Deleted
Joined: Apr 29, 2024 2:20:48 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 8:58:40 GMT -5
And, I said "I " can't imagine living my life without my kids. People can do whatever the heck the please.
|
|
InsertCoolName
Familiar Member
Joined: Mar 1, 2011 17:32:48 GMT -5
Posts: 972
|
Post by InsertCoolName on Oct 30, 2012 9:03:31 GMT -5
I've heard plenty of parents say some things that aren't really nice? I guess maybe that is the word.
There are soooo many days I do NOT like teenagers. And some days toddlers aren't really that great either. And I have met several kids who would be a great way to promote birth control. I've also met some adults who would be a great way to promote birth control....
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 29, 2024 2:20:48 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 9:06:29 GMT -5
Being childless is fun and great so far and I really don't care nor do I have an opinion above those that do decide to have kids or not.
We are getting down to a point where we need to decide if we are going to have kids or pass. We've both have always seen ourselves as parent but the other week my wife asked me: will you be okay if we cannot have kids or decide not to have kids?
And yesterday at dinner with another couple she brought it up again: it is not that she doesn't want to have kids but she can definitely see the benefits to not having kids and while at first she really wanted kids she is having doubts now.
Life without kids for us is great, we have a dog that we enjoy spoiling, we managed to make friends since we moved here and we stay in contact with our other friends.
We are quite social, enjoy going out, seeing new things, meeting new people and just as comfortable being home just the two of us. Not having kids doesn't have this "void" effect in our lives that we need to fill.
Are we enjoying it now? Hell yes Are we considering having kids? Yes and no; depending on the day Will we be miserable if we don't have them? No
So no need to feel sympathy or sorry for us!
|
|
Colleenz
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 8:56:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,983
|
Post by Colleenz on Oct 30, 2012 9:10:38 GMT -5
Based on my experience with infertility I do no bring the subject up. I remember some of the crappy stuff people said to me when I was not getting preggers and it sucked. I have even had people tell me "an only child is a lonely child". That really sucks because I would have liked to have more, but feel totally blessed that I have DS. I have no issues with people who are child free by choice - why would I care?
|
|
kgb18
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 8:15:23 GMT -5
Posts: 4,904
|
Post by kgb18 on Oct 30, 2012 9:17:14 GMT -5
And did you punch her? If not, you should have.
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Oct 30, 2012 9:20:51 GMT -5
I'm 32, I'm the first of my friends to have a baby. Seeing people who are childless is just not a big deal to me I guess? I enjoy making my childless male friends hold my baby, because they are so awkward and it is hilarious. Other than that, *shrug* - I say do what you want. I will say though, I think being a parent HAS made me a better person (more patient, creative, demonstrative) - but I don't think that has to be true for everyone. But, I was possibly lacking on some of those things before.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 29, 2024 2:20:48 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 9:30:55 GMT -5
Being childless is fun and great so far and I really don't care nor do I have an opinion above those that do decide to have kids or not. We are getting down to a point where we need to decide if we are going to have kids or pass. We've both have always seen ourselves as parent but the other week my wife asked me: will you be okay if we cannot have kids or decide not to have kids? And yesterday at dinner with another couple she brought it up again: it is not that she doesn't want to have kids but she can definitely see the benefits to not having kids and while at first she really wanted kids she is having doubts now. Life without kids for us is great, we have a dog that we enjoy spoiling, we managed to make friends since we moved here and we stay in contact with our other friends. We are quite social, enjoy going out, seeing new things, meeting new people and just as comfortable being home just the two of us. Not having kids doesn't have this "void" effect in our lives that we need to fill. Are we enjoying it now? Hell yes Are we considering having kids? Yes and no; depending on the day Will we be miserable if we don't have them? No So no need to feel sympathy or sorry for us! I am actually going through the same thing. Some days I definitely want a kid, other days not so much. Lately, leaning more towards not having kids. My mother wants grandchildren. But, so far, neither my brother nor I have provided any. And it's looking more and more like we won't.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,242
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 30, 2012 9:31:11 GMT -5
I have no problems with it. If DH had not wanted kids I would have been fine being childless. I've never wanted kids that badly. We're going thru the Terrible Two's right now so anytime I see a childless couple my thought tends to be "Lucky bastards".
