justme
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Post by justme on Nov 1, 2012 20:04:58 GMT -5
So you don't keep your toddler on any schedule and drag him all over God's green earth. You don't give him regular naps. After all of that you expect him to sit in a restaurant and then you get angry with him for his behavior and have other adults telling you he's just being a baby. Oy vey. Can you not see the problem here? He is on a schedule. He gets up in the morning. I let him out of his room at 7. I drop him off at my moms. Pick him up at 5:30-6. Feed him, bathe him and put him to bed by 7:30, except for fridays which is 8:30 ish. On the weekends I put him down for a nap after lunch. Damn, in an hour and a half you can eat a meal at a restaurant with a child that's acting up, drive home, bathe a two year old and put him to bed? Mad skillz.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 2, 2012 8:08:45 GMT -5
My kids are far from angels but c'mon! He's 2? Give him a toy to play with while he's belted in the shopping cart. My just turned 3 year old has decided he hates being strapped into a shopping cart. But he won't stay by me either. DH and I do a "divide and conquer" split of the kids and the shopping on most Sat. But we've had more than our share of him screaming his way though the store. I refuse to bribe him to behave. And I can't have him running all over the store. So he gets strapped in and screams at some point. And after a while, he stops screaming and sits just fine strapped into the cart. It really sucks. OK, back to reading.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 2, 2012 8:16:00 GMT -5
We really didn't take the kids to restarants (much) until they were like 3-ish. By that time, we could spend the time talking with them, playing little games, singing - whatever. They loved it - we didn't give them that much attention at home. Yeah, we stopped taking the kids out when DD was about 18 months old and tossing the silverware on the floor. 3 years later, they behaved pretty well at my parents 50th wedding anniversary dinner. We had a basement room and they had all of their cousins to do stuff with and a shitload of toys. And cheerios to eat while they waited for dinner. I knew we weren't going to be eating immediately after sitting down. Hell yes. Which is why DH's "big breakfasts" on weekends drive me nuts. You're burning 1-2 hours of prime "good kid time"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 8:18:55 GMT -5
My 17 month old will 'talk' to every single female while we are shopping. He turns on his cheesy little grin and says Hi! I'm always worried that those who don't like kids finds that annoying. There is one grocery store that has an echo in. He LOVES when I take him there. So I don't unless they are having a super sale. Because he will make noises just to listen to the echo. My older kids.....I hate taking them shopping. They want everything. If I take all of my kids, I will spend $150 on just fresh fruit. And that's all well and good...but I like to have meat, veggies and bread too. Very few people think a baby being pleasant and having fun is annoying just for talking and giggling. Screaming and racing through the isles is when it is aggravating. But pleasant chatting is actually nice. And those that don't like anything at all to do with kids have to suck it up at a certain point. They share the planet with kids and need to deal.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 8:20:48 GMT -5
I never expected my kids to behave in the afternoon. They were tired even if they didn't nap so it was a quiet time for them. Even when they were in daycare, those that chose to nap could, those that chose not to had to do something quietly. That's why my kids do puzzles and I can't sit still long enough to.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 8:22:55 GMT -5
I wish I could nap right now
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 8:25:47 GMT -5
I wish I could too. Damn DF snored last night so no sleep for me. Tonight one of us is on the couch!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 2, 2012 8:27:59 GMT -5
I'm mostly curious about a childless couple...and like Dark, I don't consider someone truly childless until they are older...lots of people swear they never want kids and then change their mind <<eyes Alicia >> But Im curious as to whether they didn't want kids or couldn't have them. I've always wanted kids so I guess a part of me can't understand not wanting them....but I also am happy that people who know they dont' want kids don't have them...while i think it would be horrible to hit 50 and suddenly regret not having kids, Ithink it would be worse for a child for a parent to regret having them. I assumed I would have kids. At 25, I was told I'd need ovary drilling to have kids and even that was not a guarantee. I was put on bc. I meet DH and we got married when I was 34. He'd been told he'd need surgery to father kids. We talked about t and agreed we were good as we were. Now we have 2 accidents. I don't regret them but it is a big change.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 2, 2012 8:29:48 GMT -5
I wish I could nap right now I'm about to take my next round of codeine cough stuff. ;D
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 8:31:44 GMT -5
Snoring is the worst! DH had foot surgery a couple of weeks ago and has been in a boot... he gets up about an hour earlier than I do and it is a constant CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK all over the house. Drives me crazy but the boot comes off today so I'm going to hope next week is better!
