susanb
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Post by susanb on Oct 29, 2012 17:13:23 GMT -5
DH is in his forties and I am in my early thirties. So far, we are childless. Other than our mothers, most people don't give a fig, but some recent conversations (as well as comments on YM) have made me think that people have opinions about people, especiall couples, without kids.
One friend, who works 20 hours a week and has one 7 year old child told me that one day when I have children I will understand how busy she is. This was especially strange because I never questioned how busy she is or isn't. Another friend and I were discussing dating possibilities for gentlemen we know in his late fourties. My friend said that childless women were out because "who would want to date the type of woman who has never had kids."
My friends are nice ladies and they meant no malice towards me or other childless people. They just put their foot in their mouths, but it made me wonder....
What do you really think about people without children?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2012 17:18:09 GMT -5
I'm in! ;D
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 29, 2012 17:18:32 GMT -5
Jealousy. And pity.
My kids are more fun than I could ever imagine, but I can think of things I would love to be doing right now - but no, gotta be responsible mother, blah, blah, blah.
Actually, I don't think much either way. Everyone gets to create their own life. But, sometimes I'm jealous. And sometimes I wonder if they know what they missed out on. But not in a really judgemental way. Just a 'love my own life' way.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Oct 29, 2012 17:18:57 GMT -5
Most of them I don't think about it. I find that most childless people I meet have channelled that "energy" into something else - whether their pets, volunteering, mountain biking, helping their church, whatever - which makes them really interesting to talk to.
There's only one childless person I've ever met that rubbed me the wrong way - and here's a hint - if you call me a "breeder" and look at my child like he/she is dog poop on the bottom of your shoes, then yes, expect me to judge you harshly for not understanding what having children is like.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 29, 2012 17:23:00 GMT -5
Jealousy. And pity. My kids are more fun than I could ever imagine, but I can think of things I would love to be doing right now - but no, gotta be responsible mother, blah, blah, blah. Actually, I don't think much either way. Everyone gets to create their own life. But, sometimes I'm jealous. And sometimes I wonder if they know what they missed out on. But not in a really judgemental way. Just a 'love my own life' way. and
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Oct 29, 2012 17:23:11 GMT -5
I don't think anything. Sometimes I wonder if people are childless by choice or if they couldn't have children, but I would never, ever ask.
I don't judge people who I know have chosen not to have children. Parenting is not for everyone. And while I love being a mom, I totally understand why people wouldn't love it as well.
telephus, I totally agree. I have occasionally run across the childless person who seems to abhor all parents and children. I find it offensive to be referred to as a "breeder" or have my children judged by someone who doesn't even know us.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Oct 29, 2012 17:23:31 GMT -5
Mostly I envy them. DINKS have the best life.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Oct 29, 2012 17:24:10 GMT -5
I think people who judge others based on whether or not they procreate are probably very unhappy and insecure with themselves.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 29, 2012 17:25:30 GMT -5
I thought that was what gay people called straight couples.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Oct 29, 2012 17:26:40 GMT -5
You make me laugh, MM.
Actually, my friend's comment was rude, but she had just gone through a family death. She said a lot of mean things because she was angry. I didn't hold it against her, but it did make me wonder about her thoughts on people without children.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Oct 29, 2012 17:27:18 GMT -5
I've heard straight, childless people refer to parents as "breeders." I know quite a few gay people/gay couples, and I've never heard any of them use that term. I wonder if it's usage varies by region?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2012 17:29:06 GMT -5
I've heard straight, childless people refer to parents as "breeders." I know quite a few gay people/gay couples, and I've never heard any of them use that term. I wonder if it's usage varies by region? I heard it on Rose Anne and thought it was hilarious. I will tease people with kids with it because they all get so agitated ;D
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 29, 2012 17:33:57 GMT -5
I said it once (about myself) in front of a gay friend and he got really upset and said that it was totally rude, and people shouldn't say it. So, once again, my joke bombed. I even fail at self depricating humor. I think I will go back to racist humor. At least I know that is offensive.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 29, 2012 17:38:29 GMT -5
I'm probably more judgemental about people with a LOT of kids than zero kids. So, I guess it is where you would have been...if only. I could imagine a child-free life - but I went through a lot of effort to have 2 and only 2 kids.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Oct 29, 2012 17:40:45 GMT -5
When DH and I are asked why we don't have children, our response is, "We don't breed well in captivity." ;D
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Oct 29, 2012 17:41:12 GMT -5
My neighbor has 5 kids. The oldest is 11. The others are 5, 4, 3, and almost 2. We go over there to play, and honestly it makes me glad we're stopping at two kids. She wants to have another, but her DH isn't as on board.
Honestly, I do wonder about her. She always seems so stressed out (which is totally understandable). It's just mass chaos in their house all the time. She has the kids on no schedule. She literally never does anything outside of her house except for grocery shop, and she's almost always got at least one kid with her. They have no money (and they are not on any public assistance, so no one needs to throw any rocks there), so they don't take vacations and kids aren't in any activities or preschool or anything. Everything they have practically is hand me down. Their house is the size of a shoebox. I'm not sure why she wants to keep having kids.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2012 17:42:42 GMT -5
Childless couples are as bad as the gays. If it were up to them the entire species would die out.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 29, 2012 17:44:45 GMT -5
LOL.
