Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 11:12:41 GMT -5
Um, go back a few pages and READ what i wrote. I said like 10x that there might be instances where i would do so!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 11:23:08 GMT -5
I'd rather cut my hand off than send my child away. No fricken way would that ever happen in our house. even if it was in their best interest? nope.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 5, 2013 11:26:00 GMT -5
Where I live, boarding school is relatively common for the hockey players who show promise. I dont see the big deal if the kid wants to go. Its not like you never see the kid again.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 11:27:18 GMT -5
Well, why would it be in their 'interest" for them not to live with their parents? Yes, i might do so as a LAST resort. But what would be in MY interest would be seeing to my child's interest. And, if i had to quit my job, move to another school district or whatever for my child's interest i would. Or, i would make it work whatever the problem was in whatever way i could before sending my child to boarding school. Yes, it after all that, i felt it would be an advantage, then i might.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 5, 2013 11:27:32 GMT -5
If it was what was best for your child, Shooby, you would. I've read enough of your posts to know you'd sacrifice anything for your kids. If it was what was best for your child to go some where in order for them to succeed in life, you'd do it. It'd kill you but you'd do it.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 11:29:53 GMT -5
Yes, and i said exactly that. There are times i would do so. Or, if my child was some sort of child prodigy i might consider that as well. But, in general it isn't something i would choose above other alternatives.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 11:31:29 GMT -5
But life doesn't usually present as an "either or" choice. It is rarely ever going to be a "if i don't send my child to boarding school, he/she won't succeed in life" kind of decision.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 11:44:32 GMT -5
In Athena s case, keeping him home would have been the selfish option. It's a difficult balance, this weighing what is good for us and them, holding on, letting go, etc...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 11:52:27 GMT -5
But life doesn't usually present as an "either or" choice. It is rarely ever going to be a "if i don't send my child to boarding school, he/she won't succeed in life" kind of decision. Do your best and hopefully it will meets your expectation. With clear understanding of what's your expectation is. That's the only thing all of us can do. Nothing in life's doesn't comes with set of guarantee.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 5, 2013 11:57:53 GMT -5
Where I live, boarding school is relatively common for the hockey players who show promise. I dont see the big deal if the kid wants to go. Its not like you never see the kid again. I'm not against it or anything, but my kid moving away from home before high school graduation would be a "big deal" to me - no matter what the reason. I've seen people do it for military school (like Athena) and gifted programs, athletics and dance. Even a foreign exchange program. It may be the right thing to do, and work out for everyone - but it was still a big decision with a lot of pro's and con's.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 11:58:15 GMT -5
Um, go back a few pages and READ what i wrote. I said like 10x that there might be instances where i would do so! that's nice, but I was replying to lonewolf
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Apr 5, 2013 12:01:38 GMT -5
Why would anyone WANT to send their kids to a boarding school? Yes, if my child was failing and struggling and going down the wrong life path, getting into trouble/drugs, etc. I might consider that he/she would need a change of environment to a more disciplined and supervised setting. But, if my kid was doing fine, why would a parent want to send their child away to live and go to school somewhere else? I mean, your child is going to grow up and move out soon enough, why accelerate that process? I've heard homeschoolers make the same argument about sending their kids to a regular school. I could see this as being a very good option for a single parent with a demanding job. Really, how much do most parents have with their teenaged kids when they're home from a 10 hour work day and trying to get all the housework done? If there's a phone call every night and the kid comes home nearly every weekend, that leaves a lot of quality time.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Apr 5, 2013 12:09:12 GMT -5
There are an awful lot of kids with busy parents who are being raised by the TV. Boarding school would be a step up from this. I think Americans need to get over their prejudice against boarding school. Not all parents are cut out to have their kids around all the time and this silly prejudice is hurting a lot of kids.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 12:10:09 GMT -5
The LAST thing i would want to do as single parent is take my child out of his/her home and "send him/her away". Why is boarding school being presented as the only option? I think a child in a single parent home may even feel more disconnected from family by doing that.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 5, 2013 12:13:53 GMT -5
Thyme: I guess "using see the big deal" was the wrong way to term it. I dont want my kids leaving home prior to HS grad, but if boarding school was what the kod wanted, is send them.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 12:17:38 GMT -5
My kid doesn't always get to decide what he or she wants. I might consider boarding school if i thought there was a compelling reason. But, just because they might want to go doesn't mean i would acquiesce.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 12:18:40 GMT -5
Barring extreme circumstances, i believe it is in children's interest to remain with their parents. Just my opinion.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 12:20:08 GMT -5
The LAST thing i would want to do as single parent is take my child out of his/her home and "send him/her away". Why is boarding school being presented as the only option? I think a child in a single parent home may even feel more disconnected from family by doing that. I was raised in a traditional, intact family with a SAHM and, as I said earlier, I remember wishing I could go to boarding school in HS. My grades were good, I had no pathological problems, my parents were decent people. I was just different- bookish, into feminism early, could never figure out how to flirt with guys, awful at team sports. Who knows- boarding school may not have been the answer- but I'm an example of a farily normal kid who would have liked to try it. Another example of possible overly possessive parenting- a friend of mine who was also a single mother of a teenager (she never married the baby daddy, I had been married and divorced) told me she'd never dated, for her DD's sake. I'd started dating the man who is now DH soon after the divorce, so of course I felt like a terrible mother for paying attention to my gonads. DH turned out to be a spectacular stepfather and one of the best things I could have done for DS. Heck, even my Ex's family tells me how well we've done with DS. Her daughter turned out fine- well, except for going to NYC after college and trying to make it as an actress.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 5, 2013 12:31:46 GMT -5
My kid doesn't always get to decide what he or she wants. I might consider boarding school if i thought there was a compelling reason. But, just because they might want to go doesn't mean i would acquiesce. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think anyone is saying that a teenager is the only one who gets a vote on such a huge decision. I'm sure all parents would give this option a great deal of thought and soul searching to make sure it was right for the child. I doubt anyone takes this decision lightly, or just says "okay" without doing some research.
