Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Oct 29, 2012 20:08:22 GMT -5
Ima, lol! Living room, stairs, kitchen counter... ;D
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quince
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Post by quince on Oct 29, 2012 20:26:47 GMT -5
I like the term child-free. It depends on the person. Sometimes I think. "They would have made good parents, because they are awesome people." But they are still awesome people, so no loss. Other times I think "Thank goodness. Dodged that bullet."
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Oct 29, 2012 20:35:24 GMT -5
I'm the breeder with 5 kids. I don't really think of someone without kids. I do think about a friend who has 5 kids...1 boy and 4 daughters. 4 TEENAGED DAUGHTERS!!!! Now that's scary. The 3 oldest, 17-16-14- have already all had the omgIthinkI'mpregnant!! scares. At the same time no less. But those people who have no kids....don't really think of them. As in, they aren't on my mind.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2012 20:37:25 GMT -5
Sometimes I worry about childless people when they get old ( such as my daughter ) and being left alone in the world in their eighties, and sometimes I think, by golly, they made some good choices. I know lots of people that had kids that end up alone when they get old. I find that sadder than not having kids in the first place.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 29, 2012 20:53:44 GMT -5
Sometimes I worry about childless people when they get old ( such as my daughter ) and being left alone in the world in their eighties, and sometimes I think, by golly, they made some good choices. I know lots of people that had kids that end up alone when they get old. I find that sadder than not having kids in the first place. I've now seen both of these situations in the volunteer work I do. I tell the childless women that I do this because I hope some day I hope somebody will do this type of volunteer work for me should I need it. I volunteer as a representative payee for people who are too elderly or too mentally ill to handle their own finances. I have five clients. I never married and have no children. I was in a long term relationship, waiting for the proposal and the baby. Proposal never came nor did the baby. I filled my life with cats and have spoiled each and every one of them. The guy I had the relationship with actually gave me a kitten at a time when I was feeling extremely broody. That was supposed to shut me up.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Oct 29, 2012 20:59:47 GMT -5
Ima, lol! Living room, stairs, kitchen counter... ;D In our state, when the kids leave home, sometimes people tell the parents, " Now you can turn your entire house into Naked Rooms ! " Or, the parents will happily mention that fact.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Oct 29, 2012 21:09:16 GMT -5
"What do you really think about people without children?"
I think you/they should live your/their own life the way you/they see fit.
Smile and ignore the comments.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Oct 29, 2012 21:13:24 GMT -5
Ima, lol! Living room, stairs, kitchen counter... ;D In our state, when the kids leave home, sometimes people tell the parents, " Now you can turn your entire house into Naked Rooms ! " Or, the parents will happily mention that fact. Rooms/dungeons/potato/vodka. ;D
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sbcalimom
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Post by sbcalimom on Oct 29, 2012 21:16:49 GMT -5
I always try to validate anyone I know who is childless by choice even though I do I have kids. A lot of people assume if you have kids you think everyone should but I totally don't. I think having kids is so ridiculously hard, exhausting, mind-numbing etc that you really need to want it to be any good at it. I also think a lot of people should NOT have kids.
My younger sister and several of my best friends all say they don't want kids. I always urge them not to make any permanent decisions until they are a little older (they're all in their mid-20s) but that there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids. They can still have a very full and wonderful life if they continue without kids.
My sister jokes that she'll just need to be an awesome aunt so that she doesn't end up old and alone but I really think that having kids just so that you can have someone take care of you when you're old is really dumb.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Oct 29, 2012 21:34:09 GMT -5
Mostly I envy them. DINKS have the best life. Ain't that the truth!! I had no plans on having children, so really don't think much, if anything, about it. Everyone has their own reasons for their choice or circumstance. The only people I feel really bad for are those who really WANT children and can't have them. I felt so guilty when I was pregnant with an "oops" baby knowing there were people out there who would be much better parents but couldn't be. I love my son more than anything, and wouldn't take it back, but completely understand those who don't want children
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Oct 29, 2012 21:48:02 GMT -5
Oh, another thought. No matter what, it will always be "wrong" to someone. I had people telling me all the time that I needed to have kids (one lady went so far as telling me I had to because I had perfect "child-bearing hips"). Considering I had DS right out of HS, this was all in a short time frame.
After I had DS, people freaked out on me that he'd be an only child and "how can you do that to him??"
I've heard enough crap from people about my choices, I'm not going to push anyone else.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2012 22:30:55 GMT -5
Oh Boy - I am really jealous of people who don't have kids. I love my kids, but miss the unencumbered lifestyle!!!