I have two friends that met once. One has kids around the same age as my kids - the other went through a painful, horrible period of infertility, and then decided to move forward with life, child-free. My mom-friend innocently asked my child-free friend if she wanted kids, and after noticing the pained look on her face - quickly said "I don't mean of your own - I'm asking if you want mine, like right now. That one is starting a fire, and that one is okay, but will be a mess when she gets her period." It was hilarious. My child-free friend laughed and said "No, thank you."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2012 17:48:33 GMT -5
Childless couples are as bad as the gays. If it were up to them the entire species would die out. What I hate is seeing some skeezy looking childless couple recruiting kids to be childless. It's perverse. It is sick. I hope they don't let the childless become teachers. I don't want them brainwashing my kids to be childless like them.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Oct 29, 2012 17:53:29 GMT -5
Thyme, that's a good one!
Re: a couple w/ many kids, I wonder how the E they can afford it. The blended family next door has 5-7 kids, and their Wally World/Costco/Sam's Club take home is fascinating. Fundamentally, I don't understand people who keep having them then rely on assistance (our tax $) to help raise them.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Oct 29, 2012 17:55:15 GMT -5
Childless couples are as bad as the gays. If it were up to them the entire species would die out. What I hate is seeing some skeezy looking childless couple recruiting kids to be childless. It's perverse. Sorry - we forgot our dentures. I don't think anything unless it imposes on our life in a negative way. Then we just call them losers - regardless of their decisions to have children or not. MM called me smart! ;D
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2012 17:58:23 GMT -5
"I'm asking if you want mine, like right now." GREAT recovery! I wish I could give your friend KARMA! ;D Now that we are in our 50s I've had more people ask me why we didn't have kids. I tell them the same as what I told my girlfriend who wondered if we were going to feel like we missed out. I told her that yes, we will have missed out on some experiences but on the other hand we've had a great life and have had the opportunity to enjoy things we never could have had we had children. We all have choices and the key to being happy is enjoying the choices we make. And frankly, given that over population was such the doom and gloom issue when I was in my "breeding" years, I figured I had done my part. And nowadays, since everyone's worried about SS continuing, I can point to my brother and his 5 children and say my family did its part!
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Oct 29, 2012 18:01:48 GMT -5
Bonny, lol!! When a new client asks me if the girls in my office pictures are mine, it's my chance to brag about my sister and what an awesome job she does.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Oct 29, 2012 18:04:11 GMT -5
Sorry - we forgot our dentures. I don't think anything unless it imposes on our life in a negative way. Then we just call them losers - regardless of their decisions to have children or not. MM called me smart! ;D LOL!!! Well for you.. I've put the "smart" in quotations... LOL!! Says the mom with two rambunctious boys and FOUR dogs. ;D
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Oct 29, 2012 18:05:13 GMT -5
Thyme, that's a good one! Re: a couple w/ many kids, I wonder how the E they can afford it. The blended family next door has 5-7 kids, and their Wally World/Costco/Sam's Club take home is fascinating. Fundamentally, I don't understand people who keep having them then rely on assistance (our tax $) to help raise them. All of the people I know with 5 or more kids are doing OK. And their kids behave better than mine. They are either Morman or doctor's families (or both).
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 29, 2012 18:08:15 GMT -5
I love my kids and sometimes I even like them. If I hadn't had them, of course my life would have been different. Most of the time I don't regret it but I do understand why people just plain don't have them.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Oct 29, 2012 18:08:49 GMT -5
Thyme, that's a good one! Re: a couple w/ many kids, I wonder how the E they can afford it. The blended family next door has 5-7 kids, and their Wally World/Costco/Sam's Club take home is fascinating. Fundamentally, I don't understand people who keep having them then rely on assistance (our tax $) to help raise them. All of the people I know with 5 or more kids are doing OK. And their kids behave better than mine. They are either Morman or doctor's families (or both). Our neighbors claim to be the former. The kids are on state assisted medical, neither parents work, but some how dad just bought a 2012 truck.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 29, 2012 18:10:33 GMT -5
Nice. I'd be reporting that to welfare. This is the crap that pisses me and others ff.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2012 18:13:53 GMT -5
I often think a couple who choose not to have children at some point before deciding to have one, eventually- Feel they may not be able to afford and/or juggle a child/children into their schedules at that time. I've never asked..
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Oct 29, 2012 18:18:31 GMT -5
My neighbor's can afford it because they go nowhere, do nothing, spend as little as possible. I think they also have some credit card debt. I know they struggle. The husband works construction and the mom stays at home.
I sometimes wonder if she wants to keep having kids because it's all she knows and it somehow validates her existence, if that makes any sense. She never went to college, never really had a job, has never traveled or done anything except be a mom. I wonder if she's subconsciously worried what she'll do when there are no more little children to care for.
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