Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 23, 2013 11:23:35 GMT -5
But I wasn't always making this kind of money...Because I had my kids early in life (well, compared to a lot of my friends) I think I was making a whopping $40K a year when I had them. I was making less than my husband at the time (I think he was making around $55K back then) but we structure our bills so that we could afford everything on my salary if something happened to him. that's really smart, but we'd literally have to live in the ghetto for us to be able to afford to live on one salary here. The only other alternative would be to leave the state, but if we had no job in place then we'd be worse off. By the time I'm 35, I'd like to be in a much better financial position in case anything did happen. I just got this promotion in August, so baby steps. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) I can't imagine dealign with hcola..I know it is easy for me to say, but there is no way I could live in an area where the incomes didn't justify the housing prices. It is crazy in some areas.
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 11:31:19 GMT -5
But could you adequately support them on your salary? Granted your in a much cheaper area, so it may be easier. I would have to sell the house and downsize to something in town for sure, but if I got PITI down to about the $500 range, my budget would still be doable on my income alone. Right now it's more like $1700 with both incomes. At least you have the option of downsizing. My only option of downsizing would be a travel trailer in a public parking lot or a kind friends backyard. Or a cardboard box under a bridge. my mortgage is cheaper than rent on an apartment.
|
|
Queen of Interesting Nuts
Familiar Member
"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
Joined: Feb 14, 2013 11:05:35 GMT -5
Posts: 700
|
Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on Apr 23, 2013 11:32:25 GMT -5
OHH let me get my special YM whip, it's glittery and sparkly and has dollar signs on it. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) Sorry to hear about your car, that really really sucks. I hope it can be fixed easily and it gets you through the next year like you need it to.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 5, 2024 5:23:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 11:34:51 GMT -5
you're right, it's so much better to bitch about it than to take the time to report it. that seems to be the way everyone feels. maybe if everyone would report the abuse they see then something would change. Report what? That her baby daddy lives there? Ok what proof do I have? Sleeping somewhere does not make it your permanent residence. He is not on the lease and he most likely kept his old address as his own. And what else? They come visit? He could claim he slept there the night before or he can move out for a couple of months. You can report all you want, unless they can prove it they cannot take her benefits away. I know people that spend 90% of their time at their boyfriend/girlfriend while still maintaining their own residence. I was raised around people that know how to game the system and making sure they do not cross the line. Ok, if they are maintaining two separate residences, how are thy gaming the system?
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 23, 2013 11:47:07 GMT -5
Naggie - The car will be fine if it just stops raining (or snowing). Moisture gets up in the engine and the car just hates it. I just left the car on the shoulder and I'm going to go try to start it again in a few minutes. It is about a half mile from work. So not far. My boss came and picked me up. We'll figure something out.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 5, 2024 5:23:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 11:49:27 GMT -5
Report what? That her baby daddy lives there? Ok what proof do I have? Sleeping somewhere does not make it your permanent residence. He is not on the lease and he most likely kept his old address as his own. And what else? They come visit? He could claim he slept there the night before or he can move out for a couple of months. You can report all you want, unless they can prove it they cannot take her benefits away. I know people that spend 90% of their time at their boyfriend/girlfriend while still maintaining their own residence. I was raised around people that know how to game the system and making sure they do not cross the line. Ok, if they are maintaining two separate residences, how are thy gaming the system? You don't have to maintain two separate residences to keep the address. It could be a parent house or other relative or friend that lets you have mail sent there.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Apr 23, 2013 12:27:55 GMT -5
Uh...yeah. I guess. He could quit his 6 figure salary a year job to avoid wage garnishment of $500/check, but he's not a moron. Also, I'll reiterate. I did not marry a deadbeat. He loves his son and wants to take care of him. A wise person once told me the man you marry is never the same man you divorce. i have seen countless men be wonderful fathers while with the mother, but after the relationship is over and the child becomes out of sight, out of mind, they become uninterested fathers. So have I. Which is one of the reasons I made sure I would be able to support any children I had on my salary alone. I never want to be dependent on anyone/a man for support. As far as the out of sight, out of mind - 1 in 6 single parents with primary custody are fathers - contrary to the popular belief that all men abandon their children. In addition, when the custodial parent gets an order of child support, that is paid in full over 40% of the time with another 30% making at least partial payments. Nowhere near as high as I'd like to see it but much better than claiming most skip out on their obligation. www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/p60-240.pdf
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 5, 2024 5:23:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 12:31:55 GMT -5
