973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 4, 2013 15:38:58 GMT -5
Is there anyone here who wants to go out with my DD and help her try on a thousand more prom dresses? Just remember that she will only pick out the ones that don't fit, because they don't have her size, and it will be all your fault. Sounds like fun doesn't it? Only if you pay the increase in my car insurance for my 16 yo DS. I'm paying my increased rates for DD. NJ only gets their lisence at 17 so she hasn't even finished her first year. And NJ car insurance rates are about the highest in the nation to begin with. No wonder I feel so poor all the time.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 4, 2013 15:40:13 GMT -5
Is there anyone here who wants to go out with my DD and help her try on a thousand more prom dresses? Just remember that she will only pick out the ones that don't fit, because they don't have her size, and it will be all your fault. Sounds like fun doesn't it? Only if you pay the increase in my car insurance for my 16 yo DS. Paying for the car insurance could be considered a bargin as opposed to shopping for prom dress... Joost sayin'
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 4, 2013 15:41:58 GMT -5
Only if you pay the increase in my car insurance for my 16 yo DS. Paying for the car insurance could be considered a bargin as opposed to shopping for prom dress... Joost sayin' Beach doesn't seem to think so. her loss......
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Apr 4, 2013 15:44:05 GMT -5
I believe that the relationship that my mom and brother had crossed several emotional lines that should not have been crossed. And I do blame that relationship as part of the reason my brother committed suicide. With my mom in jail and not there by his side, when at 24 he had to start figuring out things on his own, it was just too much.
I love my children. I enjoy them and love doing things with them. I also know the best thing I can do as a parent is to give them the skills they will need to survive and step back when they start using those skills. To allow them their own identity, and teach them that the only person's happiness they are truly 100 percent responsible for is their own.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 4, 2013 16:15:18 GMT -5
I have a 6 year old niece that we spoil like she's our own. Her mom has been threatening for years that she's moving in with us the day she turns 13! We'd get a short break after we send the boy off to college and then it'd be time for P to move it. I really hope they are kidding. I love that girl but I'm not prepared for her teen years. My folks still have flashbacks and night terrors from my teen years.
They think her baby brother is allergic to the dog. Her mom told her that they dog might have to go live somewhere else. P said "Fine! Me and Shiloh will both move in with Sheila!"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 16:39:51 GMT -5
I love my children. I enjoy them and love doing things with them. I also know the best thing I can do as a parent is to give them the skills they will need to survive and step back when they start using those skills. To allow them their own identity, and teach them that the only person's happiness they are truly 100 percent responsible for is their own. I think one of the best things I could have done for DS when he was 13 was send him to a military boarding school. He was floundering badly in the public school system and it got him out of a place where he was falling behind, to a place where he could focus only on himself and not on trying to prop up Mom after the divorce. (I'd started dating a wonderful, supportive man anyway, who is now DH.) Suddenly he was in charge of getting his own rear end out of bed, figuring out when it was time for a haircut and keeping his room clean (hey, he got a merit ribbon for it and learned how to operate a floor buffer). He actually rose to the challenge, bless him. OK, I'll turn in my Mom card now.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Apr 4, 2013 20:02:01 GMT -5
Athena, please keep your Mom card. Laminate it even. I taught at an athletically oriented boarding school and I loved to see the transformation that happened for nearly all of our students. Most of them were kids who didn't do well in a traditional school setting - too much energy. Boarding school isn't for everyone, not all kids would thrive in it and not all parents can afford it, but when it is a good match (or the alternative is a bad match), it can be great.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 6:08:35 GMT -5
