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Post by Deleted on Dec 25, 2013 20:22:53 GMT -5
Constanz, I've been thinking about what you said about setting a date. I definitely agree, but I don't know how to handle it. If I set it for 31 Dec, there is less than a week left! Unless that apt is still free, that's not realistic. I checked the guy's FB page, the post before this was in Nov, and the post before that was in May. So he's obviously not on FB very often. If I set it for any time in Jan, DD will be back at school and busy again (and so will I, I will have yet ANOTHER class this semester). The most important thing is her finishing her school year, and getting her degree. Because then she can be financially independent, to me that is the most important thing, by far. So I TRULY don't know what to do / what date to set. I'm sorry I need to go to bed now. ETA: If I don't hear from the guy in 24h, I WILL post on that FB page myself, asking if anybody is renting or subletting an apt. When I was looking for an apt for DD before, she forbade me from posting on her school site, saying that I wasn't a student there, so I had no right to post on that site. At this point, I don't give a shite about her feelings about that, I just want to find her a place near her school.
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perhaps
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Post by perhaps on Dec 26, 2013 11:20:33 GMT -5
Debt I am sorry you are going thru a rough time with your DD. The behavior you describe sounds just like my oldest sister (she is now 52). Because of her outbursts and actions my brother and other sister really have nothing to do with her. DB has had limited contact with her for the last 20 or so years. My other sister severed the ties with her 2 years ago at xmas when she verbally attacked her and almost got physical. I have a very distant relationship. My dd is 8 and adores her and her grown children, all out of college and on their own.
Breaking away was the best thing my DB and other sister could do for themselves. The 3 of them are close in age and she was a bitch to them all their lives. She has refused help and sees nothing wrong with her behavior. Yet she wonders why her family will have nothing to do with her.
My point is you have to do what is best for yourself! It sounds like you have figured this out early on.......good luck!
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perhaps
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Post by perhaps on Dec 26, 2013 11:30:55 GMT -5
Back on topic........DH decided go thru his clothes.......woohoo!
He got about 8 shirts and 5 pants out of the closet. I would have liked more shirts gone but I will take it. He also cleaned out his dresser and now only has one small shelf in my armoire (it has the few sweaters he owns).
Yesterday I cleaned out a few of DDs drawers while putting away her laundry. And today I did another quick go thru of my clothes. All in all 3 large garbage bags set to donate. And one small bag to toss.
Now if I can just get him to clean his work area of the basement.......
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Dec 26, 2013 11:33:04 GMT -5
Debt, I agree with you looking for an apartment for your DD. Even posting on websites that she may not approve of. It's sad that she takes out her anger & hurt caused by her dad on you.
I don't think I mentioned that we did finally find our tree top angel. It was in the box with our Christmas stockings (which we don't bring out until Christmas Eve).
Back to semi-normal here. DD had to be up early for work. My house is messy again from Christmas. We'll have to purge some items to make room for the new gifts the kids received. Fortunately, they got smaller items, so it's doable.
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Saving4Norway
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Post by Saving4Norway on Dec 26, 2013 14:29:23 GMT -5
DH has to work today and tomorrow. I'm a teacher so I'm off. I could be doing ANYTHING right now but instead, I'm just sitting here with "nothing" to do. The house is relatively clean, I don't want to take down Christmas yet, the dog could be walked but it's not above freezing yet. Hmmmm....
WWSSD? (What would Startsmart do?)
