Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Apr 6, 2013 15:12:08 GMT -5
To keep their UI costs down. The more people that collect, the more they have to pay to cover their employees in the future. It's all about the bottom line, and challenging UI helps the bottom line.
Good thing I'm not looking for one then.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Apr 6, 2013 16:18:49 GMT -5
OK now the other threads referencing this one make sense!
Good luck Dark. You do have some useful skills. How can you monetize them?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2013 16:41:43 GMT -5
It doesn't work like that here. Employees and employers pay a percentage into Employment Insurance while the person is employed and former employees collecting has no bearing on the rate. It seems to me that would discourage companies from hiring seasonal employees or increasing staff for a busy spell.
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frankq
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Post by frankq on Apr 6, 2013 16:49:29 GMT -5
How and why do companies do that anyway? It doesn't happen up here and I don't understand.
It happens because companies pay a portion of that UE benefit you would get. When you quit, you forfeit that benefit. That's how it works in Illinois....
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trimommy
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Post by trimommy on Apr 6, 2013 18:56:29 GMT -5
I am a longtime lurker (from former MSN boards) and very seldom poster, so I know you will all feel free to ignore me without prejudice. I have followed this situation from Day 1 and my concern today remains the same as it was originally: for the DH/Loop children.
For some reason, no one ever wants to mention the public suicide threat and the concerns we all had at that time. I realize DH is a much-loved community member and no one wants to be critical of a decision that can't be unmade at this point, but I think the negative/questioning posts about this topic are entirely valid. There have been ongoing tensions in this relationship for years and suddenly carrying a family of 4 on a temp job salary with no benefits cannot be healthy for Loop - regardless of her "we're fine, we'll cope" post. DH has swung from loving his job to wanting to open a games store to wanting to buy a money-losing operation with such speed that I don't think his position can be considered well-thought out at any level. And sometimes it takes tough love to make people realize the truth.
Working for the man might suck, but that's what an adult needs to do for his/her children until they are in a financial position to go it alone. Don't ask Loop to take this on her shoulders, when we know where undue stresses have lead her before. Sorry you're not happy Dark, but your kids don't seem to have a voice in this and they are the most important players in the game.
Best of luck to you all (honestly - I wish you only the best). I now retreat back into lurkerdom. Congrats to Mid.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 6, 2013 18:58:08 GMT -5
Trim ommy, welcome out of lurkerdom. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2013 20:46:58 GMT -5
* Post removed as it referred to a section of a post that has been removed. - mmhmm, Administrator
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Apr 6, 2013 20:52:13 GMT -5
I think that if Dark was really unhappy, and he has a chance to do something that he will enjoy, it will be better for his family in the long term.
My Dad made great money, but it took its toll on him. I have to wonder whether he'd have been a happier person doing something else.
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SVT
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Post by SVT on Apr 6, 2013 21:02:38 GMT -5
I just saw this thread (I don't really hang out in the off topic section) and only read the first 2 pages so I'm not sure what you're looking to do right now buuut...
I can get you a job easily *right now if you're willing to move to the east coast. It's a busier position than you had and I'm confident you'd make more money with better benefits. PM me if you're interested. I know you've been thinking about starting a business so maybe you don't want another job. Let me know if you do though.
