NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on May 27, 2013 14:31:11 GMT -5
Loony, this so-called "nut" happens to be Les' husband, and the father of her children. And using the word "nut" to describe him is not helping. How about you try not using pejorative terminology for a change? (Yes, "pejorative" is a five-dollar word - look it up.)
Mental illness, regardless of the source, is a disease. If you bothered to read her earlier posts, you'd know the issues run in his family. That very likely had a bearing on his getting to this point. He is not in a position to make reasonable, logical, conscious choices at this point. Fortunately, Les can. And whatever those choices are, they are hers.
You also have no idea if his current state is the one he has always lived with. At one time, mental illness may not have been in his picture. Or his meds may have been working correctly, and for whatever reason, they no longer do.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 27, 2013 15:11:43 GMT -5
Loony, this so-called "nut" happens to be Les' husband, and the father of her children. And using the word "nut" to describe him is not helping. How about you try not using pejorative terminology for a change? (Yes, "pejorative" is a five-dollar word - look it up.) Mental illness, regardless of the source, is a disease. If you bothered to read her earlier posts, you'd know the issues run in his family. That very likely had a bearing on his getting to this point. He is not in a position to make reasonable, logical, conscious choices at this point. Fortunately, Les can. And whatever those choices are, they are hers. You also have no idea if his current state is the one he has always lived with. At one time, mental illness may not have been in his picture. Or his meds may have been working correctly, and for whatever reason, they no longer do. Agree! But still wondering why anyone would be considering living with a nut (and I mean it in a serious way, not just pejorative way as you suspected earlier) who has only there because his lover dumped him and not because he has any care for Les or their child? I am having no respect for cheaters and I am not going to be nice just because his nutness runs in a family! So beat it Nancy!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2013 16:22:04 GMT -5
Loony, this so-called "nut" happens to be Les' husband, and the father of her children. And using the word "nut" to describe him is not helping. How about you try not using pejorative terminology for a change? (Yes, "pejorative" is a five-dollar word - look it up.) Mental illness, regardless of the source, is a disease. If you bothered to read her earlier posts, you'd know the issues run in his family. That very likely had a bearing on his getting to this point. He is not in a position to make reasonable, logical, conscious choices at this point. Fortunately, Les can. And whatever those choices are, they are hers. You also have no idea if his current state is the one he has always lived with. At one time, mental illness may not have been in his picture. Or his meds may have been working correctly, and for whatever reason, they no longer do. Agree! But still wondering why anyone would be considering living with a nut (and I mean it in a serious way, not just pejorative way as you suspected earlier) who has only there because his lover dumped him and not because he has any care for Les or their child? I am having no respect for cheaters and I am not going to be nice just because his nutness runs in a family! So beat it Nancy! OMG I actually understand what loony is saying and agree with her. Oh My God
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on May 27, 2013 18:18:55 GMT -5
Again, you are not reading, nor are you understanding. I am not suggesting Les should or should not do anything. Les is not asking for advice, in case you failed to read the OP. The decision is hers.
But using the word "nut" to describe someone with mental illness does not do anyone any good. You place blame on the parties involved, rather than respect the possibility that he may not have understanding and/or control over what is happening. I don't defend his actions. Cheating on your spouse and children sucks big time. But I also don't hold his privates to the fire, given the mental illness issues. First, that has to be dealt with. Then, whatever the fallout is from the cheating, it is.
Obviously, your life is perfect and everything is in control, with nothing ever going wrong. That's good. Heaven help you if you ever have to deal with a loved one with mental illness. You'll likely never survive it.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 27, 2013 20:24:23 GMT -5
Agree! But still wondering why anyone would be considering living with a nut (and I mean it in a serious way, not just pejorative way as you suspected earlier) who has only there because his lover dumped him and not because he has any care for Les or their child? I am having no respect for cheaters and I am not going to be nice just because his nutness runs in a family! So beat it Nancy! OMG I actually understand what loony is saying and agree with her. Oh My God Yup. Loony's looniness and poor English are an act. She/He is actually a well-spoken and somewhat reasonable poster when he/she forgets what screen name she/he is posting under. There was a thread a while back in which folks tried to out her/his true identity. (And, no, it's NOT me.)