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steff
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Post by steff on Apr 5, 2013 12:35:22 GMT -5
I've been a SAHM/W since I got knocked up almost 19 years ago. My hubby works nights, sleeps during the day, so in a lot of ways, the day to day raising of kiddo was on me. Hubby's life has been work & mine has been kiddo.
Now kiddo is in college. He did live in the dorms for his first semester (required-he hated dorm life), but then came back home to live. I still "technically" see him each day, but often not more than 5 or 10 minutes between his school work, job, friends & now a gf. I struggled initially with missing him and finding that my daily routine was shot to hell & back. Almost everything I did daily wasn't necessary anymore. But I reminded myself (and still remind myself when I'm feeling sad) that this is exactly what we raised him to do. Be independent. Go to college, work, and live his life.
I guess it also helps that I'm not "baby crazy" or particularly "kid friendly". I'm the gal that no one would have expected to have any kids. My aunt is still baby crazy & she's miserable. I always knew that I didn't want to be like her & obsess over my kiddo when he's grown. The more she obsessed, the less her kid came home to visit. I'm happy to say that kiddo isn't clingy or obsessively attached to his gf. Not for any other reason than guys or girls that are clingy are annoying IMO.
There comes a point you just gotta let go & it's not necessarily easy, but it's the whole point of raising kids. To see them go out into the big bad world on their own. I took what were passing interests or a hobby project I did once or twice a year & got more involved in it. I took gardening & canning to the next level (and that's almost more work than kiddo ever was!). I upped my volunteer hours. I spend more time with my mom & my gramma. Hubby & I for the first time in forever, are spending more time together. We now have a real regular date night each week...before it was maybe once a month.
It's not easy, but you just gotta let them go to start their lives & find something new for yourself.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 12:49:52 GMT -5
My kid doesn't always get to decide what he or she wants. I might consider boarding school if i thought there was a compelling reason. But, just because they might want to go doesn't mean i would acquiesce. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think anyone is saying that a teenager is the only one who gets a vote on such a huge decision. I'm sure all parents would give this option a great deal of thought and soul searching to make sure it was right for the child. I doubt anyone takes this decision lightly, or just says "okay" without doing some research. Um, i have said like a zillion times there are indeed circumstances i would consider. I am talking about ME and what i would do. If other people desire to send their kids to boarding school then for them, maybe it is a great opportunity. I don't know. That is their choice and decision as it is their kids. For ME, there are no boarding schools anywhere even within driving distance that i am aware of so i would not like my kids living far away from me. Yes, at some point, they grow up and move but i just do not see a need to do that now.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Apr 5, 2013 12:50:37 GMT -5
I wouldn't WANT to send my child away, but I would under certain circumstances if it was in his/her best interest.
We have a girl's home in our area run by nuns. Actually, there are two homes. They are houses, not dorms. They have house moms. The girls go to the local school district. The girls who go there aren't troubled. In fact, they have to meet certain requirements (no criminal record, good grades) to be accepted. Most of the girls come from really bad areas with high crime and flailing school districts. Their parents send them to the home in our area to get them out of a dangerous neighborhood and give them a better chance.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 5, 2013 12:55:23 GMT -5
There is a boarding school in lake placid that focuses on winter sports. Its less than a 2 hour drive from my house. If my kids had some serious talent in whatever winter sport. I would send them in a heartbeat, if they wanted to go.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 13:00:44 GMT -5
At this point, i am just thinking about paying for my kids' college. I don't need ANOTHER school to pay for.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 13:02:07 GMT -5
Barring extreme circumstances, i believe it is in children's interest to remain with their parents. Just my opinion. Love of parents.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 5, 2013 13:03:52 GMT -5
Boarding schools are way more prevalent on the east coast. And I think the culture probably reflects that. It would be much easier to send my kid 2 hours away than to New Hampshire. I'm sure there are schools out here, but they aren't as frequent. I know there used to be one in Scottsdale, and people that lived in town would send their kids for the "day program." I knew one kid who went to a military school in New Mexico - that was 8 hours away, so too long for a weekend drive, but an easy flight (expensive.) I'd consider a California boarding school, but it would have to be a very special opportunity to send my kid to the east coast.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Apr 5, 2013 13:26:54 GMT -5
The LAST thing i would want to do as single parent is take my child out of his/her home and "send him/her away". Why is boarding school being presented as the only option? I think a child in a single parent home may even feel more disconnected from family by doing that. You're assuming that boarding school would mean the kid has less interaction with the parents. That isn't necessiarly the case. If a parent doesn't have the kid 5 days a week, then that parent is going to be a lot more well rested and 'present' when the kid comes home on the weekend.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 13:29:01 GMT -5
I don't buy it. Quantity and quality are too different things. Kid need quality AND quantity. Just being in the home with my kids while i am doing laundry is "being there".
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Apr 5, 2013 13:29:15 GMT -5
Barring extreme circumstances, i believe it is in children's interest to remain with their parents. Just my opinion. That depends on the parents.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Apr 5, 2013 13:32:45 GMT -5
I don't buy it. Quantity and quality are too different things. Kid need quality AND quantity. Just being in the home with my kids while i am doing laundry is "being there". Not if the kids are parked in front of the TV or computer, which is precicely what happens to a lot of kids.
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