kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on May 6, 2013 15:26:25 GMT -5
There are two sides to a story. Whilst the parents are thinking their little angel is marrying beneath her. Her boyfriend's parents are thinking he is marrying beneath him....and nothing could be good enough for their prince. Whatever...the choice is their own. Maybe money isn't that important to them. You have to let them live their lives..... My lovely daughter has a great boyfriend...except he has red hair and I'm trying to envision red haired grandchildren someday and what colour ribbons do I buy. All sorts goes through your mind when you let go of your most beloved. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) I come from a family of redheads (on one side, the other side is Italian tall/dark/handsome). My niece (who DH and I finished raising) is a beautiful redhead (blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, peaches-and-cream complexion, no freckles). Her husband is Scandinavian blonde, and their children are beautiful! They are built like their dad but have their mother's coloring: strawberry blonde with blue eyes and clear complexions. Don't fear the red! ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/cool.png)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 15:27:42 GMT -5
I think the answer is green ribbons, spell.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 15:28:36 GMT -5
that is a first world problem if I ever saw one!
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on May 6, 2013 15:30:39 GMT -5
I think the answer is green ribbons, spell. The whole spectrum of greens and blues; all the grays; rich chocolate browns; watermelon pink; heathered lavender (heck, almost any heathered color); warm creams; "winter white"; jet black. These colors look GREAT on DN and her boys
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 6, 2013 15:30:56 GMT -5
I really don't care who my kids marry as long as they are nice people who work hard. Doesn't matter if they are a brain surgeon or cashier at Walmart. It isn't about that but who they are as a human being.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 15:32:59 GMT -5
I know do understand Thyme. I would want nothing but the best for my child. But too much interference may cause the child to dig in their heels even deeper. You just hope for (and passively encourage) a lengthy engagement so it buys your child some additional time to really get to know their intended. My husband and I have been talking about this a lot. My daughter has one friend who we are not overly fond of. She probably isn't a bad seed or anything, but she is just obnoxious, and she is a little mean. I'm thinking it will get worse as they approach puberty. We are past the point of being able to discourage the friendship. Making our feelings known will only work to push our daughter into a place where she won't talk to us. thyme, Don't be afraid let your feeling known as a parent. I used to talk to my Son about my displeasure of his relationship with his peer. I always end my Mom's talking with " Because I love you". And it took a some times for him to understands what I meant by that But we both are in same pages now.And I am a firm believer that love and honesty is best of all in any situations. Good luck to you!
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on May 6, 2013 15:35:24 GMT -5
Sure you will. After they wear you down with bad musicians, outlaw bikers, and extreme-sports wannabees, you'll welcome the first Dilbert who walks through the door. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png) True. That is probably why my in-laws liked me. Tskeeter looks in mirror. Returns pocket protector to the top of the dresser.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on May 6, 2013 15:35:44 GMT -5
I don't have kids, but I don't see the problem in marrying a lower earning spouse as long as they're hard working and supportive. Their work ethic and character would be more important to me.
And as someone who is terrible at working with my hands and fixing things, I think people who can fix things and work with their hands are worth their weight in gold when something is broken.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 15:42:31 GMT -5
I really don't care who my kids marry as long as they are nice people who work hard. Doesn't matter if they are a brain surgeon or cashier at Walmart. It isn't about that but who they are as a human being. nice sentiment, but lacking in reality the cashier at walmart may need a large part of that 7 figures you have scrimped and saved, for their lives, not yours if you okay with that, fine.....but working as hard as you have to finally reach a goal, and then having to support someone else with that money that would not be ok with a lot of people...... yes i want my kids to be happy....but i also want them to think about how their decisions will affect the rest of their life as long as they understand the difficult road that lies ahead, i wont like it, but i would probably live with it just "working" hard isnt enough anymore.....skills pay the bills
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 6, 2013 15:45:01 GMT -5
When I was about 20-21 I was dating a guy who owned a jewelry store. He was 26. In one random conversation I asked him when was he going to open another store. He said he has no interest in doing that. Ever. So, I asked him what else was he going to do with the rest of his life - he didn't have a very definitive answer. THAT the kind of person I wouldn't want to marry.
Now, I only have boys, so I don't know if my answer would be different if I had girls, but I would want them to marry someone who had a profession. As old-fashioned as I am in many ways, I think the dynamic of a relationship is very different when people are not on the same level.
