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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2013 17:11:19 GMT -5
Oh I am certainly dramatic in regards to protecting my family if needs be. I do not court drama though. It happens from time to time but in general I don't really have that much faith or interest in people to really care in the end.naggie, Some people do! You have to believe that if you don't you will wind up walking along all by yourself. And it can be very lonely load .... I don't think anybody wants it that way!! Good luck naggie.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 13, 2013 17:52:56 GMT -5
Oh, lord. Manager at 19?
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 13, 2013 18:17:10 GMT -5
Well actually SHIFT manager .... and she was 18 when that happened ..... LOL
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 13, 2013 19:46:15 GMT -5
I question whether it is possible to "discuss" anything with a 19 year old and not have said 19 year old hear bias in your voice. Regardless of how you encode the message, it is likely she will hear what she wants to.
I like the idea of trying to get her some distance from the boyfriend. If she is bombarded with his influence constantly, then getting her away from it may allow her to consider other possibilities. Its going to be easier said than done though.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 13, 2013 19:52:33 GMT -5
I agree WWBG, I do. Actually as I am saying some things I am thinking can she hear my bias. I really, really try to be so neutral it is draining. It's like something good happens and you say "well done, good job" and you have that lilt in your voice....def. not the same as her doing something not so agreeable and saying " You know we really have to discuss your behaviour" no way can you put a lilt in your voice for that so I get what you are saying. It is actually one of my faults, DH tells me I can be harsh, I don't mean to be, just my voice I suppose.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 13, 2013 21:52:47 GMT -5
Its also not wrong for you to have an opinion. You have a bit more perspective than she does. Sometimes I wonder if it is better to own your opinion than try and act like you don't have one.<br><br>She probably doesn't realize how complicated her life is going to get. The points about how things are only going to get harder as she advances are spot on. Loving parents who wanted a kid more than anything still reach their wits end at times.<br><br>As to the whole lying about an abortion thing... whether or not you believe the lie is wrong, I'd worry more about the stress of your DD having to live with that lie. Even if she was the best actress, the timing is too suspicious. The father will always have his suspicions, and in the end he may act the same way regardless of whether he knows the truth. If he's going to get mad at your DD because the GPS got them lost, why wouldn't he be mad at her for a miscarriage?
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 13, 2013 22:20:36 GMT -5
Anyone that has family has some drama, my specific family is very disfunctional. I will say I am PASSIONATE about protecting myself, DH, DS and DD. I have a HEALTHY respect for all our wellbeing but I am not IMMUNE to what others say and do, that could damage my immediate family. I sometimes forgive but I never FORGET. Others' start things I FINISH them. I WILL NOT let anyone take down my immediate family, they will NOT forget my wrath should they say or do anything against the wellbeing of my immediate family. THEY LOSE ALWAYS. I can cut you with my just my eyes. Yes, you are right, you are not dramatic at all
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justme
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Post by justme on May 13, 2013 23:05:21 GMT -5
Its also not wrong for you to have an opinion. You have a bit more perspective than she does. Sometimes I wonder if it is better to own your opinion than try and act like you don't have one. She probably doesn't realize how complicated her life is going to get. The points about how things are only going to get harder as she advances are spot on. Loving parents who wanted a kid more than anything still reach their wits end at times. As to the whole lying about an abortion thing... whether or not you believe the lie is wrong, I'd worry more about the stress of your DD having to live with that lie. Even if she was the best actress, the timing is too suspicious. The father will always have his suspicions, and in the end he may act the same way regardless of whether he knows the truth. If he's going to get mad at your DD because the GPS got them lost, why wouldn't he be mad at her for a miscarriage? Since I think I was the first to bring up that lie - in my head *if* she was to lie about that, she would also be ending the relationship and therefore in my mind tell him once and then refuse to converse more about it. In my mind the only reason to lie about an abortion (at least to the father) is if she *knows* he will most likely turn violent or take it out on her verbally. In that instance I advocated lying to avoid a violent reaction (which apparently this guy has had before towards his own freaking mother). If he's simply pro-choice or wants the child and would be disappointed vs apt to violently react than I think she should tell him if he asks - that she's not ready to be a mom or whatever. I really only advocate lying about important matters in extreme circumstances - where telling the truth could cause you or a loved one harm (through no fault of your own of course, but because of the twisted screwed up mind of whoever has a presence in your life). If someone would merely be disappointed, and they are directly effected by the lie, then I don't advocated lying. At the time of my statement the OP said the bf said he'd kill the gf if she had an abortion. That has since been amended. I personally see a big difference between "I'll kill you if you're late to my work dinner" and "I'll kill you if you abort my child". To me the former is hyperbole and the latter is too close to a threat (very close to a life for a life) - given how strongly some are pro-life. Since some people HAVE already killed to support pro-life causes (even if they are wack-a-doodles to the more rational pro-life people), but that could be my own filter.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 13, 2013 23:20:40 GMT -5
Also, it seems that being non-dramatic runs in the family - if the daughter is thinking in terms of "oh he is going to kill me if I get an abortion"
Yeah, I am thinking that if Naggie is so non-dramatic with all that wrath and eye-cutting thing, surely, a pregnancy-hormonal 19 yr old is not dramatic either....