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Nov 2, 2012 9:13:24 GMT -5
I think it's great when a couple has enough sense to realize that they are either unwilling or unable do make the sacrifices necessary to raise children. The thing that really pisses me off is when people who are either unwilling to do the work or just not up to the task have a child as an accessory.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 9:51:02 GMT -5
What I am struggling with now is deciding whether I want a kid because I want to be a mom and raise a child or do I want a kid because it is the next logical step for me to take with my life and it is what is expected of me.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 10:03:04 GMT -5
That's kind of where I am, TX... I like kids, DH would be a great father and he REALLY wants a kid, but I'm reluctant to overturn our lives and am not sure if I actually want one, or just want to want one.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 2, 2012 10:04:37 GMT -5
There are some times that I think childless people are really smart.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Nov 2, 2012 10:23:46 GMT -5
That's kind of where I am, TX... I like kids, DH would be a great father and he REALLY wants a kid, but I'm reluctant to overturn our lives and am not sure if I actually want one, or just want to want one. We are on the fence too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 10:39:32 GMT -5
Maybe I am just being selfish. But I really love my life right now. If I had a child, I would have to rearrange my schedule and location at work (both changes I wouldn't like) and wouldn't be able to take as much overtime. I would have to give up singing in the community choir because I don't think it would be fair to have a kid in daycare all day then leave them with a babysitter for 3 hours in the evening for rehearsals. Same for my other activities (going to the opera, art classes, etc). I wouldn't be able to travel nearly as much (which I absolutely love and am finally able to afford). I don't live close to my family and would rather remove my eyes with a spoon than move back to them so I wouldn't have that support system. I really like quiet.
So part of me is says "Don't do it! Just have a fabulous life with lots of travel to very interesting destinations, just you and your camera. You have a great career. Save money, see the world, have a fabulous retirement. Be the cool aunt to your friends kids". And that part has gotten louder lately.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 10:42:37 GMT -5
Childless people are fine - I just don't want to hang out with them. Reminds me of what I gave up. Unless....they are going to fall in love with my children and offer to pay for their college, then...What time would you like to come over for dinner?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 10:42:51 GMT -5
We have friends who have decided to remain childless. I told them that I think it is a totally selfless decision. It is a narcissistic thing to think your genes deserve to be passed on to future generations. And it is also pretty egotistical for someone to think they've got it all figured out enough to teach this blank slate how to become a productive member of society. But hey, I'm both since I've done it twice!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Nov 2, 2012 10:47:38 GMT -5
Unless....they are going to fall in love with my children and offer to pay for their college, then...What time would you like to come over for dinner? Not likely. It's more plausible that I....ooops, I mean "they"....would come over for dinner, drink your wine, pretend to be sympathetic to you for having to pay for college for two kids, and then giggle all the way home.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Nov 2, 2012 10:49:17 GMT -5
Unless....they are going to fall in love with my children and offer to pay for their college, then...What time would you like to come over for dinner? Not likely. It's more plausible that I....ooops, I mean "they"....would come over for dinner, drink your wine, pretend to be sympathetic to you for having to pay for college for two kids, and then giggle all the way home. While counting the contents of our fat wallets on the way to the jewelry store....
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sunbee
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Post by sunbee on Nov 2, 2012 10:52:23 GMT -5
If you don't have kids, and I didn't know you before I had kids, I'm going to be suspicious of your motives in befriending me and mine, more than I am if you do have kids--well, if your kids are in my kids age ranges (if your kids are older, I'll be suspicious, too). Just fyi for those of you thinking the cool aunt or uncle to a friend's kids would be a good role to play. Not that I think you're automatically a dangerous person, but you have a higher barrier to get across to get access to my kids. And I will be hitting up the registered sex offender website and making sure you aren't there. If I get the "I don't want kids but I want to brainwash yours" vibe you'll be hitting the road so fast . . . so if you're looking for kids to mentor/aunt/uncle, look at those of people you knew before they had kids, who have the same theology and philosophy as you do, it'll be much easier and satisfying. (That goes for actual relatives as well as family-by-choice.)