A wise person once told me the man you marry is never the same man you divorce. i have seen countless men be wonderful fathers while with the mother, but after the relationship is over and the child becomes out of sight, out of mind, they become uninterested fathers. So have I. Which is one of the reasons I made sure I would be able to support any children I had on my salary alone. I never want to be dependent on anyone/a man for support. As far as the out of sight, out of mind - 1 in 6 single parents with primary custody are fathers - contrary to the popular belief that all men abandon their children. In addition, when the custodial parent gets an order of child support, that is paid in full over 40% of the time with another 30% making at least partial payments. Nowhere near as high as I'd like to see it but much better than claiming most skip out on their obligation. www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/p60-240.pdfSo the overwhelming majority of single parents are women and most child support is not paid in full. Is that a correct statement?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 5, 2024 5:23:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 12:33:11 GMT -5
Ok, if they are maintaining two separate residences, how are thy gaming the system? You don't have to maintain two separate residences to keep the address. It could be a parent house or other relative or friend that lets you have mail sent there. Exactly!! His parents lives in Shrewsbury and he has that as his permanent address while living with her 24/7. So his income does not get counted towards the benefit they are getting or so that she could have gotten the apartment for $850/month.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Apr 23, 2013 12:34:55 GMT -5
I would have to sell the house and downsize to something in town for sure, but if I got PITI down to about the $500 range, my budget would still be doable on my income alone. Right now it's more like $1700 with both incomes. At least you have the option of downsizing. My only option of downsizing would be a travel trailer in a public parking lot or a kind friends backyard. Or a cardboard box under a bridge. my mortgage is cheaper than rent on an apartment. Everyone has the option of downsizing - you choose to stay in an area where that is not possible. ETA: How can you claim to live in a rural area with rents like what you're describing?
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Apr 23, 2013 12:40:11 GMT -5
So the overwhelming majority of single parents are women and most child support is not paid in full. Is that a correct statement? I was surprised that the percentage of single male parents was as high as it was with the current bias toward women by the court system as being the primary care giver. As far as your statement - the way I would phrase it to be considered correct is "The overwhelming majority of single parents are women and a substantial percentage of child support is paid in part or in full". I can't find any support but would suspect that if someone is not paying the full amount it is because they do not have the financial means to do so. Yet another reason to make sure you can support your children on one salary if needed.
|
|
gooddecisions
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,418
|
Post by gooddecisions on Apr 23, 2013 12:52:46 GMT -5
I would have to sell the house and downsize to something in town for sure, but if I got PITI down to about the $500 range, my budget would still be doable on my income alone. Right now it's more like $1700 with both incomes. At least you have the option of downsizing. My only option of downsizing would be a travel trailer in a public parking lot or a kind friends backyard. Or a cardboard box under a bridge. my mortgage is cheaper than rent on an apartment. Seriously? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahright.png) You have too many pets, too many big cars, too many data plans, too many gardens to maintain, too many floors (according to an old post about how long it takes to clean your 3-story town house), etc. I see lots of room for downsizing.
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 13:04:03 GMT -5
So have I. Which is one of the reasons I made sure I would be able to support any children I had on my salary alone. I never want to be dependent on anyone/a man for support. As far as the out of sight, out of mind - 1 in 6 single parents with primary custody are fathers - contrary to the popular belief that all men abandon their children. In addition, when the custodial parent gets an order of child support, that is paid in full over 40% of the time with another 30% making at least partial payments. Nowhere near as high as I'd like to see it but much better than claiming most skip out on their obligation. www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/p60-240.pdfSo the overwhelming majority of single parents are women and most child support is not paid in full. Is that a correct statement? Pretty much, if 30% are only getting partial payments and 30% get no support. 60% is significantly more than the 40% that do indeed get support. i never said not everyone has deadbeat exes. I stated that based on my findings, the vast majority that I encounter are non child support paying parents. Based on the data captain posted, I am correct. that is a whole lot of single parents supporting children alone.
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 13:08:03 GMT -5
At least you have the option of downsizing. My only option of downsizing would be a travel trailer in a public parking lot or a kind friends backyard. Or a cardboard box under a bridge. my mortgage is cheaper than rent on an apartment. Seriously? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahright.png) You have too many pets, too many big cars, too many data plans, too many gardens to maintain, too many floors (according to an old post about how long it takes to clean your 3-story town house), etc. I see lots of room for downsizing. We are talking financially downsizing, hypothetically. Not downsizing stuff. Moving myself and two kids to an apartment would not be any more affordable then my house. Probably less so, because I can always refinance my house to a lower rate in order to lower the payment. That won't happening paying rent. My house is less than 1200 Sq ft of living space. It is certainly not large.