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startsmart
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Post by startsmart on Dec 26, 2013 14:55:34 GMT -5
Rukh- sorry you felt the house wasn't enough, I'm sure that the thought and care you put into the holiday mean much more than the physical appearance of the house! debthaven- awww I'm so sorry about DD ruining your Christmas! Glad you're being proactive about keeping your house drama free and getting some distance while she grows up a little. I've received some crappy presents over the years (or none the year my parents forgot to pack them when we went to my grandparents…) but nothing excuses acting that way. It sounds like she's upset with the way her bio-dad treats her and is taking it out on you! I've also seen kids who deeply believe that they deserve bad treatment and continue to push, push, push until the "good parent" fails and treats them like the rest. Not to say that you're doing anything like that - asking her to move out is for both y'alls sanity But my brother acted this way growing up, he would constantly push boundaries and yell at my parents "why don't you just give me up" (like his biological parents). It's taken him 30+ years to realize that they're not going to give up on him. Sheila- congrats on hitting 2013!!!! busymom- you made me laugh with "fat and sassy" lol norway- LOL you are so funny! I left home on Tuesday, dropped off the dogs with my parents and we did a short Christmas Eve thing. It was… frustrating. My parents were sniping at each other the whole time and generally acting pissy like teenagers. I appreciate my gifts, just not the commentary that goes along with them, i.e. "we bought this for a gift exchange and it got cancelled so we thought we'd give it to you" and "we got this for free so if you don't want it we'll sell it for cash." Gee… thanks for all the thought that went into these gifts… bah. Most frustrating was that I couldn't put everything in my car (because I was leaving to visit my grandma) and my dad yelled at me for putting the gifts in the "wrong place" that he was "trying to keep clean." It took ALL of my energy and patience not to yell that the entire house is a pit, why does it matter if I stack something in the hallway vs the entryway? Tuesday noonish I left to come down to my grandma's house. She's difficult on normal days so it's been an adventure. The highlights were her telling a neighbor whose son got divorced that Dr. Phil says all those kids getting divorced were abused as children… *facepalm* We went out to lunch on Christmas because she couldn't cook and wouldn't let me in the kitchen. I'd prepared because, as always, she gave a 10% tip and a bible to the server. So I left a 50% tip under a cup since it's CHRISTMAS. Jeeze. I'll be heading back in a few hour so thankfully it's almost done. To answer Norway's question, startsmart has been sleeping in a lot, going for walks in the 72* weather here and organizing files on my computer. Today is also mom's birthday so I picked up her gift and a card while I was out today. We're going to have a surprise party for her in January and I'm already regretting telling my dad about my plans. He's taking over the whole thing, making decisions and generally pissing me off. Honestly, he just called to ask if we were having the surprise party THIS Saturday. No… everyone is too busy during Christmas-New Years time which is why we're doing it in JANUARY. Jeeze. Also, I'd planned on having it at my house and have some ideas for decorating and food and my Dad decided that it should happen at my uncle's house (the uncle I hate). Nope. No. I don't think so. Basically I'm all family-ed out and ready to get the dogs home and finish up the last week of the year without the accompanying family drama.
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mizbear
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Post by mizbear on Dec 26, 2013 15:45:56 GMT -5
I am trying to regift the flu- any takers
I am working on the house and homework. Have to cancel tomorrow's plans though...
Have huge list to complete before NYE
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mizbear
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Post by mizbear on Dec 26, 2013 17:15:17 GMT -5
Agreed! Clutter and illness free!
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Saving4Norway
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Post by Saving4Norway on Dec 26, 2013 18:04:42 GMT -5
Thankfully, I summoned the ghost of Startsmart past and was able to get up, showered, dressed, and took Sisu for a 2 hour walk. He's now happily chewing away on a braided bully stick he got in his stocking while I check in with all of you and plan my next to-do list.
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constanz22
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Post by constanz22 on Dec 26, 2013 18:29:25 GMT -5
I am not really planning to do much til the end of next week. I am working all this week (only had Christmas off) but I am taking next Thursday and Friday off, so will have a 5 day weekend. My family does our Christmas get together this weekend so can't really pack up decorations and stuff til after then. I will think about a to-do list while I'm off. At least one day will probably be spent going to town and making a bunch of returns I need to do, but other than that, I will plan some cleaning and organizing jobs. I am going to contact my contractor friend and see if he's available one of those days to come do a couple projects. And I may get in touch with the cleaner/organizer and see about hiring her for a few hours one of the days. I want to go into 2014 with at least a good start on the decluttering and organizing front.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Dec 26, 2013 23:43:57 GMT -5
Oh my goodness, Startsmart! It's difficult enough having one person who gets on that last nerve. You must be a saint!
I attacked my shitepile of paperwork, but still didn't get it all filed/organized. I also had lots of laundry to do, since none of it was touched yesterday.