Your friends comments are weird and seem oddly judgmental. Do they assume that women without kids are not nurturing/loving or something? There are many many reasons that people might elect not to have kids, or not be able to have kids. Not sure I would take the leap of the uninformed that your 'friend' did.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Oct 29, 2012 22:52:50 GMT -5
I am barren but I know other people who don't have kids for other reasons besides not wanting any. My nephew married a woman who wouldn't be a good mother, he would have loved to have kids but his wife had too many emotional issues and they were both morbidly obese so it would be pretty hard. My friend is an alcoholic and had to tubes tied in her early 20's. She has been married and divorced 3 times to men she wouldn't have wanted kids with if she did want kids, she didn't think it was a good idea to have kids. I tried to get pregnant from 1967 to about 1980 then gave up but only took fertility drugs for a year or two because they could cause litters and I didn't want to have more than 2 at a time.
I have a lot of respect for people who don't bring children into the world when they know they couldn't be good parents. I don't know anyone who just doesn't want kids when they think they would be good parents. I have known some young ones but I still think they might decide later and have seen some that swore they would rather have gold fish than kids because if they get lippy you can flush them, but now they had two kids who already finished college and are great kids so just because young couples don't want any it doesn't mean they never will.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Oct 29, 2012 23:31:01 GMT -5
Oh Boy - I am really jealous of people who don't have kids. I love my kids, but miss the unencumbered lifestyle!!! Your friends comments are weird and seem oddly judgmental. Do they assume that women without kids are not nurturing/loving or something? There are many many reasons that people might elect not to have kids, or not be able to have kids. Not sure I would take the leap of the uninformed that your 'friend' did. I say weird and judgmental things sometimes, but fortunately my friends are nice enough to overlook my shittier moments and evaluate me more holistically. I try to do the same, but understand that I have revealed a couple of their crappier comments and people posting haven't had the opportunity to experience all of the lovely things they do and say 95% of the time. At the same time, I do think that my friend (and many others) think that people without kids are not as nurturing or loving or evolved. I can't tell you how many times people with children have told me I should have kids because having kids makes one a better person. We all have biases All in all, I think mothers get judged a lot more than I do as a non-mother.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Oct 29, 2012 23:37:14 GMT -5
I honestly wasn't worried I wouldn't be a good parent. I already helped raise two kids that weren't mine (first marriage) and I was given a lot of credit for the job I did. My step son said I did more for him in the first 2 years I was his mom than his real mom did in his entire life. I also had to help raise my two younger brothers before that when I was still a kid myself. I was done. And I was worried about what kind of kids we'd have. I know both sides of the families and wouldn't want to duplicate either! Had I had an "oops" I'd have had my child and would have given it my all. But since I had a choice I chose not to have any. Exactly! Which is the life I wanted and have not regretted it even once.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Oct 29, 2012 23:56:38 GMT -5
I always wanted children and just kind of never quite got around to having them. Sometimes in retrospect I wonder if I really did want them - lol. Seriously though, I was married for 5 years in my early 20's and divorced due to alcoholism (his) so I am glad we did not have kids together. Then I just never re-married - never really fell in love with the right person at the right time and did not want to be a mother by myself. Add in LTR with a wonderful man who had a vasectomy and then lupus with chemo so decision was kind of finalized for me at about 40 as I decided risks of lupus plus age were more than I wanted to battle.
Now at 50 I wish that I had children but accept that it just did not happen for me. I have been blessed to have been an important part of the lives of of my friends kids which is fun. I would rather not have had children then have had to raise them in a bad situation. Unfortunately the choices I was faced with in my life were not the ones I would want but IMHO that is the way life is.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Oct 29, 2012 23:58:29 GMT -5
Thyme, LMAO at your posts on pg 1. DH and I were DINKS - it was the life we chose (and I grew up in a relatively big family and knew what a joy as well as chaos hectic life it was with kids).
I have 6 nieces/nephews + 7 Gr. nieces/nephews on my side of the family alone now that are the light of my life. That's enough for me and I'm satisified with my choices. (Plus I can send them home or leave their house when they start to get on my nerves). ;D
My brother and his wife had infertility problems, and wanted a family desperately - they ended up adopting 2 adorable babies that grew to be wonderful adults.. and I'm glad for him and them.
