kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Nov 2, 2012 13:01:14 GMT -5
Just to play devil's advocate ...
With kids: A kind of love you never knew you could feel Experiencing "firsts" like smiles, hearing "mama" or a "dada" Reliving the joys of childhood through your children Having someone with you as you grow older The possibility of having grandchildren
Those aren't financial things, but when your child runs up, throws her arms around you and says "I love you" out of nowhere, you can't put a price tag on the feeling you get. It's that kind of stuff that make the money cost of childcare worth it.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 13:01:18 GMT -5
I've never understood why people say that childless people are selfish. Doesn't everyone make life choices based on their own desires? I mean, I wanted to have kids - so am I selfish for having them? I would have been disappointed to not have them - so, then I would have been selfish for NOT doing something I wanted to do? I think we all do selfish things - the car I drive is what makes ME happy. The house I live in is what makes ME happy. The job I work, the clothes I wear - everything I do is because it fits into the profile of what I want - somewhere along the line. So, how is someone else more selfish than I am?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 2, 2012 13:03:11 GMT -5
They have to be more selfish so you can consider yourself better than them. DUH.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 13:04:03 GMT -5
I don't need to make up reasons why I'm better than everyone - I just am. If you can't see that, then clearly, you aren't good enough.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 13:12:39 GMT -5
Well, currently I am being told I am selfish because my mother DESERVES grandchildren (not getting this from her, but from other family members and family friends). It is selfish to have the resources (not quite sure what they mean by that) I have and not share them with the next generation.
My response usually consists of "You're kidding, right?" Depending on the person it might be "You're fucking kidding, right?"
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Nov 2, 2012 13:13:28 GMT -5
Is there anything to back up the idea that couples without kids or with older kids are more likely to abuse others' children? I hope my friends don't feel that way - I love their kids, and a lot of the time when we're all hanging out I'm playing with the kids instead of talking to the adults. I would hate to find out they thought I was a weirdo who wanted to molest or brainwash their kids... (though they usually seem to appreciate being given a break ) Of the two lines of thinking I assure you, the weirdo is not you.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Nov 2, 2012 13:16:54 GMT -5
Is there anything to back up the idea that couples without kids or with older kids are more likely to abuse others' children? I hope my friends don't feel that way - I love their kids, and a lot of the time when we're all hanging out I'm playing with the kids instead of talking to the adults. I would hate to find out they thought I was a weirdo who wanted to molest or brainwash their kids... (though they usually seem to appreciate being given a break ) Of the two lines of thinking I assure you, the weirdo is not you.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 13:17:47 GMT -5
You sure we're not related? Our house has 4br... the first time DH's aunt came over, she went right for the jugular and told us buying the house was a "waste" since we didn't have kids, and we should have let some family with kids have it instead. (Somewhere some poor kids are sleeping 2-to-a-bedroom because we stole their house...)
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 13:18:57 GMT -5
My vagina is a resource. Gross!
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 13:19:29 GMT -5
Boobs too!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Nov 2, 2012 13:19:59 GMT -5
You sure we're not related? Our house has 4br... the first time DH's aunt came over, she went right for the jugular and told us buying the house was a "waste" since we didn't have kids, and we should have let some family with kids have it instead. (Somewhere some poor kids are sleeping 2-to-a-bedroom because we stole their house...) That's hilarious. I don't even know how you respond to that! Did you tell her you were going to give it to the next family with children that you ran into? You selfish, home-stealing bastards.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Nov 2, 2012 13:22:14 GMT -5
My vagina is a resource. Gross! I can't believe you haven't turned it into a revenue stream. Have you no entrepreneurial spirit??
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 13:23:35 GMT -5
It does donate blood every month.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Nov 2, 2012 13:30:20 GMT -5
It does donate blood every month. Donated??? You have a silly vagina. Probably a liberal, or communist. Smart vaginas get paid.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 2, 2012 13:55:09 GMT -5
If you don't have kids, and I didn't know you before I had kids, I'm going to be suspicious of your motives in befriending me and mine, more than I am if you do have kids--well, if your kids are in my kids age ranges (if your kids are older, I'll be suspicious, too). Just fyi for those of you thinking the cool aunt or uncle to a friend's kids would be a good role to play. Not that I think you're automatically a dangerous person, but you have a higher barrier to get across to get access to my kids. And I will be hitting up the registered sex offender website and making sure you aren't there. If I get the "I don't want kids but I want to brainwash yours" vibe you'll be hitting the road so fast . . . so if you're looking for kids to mentor/aunt/uncle, look at those of people you knew before they had kids, who have the same theology and philosophy as you do, it'll be much easier and satisfying. (That goes for actual relatives as well as family-by-choice.) Wow! That's really sad. I don't have kids, but have friends that do. I like kids and (fortunately) none of them have looked at me with crossed eyes because I enjoy their kids company. I remember my parents having a couple of childless friends. One was a guy, who just preferred being a loner. He traveled the world and because we happened to live in DC, he used our house for his temporary landing place. He dated my aunt (briefly), let me butcher his native language in order to practice my elementary school French with him, and brought us the BEST gifts (I still have an amethyst he brought back from one of his travels). Another was a woman, she was rather bohemian and when I got older, realized she was a lesbian. Both of these people gave me different ideas as to lifestyles of childless people....advantages and disadvantages. I'm extremely glad I had parents who were not willing to minimize my exposure to other people, just because they were afraid that said people could ONLY have bad reasons for befriending them because they had children. You're doing yourself AND your kids a disservice IMO.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Nov 2, 2012 14:00:20 GMT -5
Same here. We can't decide, and right now the prohibitive cost of daycare in our area is dissuading us. I wish I could look into a crystal ball and see my life in 5-10 years with and without kids. With kids: Daycare Diapers Fender torn off your car Risk of teen pregnancy College Without kids: Sleep through the night Savings account Europe Sports car (with four fenders) Early retirement More Europe And the Harley.