Tomorrow DS & I plan to go work on Mom's house. It's supposed to be the nicest weather all week, so we're hoping the driving is good.
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WholeLottaNothin
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Post by WholeLottaNothin on Dec 27, 2013 9:16:16 GMT -5
Hi all! I haven't posted on here in awhile but I would love to join you all again for 2014. Would like to actually meet some goals this year. My right knee doesn't seem to like me much anymore so we are going to look for a different place in the Spring, one without so many stairs! Which means I need to get rid of some stuff before then so I don't end up moving it all with me. Everyone here is good motivation. Good luck to everyone on their new goals for the new year.
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startsmart
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Post by startsmart on Dec 27, 2013 11:22:42 GMT -5
debthaven- as far as a deadline for your DD how about Jan 18th? 3 weeks should be plenty of time after a holiday and it's a weekend so that will give y'all time to help her move. Again, I would emphasize that this is the best thing for your relationship and to give her space and independence. If you can sign a 6 month lease then she'll be taken care of through graduation (I would also make sure she knows when she's taking over expenses). You may even want to send her a monthly "bill" showing how much you've paid for the rent, utilities, phone, insurance, etc. so she has some idea of the cost of living that you are graciously and lovingly covering for her. nuttinhoney- welcome back! sorry to hear about your knee but the decluttering sounds like a good goal before any move! norway- SS of Christmas past approves and my dogs are jealous of that walk! I'm back home now after hearing some incredibly racist comments from my grandma (held my tongue because she's 93 and not going to change) and then dinner with my parents where my dad again argued about everything. I drove through my old jr high campus yesterday which is in ruins - it was closed down due to asbestos and as I was describing to my parents what it looked like the day I saw it, my dad argued about what buildings were left on campus. Right... I was there a few hours ago and so clearly you know better. Sigh. Just another example of a stubborn, know-it-all man in my life who thinks he's always right. I've got some cleaning and rearranging to do in the kitchen and then a ton of stuff to put away since I was too tired last night. I think that will be my "reward" project after I finish this Excel spreadsheet for a client which has been vexing me for a month.
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mizbear
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Post by mizbear on Dec 27, 2013 11:31:50 GMT -5
start- HUGS!
Hugs to everyone who needs them as well as good juju. I will be on to post my to do lists, but right now I need to finish two assignments, run some errands,etc.
I still feel like crap, but at least my fever broke
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2013 14:34:25 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for your words / advice. It is really greatly appreciated, even if I'm not feeling very "conversational".
Per DS3, DD (the first D still doesn't stand for Dear) did not realize I was serious about her moving out. This morning I told her I still haven't heard from the guy with the sublet, but will post on her school's FB page if I still haven't heard from him in another 24 hours, unless she prefers to post an ad herself. She told me she "asked around and couldn't find anything". I said when, she said, six weeks ago, when I got back from the US. I said, that's not good enough.
So when she saw I was serious, she unfriended me on FB, which means I have no access to the guy's post, or to her school's FB page. It's obviously set up for "friends of friends", because I can't see anything on it besides the school's "brag posts".
I'm not 100% decided yet, but I think that act means *we*, if not *she*, rather than *I*, will be paying for her apt.
I'm also in a rough spot because DS1 is home from basically a war zone, and I don't want to make things with DD any worst here than they already are. Because of today's news, DS1 may have to cut short his stay. DD did enough damage, I really don't want any more fallout from her while DS1 is still here. He feels strongly that as "disturbed" as DD is, it's our duty to either stick it out for 6 more months, or, if we can't, pay for her apt. To be honest I don't give a rat's ass what DS1 thinks, I just don't want any more conflict while he is here.
ETA: Start, I'm sorry you have had a shitty time lately too. (((Start)))
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mizbear
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Post by mizbear on Dec 27, 2013 18:17:56 GMT -5
debt- You gals are always telling me that I need to stand up for myself because this is my house and I vote you do the same. I lived under the following policy when in my grandparents and mother's homes even until a few years ago when I moved back out- if we are footing the bill, if you are living in our house, you live by our rules.