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les63
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Post by les63 on May 27, 2013 21:28:47 GMT -5
I think it was happyscooter who asked if my DH had a job. No, he has been through 3 jobs since we moved to NYS last October. He had been working at his latest job for a week and a half before his breakdown.
To Scooby: He is not my ex. Still married and living together when this all started.
I talked to him tonight and will see him tomorrow. This has been one of the worst four day weekends for along time. At my mom's urging and myself, I'm going to get a Dr's appointment. My stress level is through the roof and I probably need to be on something myself.
DH, in my oh so humble opinion, still believes someone or more are still out to get him. I don't want him home if he still believes this. I'm going to talk to the nurses tomorrow before I go to his room and relay what we talk about on the phone. I can't talk to them afterwards because he follows me out there before I get on the elevator.
Thank you again for all the support and understanding. This is still a vent thread. Please no advice...I will know what to do in the end. Again, thanks.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on May 27, 2013 22:13:06 GMT -5
Good luck with all of this, Les. I went through some of this ( to a lesser extent, but it was still there ) with my first husband, and it was difficult. I hope that things get better for you and your family. I hope that your husband starts to get better, too.
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on May 27, 2013 22:25:49 GMT -5
TLOONYA!! FRONT AND CENTER AND LISTEN UP!!
You WILL be polite and thoughtful of other posters, or you WILL NOT be posting. You WILL NOT name-call (Yes, calling someone a "nut" is name-calling). You WILL NOT be telling another poster to "beat it".
I'm going to leave your posts in place despite their wretchedness. You had better start thinking BEFORE you post, tloonya, or you're not going to have to worry about it. That's a guarantee. Les came here to vent, and has shared a very difficult and hurtful part of her life with us. If you can't be respectful and considerate, and show some empathy for the feelings of others, you can sit it out for awhile.
I AM NOT kidding.
mmhmm, very unhappy administrator
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2013 22:43:06 GMT -5
Ok, mmhmm . . . I am going to respectfully DISAGREE with some of what you are saying.
I don't think "nut" is politically correct, but I don't think it is name calling, either. I didn't see you posting when someone else was talking about "morons." She kept calling it the "correct" term, but it was outdated by several years.
Posters shouldn't be insulting, which is primarily what I think of as name-calling, or using the worst of the worst politically incorrect terms. But I don't think "nut" deserved quite the slap-down you gave it.
Just my two cents. You can make sit out for awhile for expressing it if you like. I am trying to get ready for the carpet cleaners, anyway. That is way too much work!
Les, my mother was mentally ill. It is hard to know what to do. I can only wish, hope, or (in my vernacular) pray for you!
Stay in touch with us. We care!
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on May 27, 2013 23:40:12 GMT -5
No reason to make anyone sit out for expressing their opinion, southernsusana, unless that opinion is expressed in an insulting way. Tloony's was. Yours was not.
mmhmm, Administrator
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on May 28, 2013 11:46:46 GMT -5
I thought it was classic that Doxie "liked" the most obnoxious post in the thread. Very fitting. I'm sorry for what you are going through. A special needs child AND a special needs husband who seems to have schizophrenia or . Very tough. Best of luck for you. As posted before, take it one hour/day/week at a time. Rely on anyone who can or will help. (hugs)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 28, 2013 11:56:26 GMT -5
Wow, that's rough OP. Ask your husband's doctor if they are any local support groups for families dealing with mental illness. It might help to know you're not alone.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on May 28, 2013 11:59:27 GMT -5
Wow, that's rough OP. Ask your husband's doctor if they are any local support groups for families dealing with mental illness. It might help to know you're not alone. This is a national group, they might have a local chapter Les can use: link
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mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on May 28, 2013 12:27:09 GMT -5
This is all I have to give. And a forehead smooch!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 28, 2013 12:36:41 GMT -5
No reason to make anyone sit out for expressing their opinion, southernsusana, unless that opinion is expressed in an insulting way. Tloony's was. Yours was not. mmhmm, Administrator No it wasn't. I was talking of a cheater no one knows!
