America's Daycare Problem

[Otto the Orange]

If they had more play-doh in daycare we would not have these problems

[doxieluvr]

Apr 23, 2013 9:43:06 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:37:41 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

That may be your case, but I can guarantee if your ex did not want to pay support, he would not be paying support. Sad but true. 

Uh...yeah.  I guess.  He could quit his 6 figure salary a year job to avoid wage garnishment of $500/check,  but he's not a moron. 

Also, I'll reiterate.  I did not marry a deadbeat.  He loves his son and wants to take care of him.

A wise person once told me the man you marry is never the same man you divorce.

i have seen countless men be wonderful fathers while with the mother, but after the relationship is over and the child becomes out of sight, out of mind, they become uninterested fathers.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I could slip into the daycare, sit and watch and no one would noticed me.

Did they know you?  We're never stopped because the staff knows DH and I and we're approved to pick her up.  If my dad, however, came to pick her up they would ID him and not release him till either DH or myself verified we sent him to pick her up.

Only time she could be released without our permission is during a medical emergency and we can't be reached and in that case the only person she can be released to is my dad who is her secondary medical emergency contact or MIL who is her third in the event my dad couldn't be reached either.

Maybe video cameras would help? Let the parents watch the videos and police the daycare, then turn in violations to the authorities

Ours has cameras and they're a good idea.  But like inspectors I can't be there all the time watching.  I have to do my job while at work.  No system is perfect and unfortunately you're always going to have a bad apple in the bunch.

I don't think it's perfect but I prefer the licensing system over not.  All the inspection information is public domain.  If I request it the daycare has to provide it to me.  If you get a big violation the record follows you every time you go to reapply and is something that can be looked up by prospective clients.

Unlicensed bad apples just go underground and then pop up again under a new name.  You'll never know unless you're lucky enough to encounter someone who recognizes them and sounds the alarm.

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2013 9:50:47 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:45:14 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

My wife's cousin married a deadbeat and they had a kid together. She finally divorced his ass. She never got a penny of support from him and she had his legal rights as a parent taken away.

This is my case as well. So legally my daughter has no father. No one to split support with. 

yeah.  That is a hard situation.   My wife's cousin had to move back with her parents for a while.   it was the absolute right move to terminate his rights though.  he was a scum bag.  His 16 year old daughter from another marriage committed suicide a few years ago and I am sure his stellar parenting did not help the situation.

[doxieluvr]

Apr 23, 2013 9:46:50 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:45:40 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Doxie is you cousin??!?! 

Anything is possible on the interwebz.

Or we could have a mutual cousin, because my cousin is currently going through it now as well. 

Irony is she was unsupportive when my child had a dead beat father. Funny how things come around.

[doxieluvr]

Apr 23, 2013 9:50:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

If I divorced current husband, I would have to have his wages garnished.  He's too spacey with paying anything and he would be the vindictive angry type.  He'd also want custody.

And if really wanted to be vindictive, he could switch jobs on you so frequently you could not keep track of his current job or completely disappear. What would you do then?

i have a friend with four kids. Her ex is in arrears for more than $50k (last we talked about it). I found her ex on Facebook, hiding out in Alaska. He deleted his account once he figured out she knew his whereabouts.

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2013 9:58:26 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:50:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

If I divorced current husband, I would have to have his wages garnished.  He's too spacey with paying anything and he would be the vindictive angry type.  He'd also want custody.

And if really wanted to be vindictive, he could switch jobs on you so frequently you could not keep track of his current job or completely disappear. What would you do then?

i have a friend with four kids. Her ex is in arrears for more than $50k (last we talked about it). I found her ex on Facebook, hiding out in Alaska. He deleted his account once he figured out she knew his whereabouts.

I work for a multi-employer union construction company and have these guys come through our company.  It takes 6 or 8 weeks for the child support paperwork to catch up to their new employer.  Lots of times they are gone by the time we get the wage garnishment info.  Other times they move on to another employer once we start deducting the wage garnishment.

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2013 9:58:26 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:50:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

If I divorced current husband, I would have to have his wages garnished.  He's too spacey with paying anything and he would be the vindictive angry type.  He'd also want custody.

And if really wanted to be vindictive, he could switch jobs on you so frequently you could not keep track of his current job or completely disappear. What would you do then?

i have a friend with four kids. Her ex is in arrears for more than $50k (last we talked about it). I found her ex on Facebook, hiding out in Alaska. He deleted his account once he figured out she knew his whereabouts.

Then again, we do have guys on payroll that have most of  their paycheck garnished away, but they have been with us for years.

[doxieluvr]

Apr 23, 2013 9:54:32 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:50:47 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

This is my case as well. So legally my daughter has no father. No one to split support with. 

yeah.  That is a hard situation.   My wife's cousin had to move back with her parents for a while.   it was the absolute right move to terminate his rights though.  he was a scum bag.  His 16 year old daughter from another marriage committed suicide a few years ago and I am sure his stellar parenting did not help the situation.