My parents have friends whose DD married a guy with SPECTACULAR job. He makes shit load of money, but girl's mother thinks that her daughter married beneath her. Why? Bc he is only interested in one thing and one thing only (IT) vs her dd who can have intelligent conversation on various topics and has many interests and knows different things.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 6, 2013 15:47:19 GMT -5
I really don't care who my kids marry as long as they are nice people who work hard. Doesn't matter if they are a brain surgeon or cashier at Walmart. It isn't about that but who they are as a human being. nice sentiment, but lacking in reality the cashier at walmart may need a large part of that 7 figures you have scrimped and saved, for their lives, not yours if you okay with that, fine.....but working as hard as you have to finally reach a goal, and then having to support someone else with that money that would not be ok with a lot of people...... yes i want my kids to be happy....but i also want them to think about how their decisions will affect the rest of their life as long as they understand the difficult road that lies ahead, i wont like it, but i would probably live with it just "working" hard isnt enough anymore.....skills pay the bills Well, maybe your "reality". It is THEIR life. As long as my spouse works hard, i don't much care what he does. Not everyone is going to make the same salary. So, that might be your opinion, but you don't get to choose your kid's mate, they do.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 6, 2013 15:48:24 GMT -5
BTW, i didn't say it would be easy or they wouldn't have challenges. Yeah, they have to learn to live on a lower income. That is THEIR problem and challenge in life to do so, not mine.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on May 6, 2013 15:48:30 GMT -5
This is very similar to what happened with a friend of mine. She was seeing a guy off and on who had a college degree and worked at a bank. That guy wasn't good enough for her Mother. His transgression? His family was farmers. Mom couldn't understand that many farmers have a net worth that would have made Mom and Dad's life savings look like peanuts. And he could fix stuff. And he was a really nice guy. And he would have treated their daughter really well. Nope. He was a farmer and farmers were poor and not very smart.
Always kind of wondered what Mom thought of me. After all, my parents were just school teachers. With Doctorate and Masters degrees who presented their work at national education conferences.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 6, 2013 15:51:22 GMT -5
I have found that in some instances, one is a higher wage earner, and then they burn out, lose their job, etc and then the value of the lower wage earner is realized. Or, the lower wage earner steadily plods along making progress and does very well in the long run. Marriage is about 2 people taking the journey together and both working hard to get there. And, sometimes one spouse makes more and then later the other spouse has to carry the water. People who go into marriage wanting everything "equal" right off the bat are not too likely to be successful at marriage for the long haul.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 15:51:26 GMT -5
so going back to the brain surgeon/walmart clerk argument
if your dd/ds married a walmark clerk, you would be happy to help support them?
or would you require them to live on their wages?
now what if there is a child involved, and they dont have enough?
see where i was going with this....
of course i want my kids to be happy....
but i want them to face reality at the same time....will i succeed? who know...but i gotta try
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 6, 2013 15:52:21 GMT -5
I would require they live on their wages. THEIR life. Make you own way. If you live in a one bedroom studio all of your lives, so be it.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on May 6, 2013 15:53:44 GMT -5
I really don't care who my kids marry as long as they are nice people who work hard. Doesn't matter if they are a brain surgeon or cashier at Walmart. It isn't about that but who they are as a human being. You've been to a Walmart where the cashiers are nice people who work hard?? I don't believe it. That's where your story falls apart.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 6, 2013 15:54:55 GMT -5
Huh? Are you saying that people who work there aren't nice people or what exactly are you saying?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 6, 2013 15:56:56 GMT -5
I really don't care who my kids marry as long as they are nice people who work hard. Doesn't matter if they are a brain surgeon or cashier at Walmart. It isn't about that but who they are as a human being. You've been to a Walmart where the cashiers are nice people who work hard?? I don't believe it. That's where your story falls apart. I told you what i would do and my opinion. If you want to argue with me and try to tell me my opinion isn't my opinion, then i don't know what to tell you because i have told you exactly what i think.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on May 6, 2013 15:59:14 GMT -5
Interesting replies. I am amazed that so many of you are SO cool about your children's choices. Honestly, I am not. I don't want my kids to marry a Walmart cashier. Call me whatever...but there is a certain standard of life that we have provided to our kids. Both DH and I come from highly educated professional families. I don't want either of my kids to marry a Walmart cashier and live a life so different from what we provided them. As a parent I would be upset. I understand that its their life and they get to make the ultimate decision. But as a parent I won't be able to sit back gritting my teeth while watching them make a decision taht would affect their entire life. Money is not everything, but it sure makes life easier. And there are a lots of good earning guys and girls out there that are also great human beings. My goal is to steer my children towards such people ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 6, 2013 15:59:51 GMT -5
My dad very clearly and very loudly made it known he disapporved of DH. I didn't agree with his method of delivery but I agreed with his concerns. Also made it crystal clear it was my bed I was making and had to lie in it.
I addressed them with DH and chose to marry him. We've been quite happy and have addressed all the concerns my dad has had. It hasn't been easy but I feel that what I get from my marriage is worth slogging thru the crap.