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on May 28, 2013 12:41:50 GMT -5
Tloonya, this is not the time to argue, believe me. Don't give me the "no one knows" routine. YOU don't know! Now, you can either post responsibly, or don't post. That's what I said, and it's exactly what I meant. Any further discussion of this matter will not take place on this board. You can PM any moderator/administrator, or moonbeam, if you have anything further to say about it.
mmhmm, Administrator
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 28, 2013 14:25:58 GMT -5
* I believe I reminded you the place to discuss this matter is in PMs, or in email to moonbeam, as per our CoC. Any further posts on the matter will be removed. - mmhmm, Administrator
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les63
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Post by les63 on May 28, 2013 19:58:15 GMT -5
Update for today. I went to visit DH today. He seems better but still seems confused. I asked him if he felt that someone was out to hurt him still. He said he didn't know because he wasn't home. Incorrect answer. I also asked about his email. He told me because he has msn.com for his email that he has to pay a yearly fee for it. Huh? Email is free. Said he lost it 3 weeks ago, right around the mental break. I got his password and logged in when I got home. 139 emails, plus 45 junk. I don't think he had even tried to check his email before. He thought that the people out there to hurt him had hacked his computer. He also thought they had taken his stocks that he had inherited from his Omi (grandmother) when she passed last Fall. We have no health insurance so this is worrying him and me. He has a social worker at the hospital representing him and I dropped off some paperwork to get Medicaid going. DH isn't opening much to therapy there. Stays in his room. And now my 16 year old is on my ass too. He wants to go back to Washington state for a bit this Summer. Misses his friends. He chose homeschooling instead of staying in the high school here. He did terrible. Now I'm hated on top of his stepdad. I hate my life.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 28, 2013 20:11:43 GMT -5
Update for today. I went to visit DH today. He seems better but still seems confused. I asked him if he felt that someone was out to hurt him still. He said he didn't know because he wasn't home. Incorrect answer. I also asked about his email. He told me because he has msn.com for his email that he has to pay a yearly fee for it. Huh? Email is free. Said he lost it 3 weeks ago, right around the mental break. I got his password and logged in when I got home. 139 emails, plus 45 junk. I don't think he had even tried to check his email before. He thought that the people out there to hurt him had hacked his computer. He also thought they had taken his stocks that he had inherited from his Omi (grandmother) when she passed last Fall. We have no health insurance so this is worrying him and me. He has a social worker at the hospital representing him and I dropped off some paperwork to get Medicaid going. DH isn't opening much to therapy there. Stays in his room. And now my 16 year old is on my ass too. He wants to go back to Washington state for a bit this Summer. Misses his friends. He chose homeschooling instead of staying in the high school here. He did terrible. Now I'm hated on top of his stepdad. I hate my life. Oh, les, this is such a hard time for you! Heck, it's a hard time for all of you! Your husband really doesn't sound like he's ready to leave inpatient care, to me. He needs to be on medications that are given regularly and their efficacy checked by professionals, and he needs to stay on it that way for awhile. Medicaid should pick up the tab if you don't have insurance. This is true illness and what Medicaid is for. I'm glad it's there for you, and for your family. I imagine the 16-year-old is pretty torn up about all this, too, and doesn't really know how to cope. It probably seems to him that if he could just "go back" to Washington it would all magically go away. Sadly, it won't. He doesn't hate you, les. He hates what life is dishing out for all of you right now.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 28, 2013 20:12:17 GMT -5
Les - I'm sorry about your visit today with DH and your 16 y/o DS's behavior. I hope things improve soon. steve - No, Nancy wasn't being condescending. She was responding to someone else's post and was making a point.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 28, 2013 20:14:33 GMT -5
I imagine the 16-year-old is pretty torn up about all this, too, and doesn't really know how to cope. It probably seems to him that if he could just "go back" to Washington it would all magically go away. Sadly, it won't. He doesn't hate you, les. He hates what life is dishing out for all of you right now.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 28, 2013 20:21:48 GMT -5
Les - I'm sorry about your visit today with DH and your 16 y/o DS's behavior. I hope things improve soon. steve - No, Nancy wasn't being condescending. She was responding to someone else's post and was making a point. taz- Yes, Nancy was being condescending. She was trying to make a point by condescension. She was also responding to a poster that got a couple of warnings from the Mod. I didn't see anything wrong with nancy's post. We'll agree to disagree.