To Do #1:
Get over the flu (on it)
2 assignments to finish editing for tomorrow
assignments over next 2 weeks (1/5 complete) Yes I changed the number Put away Christmas Clean house Set 2014 budget in stone Groceries and errands
Set diet and exercise plan in stone for 2014 Recycling and shredding out Send brother certified letter regarding car
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startsmart
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Post by startsmart on Dec 27, 2013 18:23:27 GMT -5
Okay, making my Friday-Saturday-Sunday to do list Begin staining the wood for shelf #2 outdoorsput away everything from my tripstart the laundryreplace the couch cover and pillow covers reline the trash cango through all of my magazines to donate/recycle/keep clean off the kitchen counters and set up the appliances I want on the countersstart plans for the surprise party clean off the fireplace mantle and paint it Check my PO Boxedit- yay someone is coming over to buy my old file cabinet And the PO Box had a check from one of my clients so all in all a good final Friday of the year!
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Dec 27, 2013 18:36:48 GMT -5
We have gotten rid of more items today!!!! DH cleaned out the garage and found another 44 items to go to the . We still have to do the goodwill run. I went through my closet again and have pulled everything out that will be added to the goodwill donation. I haven't finished counting it yet because I haven't bagged the clothes up yet. I have encouraged DH to make a quick sweep through his closet. He has pulled out another 2 pairs of pants to throw away.
So at 2017 plus 44 plus 2 = 2063 out of 2013. I'll update that again tomorrow or Sunday after I drop the load off at goodwill.
Christmas with my family tomorrow- my parents, siblings, their spouses and all the nieces and nephews. It will be hectic and stressful. Honestly I'll be glad when it's over. That sounds ungrateful and I don't mean for it to. It's been a long month and I am ready for it to be 2014 now.
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constanz22
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Post by constanz22 on Dec 27, 2013 19:32:27 GMT -5
Sheila- Christmas with my family is tomorrow too, and I'm not really looking forward to it either. So, you're not alone. And it's at my house, and my house is a wreck, and I have a 2 hour hair appt tomorrow. Sigh...hopefully I wake up with lots of energy and motivation tomorrow and can get it half way presentable.
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Saving4Norway
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Post by Saving4Norway on Dec 27, 2013 23:33:07 GMT -5
In an effort to avoid doing my to-do list I am emptying, thinning, and re-stocking the cabinets in our laundry room. I've done the one wide cabinet on the left, and am in the middle of doing the larger cabinet on the right. There are two other smaller cabinets that I probably won't do because I did them probably 6 months ago and nothing has changed in them. So far so good.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Dec 28, 2013 0:28:13 GMT -5
Good luck to everyone who still has Christmas family gatherings to attend. Hopefully, no drama for you...
As I've already mentioned on another thread, today was not as productive as I'd hoped. Got some work done at Mom's, but I ended up taking another relative to the doctor, which took up most of my day. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I paid bills & worked on laundry tonight.
Since our weather is getting ugly-cold this weekend, we decided tomorrow would be a good day to roast our turkey. At least it'll help keep the house warm.
Mizbear, feel better soon!
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Saving4Norway
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Post by Saving4Norway on Dec 28, 2013 13:21:57 GMT -5
DH is out with a few guys helping a gal from our church move. I'm still in jam-jams with the first cup o' joe down (with Bailey's!) and contemplating getting up and at 'em.
The laundry room cabinet I'm in the middle of re-organizing is a bit more difficult than yesterday's. It's more of a mish-mash of seldom used items. Some things I can certainly chuck, others are those things that, as soon as I toss them, in a week I'll wish I hadn't. Ugg. We just have too... much... stuff!
Wish me luck!
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constanz22
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Post by constanz22 on Dec 28, 2013 13:37:20 GMT -5
I "cleaned" most of the morning but the house is still a wreck. It's going to have to be good enough for my family get together tonight cuz I'm leaving in a few minutes for a hair appt. Picked up miscellaneous crap, cleared off the kitchen island so I can serve food at least. Vacuumed, picked up the living room and the kitchen a bit, but it's still a mess. Oh well...I can't wait until tonight is over. I will probably pack away my Christmas decorations tomorrow!
