midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 2, 2012 21:55:56 GMT -5
I mean, I guess I can see being creeped out if someone wanders up to you in the mall and is like, "Hey, cute kids... wanna be friends? Let's go to a movie!" If someone has NOTHING in common with you and seeks you out and expresses a major interest in your kids, that might be a bit odd. But I have a few friends with whom I've been friends for around 2 years. We all have common interests. They all have kids aged 1 - 8. I certainly didn't seek them out to get close to their kids, but I do love their kids. I would be hurt if I found out they were suspicious of me, or thought it was odd of me to want to befriend them just because they had kids. And I'd think THEY would be hurt if I expressed zero interest in their kids or thought their kids were gross/boring/annoying. I would hope we live in a world where the child-free can befriend those with children without setting off alarm bells.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 2, 2012 21:59:49 GMT -5
Childless people suck! How's that? Yes. Yes we do.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 2, 2012 22:14:20 GMT -5
I get to meet a sucky person! Can't wait!
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 2, 2012 22:19:22 GMT -5
Zib, LMAO!!!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 2, 2012 22:33:21 GMT -5
You have done a very good job of convincing me in a short period of time that I would indeed need an ulterior motive to be your friend. Heck, I have kids (well a kid and one on the way) and I think I would need an ulterior motive to befriend her. Before DH and I had kids, we had friends with kids. We didn't not become friends with people at church or neighbors because they had kids and we didn't. DH even mentored one of the kids and he spent the night at our house a couple times. There is an older couple at church that has become another set of Grandparents for DS. They have Grandkids and Great-Grandkids of their own, but none DS's age that live close. I love having another set of trusted people to help with DS.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Nov 2, 2012 22:42:35 GMT -5
Childless people suck! How's that? I think that statement sucks. How's that? I'm childless by choice, so I guess I do suck in your eyes - but that's a pretty insensitive thing to say for anyone who's childless due to a medical conditon.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 3, 2012 4:27:54 GMT -5
I think you guys are a bit over reacting, but that's okay. They aren't your kids. I had a couple friends growing up whose step-dads married their moms specifically to get access to my friends. So yes, if my kid isn't saying "Hey, Mom, this is so-n-so's Mom, can we go over to play?", but you, as an adult without children is approaching me, with five kids in tow, in order to introduce yourself and try to befriend me, you have a bit higher barrier than so-n-so's Mom does, unless your relationship with me predates the kids. Would you, as a person who doesn't have or want children, think you have much in common with me who's homeschooling five? Just on the face of it? I doubt it. Statistically, most kids who are molested are molested by trusted adult friends and relatives. So as a parent, it's my job to be extremely careful about who I trust. Not that someone who wants to befriend me can only possibly have bad motives, but I have to be aware that they could. As far as brainwashing goes, no one gets to tell my kids that geologists are lying about the age of the earth and are going to rot in hell. Yes, that was a relative. Presumably that's why that individual felt free to say those sorts of things--but should have known better, because no one gets to tell my kids their grandpa's going to rot in hell. I suspect most of you would have issues with that sort of attempt to influence your kids. Do you really have so little self esteem that you can't see why someone would want to be friends with YOU, regardless of your children? I think that that is incredibly sad, as there is a whole lot of people that you are potentially eliminating from your life because they are after your kids. <shrug> Why would you think that someone would be brainwashing your children? If I was friends with you, I would not be discussing evolution with your children and don't really give a damn as to what you are teaching your children. I may not agree with it, but wouldn't 'brainwash' them to my beliefs. This is all a moot point, as you're correct....as I have nothing in common, there is absolutely no reason to be friends with someone as suspicious as you. Statistically, your children are most likely to be harmed by a family member. I'm glad that not every parent is as suspicious as you. If they were, then I would not be friends with most of the people I'm friends with. They enrich my life, as I do their's. Add me to Sarah, Susan and MidJD too.......