|
|
steph08
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 13:06:01 GMT -5
Posts: 5,451
|
Post by steph08 on Oct 30, 2012 9:38:41 GMT -5
Being childless is fun and great so far and I really don't care nor do I have an opinion above those that do decide to have kids or not. We are getting down to a point where we need to decide if we are going to have kids or pass. We've both have always seen ourselves as parent but the other week my wife asked me: will you be okay if we cannot have kids or decide not to have kids? And yesterday at dinner with another couple she brought it up again: it is not that she doesn't want to have kids but she can definitely see the benefits to not having kids and while at first she really wanted kids she is having doubts now. Life without kids for us is great, we have a dog that we enjoy spoiling, we managed to make friends since we moved here and we stay in contact with our other friends. We are quite social, enjoy going out, seeing new things, meeting new people and just as comfortable being home just the two of us. Not having kids doesn't have this "void" effect in our lives that we need to fill. Are we enjoying it now? Hell yes Are we considering having kids? Yes and no; depending on the day Will we be miserable if we don't have them? No So no need to feel sympathy or sorry for us! I am actually going through the same thing. Some days I definitely want a kid, other days not so much. Lately, leaning more towards not having kids. My mother wants grandchildren. But, so far, neither my brother nor I have provided any. And it's looking more and more like we won't. DH and I are going through the same discussion right now. Some days we think a kid or two would be alright, and some days we definitely think not having kids would be better. He feels the pressure (he is 33) while I don't (27). We flip-flop a lot. I feel we have time while he feels like he is getting too old.
|
|
telephus44
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 10:20:21 GMT -5
Posts: 1,259
|
Post by telephus44 on Oct 30, 2012 9:44:12 GMT -5
On the "you don't understand how busy it is because I have kids" - I think a lot of that is people adjusting their expectations. I'm having a hard time adjusting to a baby and a 6 year old - it seems like every day at work I have to leave early, or come in late, or take a long lunch, or something because of my kids. I'm always late to a meeting or some of my volunteer work or school conferences or doctor's appointments.
So I may say things like "I didn't know how busy I was until I had kids" not to piss off the childless, but to offer it as an excuse for my own tardiness and lack of preparation.
And I also heard breeder as a term gay people use for non-day people - I think in the right context with the right crowd it's fine as a joking reference. However, the one person I encountered using it to refer to us is straight, married, and doesn't want kids because it would interfere with his total laziness and constant chasing of pleasures (expensive vacations, alcohol, partying etc). I mean, I give him credit for acknowleding that he'd be a crappy parent, but he could do it in a way without insulting me and my children. When my son came up to him to say hi he just had this look on his face like my son was a disgusting little thing and he couldn't believe that he'd have to touch or talk to it...
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 29, 2024 2:20:48 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 10:05:38 GMT -5
On the "you don't understand how busy it is because I have kids" Sometimes I wonder what I used to do with all that time before I had a kid and then I'm like - oh, I used to exercise every day, spend hours at the farmers market, go to art exhibits, take weekend trips, work on obscenely large puzzles, cook elaborate meals, drive an hour just a catch a friend on her lunch break, etc.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,865
|
Post by zibazinski on Oct 30, 2012 10:14:11 GMT -5
Well, I have kids and I don't like poorly behaved kids, either. So I'm a kid hater on some level. Thing is my kids didn't misbehave in public or they were immediately removed and punished for making a scene. Now we are talking kids old enough to understand. They weren't allowed to talk at the top of their lungs so the whole world had to listen to their drivel. Contrary to common belief, the world is not revolving around your child. So stop acting like it does. Generations of parents raised well behaved citizens, what the hell happened with this one? Even my kids say stuff about how bad kids seem to act now and that their parents just seem clueless to the glares of others.
|
|
MN-Investor
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:22:44 GMT -5
Posts: 1,937
|
Post by MN-Investor on Oct 30, 2012 10:16:13 GMT -5
Being child-free myself, I have no problem with whatever choice a person makes as long as the children are wanted and adequately cared for.