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on May 28, 2013 20:23:36 GMT -5
Let's keep this thread on point, please. Les needs our support, and that's what this thread should concentrate on. It's not about nancy, or steve. It's about les and her family ... and it's important.
mmhmm, Administrator
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on May 28, 2013 20:33:39 GMT -5
Les ,
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les63
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Post by les63 on May 28, 2013 20:41:32 GMT -5
Update for today. I went to visit DH today. He seems better but still seems confused. I asked him if he felt that someone was out to hurt him still. He said he didn't know because he wasn't home. Incorrect answer. I also asked about his email. He told me because he has msn.com for his email that he has to pay a yearly fee for it. Huh? Email is free. Said he lost it 3 weeks ago, right around the mental break. I got his password and logged in when I got home. 139 emails, plus 45 junk. I don't think he had even tried to check his email before. He thought that the people out there to hurt him had hacked his computer. He also thought they had taken his stocks that he had inherited from his Omi (grandmother) when she passed last Fall. We have no health insurance so this is worrying him and me. He has a social worker at the hospital representing him and I dropped off some paperwork to get Medicaid going. DH isn't opening much to therapy there. Stays in his room. And now my 16 year old is on my ass too. He wants to go back to Washington state for a bit this Summer. Misses his friends. He chose homeschooling instead of staying in the high school here. He did terrible. Now I'm hated on top of his stepdad. I hate my life. Oh, les, this is such a hard time for you! Heck, it's a hard time for all of you! Your husband really doesn't sound like he's ready to leave inpatient care, to me. He needs to be on medications that are given regularly and their efficacy checked by professionals, and he needs to stay on it that way for awhile. Medicaid should pick up the tab if you don't have insurance. This is true illness and what Medicaid is for. I'm glad it's there for you, and for your family. I imagine the 16-year-old is pretty torn up about all this, too, and doesn't really know how to cope. It probably seems to him that if he could just "go back" to Washington it would all magically go away. Sadly, it won't. He doesn't hate you, les. He hates what life is dishing out for all of you right now.
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les63
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Post by les63 on May 28, 2013 20:57:01 GMT -5
Ok, can't seem to quote and reply in the same box.
Mmhmm, thank you. You nailed it. You really get it. Your post made me cry; not what you wanted I'm sure. But, tears are a good release. I needed this. Thank you.
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on May 28, 2013 21:01:20 GMT -5
No problem, les. I know there are times when a good cry is the only gift we have to give ourselves. Crying can help us cope with what seems impossible, at times. I'm with you, as are other helpful, caring people here. Feel welcome to vent, please. This is exactly what you need!
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 28, 2013 21:05:35 GMT -5
No problem, les. I know there are times when a good cry is the only gift we have to give ourselves. Crying can help us cope with what seems impossible, at times. I'm with you, as are other helpful, caring people here. Feel welcome to vent, please. This is exactly what you need!
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 28, 2013 21:16:27 GMT -5
Do you ever wonder why YOU put yourself in this weird experiment? Mental illness or not, it doesn't sound like your husband is treating you all that well. You are with him not due to acts of G-d but due to your choice.
Make a different choice, you might up in a much better "experiment"
Not an advice, just a comment on your post, if that is still allowed
And one more thing I want to comment on. While I don't believe putting my kids before my marriage (and my marriage is pretty awesome), I 100%, no questions asked believe in putting my kids' SAFETY before anything else.
So, again, having a person in a house, whether it's a husband, mother Teresa or G-d himself who could cause harm to my children would be a big HUGE no-no.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 28, 2013 21:18:42 GMT -5
You are helping, patstab, just by understanding and empathizing. Thank you. I know it's made a difference for me, during hard times, when there were those who understood and were willing to reach out to me in my fear and loneliness. That's what we're here for, really. We're here to reach out to one another; especially, in times of need. That's when this board really shines, and people like you are the stars that bring the light. Just ... thank you for sharing.
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