Not saying every marriage like mine works out, but that's why I am not so quick to judge. A lower salary would not make me jump on the disapproval wagon. I might pick her brain on the subject, but I'm not going to automatically consider him lesser marriage material.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 6, 2013 16:01:38 GMT -5
Interesting replies. I am amazed that so many of you are SO cool about your children's choices. Honestly, I am not. I don't want my kids to marry a Walmart cashier. Call me whatever...but there is a certain standard of life that we have provided to our kids. Both DH and I come from highly educated professional families. I don't want either of my kids to marry a Walmart cashier and live a life so different from what we provided them. As a parent I would be upset. I understand that its their life and they get to make the ultimate decision. But as a parent I won't be able to sit back gritting my teeth while watching them make a decision taht would affect their entire life. Money is not everything, but it sure makes life easier. And there are a lots of good earning guys and girls out there that are also great human beings. My goal is to steer my children towards such people ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) So, then what? Are you going to try to sabatoge their marriage? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/idunno.gif)
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 6, 2013 16:02:21 GMT -5
So, in other words, we talk about the content of their character but in reality it is the pedigree and the bank account? ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/sad.png)
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swasat
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Post by swasat on May 6, 2013 16:06:17 GMT -5
Interesting replies. I am amazed that so many of you are SO cool about your children's choices. Honestly, I am not. I don't want my kids to marry a Walmart cashier. Call me whatever...but there is a certain standard of life that we have provided to our kids. Both DH and I come from highly educated professional families. I don't want either of my kids to marry a Walmart cashier and live a life so different from what we provided them. As a parent I would be upset. I understand that its their life and they get to make the ultimate decision. But as a parent I won't be able to sit back gritting my teeth while watching them make a decision taht would affect their entire life. Money is not everything, but it sure makes life easier. And there are a lots of good earning guys and girls out there that are also great human beings. My goal is to steer my children towards such people ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) So, then what? Are you going to try to sabatoge their marriage? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/idunno.gif) Who said anything about that ? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/rolleyes2.gif) I hope to make my children understand what they lose if they marry a Walmart cashier. If they understand, well and good. If not....oh well! We'll see. As a parent I can definitely try to make them see that thier choices will have consequences.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on May 6, 2013 16:07:22 GMT -5
You've been to a Walmart where the cashiers are nice people who work hard?? I don't believe it. That's where your story falls apart. I told you what i would do and my opinion. If you want to argue with me and try to tell me my opinion isn't my opinion, then i don't know what to tell you because i have told you exactly what i think. Your quoting skills need work. I can only assume you really meant this hostile reply for someone who actually argued with your about something? Unless you are that fired up about a little joking comment I made about the cashiers at Walmart not being nice people who work hard, since general consensus is that shopping at Walmart is a painful, miserable experience. if so, settle down.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 6, 2013 16:12:13 GMT -5
Just for the record - I don't want my children to marry a Walmart cashier or a starving artist and it's not just money.
In my vision of how we are going to be raising our kids - they hopefully will grow up well-rounded individuals with goals and interests and such. Yes, I am sure there are plenty of Walmart workers with a heart of gold, but marriage is build on more than that. It works out great in the movies, but in real life - not so much
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 6, 2013 16:12:40 GMT -5
Interesting replies. I am amazed that so many of you are SO cool about your children's choices. Honestly, I am not. I don't want my kids to marry a Walmart cashier. Call me whatever...but there is a certain standard of life that we have provided to our kids. Both DH and I come from highly educated professional families. I don't want either of my kids to marry a Walmart cashier and live a life so different from what we provided them. As a parent I would be upset. I understand that its their life and they get to make the ultimate decision. But as a parent I won't be able to sit back gritting my teeth while watching them make a decision taht would affect their entire life. Money is not everything, but it sure makes life easier. And there are a lots of good earning guys and girls out there that are also great human beings. My goal is to steer my children towards such people ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) There is a big difference in earnings between a Walmart cashier and an air conditioning repair technician, or a plumber. Okay, I might be a little more vocal against a Walmart cashier - but how would you feel about a tradesman that makes a respectable living using a quality skill set?
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swasat
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Post by swasat on May 6, 2013 16:17:03 GMT -5
Interesting replies. I am amazed that so many of you are SO cool about your children's choices. Honestly, I am not. I don't want my kids to marry a Walmart cashier. Call me whatever...but there is a certain standard of life that we have provided to our kids. Both DH and I come from highly educated professional families. I don't want either of my kids to marry a Walmart cashier and live a life so different from what we provided them. As a parent I would be upset. I understand that its their life and they get to make the ultimate decision. But as a parent I won't be able to sit back gritting my teeth while watching them make a decision taht would affect their entire life. Money is not everything, but it sure makes life easier. And there are a lots of good earning guys and girls out there that are also great human beings. My goal is to steer my children towards such people ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) There is a big difference in earnings between a Walmart cashier and an air conditioning repair technician, or a plumber. Okay, I might be a little more vocal against a Walmart cashier - but how would you feel about a tradesman that makes a respectable living using a quality skill set? I prpbably won't have too many issues. Come on, show me some skills! I am sure lots of Walmart cashiers are wonderful people, but how much intellect does it take to scan groceries? And I don't even mind if its done as a temp job. But if a 30 year old guy/girl does that for a living...you bet I would be questioning their intellect and their drive.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 6, 2013 16:18:20 GMT -5
The guy in the OP is an auto mechanic. That is a far cry from a Walmart cashier. I'm not sure a Walmart cashier is relevant to this discussion.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on May 6, 2013 16:19:31 GMT -5
I know.
I didn't even say anywhere I agree with my neighbors. I was just replying to Shooby's post.
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