I love my children. I enjoy them and love doing things with them. I also know the best thing I can do as a parent is to give them the skills they will need to survive and step back when they start using those skills. To allow them their own identity, and teach them that the only person's happiness they are truly 100 percent responsible for is their own. I think one of the best things I could have done for DS when he was 13 was send him to a military boarding school. He was floundering badly in the public school system and it got him out of a place where he was falling behind, to a place where he could focus only on himself and not on trying to prop up Mom after the divorce. (I'd started dating a wonderful, supportive man anyway, who is now DH.) Suddenly he was in charge of getting his own rear end out of bed, figuring out when it was time for a haircut and keeping his room clean (hey, he got a merit ribbon for it and learned how to operate a floor buffer). He actually rose to the challenge, bless him. OK, I'll turn in my Mom card now. Are there really still military and boarding schools for kids? I have heard people say this but that i wasn't really sure if that even existed. Kind of like Big Foot.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 6:12:36 GMT -5
I think there are different types of parenting styles. I am a more relaxed parent. A friend of mine is much more of an "active manager". I find it exhausting to listen to her talk about how she controls every aspect of her DD's life. The lastest thing is that she decided they all need to go on a liquid diet. And, not for a day but for weeks. So, she has her dd drinking 'green shakes" and so forth . I really don't want to control every morsel of food that goes into my kids' mouths. I don't want to read their text messages or facebook page. Yeah, i might scan them from time to time if i feel a need to do so but generally i don't.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 6:16:05 GMT -5
Why would anyone WANT to send their kids to a boarding school? Yes, if my child was failing and struggling and going down the wrong life path, getting into trouble/drugs, etc. I might consider that he/she would need a change of environment to a more disciplined and supervised setting. But, if my kid was doing fine, why would a parent want to send their child away to live and go to school somewhere else? I mean, your child is going to grow up and move out soon enough, why accelerate that process?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 7:08:48 GMT -5
Why would anyone WANT to send their kids to a boarding school? Yes, if my child was failing and struggling and going down the wrong life path, getting into trouble/drugs, etc. I might consider that he/she would need a change of environment to a more disciplined and supervised setting. But, if my kid was doing fine, why would a parent want to send their child away to live and go to school somewhere else? I mean, your child is going to grow up and move out soon enough, why accelerate that process? DS and I were living in a town where he had no friends, a track record of failures, and a "life" that consisted mostly of school and then playing video games in his bedroom. He was also starving for decent male role models since his father had turned into a drunken sloth who criticized us at every step. The public school system had failed him. We visited two military schools (NY Military and Valley Forge) and he came out of them worried that he might NOT get accepted. Both accepted him, and I let him choose. So, he saw it as a way to start over where no one knew him. The boarding part was also good. He was independent in a way, without having to worry about going grocery shopping and paying the rent. It meant that when he got to college, living away form home wasn't a big deal. I think living in a barracks with a bunch of guys (many from Brooklyn, the Bronx, Russia, China, Trinidad- much more diversity than in our suburb) with an ex-military "housefather" (he actually had some military title) who could sort through adolescent BS in 2 seconds was also helpful. I was up there on weekends sometimes and he came home when he could- it was an hour from home. His senior year, when he was less able to come home, I'd drive up Friday night, drive half an hour to take him to his favorite restaurant, drive him back to school, and drive home. He knew darn well that I hadn't parked him there to get rid of him. His second year, he was sitting beside me as I wrote out a check for $15,000 for the year's expenses (this would have been around 2001). He said, "it costs me THAT much to go here?". "Yes," I said- "and you're worth it." BTW, I got the most support from my SIL, whose kid was brilliant and driven. She was extremely wealthy and in her circles, it was part of the HS experience. Her son also decided to go to boarding school for HS- partly, I think, because DS did.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 7:42:21 GMT -5
A liquid diet for a growing child that wasn't recommended by a doctor sounds tantamount to abuse.