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Nov 2, 2012 14:11:24 GMT -5
With kids: Daycare Diapers Fender torn off your car Risk of teen pregnancy College Without kids: Sleep through the night Savings account Europe Sports car (with four fenders) Early retirement More Europe And the Harley. I must be doing something wrong cause I don't have kids & other than sleeping through the night & having been to Europe once I don't have any of that.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Nov 2, 2012 14:48:43 GMT -5
I'd say selfish is deciding to have kids, then expecting others to subsidize your choice through dependent tax deductions, child care tax deductions and covering your job while you attend the kids activities.
Now if parents were willing to help pay the insurance bill on the sports car I bought instead of saving for the college education of the kids I didn't have, I'd be a bit more open minded about the situation.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Nov 2, 2012 14:50:12 GMT -5
We have never had someone try to befriend us to get to our kid. That being said we have lots of friends without children and never once have they behaved inappropriately toward my son. I can't imagine going through life assuming that anyone without kids that wants to be my friend has nefarious intentions to my son.
Because we only have one and he is boring at 14 we take our nieces and nephews all sorts of places with us. No one thinks it's weird. In fact my BFF called me yesterday and said "I got one adult ticket and one kids ticket to the Nutcracker at the High School on the 9th of December. Either you can take P and I'll stay home with the baby or you can babysit and I'll take P. Up to you" I "use" my niece to get to go to the kids movies that DS won't go see with me anymore. Hello- Madagascar 3. My niece still calls me up and yells "Circus Afro!" and hangs up giggling.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Nov 2, 2012 14:53:36 GMT -5
And the Harley. I must be doing something wrong cause I don't have kids & other than sleeping through the night & having been to Europe once I don't have any of that. You're not being selfish enough. Cut out those donations to the high school band, the cheerleaders, jackets for the debate team, and other kid fund raising activities and start saving for the sports car!
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Nov 2, 2012 15:02:33 GMT -5
"I got one adult ticket and one kids ticket to the Nutsaltine at the High School on the 9th of December. Either you can take P and I'll stay home with the baby or you can babysit and I'll take P. Up to you" --------- Nutsaltine? ?? lol
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highlandbelow
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Post by highlandbelow on Nov 2, 2012 15:18:52 GMT -5
Message deleted by highlandbelow.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Nov 2, 2012 15:23:42 GMT -5
I think that's a really unfair characterization on a number of levels.
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ontrack
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Post by ontrack on Nov 2, 2012 17:19:32 GMT -5
"I got one adult ticket and one kids ticket to the Nutsaltine at the High School on the 9th of December. Either you can take P and I'll stay home with the baby or you can babysit and I'll take P. Up to you" Gotta love that "cr*cker" autocorrect, I've learned a couple of fun new words. Firesaltine and nutsaltine
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 18:00:17 GMT -5
I've never understood why people say that childless people are selfish. Doesn't everyone make life choices based on their own desires? I mean, I wanted to have kids - so am I selfish for having them? I would have been disappointed to not have them - so, then I would have been selfish for NOT doing something I wanted to do? I think we all do selfish things - the car I drive is what makes ME happy. The house I live in is what makes ME happy. The job I work, the clothes I wear - everything I do is because it fits into the profile of what I want - somewhere along the line. So, how is someone else more selfish than I am?
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sunbee
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Post by sunbee on Nov 2, 2012 20:29:17 GMT -5
I think you guys are a bit over reacting, but that's okay. They aren't your kids. I had a couple friends growing up whose step-dads married their moms specifically to get access to my friends. So yes, if my kid isn't saying "Hey, Mom, this is so-n-so's Mom, can we go over to play?", but you, as an adult without children is approaching me, with five kids in tow, in order to introduce yourself and try to befriend me, you have a bit higher barrier than so-n-so's Mom does, unless your relationship with me predates the kids. Would you, as a person who doesn't have or want children, think you have much in common with me who's homeschooling five? Just on the face of it? I doubt it. Statistically, most kids who are molested are molested by trusted adult friends and relatives. So as a parent, it's my job to be extremely careful about who I trust. Not that someone who wants to befriend me can only possibly have bad motives, but I have to be aware that they could. As far as brainwashing goes, no one gets to tell my kids that geologists are lying about the age of the earth and are going to rot in hell. Yes, that was a relative. Presumably that's why that individual felt free to say those sorts of things--but should have known better, because no one gets to tell my kids their grandpa's going to rot in hell. I suspect most of you would have issues with that sort of attempt to influence your kids.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 20:30:41 GMT -5
Childless people suck! How's that?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 20:32:52 GMT -5
Would you, as a person who doesn't have or want children, think you have much in common with me who's homeschooling five? Not anymore, no.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Nov 2, 2012 20:52:16 GMT -5
Would you, as a person who doesn't have or want children, think you have much in common with me who's homeschooling five? Not anymore, no. You have done a very good job of convincing me in a short period of time that I would indeed need an ulterior motive to be your friend.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 21:46:19 GMT -5
So I'm assuming all your relatives get a wide berth? Statistically speaking, they're more likely to harm your kids than Susan or Sarah or I.
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