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 3, 2012 5:22:23 GMT -5
Would you, as a person who doesn't have or want children, think you have much in common with me who's homeschooling five? I don't think that's as much a difference between parents and a person without children as much as it is a difference between personal interests. Sunbee, you may represent one extreme end of the parenting spectrum if you are constantly surrounded by and only spending your personal time with 5 children. There are many parents who spend time with their children but also have personal interests outside their children and it would not be at all unusual to make friends while pursuing those interests. If you sailed, knitted, were a runner, or one of 1000s of activities where you spent some time without your children, you'd probably make friends with similar interests, regardless of whether they had children. We only know the tiny slice of a person that they choose to post here, but I find Craftysarah smart, funny and very thoughtful. Even though I have 2 children and she doesn't, I'd like to think that in real life we'd have time for drinks or fun and that we'd have plenty to talk about.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2012 6:55:02 GMT -5
Aw, thanks milee.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Nov 3, 2012 7:14:25 GMT -5
sunbee, i agree somewhat. when a child has been molested, they are usually asked by counselors, doctors, police, 'have you been around any strangers? ' it isn't the strangers people need to worry about. it is the babysitter's boyfriend, stepdad, uncle, and not always a male. even a female who has been abused will act out sexually.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 3, 2012 8:02:06 GMT -5
I don't think that's as much a difference between parents and a person without children as much as it is a difference between personal interests. Sunbee, you may represent one extreme end of the parenting spectrum if you are constantly surrounded by and only spending your personal time with 5 children. There are many parents who spend time with their children but also have personal interests outside their children and it would not be at all unusual to make friends while pursuing those interests. If you sailed, knitted, were a runner, or one of 1000s of activities where you spent some time without your children, you'd probably make friends with similar interests, regardless of whether they had children. We only know the tiny slice of a person that they choose to post here, but I find Craftysarah smart, funny and very thoughtful. Even though I have 2 children and she doesn't, I'd like to think that in real life we'd have time for drinks or fun and that we'd have plenty to talk about. I've met the posters Meghan and Imawino IRL. Both are childless by choice. I'm glad I've become friends with them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2012 12:11:29 GMT -5
I try to forget all the time that I am a mom...I quit my mom job almost daily...but no one cooperates with that!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 3, 2012 12:44:06 GMT -5
I've met all my coworkers since my kids were born, and become friends with some of them. I've never thought about how my children factor in.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 3, 2012 12:45:23 GMT -5
How did you endup working with an office full of predators?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 3, 2012 13:04:21 GMT -5
I research my potential employers very carefully. I only pick places with a high number of weirdos. Makes me look normal.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Nov 3, 2012 15:29:46 GMT -5
And what if you worked alone...?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2012 16:27:19 GMT -5
And what if you worked alone...? Then that would leave you as the pervert.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Nov 3, 2012 16:40:53 GMT -5
I actually feel like a bit of an ass this morning for my responses to Sunbee. I don't think anyone else was, and I think that my response was not out of proportion given what she wrote. However.....
Sunbee's original response was something along the lines of I judge childless people based on how they treat my kids. Then a lot of people said that they judged people with 5+ kids more than childless people and she came back with much more extreme responses. It is possible that she felt judged and reacted or, over-reacted. I have been there.
I still doubt Sunbee and I would be friends, but I didn't need to be so harsh about it. Sorry Sunbee.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Nov 3, 2012 16:52:52 GMT -5
And what if you worked alone...? Then that would leave you as the pervert.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2012 16:53:54 GMT -5
We may have jumped down her throat a little, but aside from the presumption of my perversion, I doubt we would be friends. If all you think you are is a mom who home-schools 5 kids, then we probably don't have anything in common.
If in addition to your children, you happen to like beer, wine, bourbon, sarcasm, running (slowly), knitting, trivia, baking, canning, reading, swimming (slowly), boating (seasonally), movies (sparingly), politics (progressively), health promotion, dogs, glitter (compulsively), college football, professional hockey, live music, anything with dance numbers and/or trying new things, we can hang out. I have an extra Groupon for the skeet shooting range.
But if all you can talk about is your kids, shit... I'm out.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Nov 3, 2012 16:58:25 GMT -5
I hear you, Sarah. And I agree. I think what I said was fine, the way I said it was just shitty. You and the other ladies who responded were much less aggressive/harsh.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Nov 3, 2012 17:02:17 GMT -5
I think it's just like any other social interaction-it helps to find common ground. Most of my clients have kids and grandkids. We talk about them and I brag about my nieces when appropriate.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2012 17:11:03 GMT -5
I didn't enter into the fray yesterday because there were strong words on both sides and i wasn't sure where I wanted to come down on the issue. Fair or not, as a parent I do judge who my kids come in contact with, particularly if they are going to be alone with my child, but even in general, with a much harsher eye than a friend for myself. I did have a person try to befriend our family when my kids were little and access to them was one of his intents I came to realize. Problem, he was a dad, so avoiding singles wouldn't have helped me there... I do think he was abusing his own children, but till I realized it, they had upped and left the state (they had only been newly moved to/were in the process of moving to the area). I am thankful every day that I never gave in to his requests to take my kids anywhere with his... and I was much, MUCH more protective as a result than I was even before (although i've always been kind of protective) ... I have to logically recognize this and proceed in ways that i don't feel will scar my children from over protecting them... but there are predators out there, and its just unrealistic and potentially dangerous not to recognize it... So, while i think some of the language was strong, i can see where she was coming from...