*just depends on the type of clearance
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 6, 2013 21:23:31 GMT -5
I am a longtime lurker (from former MSN boards) and very seldom poster, so I know you will all feel free to ignore me without prejudice. I have followed this situation from Day 1 and my concern today remains the same as it was originally: for the DH/Loop children. For some reason, no one ever wants to mention the public suicide threat and the concerns we all had at that time. I realize DH is a much-loved community member and no one wants to be critical of a decision that can't be unmade at this point, but I think the negative/questioning posts about this topic are entirely valid. There have been ongoing tensions in this relationship for years and suddenly carrying a family of 4 on a temp job salary with no benefits cannot be healthy for Loop - regardless of her "we're fine, we'll cope" post. DH has swung from loving his job to wanting to open a games store to wanting to buy a money-losing operation with such speed that I don't think his position can be considered well-thought out at any level. And sometimes it takes tough love to make people realize the truth. Working for the man might suck, but that's what an adult needs to do for his/her children until they are in a financial position to go it alone. Don't ask Loop to take this on her shoulders, when we know where undue stresses have lead her before. Sorry you're not happy Dark, but your kids drs in the game. Best of luck to you all (honestly - I wish you only the best). I now retreat back into lurkerdom. Congrats to Mid. why is dark suppose to more responsible? I dont get it I don't either. He posted many times about not liking having all of the financial responsibilities (or related stress) resting entirely on his shoulders. I guess it is time for her to carry the load. I don't see why that is so bad...if my husband supported me for 8 or 9 years, I would feel I owed it to him to support him for the same amount of time.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 6, 2013 21:24:18 GMT -5
I think trimommy is saying Dark has to be the responsible one because Loop has mental health issues and will probably break under the responsiblity. The one that can, does so to speak. I don't actually believe that she has mental health issues. If there is one way to win an argument.....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2013 21:31:47 GMT -5
Dark quitting without even discussing it with her first she didn't have a chance to use that card...
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Apr 6, 2013 22:03:06 GMT -5
Wasn't productive is a matter of perspective. I was fucking great at the job. I was the go to guy for almost everything. The problem was there just wasn't enough real actual work to do. When there was something to do I did it extremely well. The other 90% of the time I sat there fucking around on the boards all day. After a few years of that I stopped taking the job as seriously as I probably should have. If there ain't shit to do, why show up for the full 8 hours. I mean honestly, if there's only maybe one hour of work to do why sit there pretending to work for the other 7? Answer; some bored project manager who supervises a team of 30 people doing the work of 5 needs to justify their position. ...wow... missed the fireworks and it'll take me awhile to read the 14pgs to catch up... ...first thing, been there, done that... boy was it an interesting conversation to tell my boss that they could consolidate a few positions within the department, mine included... an against-the-grain conversation, to be sure, but I needed to get it out there in the open... I ended up leaving... and they ended up consolidating... go figure... ...second thing, maybe I'll find on page 7 that this is all an April Fool's joke... if so, good one! ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) ...third thing, best wishes as you pound the proverbial pavement again if it's true... ...and fourth, I finally ate a BBQ burger at Blackhorse/Bayonet, per your suggestion... it was good, but the onion rings stink...
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Apr 6, 2013 22:23:55 GMT -5
...second thing, maybe I'll find on page 7 that this is all an April Fool's joke... if so, good one! ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) I'm still hoping to hear that too, but my hopes are getting dimmer.
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Apr 7, 2013 1:37:02 GMT -5
...whew, I read it all and can now mark my spot...
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Apr 7, 2013 7:45:55 GMT -5
He did mention somewhere in the middle that he is thinking that he doesn't want another job, as he doesn't see it being any different than what he had. Whether that holds true after a few months of living lean remains to be seen. While I admire anyone lucky enough to have a job they love, I work for the lifestyle my work gives me.
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trimommy
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Post by trimommy on Apr 7, 2013 8:50:22 GMT -5