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 13:10:37 GMT -5
At least you have the option of downsizing. My only option of downsizing would be a travel trailer in a public parking lot or a kind friends backyard. Or a cardboard box under a bridge. my mortgage is cheaper than rent on an apartment. Everyone has the option of downsizing - you choose to stay in an area where that is not possible. ETA: How can you claim to live in a rural area with rents like what you're describing? Do we not consider areas with lots of farms rural? Many high income earners have moved to my county and commute to Baltimore and DC. This has driven up the cost of housing considerably over the years.
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 13:16:13 GMT -5
We are talking financially downsizing, hypothetically. Not downsizing stuff. Moving myself and two kids to an apartment would not be any more affordable then my house. Probably less so, because I can always refinance my house to a lower rate in order to lower the payment. That won't happening paying rent. My house is less than 1200 Sq ft of living space. It is certainly not large. Things going ok with your dh? Seems like you've put a lot of thought into whether or not you could make it on your own. Things are great. I just went through all of this research with my friend that's husband just disappeared. Being unemployed and dependent on someone else is very eye opening. I am well aware that I would be up "it's creek" if I found myself solely supporting myself and two kids. It is a good scenario to toss out to the anti-assistance people. Kinda proves that we will always need social programs.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 5, 2024 5:23:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 13:26:34 GMT -5
It is a good scenario to toss out to the anti-assistance people. Kinda proves that we will always need social programs. No it doesn't. It proves that you would have to get your shit together and take care of your kids.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 5, 2024 5:23:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 13:30:25 GMT -5
Things going ok with your dh? Seems like you've put a lot of thought into whether or not you could make it on your own. It is a good scenario to toss out to the anti-assistance people. Kinda proves that we will always need social programs. Short term I agree, but a parent left suddenly single should figure out a way to make things work and stand on their own two feet. It might mean more education or downsizing or moving. But unless there is pressure to do so by setting time limits or making them follow a planned course, often it's easier to just collect the handouts and say they have no options.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,873
|
Post by zibazinski on Apr 23, 2013 13:32:57 GMT -5
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 13:33:34 GMT -5
Based on a recent thread, what I made last year was significantly more than I am worth (minimum wage). I would have to double (highly unlikely) my salary to be able to support a family on my income. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 23, 2013 13:36:15 GMT -5
OHH let me get my special YM whip, it's glittery and sparkly and has dollar signs on it. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) Sorry to hear about your car, that really really sucks. I hope it can be fixed easily and it gets you through the next year like you need it to. Well the car started right up when I walked over to get it at lunch today. I hope hubby can figure out something so that it will stop doing it when it rains...of course he has yet to answer the phone or call me back today, so I'm sure he is having a "fun" day with the kids. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png)
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Apr 23, 2013 13:38:04 GMT -5
The article focused not on daycare centers, but on in-home providers. In many states, even licensed in-home providers aren't nearly as regulated as centers.
I didn't want one that wasn't. Some of you recall my daycare dilemma (here's the thread if you want to read about it - notmsnmoney.proboards.com/thread/31127/daycare-red-flag-wwyd), but when I couldn't tell whether or not the DCP had properly registered her assistants, that was a BIG deal for me. Fortunately, it got resolved. But midjd is right, you can't plan for everything. We're trying to be VERY proactive in our daycare arrangements - my mom is Babybird's primary caregiver but not only do we pay her pretty much full market rate, we also have a backup babysitter (and now, a backup DCP as well - although she can't take Babybird full time at the moment, at least we're on her list and we'd be in line for a full time slot if we wanted it). It takes A LOT of work to keep these various daycare relationships in place, but we feel it's worth it. If my mom ever can't be Babybird's DCP anymore, we have other options. Still, it's very tricky and I have a lot of sympathy for people who have trouble affording it and/or finding a good one. I couldn't even read the whole article, it was too awful.
So I fail to see how more regulations and more certifications and more licensure will reduce costs for those who can't afford it.