I realized in college that I probably didn't want children. Fortunately, my DH was fine with that. When asked, I would tell people that I felt more like an aunt than a mother. I usually added that I left the option open to change my mind. Now, at age 59, I've never regretted that decision. Four of my six siblings have a total of 11 children, and my DH's older brother had three, so we have plenty of nephews and nieces and we've thoroughly enjoyed the role of aunt and uncle.
|
|
Waffle
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 11:31:54 GMT -5
Posts: 4,391
|
Post by Waffle on Oct 30, 2012 10:21:19 GMT -5
This thread is entirely too polite. I've read on YM that people that don't want children are "crazy". I've often heard it said that the childless are selfish. Where are all the people that think those things?
FWIW - I'm childless by choice. I thought about adopting for about 10 minutes when I was in my thirties. ;D There was a huge ad campaign about older kids in foster care that needed homes. I was in a good financial position and it tugged on my heartstrings, but then it occured to me that people (especially me) shouldn't have children just because they can. Children should really be wanted.
|
|
susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
|
Post by susanb on Oct 30, 2012 10:52:51 GMT -5
This thread is entirely too polite. I've read on YM that people that don't want children are "crazy". I've often heard it said that the childless are selfish. Where are all the people that think those things? Right? Someone on YM actually told me once that I "don't understand the learning process" because I don't have kids. My poor students.....I worked as a teacher for years! Maybe people who think things like that are afraid of getting flamed. It seems like this thread is bringing out people who support other people's decisions though, which is nice.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,242
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 30, 2012 11:02:41 GMT -5
It depends on the thread. I've been told what a lousy human being I am for having had a child and being a working parent. First I have teh gall to take maternity leave when someone else can't take 12 weeks off to follow a band and then clearly since I am a parent I must not pull my fair share, causing all my co-workers to have to work 70-80 hours a week to pick up the slack.
|
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on Oct 30, 2012 11:15:08 GMT -5
DH is in his forties and I am in my early thirties. So far, we are childless. Other than our mothers, most people don't give a fig, but some recent conversations (as well as comments on YM) have made me think that people have opinions about people, especiall couples, without kids. One friend, who works 20 hours a week and has one 7 year old child told me that one day when I have children I will understand how busy she is. This was especially strange because I never questioned how busy she is or isn't. Another friend and I were discussing dating possibilities for gentlemen we know in his late fourties. My friend said that childless women were out because "who would want to date the type of woman who has never had kids." My friends are nice ladies and they meant no malice towards me or other childless people. They just put their foot in their mouths, but it made me wonder.... What do you really think about people without children? I think they are smart.
|
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on Oct 30, 2012 11:20:36 GMT -5
LOL. I have two friends that met once. One has kids around the same age as my kids - the other went through a painful, horrible period of infertility, and then decided to move forward with life, child-free. My mom-friend innocently asked my child-free friend if she wanted kids, and after noticing the pained look on her face - quickly said "I don't mean of your own - I'm asking if you want mine, like right now. That one is starting a fire, and that one is okay, but will be a mess when she gets her period." It was hilarious. My child-free friend laughed and said "No, thank you." That's hysterical! What a quick thinker.