Athena answered, but Shooby if you had read her posts you would know that her son WASN'T doing fine. Sometimes I think you say things just to say them.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 7:44:36 GMT -5
A liquid diet for a growing child that wasn't recommended by a doctor sounds tantamount to abuse. Athena answered, but Shooby if you had read her posts you would know that her son WASN'T doing fine. Sometimes I think you say things just to say them. Yes, i did read her post THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 7:47:15 GMT -5
We coddle our kids. Not that I'm ready to shove mine out of the nest... But they are quite capable of being more independent than we generally give them space for... My husband lived hours away in a city by 14, out of dorms by 15... High schools were specialized and not every town/city had what you wanted, so you went to where the school was... It was just life...
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 5, 2013 7:47:40 GMT -5
I think one of the best things I could have done for DS when he was 13 was send him to a military boarding school. He was floundering badly in the public school system and it got him out of a place where he was falling behind, to a place where he could focus only on himself and not on trying to prop up Mom after the divorce. (I'd started dating a wonderful, supportive man anyway, who is now DH.) Suddenly he was in charge of getting his own rear end out of bed, figuring out when it was time for a haircut and keeping his room clean (hey, he got a merit ribbon for it and learned how to operate a floor buffer). He actually rose to the challenge, bless him. OK, I'll turn in my Mom card now. Are there really still military and boarding schools for kids? I have heard people say this but that i wasn't really sure if that even existed. Kind of like Big Foot. St. John's Military Academy is like an hour from me.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 7:49:08 GMT -5
Well, i don't know of any nearby or even in my State. Maybe they are there but probably in the "big cities".
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 7:57:20 GMT -5
St. John's Military Academy is like an hour from me. I know two women (both actuaries) who sent their smart-but-wayward sons to St. John's after they heard how well DS was doing at NYMA. And yes, DS wasn't doing well where he was, but, as I mentioned, his cousin was doing extremely well socially and academically and he chose boarding school for HS, too. It's not just for misfits. I think I would have liked it at that age but, in a family of 5 kids, it wasn't gonna happen for me.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 8:00:18 GMT -5
I think there are different types of parenting styles. I am a more relaxed parent. A friend of mine is much more of an "active manager". I find it exhausting to listen to her talk about how she controls every aspect of her DD's life. The lastest thing is that she decided they all need to go on a liquid diet. And, not for a day but for weeks. So, she has her dd drinking 'green shakes" and so forth . I really don't want to control every morsel of food that goes into my kids' mouths. I don't want to read their text messages or facebook page. Yeah, i might scan them from time to time if i feel a need to do so but generally i don't. I was pretty much hands off from our Son when he became an mid teen. I have had enough confidence in him to make a right decision. The very thing what I have found out from raising our Son was too much parent controlling can backfire on you. And they don't like to be told what to do, not to do.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 8:01:50 GMT -5
As i said, i would consider it if my child was struggling or seemed to need that type of environment. But in general, i want my children with me. My son has a friend and his mom decided to pack up and move across the country. She took her teen son (he was 14) at the time. He didn't like. Mom didn't need to move , she choose too (not that i care why). Anyway, a couple of months later, she brought him pack and he has lived with assorted friends' families. I can understand why he would want to come back to his high school. But, mom stayed out West. She has missed out on his teen years. She wasn't there when this boy scored the winning layup in the basketball game. She isn't here for his first dance. Sorry, i dont' get it. She can do what she wants but that isn't a choice i would make.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 8:08:59 GMT -5
And, there are some other parents around here who are decidedly unattached. When my son was about 10, one of his friends was at our home and it was getting later. We were going to take the boy home but his mom was on nightshift. He had no plans of where to go. He had a cell phone and tried to call mom with no answer. We let him stay overnight. She never called to even check up. She didn't know where he was. Subsequently, this boy became a frequent dinner guest. I fed him every time he came over and he became my son's "brother from another mother". I treat him a one of the family and he knows he is welcome any time. But, there are other parents like her. Another boy is literally dropped off on Fridays into town. The parents live 25 miles out of town. This boy goes from friend to friend's homes trying to find a sleepover. He literally does not go home until Sunday evenings. We finally told him, no you can't stay here. I don't care for sleepovers at all and i am not going to be responsible for someone else's kid all night when i don't even know the parents. Yes, i have done so at times like the first kid but i am not taking on another.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 8:10:13 GMT -5
