for your patience. Les, you do sound as if you have things under good control. I like the fact that you know where your "inner bitch" is located. And it's OK to be enraged in defense of someone. Being enraged at someone won't help in this situation, and you seem to get that very well. Your husband will not "get it" as long as he does not function in the same world as you. Notice I did not say "normal" world. I don't know what your normal, or his normal is. Therapy and meds on his part will help him get there. An inability or unwillingness to take those measures on his part does not constitute victim status on your part. Your everyday life has to keep moving and flowing, with or without him. Good for you, and keep us posted.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jun 12, 2013 17:55:44 GMT -5
Les how is everything going on with you and your sons ?
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les63
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Post by les63 on Jun 21, 2013 20:34:42 GMT -5
I'm sorry I haven't replied before now. Not good. Complicated when someone doesn't think he needs meds or therapy.
Finally got him back on his meds yesterday. Talk about a round a round. Can't talk to me because I'm not DH, blah blah. Found out CVS had the meds on hold. Got the run around on the phone so much I wanted to give up. Thank God his family doctor and company listened to me and helped me. Such nice people there. He has taken three doses and I can see his brain scrambling with the meds.
This is scary. It's just me, Noah and DH. My older son flew off to Washington Wednesday morning. DH would go outside on the back porch for a cigarette this afternoon and stay out there for a 1/2 hour or more. His eyes look funny too. I slept with the poker near me last night and probably tonight too. I have to wait until he is in bed to post. Shadow man.
I never, ever want to go thru this again. I'm strong, but this is way too much on top of Noah. If our marriage breaks up, I've had it. Done that, no more. Twice married, third probably won't be the charm. F it.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jun 21, 2013 21:50:16 GMT -5
Oh Les I am so sorry, stay safe.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 21, 2013 22:48:10 GMT -5
Ah, Les, I'm sorry, hon. Mental illness is so darned hard to deal with! You just don't know from one moment to the next what's going to happen, or with whom you're going to be talking. Are you sure he's actually taking his meds? Sometimes, they'll fake it. Why was he off his meds at all, and who were you talking to who gave you the run-around? If you're having that kind of problems, perhaps your family doctor can intercede for you and get you the information you need to cope with this. Also, can you describe what you mean by "His eyes look funny"? If you'd rather discuss it in PMs, please don't hesitate.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jun 22, 2013 13:23:02 GMT -5
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