Lucky for her she had parents she could move home with. 

Many single parents, supporting kids without support, do not have that option. I would rather see them get reduced rent, daycare assistance and food stamps, to allow them to have a job and to cover what their salary won't.

[doxieluvr]

Apr 23, 2013 10:01:14 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:58:26 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

And if really wanted to be vindictive, he could switch jobs on you so frequently you could not keep track of his current job or completely disappear. What would you do then?

i have a friend with four kids. Her ex is in arrears for more than $50k (last we talked about it). I found her ex on Facebook, hiding out in Alaska. He deleted his account once he figured out she knew his whereabouts.

I work for a multi-employer union construction company and have these guys come through our company.  It takes 6 or 8 weeks for the child support paperwork to catch up to their new employer.  Lots of times they are gone by the time we get the wage garnishment info.  Other times they move on to another employer once we start deducting the wage garnishment.

Unfortunately it happens way too frequently. 

I would find deadbeats as a full time job if I could find a way to earn an income from it. 

[zibazinski]

I believe you have.

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2013 9:08:44 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

SO the real issue is that blacks are lazy?

This one isn't too lazy to kick your ass!  

(how did I miss this?) 

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2013 10:04:20 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

Apr 23, 2013 10:01:14 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

I work for a multi-employer union construction company and have these guys come through our company.  It takes 6 or 8 weeks for the child support paperwork to catch up to their new employer.  Lots of times they are gone by the time we get the wage garnishment info.  Other times they move on to another employer once we start deducting the wage garnishment.

Unfortunately it happens way too frequently. 

I would find deadbeats as a full time job if I could find a way to earn an income from it. 

DOX THE BOUNTY HUNTER!!!!!  SWISH!!!

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2013 9:12:36 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:03:20 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

Just because it says so on your state website does not make it true.

sure MD says they offer all that but the reality is that the programs have long waiting lists or currently froze due to lack of funding. 

Now what? I posted a very real scenario. What should that mother do? 

No I know so because I am living 2 doors down from a real life case.

They have a 2 year old, pregnant with #2 due in August.

They pay $850 rent vs my $1,375, get vouchers for their daycare which would have been $400/week if they had to pay and she gets WIC.

Why? Because she has been living with her boyfriend/fiancée and not "married".
So she gets to not have to claim his 37k/year salary.

Yes I can report them but what good would that do? Why do you think baby daddy and baby mama is so predominant in low income families? It is more advantageous for them to remain unmarried vs married.

you're right, it's so much better to bitch about it than to take the time to report it.  that seems to be the way everyone feels.  maybe if everyone would report the abuse they see then something would change.

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2013 9:58:26 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:50:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

If I divorced current husband, I would have to have his wages garnished.  He's too spacey with paying anything and he would be the vindictive angry type.  He'd also want custody.

And if really wanted to be vindictive, he could switch jobs on you so frequently you could not keep track of his current job or completely disappear. What would you do then?

Support them on my own I guess. 

[movingforward]

you're right, it's so much better to bitch about it than to take the time to report it.  that seems to be the way everyone feels.  maybe if everyone would report the abuse they see then something would change.

 

[doxieluvr]

Apr 23, 2013 10:14:38 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

Apr 23, 2013 10:04:20 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

Unfortunately it happens way too frequently. 

I would find deadbeats as a full time job if I could find a way to earn an income from it. 

DOX THE BOUNTY HUNTER!!!!!  SWISH!!!

I meant...The deadbeat child support non payers, not the deadbeat law breaking criminals. 

However, I have been tempted to go to the two bail bonds places and see if either is hiring. 

[doxieluvr]

Apr 23, 2013 10:36:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:58:26 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

And if really wanted to be vindictive, he could switch jobs on you so frequently you could not keep track of his current job or completely disappear. What would you do then?

Support them on my own I guess. 

But could you adequately support them on your salary? Granted your in a much cheaper area, so it may be easier. 

[Deleted]

Well, now that your free daycare has dried up, what is stopping you from moving to a lower COL area?

[Deleted]

And forgive my abscense, I was reading up on MD MA income threshholds (hey, it beats working! ). Looks to me like your kids are on CHIP, so why didn't you just say so in the first place? You're twisty by omission, doxie!  

[Miss Tequila]

Apr 23, 2013 10:52:42 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

Apr 23, 2013 10:36:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Support them on my own I guess. 

But could you adequately support them on your salary? Granted your in a much cheaper area, so it may be easier. 