why is dark suppose to more responsible? I dont get it I don't either. He posted many times about not liking having all of the financial responsibilities (or related stress) resting entirely on his shoulders. I guess it is time for her to carry the load. I don't see why that is so bad...if my husband supported me for 8 or 9 years, I would feel I owed it to him to support him for the same amount of time. Because it is not about Dark or Loop. It is about their children. I agree, I would (and do) expect my partner to carry an equal load. If it were just the two of us, after 9 years of doing the heavy-lifting, I would have no problem "pulling a Dark" and taking a much-deserved break. But Loop has not proven her ability to pull her own weight, let alone the entire family's. The two who will suffer the most here are the children, and that's why the adult thing for Dark to do would be to suck it up and find another paid employee position. He doesn't need to give up on entrepreneurship forever - just not right now, with no planning and mostly out of anger and spite. It's a recipe for disaster - and it wouldn't be a big deal if it weren't for their two daughters who have not had a say in any of this. * Paragraph removed. Not something to be discussed here. - mmhmm, Administrator
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 7, 2013 8:56:47 GMT -5
I don't either. He posted many times about not liking having all of the financial responsibilities (or related stress) resting entirely on his shoulders. I guess it is time for her to carry the load. I don't see why that is so bad...if my husband supported me for 8 or 9 years, I would feel I owed it to him to support him for the same amount of time. Because it is not about Dark or Loop. It is about their children. I agree, I would (and do) expect my partner to carry an equal load. If it were just the two of us, after 9 years of doing the heavy-lifting, I would have no problem "pulling a Dark" and taking a much-deserved break. But Loop has not proven her ability to pull her own weight, let alone the entire family's. The two who will suffer the most here are the children, and that's why the adult thing for Dark to do would be to suck it up and find another paid employee position. He doesn't need to give up on entrepreneurship forever - just not right now, with no planning and mostly out of anger and spite. It's a recipe for disaster - and it wouldn't be a big deal if it weren't for their two daughters who have not had a say in any of this. * Paragraph was removed from the post in which it originally appeared. - mmhmm, Administrator (Retreating back to lurkerdom...) I guess I don't have it in me to ever marry or stay married to a person who wasn't a responsible adult...because it would be a cold day in hell before I felt I had to carry the load (whatever load it may be) because my spouse wasn't up to the task. So for me, I don't understand why it is ok for loop to flake but not dark. Now Loop is forced to be the responsible adult and care for her family. If she doesn't, it is her kids that will suffer. And I am well aware of the fact that I am all about equality...I will never understand one spouse being expected to carry the full financial load. So I am probably missing why some of you think Dark needs to suck it up. I'm not saying it was smart to do what he did, but what is done is done and now it is about making their finances work.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2013 9:54:18 GMT -5
Because it is not about Dark or Loop. It is about their children. I agree, I would (and do) expect my partner to carry an equal load. If it were just the two of us, after 9 years of doing the heavy-lifting, I would have no problem "pulling a Dark" and taking a much-deserved break. But Loop has not proven her ability to pull her own weight, let alone the entire family's. The two who will suffer the most here are the children, and that's why the adult thing for Dark to do would be to suck it up and find another paid employee position. He doesn't need to give up on entrepreneurship forever - just not right now, with no planning and mostly out of anger and spite. It's a recipe for disaster - and it wouldn't be a big deal if it weren't for their two daughters who have not had a say in any of this. * Paragraph was removed from the original post in which it appeared. - mmhmm, Administrator (Retreating back to lurkerdom...) I guess I don't have it in me to ever marry or stay married to a person who wasn't a responsible adult...because it would be a cold day in hell before I felt I had to carry the load (whatever load it may be) because my spouse wasn't up to the task. So for me, I don't understand why it is ok for loop to flake but not dark. Now Loop is forced to be the responsible adult and care for her family. If she doesn't, it is her kids that will suffer. And I am well aware of the fact that I am all about equality...I will never understand one spouse being expected to carry the full financial load. So I am probably missing why some of you think Dark needs to suck it up. I'm not saying it was smart to do what he did, but what is done is done and now it is about making their finances work. Dark needs to suck it up because his wife can't, or at least not in this context.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Apr 7, 2013 11:01:16 GMT -5
I think the main point is that Loopy won't be able to maintain the family's normal. Right they can maintain it with a combination of Loopy's pay and savings, but that won't last for ever. Which means one of several things will have to change, Dark's business will have to make some profit rather quickly for a start up business, not impossible I am thinking the preferred out come. Another option would be for Loopy to increase her skills to a point where she is able to fully meet the family needs. A third option is for Dark to go back to work either full time or part time depending what is needed, and the last option would be for the family to change their normal to one that requires less income to maintain .
I think everyone, or at least most everyone is pulling for Dark in starting his own business likes he wants and have it successful in the amount of time they can supplement Loopy's income with savings. However, I think people also want him to have a plan B as well which may be he has to suck it up and go back to work.