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on May 13, 2013 23:32:12 GMT -5
She was being sarcastic.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on May 13, 2013 23:59:06 GMT -5
I'm not sure that Naggie was being sarcastic though. Dramatic, yes - as seen in her posts here about her emotions/in the past about the family trips/cruise, etc.
I have a lot of opinions/input about this topic, and it's not all good. I see daughter being involved with someone who has violent tendencies - and she's pregnant - and also in a so-so job. Being a night shift "manager" at McD's isn't much of a step up the corporate ladder from being the person who flips the burgers or loads the fry basket. There's not much higher she's ever going to get in that job - and she's not even going to be working soon - will she be totally dependent on her boyfriend to 'bring home the bacon'? He's also a McD's employee isn't he? Can't be making much money either.. do they have ANY idea how expensive a baby is? And how much time has to be devoted to a newborn? It's going to add even more stress in their 'relationship' - which could cause his temper/violent tendencies to escalate.
I'd be more adamant about getting her into a safe environment and also into some kind of unbiased counseling on her options regarding the baby.
They both aren't (in my opinion) mature enough to be taking on such a life-long commitment as raising a child. (19 isn't grown up, IMO). They have no other skills to fall back on, and won't be able to be going back to school in the near future when they have such a financial struggle and h uge responsibility ahead of them. What about medical coverage? They'll have to be taking the baby in for regular checkups, etc. What if it gets sick? Or one of them do? Do they have insurance? Savings? Some plan to fall back on?
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2013 0:01:24 GMT -5
Loving parents who wanted a kid more than anything still reach their wits end at times. I have a 7:45 appointment in the morning to masturbate into a cup for a semen analysis and I am freaking out... And we are not even pregnant yet!! Nancie I stand by my only post in your thread: ask your daughter to move in with you without her boyfriend. I have been with my wife for 10 years, married for 5 and it has not been easy. We are 28, with careers, savings and we are certain we want a child yet it is freaking me out; being responsible for another life financially/physically /emotionally. WTF are we thinking? As a mother, out of concern for your daughter tell her you want her to move in because it will be easier for you guys to help her out: late night feeding, babysitting, watch the baby while she does homework/studies. If it is meant to be their relationship will survive. If it isn't...at least she is already at home. And maybe the stress of a baby is weighing heavily on both of them and they need some time apart. I just don't see this situation working with a 19 year old, working part time at Mc Donald's, school full time, a baby and a boyfriend that may or may not be reliable. Tension, tension, tension... They might learn from this, mature and grow old together looking back smiling or the stress/tension will bring chaos into their lives. Personally, I would try to save my daughter in this situation instead of risking it; the odds are not in their favor.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on May 14, 2013 0:35:17 GMT -5
Anyone that has f
She posted that she was being sarcastic. I'm certainly not prepared to call her a liar.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 14, 2013 5:43:15 GMT -5
And, neither is the topic of the thread "what should MIDJD or MMC do" either. True, which is why most posters are trying to give advice based on facts (what we know of them) rather than "I wouldn't do that because I think it's wrong." Whatever. I am giving advice based on how I see it. If you don't like it, you don't have to read it. So, i am done talking about this to you.