I could absolutely support my children on my own salary if I had to.  I didn't set my life up like that expecting my husband to run off and not support his kids (I didn't marry some loser) but you never know what life will throw at you.  We never took on bills that we couldn't comfortably afford on one salary.  It really isn't that hard to live within your means....

[Deleted]

it is when you live in a HCOLA, need more than a studio apartment, and aren't making 6 figures.  I absolutely would not be able to keep up our standard of living on just one salary.  We'd have to cancel pretty much everything except essential utilities, sell our house, and move into a 1 bedroom apartment.

[doxieluvr]

Apr 23, 2013 10:56:24 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Well, now that your free daycare has dried up, what is stopping you from moving to a lower COL area?

I like where I live. I still go to my parents house every day. Moving away as my parents age, would be even more unrealistic. 

[Firebird]

Oh shit, let me grab my popcorn.  Gonna be a WILD ride on this one. 

And I have to go to a meeting!!  Can we press the pause button for a few hours? 

[Miss Tequila]

Apr 23, 2013 11:06:22 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

it is when you live in a HCOLA, need more than a studio apartment, and aren't making 6 figures.  I absolutely would not be able to keep up our standard of living on just one salary.  We'd have to cancel pretty much everything except essential utilities, sell our house, and move into a 1 bedroom apartment.

But I wasn't always making this kind of money...Because I had my kids early in life (well, compared to a lot of my friends) I think I was making a whopping $40K a year when I had them.  I was making less than my husband at the time (I think he was making around $55K back then) but we structure our bills so that we could afford everything on my salary if something happened to him. 

[doxieluvr]

Apr 23, 2013 11:06:22 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

it is when you live in a HCOLA, need more than a studio apartment, and aren't making 6 figures.  I absolutely would not be able to keep up our standard of living on just one salary.  We'd have to cancel pretty much everything except essential utilities, sell our house, and move into a 1 bedroom apartment.

I doubt my income would even allow me to sign a lease on a one bedroom apartment. The only way I could do it last time was using my savings account with a substantial balance as collateral. 

A one bedroom here is $1150 and a two bedroom is $1300.  Forget all other bills and food.

[muttleynfelix]

Apr 23, 2013 8:26:51 GMT -5 Queen of Interesting Nuts said:

I am just waiting for mutt to head down here cos she said we could flog her, I like to "flog"

Have at it.     I've already been through the ringer this morning.  The baby had a rough night and then the car died on the way to work. Sigh.

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2013 11:10:46 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Apr 23, 2013 11:06:22 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

it is when you live in a HCOLA, need more than a studio apartment, and aren't making 6 figures.  I absolutely would not be able to keep up our standard of living on just one salary.  We'd have to cancel pretty much everything except essential utilities, sell our house, and move into a 1 bedroom apartment.

But I wasn't always making this kind of money...Because I had my kids early in life (well, compared to a lot of my friends) I think I was making a whopping $40K a year when I had them.  I was making less than my husband at the time (I think he was making around $55K back then) but we structure our bills so that we could afford everything on my salary if something happened to him. 

that's really smart, but we'd literally have to live in the ghetto for us to be able to afford to live on one salary here.  The only other alternative would be to leave the state, but if we had no job in place then we'd be worse off.  By the time I'm 35, I'd like to be in a much better financial position in case anything did happen.  I just got this promotion in August, so baby steps.

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2013 10:32:07 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

Apr 23, 2013 9:12:36 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

No I know so because I am living 2 doors down from a real life case.

They have a 2 year old, pregnant with #2 due in August.

They pay $850 rent vs my $1,375, get vouchers for their daycare which would have been $400/week if they had to pay and she gets WIC.

Why? Because she has been living with her boyfriend/fiancée and not "married".
So she gets to not have to claim his 37k/year salary.

Yes I can report them but what good would that do? Why do you think baby daddy and baby mama is so predominant in low income families? It is more advantageous for them to remain unmarried vs married.

you're right, it's so much better to bitch about it than to take the time to report it.  that seems to be the way everyone feels.  maybe if everyone would report the abuse they see then something would change.

Report what? That her baby daddy lives there? Ok what proof do I have?

Sleeping somewhere does not make it your permanent residence. He is not on the lease and he most likely kept his old address as his own.

And what else? They come visit? He could claim he slept there the night before or he can move out for a couple of months.

You can report all you want, unless they can prove it they cannot take her benefits away.

I know people that spend 90% of their time at their boyfriend/girlfriend while still maintaining their own residence.

I was raised around people that know how to game the system and making sure they do not cross the line.

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2013 10:52:42 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

Apr 23, 2013 10:36:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Support them on my own I guess. 

But could you adequately support them on your salary? Granted your in a much cheaper area, so it may be easier. 

I would have to sell the house and downsize to something in town for sure, but if I got PITI down to about the $500 range, my budget would still be doable on my income alone.  Right now it's more like $1700 with both incomes.