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 2, 2012 10:54:18 GMT -5
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ontrack
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Post by ontrack on Nov 2, 2012 11:22:02 GMT -5
That's kind of where I am, TX... I like kids, DH would be a great father and he REALLY wants a kid, but I'm reluctant to overturn our lives and am not sure if I actually want one, or just want to want one. We are on the fence too. Same here. We can't decide, and right now the prohibitive cost of daycare in our area is dissuading us. I wish I could look into a crystal ball and see my life in 5-10 years with and without kids.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 11:27:59 GMT -5
Well, if daycare costs are the only thing holding you back all you have to do is add up the money you spend on nights out, hobbies and trips and see if that amount is equal to what they charge! (That is what happened to us -- we stopped going out after we had the kids so all of that money we used to spend on that covered our daycare expenses. For two kids. ).
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Nov 2, 2012 11:52:04 GMT -5
LOL - I agree, but have you seen some of the people that are having kids?? I felt it was my duty to send a couple of semi-prepared people into the world. Someone is going to have to prop up this economy when these people's children are adults: That is also kind of how I feel. I think we are two smart, educated, well-rounded adults and we should produce a child or two to take our place in the world. Because when I see the people that are having children in my area, I know that they won't be very productive members of society!
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Nov 2, 2012 12:11:37 GMT -5
If you don't have kids, and I didn't know you before I had kids, I'm going to be suspicious of your motives in befriending me and mine, more than I am if you do have kids--well, if your kids are in my kids age ranges (if your kids are older, I'll be suspicious, too). Just fyi for those of you thinking the cool aunt or uncle to a friend's kids would be a good role to play. Not that I think you're automatically a dangerous person, but you have a higher barrier to get across to get access to my kids. And I will be hitting up the registered sex offender website and making sure you aren't there. If I get the "I don't want kids but I want to brainwash yours" vibe you'll be hitting the road so fast . . . so if you're looking for kids to mentor/aunt/uncle, look at those of people you knew before they had kids, who have the same theology and philosophy as you do, it'll be much easier and satisfying. (That goes for actual relatives as well as family-by-choice.) So, if DH and I suddenly decide we want to brainwash or abuse children, we should have our own. Got it. FYI childless does not equal friendless. I would venture to guess that 99% of the childless people on this board already have friends with children.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2012 12:11:59 GMT -5
My 17 month old will 'talk' to every single female while we are shopping. He turns on his cheesy little grin and says Hi! I'm always worried that those who don't like kids finds that annoying. There is one grocery store that has an echo in. He LOVES when I take him there. So I don't unless they are having a super sale. Because he will make noises just to listen to the echo.
I don't go out of my way to be around kids, but a happy toddler always makes me smile. When they smile or say "hi" in stores, I always smile and say "hi" back. I'm way more tolerant when toddlers misbehave (and I don't think saying "hi" or babbling in public is misbehaving) because imo they're still learning what's appropriate behavior.
I can't recall my kids having meltdowns in public. Maybe they did and I blocked it from my memory. I have a grandbaby now and just getting him and all his stuff into the car to go somewhere is such a hassle that I can't imagine how I ever went anywhere with a baby AND a 2yo. I think I'd lose my mind if I had small children now.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Nov 2, 2012 12:12:42 GMT -5
That's okay though. You are thinking logically. Having children is such a huge, huge life changer. There is definitely a period where your life is no longer your own to a large extent. And there's nothing wrong with liking your life the way it is.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 12:19:18 GMT -5
Is there anything to back up the idea that couples without kids or with older kids are more likely to abuse others' children? I hope my friends don't feel that way - I love their kids, and a lot of the time when we're all hanging out I'm playing with the kids instead of talking to the adults. I would hate to find out they thought I was a weirdo who wanted to molest or brainwash their kids... (though they usually seem to appreciate being given a break )
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Nov 2, 2012 12:26:54 GMT -5
We are on the fence too. Same here. We can't decide, and right now the prohibitive cost of daycare in our area is dissuading us. I wish I could look into a crystal ball and see my life in 5-10 years with and without kids. With kids: Daycare Diapers Fender torn off your car Risk of teen pregnancy College Without kids: Sleep through the night Savings account Europe Sports car (with four fenders) Early retirement More Europe
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