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2013 5:46:38 GMT -5
My wife told her mother that she miscarried, rather than tell her she had an abortion. It was easier on everyone that way. /nosy Why did she tell her mother she was pregnant at all? I've been pregnant many times (unfortunately) and I only finally told my mom when I was 20 weeks pregnant with my baby. \nosy She wanted to. We just told our parents and some very close friends.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 14, 2013 5:53:38 GMT -5
You can certainly approach that however you wish. As i said, i don't advocate lying. However, one does not need to broadcast one's entire life to the world either. Some things are simply nobody else's business and one can omit telling other people as well as it isn't their concern. But, i think it is kind of sad that she feels she must lie to her own mother. I dunno.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 14, 2013 6:43:07 GMT -5
Her mother knows why she got pregnant and also why she won't terminate even though the daughter knows full well this is the smart thing to do. But you can't live your children's lives for them. Her DD is just lucky Naggie is willing to step up to the plate for her because most would not. This may be the reason her DD pulled this stunt to begin with.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 14, 2013 6:44:53 GMT -5
I know another woman who is being used because her DD decided to have a child with a loser. She can't stand the baby daddy and really doesn't like her DD, either, but isn't willing to let the baby suffer, so her DD has her by the throat with that leverage.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 14, 2013 7:11:51 GMT -5
What's the theory on "why" she got pregnant?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 14, 2013 7:45:59 GMT -5
Her mother knows why she got pregnant and also why she won't terminate even though the daughter knows full well this is the smart thing to do. But you can't live your children's lives for them. Her DD is just lucky Naggie is willing to step up to the plate for her because most would not. This may be the reason her DD pulled this stunt to begin with. It might not be the "smart thing to do" for them.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 14, 2013 9:40:25 GMT -5
Hey y'all if you want to know my theory on why PM, it is far, far too crazy to post here... BUT IT IS JUST A THEORY....IT WAS NOT WHY BUT OF SOME THOUGHT OF PROCESS OF EMOTION OF THE END RESULT.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 14, 2013 9:46:52 GMT -5
OMG that sounded maniacal. The only thing I will say is that why I was not surprised that this would be her journey.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 14, 2013 9:57:42 GMT -5
If you can't get her to abort, my best wishes for you and for her. Even if you can, she needs counseling as to why she would even do this to begin with with such a loser.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on May 14, 2013 10:03:25 GMT -5
Dear Heavens, Zib. Why in the world are you trying to convince a grandmother-to-be to talk her daughter into killing her grandbaby? I understand that some people think killing babies is the right thing to do, but it's a personal choice. NOBODY should advise a woman to kill her baby. If that's what she decides to do, that is her decision. Just because baby daddy yells and screams doesn't mean a baby deserves to die. Ya'll need to get a grip. I would venture to guess that a whole bunch of intelligent, productive people on this very board were born to women 19 years old or even younger and you all turned out just fine.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 14, 2013 10:09:44 GMT -5
Because neither of them are ready for parenthood and that baby is the one that will suffer. Plus, the DD being yoked to some loser forever as opposed to being able to get on with her life. If they were older with real jobs, I'd feel differently but when you are still on the bank of mom and dad, you can't take care of yourself, you have no business bringing another person into the mixture.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 14, 2013 10:11:26 GMT -5
Yes, I was born to an immature woman who at least had the sense to marry well. But that was for her benefit, not for mine. McJobs, jesus, that's just sad.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on May 14, 2013 10:12:36 GMT -5
I'm very sorry your relationship with your mother is not perfect, but I happen to think the world is a better place with you and I'm very glad nobody pushed her into killing you.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 14, 2013 10:21:04 GMT -5
Naggie take your daughter to PP or whatever local pregnancy support center is in your area (Just google it). They can help you find counseling/social workers/reduced cost clinics etc. Your daughter is going to need to arm herself with as information as she can.
You need to as well so you can be best equipped to help without enabling.
I was screened for abuse at several of my appointments. Her OB can put her in touch with advocacy hotlines and shelters if she needs it. It's been found since nothing leaves the exam room a lot of women are more open to talking about it with their doctors than family members.
So the topic will probably come up, if she doesn't talk to you or her BFF she might talk to her OB.
You also want to make sure that she signs the forms stating you can discuss her medical records/care. If you're going to help her with this you need access to that information.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 14, 2013 10:22:13 GMT -5
I'm sure she would have had she known I was a girl. I'm sure she had several abortions.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 14, 2013 10:31:21 GMT -5
The OB paperwork she filled out had those kind of questions and I am also able to discuss with her OB, she happens to be my GYN so we are familiar. I think I will at least bring it up with the OB and she can guide DD on these things. That is one of the things I can do.
I really don't think she is going to get an abortion. Hey that MCjob was paying her 9.35 and afforded her the opportunity to get her own apt and car and live on her own. She has an interview on thurs for a "proper" job, hopefully with bennies and part time.
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