Tina, I know we disagree on the SAHP issue we can debate that over drinks ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/drunks.gif) . But I do agree that Dark should have a chance to do what he wants too. I kind of get the feeling that Loopy being a SAHP wasn't something that was discussed and decided on before it happened, but more that it just kind of happened. They went with it because it worked, and he made the best of it. I do agree that Dark seems to have some resentment or at least annoyance that he hasn't had a chance to try some things he wants too because he had to pull 100 percent of the finances. However, I do think all of this should have been a decision that they came to together. And I'm not 100 percent convinced that Dark quitting was fully unexpected, doing it that day maybe but my guess would be that they both saw the writing on the wall long before that day. I can say that if I up and quit without talking to DH first he would be upset. Of course if he just decided he didn't want to dothe stuff at home I would be upset too. In either case it would be one of us unilaterally changing the agreement we have with out discussing it with the other. When I wanted to switched jobs we talked about it first. I can also say if I found myself unemployed we would expect me, to take up more of the responsibilities at home. Hell, we expected that just this past week when I was on spring break, I did the dishes ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/party.gif) .
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Apr 7, 2013 11:30:44 GMT -5
"If Dark had so much free time at work, why didn't he do something useful with his time like go back to school? All of those hours posting on here could have been time used to study. "
How many people have jobs where they aren't always busy but could use the time for personal development with or without management's approval? I may have worked the wrong jobs and haven't had an office to myself so if I had significant free time at work I'd have to hide something like that from co-workers and the boss.
Depending how visible you are location-wise, in the down times you may have to come up with stuff to do that doesn't look bad that can be dropped instantly.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 7, 2013 11:39:04 GMT -5
Folks, let's avoid, please, diagnosing mental health issues on this forum. None of us here is qualified to do that, and even those professionally qualified won't do it in this venue. Discuss the subject matter, not personal issues related to a poster. Thanks.
mmhmm, Administrator
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 7, 2013 12:07:05 GMT -5
I am not going to get into Loop's abilities or Dark's rights or anything else, except one thing - if my DH made such a big decision unilaterally without discussing it with me first, decision that not only affects him and I, but our children - I don't know how I would feel about continuing with our marriage. Not only it's betrayal, like WrongSide said, it is such a disrespectful thing to do. I don't know if I could be married to someone who 1) has no respect for me and 2) can betray me like that.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Apr 7, 2013 12:31:26 GMT -5
I am not going to get into Loop's abilities or Dark's rights or anything else, except one thing - if my DH made such a big decision unilaterally without discussing it with me first, decision that not only affects him and I, but our children - I don't know how I would feel about continuing with our marriage. Not only it's betrayal, like WrongSide said, it is such a disrespectful thing to do. I don't know if I could be married to someone who 1) has no respect for me and 2) can betray me like that. I agree with this. When you are a partner with someone, you have to consider their input on decisions of this magnitude. To operate in a vacuum (my needs regardless of anyone else's) is really destructive to a marriage. I'm not saying that Dark should have to suck it up and stay at a job he hates, but why not job hunt and find something better and THEN quit? Or, start the business and get it sustaining and THEN quit. But to just quit without any planning is totally acceptable. I'm in kinda the opposite situation from Dark: I'm a SAHM and I'm bored and hate it. DH likes it. I've talked about returning to school but he doesn't want to pay for another degree. He'd rather I got a PT so I'm more challenged, but still home to do most of the kid stuff. (I don't mean to make him sound like a 50s asshole, it's just that his job is demanding and our kids need extra care he can't give.) Now, if I were to throw a fit and go enroll in school one morning without talking to him, he'd have every right to be completely pissed. And for me to do so when it is at the detriment of my family's needs (and finances) would be pretty selfish, even if I would get a YM approved degree. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png) I'm hoping for their sakes that Loop/Dark have been talking a lot recently so this decision wasn't as rash as it appears to the rest of us.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 7, 2013 12:34:24 GMT -5
My husband is the breadwinner in our house. This is something that we both agreed upon. If he came home and announced unexpectedly that he quit his job, I would feel absolutely betrayed. I realize that Loop says she is ok with all of this, but I would be devastated. And that is why I will never understand because I would never allow someone else to be the breadwinner...not bashing anyone, just saying that my opinions are coming from my life so I can't actually understand what it would be like to have my husband come home unemployed and have it devastate our family. I earn more than enough to pick up the slack..I would be pissed because I am not supporting anyone's ass, but it wouldn't financially hurt us (just my investment plans).