I would also consider boarding school if my child was an unusual genius and truly needed a lot more in that dept. Fortunately, i don't have to lose any sleep over that topic.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 8:17:03 GMT -5
I am not really sure what I did as A Mom it will works for everyone. Having safe, loving home environment that can creates both trust and confidence in between parent and children. Creating secure, trusting, loving boundary is key to any healthy relationship.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 8:39:03 GMT -5
And, there are some other parents around here who are decidedly unattached. When my son was about 10, one of his friends was at our home and it was getting later. We were going to take the boy home but his mom was on nightshift. He had no plans of where to go. He had a cell phone and tried to call mom with no answer. We let him stay overnight. She never called to even check up. She didn't know where he was. Subsequently, this boy became a frequent dinner guest. I fed him every time he came over and he became my son's "brother from another mother". I treat him a one of the family and he knows he is welcome any time. But, there are other parents like her. <snip> That's really sad. It's one thing to give your child independence when he/she is ready for it and wants it. It's another to neglect them. I would have been tempted to report the so-called mother to the authorities if it weren't for the possibility that the boy would be shoved into foster care. He was lucky that you opened your house to him.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 5, 2013 10:02:38 GMT -5
Thanks. And, i am sure she does struggle as a single mother. But, this same mother has recently decided to have 2 MORE kids out with her BF who comes and goes. Yeah, she had a relationship with the BF and got pregnant. Well, then they broke up etc. Now they moved to a pretty shabby rental and she had ANOTHER baby. And, this same boy is never around anymore because he is busy "babysitting".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 10:11:53 GMT -5
All kids are different, all situations are different..... If there is one thing I've learned as a mom, its to be very carful about saying 'no fricken way would that ever happen in our house....'
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Apr 5, 2013 10:13:25 GMT -5
I'd better have a looooong wait for them (mine are 7 & 6 right now)! ETA: I think I need a new niece or nephew in the meantime. I just got one in October! I have never had any desire to have another kid of my own, but loving that this little girl is starting to get some personality.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 5, 2013 10:14:21 GMT -5
I wanted to send DD to Admiral Farragut in St. Petersburg. It would have been perfect for her and right for her. My ex threatened to go for custody if I did and my lawyer said he'd win because a judge would give custody to a parent because the court figures any parent is better than a boarding school. Would have saved us both years of trauma caused by her dad to begin with!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 10:39:36 GMT -5
I'd rather cut my hand off than send my child away. No fricken way would that ever happen in our house. My mother's classic comment was, "I can't believe you're sending that poor little boy away!" Fortunately, said boy (who wasn't so little) understood that this was a chance to start over and to win, and that I was giving him this oportunity because I loved him and knew that he was a smart, decent kid who really did want to succeed and hadn't figured out how. Later my mother said she wished some of her other grandchildren had gone to that school. zibazinski, sad that your Ex interfered with your plans. My Ex was living on public programs and in the process of drinking himself to death, so he complained about the decision but didn't do much. In fact, knowing him, he probably started bragging about it to people and making it look like he was forking over the money for it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 5, 2013 11:07:15 GMT -5
I know. Even though not a dime of support and alimony, he still had control of our lives. What a F'd up system.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 11:11:36 GMT -5
Why would anyone WANT to send their kids to a boarding school? Yes, if my child was failing and struggling and going down the wrong life path, getting into trouble/drugs, etc. I might consider that he/she would need a change of environment to a more disciplined and supervised setting. But, if my kid was doing fine, why would a parent want to send their child away to live and go to school somewhere else? I mean, your child is going to grow up and move out soon enough, why accelerate that process? I'd rather cut my hand off than send my child away. No fricken way would that ever happen in our house. even if it was in their best interest?
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