Each family has their own choices to make for their own reasons - and I would never judge someone on their decisions one way or the other. If they choose to be saddled down with 5 kids or live with none, it's their life - not mine.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 0:20:34 GMT -5
I respect childless people that know themselves well enough to know they don't want to or shouldn't be parents. I've been a little envious of their freedom at times.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Oct 30, 2012 0:31:22 GMT -5
I've never given it any thought, really. My daughter can't have children. My son has 3. DD has enjoyed spoiling DS's offspring. Sometimes, people are childless by choice, sometimes by circumstance. Either way, if they're happy they're golden in my eyes.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 1:00:23 GMT -5
I don't think anything about childless couple except...damn they are smart! I guess I kind of look like a breeder since we have 4 kids (1 adopted from India). People seem really confused by our adopted daughter (not sure why!). I have had people come up and ask me "is her father Indian?" UHM...why yes...yes he is. Then they look at my other kids.... I have had one person come up and ask me what she is mixed with. My neighbor in Italy was talking to me the first day we met and DD came out. Neighbor stopped in mid sentence and said "are you adopted?" It would never occur to me to ask these types of questions.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 1:11:49 GMT -5
I will also admit to being a bit judgmental of people who have an assload of kids even though I have an assload (hey I am not really a breeder since I only gave birth to 2 of the 4). DSD has a friend that is 1 of 10. The parents both work and supposedly home school most of the kids. They also get state aid because both of their jobs together cannot support all those kids. They want to have more. That kind of pisses me off. They are the same religion as the Duggars so they do not believe in birth control. They will have as many kids as God wants them to have. Yup....I am all kinds of judgmental about that.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 30, 2012 5:42:48 GMT -5
I think each person/couple has their own reasons, some of which may not be by choice, and I hope they choose to do what is best for them and not for someone else.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Oct 30, 2012 7:25:28 GMT -5
I love my kids and sometimes I even like them. If I hadn't had them, of course my life would have been different. I never regret it but I do understand why people just plain don't have them. Zib, saved me some typing. Mostly, I just don't care if someone doesn't have kids. That's their business and it doesn't affect me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 8:40:37 GMT -5
I guess i really wonder if they are enjoying life without children. Our children are the greatest joys and loves of our lives. I simply cannot imagine going through life without them. And, we have some childless friends. Whenever we stay at their home it seems sooooo quiet and lonely and a bit depressing to not hear kids coming in and out, to not see the "life" of the house where kids live, shows on the floor, homework in the kitchen and all of that. Of course people who choose not to have children enjoy their lives. That's silly to have the idea that only children can give "true" meaning to life. There are so many other facets of one's life that can give intense joy and deep meaning. I think it's insulting to people who choose a child free life to imply their lives are somewhat "less". And, on the other hand, i see some childless people who make derogatory comments about children. Goes both ways you know.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 8:42:11 GMT -5
I don't think anything about childless couple except...damn they are smart!
Smart about what? If that is the choice they make fine for them. But, it isn't a question of intelligence one way or the other.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 30, 2012 8:43:57 GMT -5
Of course people who choose not to have children enjoy their lives. That's silly to have the idea that only children can give "true" meaning to life. There are so many other facets of one's life that can give intense joy and deep meaning. I think it's insulting to people who choose a child free life to imply their lives are somewhat "less". And, on the other hand, i see some childless people who make derogatory comments about children. Goes both ways you know. Just like you did about childless people not enjoying life because they don't have children and the resulting chaos?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 30, 2012 8:47:37 GMT -5
What counts as a "derogatory comment"? I love kids, but if yours is running around shrieking or drawing on the walls, I'm probably going to say something you won't like.
I've found that the people who are quickest to accuse childless people of being "kid haters" are usually the ones whose kids are out of control. Just my experience.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 8:47:48 GMT -5
So, we are gonna twist words? The OP asked how WE feel. I said when in am in the home of my childless friends that i feel lonely. And, i have a friend that wanted to have children and could not and this still is an issue for her and she has said she feels lonely on that level.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2012 8:48:34 GMT -5
What counts as a "derogatory comment"? I love kids, but if yours is running around shrieking or drawing on the walls, I'm probably going to say something you won't like. So, the assumption is the my kids misbehave or what?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 30, 2012 8:50:40 GMT -5
Talk about twisting words. I just asked what counts as a derogatory comment. There is a difference between "wow, I can't believe you have kids, kids are so gross" and "hey, please ask your child to stop tormenting my cat."
I've never heard anyone IRL say anything derogatory about having kids, but then I don't have kids so I'm probably not as attuned to that as a parent would be.
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