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 7, 2013 12:42:40 GMT -5
I think the main point is that Loopy won't be able to maintain the family's normal. Right they can maintain it with a combination of Loopy's pay and savings, but that won't last for ever. Which means one of several things will have to change, Dark's business will have to make some profit rather quickly for a start up business, not impossible I am thinking the preferred out come. Another option would be for Loopy to increase her skills to a point where she is able to fully meet the family needs. A third option is for Dark to go back to work either full time or part time depending what is needed, and the last option would be for the family to change their normal to one that requires less income to maintain .
I think everyone, or at least most everyone is pulling for Dark in starting his own business likes he wants and have it successful in the amount of time they can supplement Loopy's income with savings. However, I think people also want him to have a plan B as well which may be he has to suck it up and go back to work.
Tina, I know we disagree on the SAHP issue we can debate that over drinks ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/drunks.gif) . But I do agree that Dark should have a chance to do what he wants too. I kind of get the feeling that Loopy being a SAHP wasn't something that was discussed and decided on before it happened, but more that it just kind of happened. They went with it because it worked, and he made the best of it. I do agree that Dark seems to have some resentment or at least annoyance that he hasn't had a chance to try some things he wants too because he had to pull 100 percent of the finances. However, I do think all of this should have been a decision that they came to together. And I'm not 100 percent convinced that Dark quitting was fully unexpected, doing it that day maybe but my guess would be that they both saw the writing on the wall long before that day. I can say that if I up and quit without talking to DH first he would be upset. Of course if he just decided he didn't want to dothe stuff at home I would be upset too. In either case it would be one of us unilaterally changing the agreement we have with out discussing it with the other. When I wanted to switched jobs we talked about it first. I can also say if I found myself unemployed we would expect me, to take up more of the responsibilities at home. Hell, we expected that just this past week when I was on spring break, I did the dishes ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/party.gif) . LOL...I swear, I'm not trying to start a SAHM versus WOHM debate...I'm just saying that I am obviously coming at this from a different perspective. If I didn't want my husband to be a SAHperson (can't say parent because our kids are in school full time, giving him almost 8 hours of free time a day if he were home!) and he insisted, damn right there would be major resentment on my part. Difference is, I would probably just bail and let him figure out how to support himself. Yeah, I'm a bitch and I'm ok with that ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) i'm not sure what this has to do with anything...all I was saying is that I am going to have a different perspective than those of you who are more in Loop's position (either not working at all or bringing in a much smaller salary). To me, he has earned his meltdown by carrying the full load for the last 8 or 9 years...now it should be up to her to carry him until he figures out what he wants to do when he grows up. All I know is hearing this story makes me VERY glad that my financial security is not tied into anyone's stability but my own. my husband can wig out tomorrow and I'd be fine...he be out in teh street, but I'd be fine ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png)
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 7, 2013 13:06:52 GMT -5
My husband is the breadwinner in our house. This is something that we both agreed upon. If he came home and announced unexpectedly that he quit his job, I would feel absolutely betrayed. I realize that Loop says she is ok with all of this, but I would be devastated. And that is why I will never understand because I would never allow someone else to be the breadwinner...not bashing anyone, just saying that my opinions are coming from my life so I can't actually understand what it would be like to have my husband come home unemployed and have it devastate our family. I earn more than enough to pick up the slack..I would be pissed because I am not supporting anyone's ass, but it wouldn't financially hurt us (just my investment plans). So are you saying that if I pull a Dark I can't come to your house and live? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/tongue2.png) I would bring some vodka or wine. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wink2.gif)
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 7, 2013 13:19:41 GMT -5
To me, it doesn't really matter that this particular decision was a financial one. I would feel the same way no matter what kind of decision it was if it affected the whole family. You want to make unilateral decisions - stay single.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 7, 2013 13:21:10 GMT -5
Yeah, and once that is gone in hour or so, then what is she going to do with you?
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Apr 7, 2013 14:22:29 GMT -5
To me, it doesn't really matter that this particular decision was a financial one. I would feel the same way no matter what kind of decision it was if it affected the whole family. You want to make unilateral decisions - stay single. ...I kinda agree with this... having said that, "for better or for worse" covers a multitude of scenarios, OP included...
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