|
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on Oct 30, 2012 11:24:33 GMT -5
This thread is entirely too polite. I've read on YM that people that don't want children are "crazy". I've often heard it said that the childless are selfish. Where are all the people that think those things? FWIW - I'm childless by choice. I thought about adopting for about 10 minutes when I was in my thirties. ;D There was a huge ad campaign about older kids in foster care that needed homes. I was in a good financial position and it tugged on my heartstrings, but then it occured to me that people (especially me) shouldn't have children just because they can. Children should really be wanted. The writer of a blog I read is married, retired young, and childless by choice. Once she shared some comments from people who don't care for her choices. Very scathing. I was shocked. I can see that if you were a person who didn't want children, had them anyway because you felt it was expected, seeing someone else who chose to not have them would really piss you off. Mainly because, it didn't occur to you that you had that option too.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Oct 30, 2012 11:27:33 GMT -5
I have one 14 year old and I love him dearly but I am looking forward to the whole empty nest thing when he goes off to college. We had him just over a year into our marriage and don't remember a time when it was just the two of us (we eloped 4 months after we met). I have friends that have lots of kids, no kids, one kid, a few kids are gay, straight, married, single, living together etc. I figure it's really up to them to build the life that they want and that makes them happy. Currently we tend to hang out more with our friends that don't have kids. We had DS so young that most of our friends our age have small kids that need sitters and planning. With DS we are all "there are leftovers in the fridge, we're going out to sushi with M & J" and he's cool with that. I feel bad for him because if we go out with friends that have small kids they always assume that DS would be happy to watch their kids for them, for free I will admit to being more judgmental of people with lots of kids. I just want to tap them on the shoulder and as if they know what causes that but I don't. I just thank my stars that I only have the one to feed, cloth, pay for braces for and educate.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,403
|
Post by thyme4change on Oct 30, 2012 12:13:18 GMT -5
My kids made me a better person for a while, then it look a hard U-turn, and now I'm worse than ever.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,828
|
Post by taz157 on Oct 30, 2012 12:18:59 GMT -5
My kids made me a better person for a while, then it look a hard U-turn, and now I'm worse than ever.
|
|
Iggy aka IG
Senior Associate
Joined: Oct 25, 2012 12:23:23 GMT -5
Posts: 12,429
Location: Good ol' USA
|
Post by Iggy aka IG on Oct 30, 2012 12:33:34 GMT -5
Thyme, LOL! DH and I actually have an unofficial running tally of Reasons Why We Don't Have Kids. ie, if we hear screeching kids in a store, or a teenager doing something effed up on TV, we announce: Reason #2,806 we don't have kids. ;D It started in high school with me. Top 5 reasons: 1. I like my freedom. 2. I hate mornings. 3. I don't want to be responsible for another human. 4. I wouldn't want to pass along my horrible asthma to another human. etc. However, I am in agreement with others: It's heartbreaking when a woman wants to have a child and cannot. Also, the one child per couple rule in certain Chinese areas upset me, too.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 29, 2024 2:20:48 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 12:37:31 GMT -5
I liked MY babies, but I am not a fan of teenagers. I told my 16 year old I was about to abort him the other day. He didn't think I was very funny....I told him I wasn't joking!
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,865
|
Post by zibazinski on Oct 30, 2012 12:39:12 GMT -5
;D
|
|
Iggy aka IG
Senior Associate
Joined: Oct 25, 2012 12:23:23 GMT -5
Posts: 12,429
Location: Good ol' USA
|
Post by Iggy aka IG on Oct 30, 2012 12:41:50 GMT -5
I've had my 7 yo get upset at the puppy and tell me he doesn't want the puppy to live with us anymore. I told him "don't make me choose between the two of you... I may pick the one who is cute and furry and doesn't talk back".. he didn't see the humor... ;D
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 29, 2024 2:20:48 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 12:42:39 GMT -5
Kids really don't have a good sense of humor!
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,403
|
Post by thyme4change on Oct 30, 2012 12:44:18 GMT -5
We have just hit the age where the sense of humor is kicking in with our kids, and I have to come to grips with the fact that I have destroyed these perfectly lovely children with sarcasm.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 29, 2024 2:20:48 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 12:45:45 GMT -5
How old are your kids Thyme? Once they hit puberty they no longer have a sense of humor.
(Pushes Miss M off her pedestal, steels her trophy for Mother of the Year....and the crown too!)
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 29, 2024 2:20:48 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 12:46:49 GMT -5
Kids really don't have a good sense of humor! My Mom was visitting last week and I said something GW didn't like. As she was walking away she said "I'm sending you to a crappy home!" My Mom just about died laughing.
|
|