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mizbear
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Post by mizbear on Dec 28, 2013 15:28:50 GMT -5
I am in recovery mode- trying not to do too much, but getting things done
New to do list to be posted later- with 2014 goals
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Dec 28, 2013 19:34:19 GMT -5
I hate to sound rude and ungrateful but I survived my mom's house and left as soon as I saw an opening. The grandkids (except DS) were all super loud and screamed the bulk of the time. My brother was in rare form and complained about everything. Grandma's dementia is getting worse and she was very confused and overwhelmed at all the noise.
My sister wanted to drive back tonight since they were forecasting freezing rain and her DH is a nervous driver in inclement weather. So that set my other two brothers off because they kept telling her daughter (who was upset about having to leave a day early) that she didn't have to leave because her mom was just "overreacting". They got her all riled up which made it all the more difficult to get her to agree to leave. DH and DS had made plans previous to go to the movies tonight with a group of friends. So of course they gave me crap about wanting to leave (after we'd been there for nearly 8 hours at this point). Never-mind that I had a dog to let out at my house. Also Grandma asked if we'd bring her back to the "room she's renting" (Her nursing home) so we offered to drive her. Her home is about a mile from my house so it just made since.
She wanted to eat at the nursing home and they eat dinner at 5- we got her there at 5:05 so she was happy to be back someplace familiar and quiet.
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constanz22
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Post by constanz22 on Dec 28, 2013 20:56:18 GMT -5
Sheila- I feel the same. The gang all left about a half hour ago. I put the food away and fell on the couch and can't wait to go to bed. It wasn't as bad as sometimes, but I'm still glad it's over...
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Dec 28, 2013 21:00:08 GMT -5
Ouch, Sheila! I wouldn't have lasted 8 hours with all of that drama. I also wouldn't tolerate family telling me I was "overreacting" because I didn't want to drive in an ice storm. Been there, done that. I vote you take a nice long tropical vacation during Christmas next year.
Well, I got more stuff off in the mail. DD & I went through my coupon stash (it's HUGE) and got rid of everything that is going to expire in 2013.
Our turkey turned out nicely. We'll have one more meal with turkey tomorrow, & we're saving the rest for the future (freezer).
I did deliver Mom's laundry. She's going to keep her little tree there until at least New Year's. Might as well keep the holiday going as long as possible...
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Dec 28, 2013 21:07:57 GMT -5
busymom- That's exactly what I told DH on the way home! I said next year we are going someplace on vacation and skipping Christmas. He told me "you say that every year and cave as soon as your mom starts with the guilt trips" It's true I do cave. Trying to work on not letting them get to me so much.
startsmart- are you going to start a new thread for 2014? I think you should because I think we may get a few new people (not that our current group isn't awesome) but I think to someone coming in new in 2014 seeing 136+ pages might be a little overwhelming. just my 2 cents. '
constanz- glad you survived. I sent DH and DS to the movies with their friends and am hiding in the family room watching Netflix with my dog. peace and quiet is awesome!!!!!
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startsmart
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Post by startsmart on Dec 28, 2013 21:28:14 GMT -5
Sheila - yep! The plan is to start a 2014 thread on New Year's Day That way we can all "finish" 2013 and start fresh. I agree, a shorter thread is nice and welcoming for new members. I decided to take down the Christmas decorations today, even though they are nice. I cleared off the mantle and started painting it, I'll need several more coats before it's "done" but want to get it finished. I think I should have the coats of white done by Sunday and then I can put the protective wax on it. First batch of boards for the bathroom shelf are stained, although I think I need to cut some of the longer ones for support brackets. Dear Santa, why did you not bring me a circular saw?! Jerk. I'm currently filling up a tub with donations from my Christmas stash and then I'm tackling the bookshelves in the dining room. I'm really sold on the idea of having Mom's birthday party here in a month so getting projects done, cleaning well and organizing all my stacks of stuff is going to be important
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mizbear
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Post by mizbear on Dec 28, 2013 21:53:33 GMT -5
If anyone wants, I can start the new thread as I have no "plans" for New Year's other than homework, housework, and grilling...
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