It won't, that's the problem. You solve one problem by worsening another. There's no "good" solution here if you can't afford proper daycare and also can't afford to SAH with your kid. 1. Everyone has the right to breed, regardless of the ability to support such asserted rights 2. Everyone has the right to have children, regardless of how rotten a job they do parenting (we don't want to start down that slipperly slope now do we?) 3. Everyone has the right to expect their choices to be subsidized by those who chose to wait or limit the number of kids they have until they could support themI agree with none of the above, so I'm not sure what your point is here. True, people "shouldn't" have kids they can't support. But they do so unless you want to start forcibly sterilizing people, the question is not "should we deal with this?", it's "HOW ARE WE GOING TO deal with this?" And no, I don't think kids should have to suffer because of their parents' poor choices.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Apr 23, 2013 13:39:19 GMT -5
Well this is not common amongst the rural single moms. In my area, they have full time jobs but not enough income, even with college degrees. So it is not necessarily an education issue. doxieluvr, honestly, we've said this probably a couple hundred times to you but you can't afford to live in your preferred area with children at your current income level. That is very possibly true of the people you know also. So my solution for the woman in your scenario (if she had no family or partner or support net) would honestly be to move to a cheaper area where her income would go further. Again, how would I support a family of three? The consensus around here is I am only worth minimum wage, so my recent salary of $34k annually being significantly higher then minimum wage should count for sharpened skills.
$34k is plenty for a family of three in a bunch of places in the U.S., you just don't want to live in any of them. Obviously it's not going to support a family of three in one of the most expensive areas of the country.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 5, 2024 5:23:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 13:43:03 GMT -5
Based on a recent thread, what I made last year was significantly more than I am worth (minimum wage). I would have to double (highly unlikely) my salary to be able to support a family on my income. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) You have options. You don't HAVE to live in a HCOL area. You choose to. You could get more education. What do nurses make there? Here they start at around $20/hour in a LCOL area. You can get an ADN in just two years. FWIW, there are TONS of single parents around here making around 35K.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Apr 23, 2013 13:43:30 GMT -5
I'm not sure you get to count it as "sharpened skills" when you were fired from the $34K job. You're worth what someone is willing to pay you.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Apr 23, 2013 13:44:32 GMT -5
I just want you all to see how it is not possible to do away with assistance completely. doxieluvr, I agree with that... but frankly, when I talk about people with no resources, no skills, no education, no safety net in the form of family or partner, no one who taught them how to make responsible choices... you are not that kind of person. You have resources, you have a family safety net, you have the ability to earn more money, you have plenty of choices that have been spelled out for you time and again by this board if nothing else. No, we can't do away with assistance completely... but people like you and me shouldn't need it, except in dire circumstances and even then only temporarily. We are very privileged people. Social assistance is for people whose lack of privileges make it almost impossible to live a functional life in society. That doesn't apply to you. Or me. Or almost anyone on this board.
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 13:44:55 GMT -5
Fire, but income would most likely be less in a lower cost of living area. It would still be not enough income in a cheaper place but then would be alone with no friends and family. We are fortunate to live in an area with job opportunity.
I would most likely not make $34k in most lower cost of living areas. I would be looking at closer than minimum wage. So then what? Moving won't be a benefit.
|
|
gooddecisions
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,418
|
Post by gooddecisions on Apr 23, 2013 13:47:27 GMT -5
Seriously? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahright.png) You have too many pets, too many big cars, too many data plans, too many gardens to maintain, too many floors (according to an old post about how long it takes to clean your 3-story town house), etc. I see lots of room for downsizing. We are talking financially downsizing, hypothetically. Not downsizing stuff. Moving myself and two kids to an apartment would not be any more affordable then my house. Probably less so, because I can always refinance my house to a lower rate in order to lower the payment. That won't happening paying rent. My house is less than 1200 Sq ft of living space. It is certainly not large. You don't think your stuff costs money to maintain? The big cars alone would drastically reduce your annual budget.
|
|
doxieluvr
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 11:28:59 GMT -5
Posts: 5,458
|
Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 13:47:44 GMT -5
Based on a recent thread, what I made last year was significantly more than I am worth (minimum wage). I would have to double (highly unlikely) my salary to be able to support a family on my income. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) You have options. You don't HAVE to live in a HCOL area. You choose to. You could get more education. What do nurses make there? Here they start at around $20/hour in a LCOL area. You can get an ADN in just two years. FWIW, there are TONS of single parents around here making around 35K. I pass out at the sight of blood and my OCD hinders my ability to touch a stranger. What good would I be as a nurse? Is there nursing jobs where you never see blood or have to touch some stinky, nasty old man that has not bathed in weeks? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/sick.png)
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 5, 2024 5:23:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 13:52:03 GMT -5
Everyone has the option of downsizing - you choose to stay in an area where that is not possible. ETA: How can you claim to live in a rural area with rents like what you're describing? Do we not consider areas with lots of farms rural? Many high income earners have moved to my county and commute to Baltimore and DC. This has driven up the cost of housing considerably over the years. uh, my town has lots of farms and it is in no way rural.
|
|