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sunbee
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Post by sunbee on Nov 3, 2012 23:44:23 GMT -5
SusanB, apology accepted. I guess I'm not explaining myself very clearly, because I honestly can't see why someone who has kids in their life wouldn't be cautious about who has access to those kids--their own kids, their friend's kids, any kids. I don't have a life--life happened. We see DH on weekends only, other than that, it's me and the kids, and there's no money for sitters. So yes, I'm interested in all sorts of things, but for me to do them they have to be things I can do alone at home or involve the kids with. No other options. Do I think that most people out there are child molesters? Of course not. I can do math. However, since I don't get out without my kids, I don't look like someone with interests outside of kids. If I were able to take a yoga class or play in the symphony again, people I met there wouldn't know I had kids unless I told them. That would be a different situation. I'm sorry that I offended a whole bunch of you. That was never my intention. I don't think any of you would hurt a child. I had the impression that some wished to be involved with children as mentors, and hoped I could give some ideas as to what a parent might consider in looking at such an adult. Clearly I failed at that.
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Post by Elusions of Grandeur on Nov 4, 2012 0:36:37 GMT -5
Kids, no kids - I do my best not to judge people. I think some people with kids are fantastic (I have friends with anything from 1 kid to 4 kids - quadruplets, naturally conceived no drugs), and some people with kids are horrible (I have a specific former friend in mind who basically went psychotic after having her son and became REALLY nasty & judgmental of EVERYONE else under the sun, even someone she had been friends with for 18 years). I also think some people without kids are fantastic (a former co-worker of mine in his late 40's who will never have children and has a great life, he would have made a great dad if he wanted to, but he knew he didn't want to and I commend him for following his own path), and some are horrible (though I have a harder time thinking of anyone without kids right now who I consider horrible). Kids may change a person somewhat, but they don't "create" personality traits that didn't exist somewhere in the first place, they just exaggerate them (good or bad as the case may be). I also think I probably shouldn't be a parent. I am told I'm good with kids, but man oh man do I ever want to smack the living daylights out of them sometimes. And I know that some people don't appreciate how honest I am with them. I've told my step sons that if they want to know something, I will tell it to them. I don't sugar coat anything. I do occasionally, rarely but still, respond with "that's not something for you to know (yet)." As for my own one on the way, I worry I'm going to mess this kid up royally. But then again, I suppose I'd be more concerned if she turned out normal! Oh and as for predators, a lot of them have their own children or adopt children so they have a 'regular source' to abuse. It doesn't mean they won't go after other kids they decide are easy targets, but they are far more likely to have their own kids so they can abuse them AND gain access to other kids more easily as a 'trusted parental figure.'
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2012 3:05:56 GMT -5
We may have jumped down her throat a little, but aside from the presumption of my perversion, I doubt we would be friends. If all you think you are is a mom who home-schools 5 kids, then we probably don't have anything in common. If in addition to your children, you happen to like beer, wine, bourbon, sarcasm, running (slowly), knitting, trivia, baking, canning, reading, swimming (slowly), boating (seasonally), movies (sparingly), politics (progressively), health promotion, dogs, glitter (compulsively), college football, professional hockey, live music, anything with dance numbers and/or trying new things, we can hang out. I have an extra Groupon for the skeet shooting range. But if all you can talk about is your kids, shit... I'm out. CraftySarah could be my best friend in real life!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2012 8:32:00 GMT -5
Yes, our community center offers free childcare with membership, when classes are going on the childcare room is open.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2012 10:03:06 GMT -5
Sunbee do you have a YMCA near you? They usually offer low cost classes and childcare.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 4, 2012 11:39:43 GMT -5
All I know is that when I see a phone call from DD coming in, I groan on the inside. Same as when my mother called. It's never good news and its always drama. DF said the happiest he has ever seen me was when she was at OCS and couldn't call me. So even though I wanted a daughter very much, most of the time I wish I had stopped at one child. I'm hoping with age and maturity, she improves. But at almost 24, I'm not seeing it. Maybe the military will help.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 4, 2012 12:25:44 GMT -5
I haven't read all of this, but my life has taken a path that puts me in a situation in which I'm shocked when I meet people who don't have kids. So, it's not that I judge harshly, it's that I don't get it. Everyone I know has kids. Obviously, that's a hyperbole, but I still get confused when someone doesn't have kids. Because I got pregnant with my own child when I was 17 and have worked in public education since I was 23, it's just not a concept I think about or come across often.
I'm all for people making their own (productive to society) choices and of course my heart hurts for those who want biological children and it doesn't work out for them.
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