muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 26, 2012 11:20:20 GMT -5
Would you do that if you had to work the next day? Because that is what this guy did. His job is to take care of his child and he didn't show up to do it.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 26, 2012 11:21:52 GMT -5
How drunk do you have to be to pass out? Is that before or after (or in lieu of) the puking stage?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 26, 2012 11:23:13 GMT -5
He didn't even call in sick! I have missed work before, but I always called.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Oct 26, 2012 11:26:52 GMT -5
Dude, if playing devil's advocate = wife not speaking to you, you probably need to re-think the way you go about talking about the situation. Something that won't get you being the bad guy.
"I'd have never done to you last night what (guy) did to (girl) last night. But in (guy's) head he probably had some justification going on. Like not wanting to drive drunk or whatever."
Anyway, I think that dude was being a total jackass. Is it okay to go out and celebrate with your friends? yes. Is it okay to do that when you have a kid to take care of the next day and a wife at home worrying about you that has no idea where you are? HELL NO. GROW UP! You have a little life to take care of, so you can't spend yours acting like a college kid at a kegger!
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Oct 26, 2012 11:27:34 GMT -5
How drunk do you have to be to pass out? Is that before or after (or in lieu of) the puking stage? Depends on the person....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2012 11:32:27 GMT -5
Getting involved in anyone else's pissing contests simply isn't worth the energy to do so. Whatever he does or doesn't do or who is right or who is wrong, is up to them to sort out. Of course, you need to make amends with your wife. That is priority number one.
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Jake 48
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Post by Jake 48 on Oct 26, 2012 11:40:12 GMT -5
Immature arse, turning 30 is not an excuse to be irresponsible, he has wife and child. Cawiau, I mean no disrespect to you but IMO, based on your posts every time there is a problem with your families, they call you. I would tell them to stay out of your life.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 26, 2012 11:42:18 GMT -5
Immature arse, turning 30 is not an excuse to be irresponsible, he has wife and child. Cawiau, I mean no disrespect to you but IMO, based on your posts every time there is a problem with your families, they call you. I would tell them to stay out of your life.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Oct 26, 2012 11:42:36 GMT -5
Dude is a jackass. His job is to be home so the Mom & Grandma can go to work. He left them holding the bag, having to find daycare arrangements or having to miss work. I'm surprised you are even thinking this is not a big deal. How would you feel if you ended up missing work because someone else was irresponsible? Is that any different than someone not coming to work & not calling because they needed a night out & accidently passed out? How is it acceptable for a SAHD to behave this way & not your employees (or is it acceptable at your job)?
BTW - My ex did this to me once & he wasn't even my ex yet, this was even before DD was born. I had one backup person to call & they were busy, so I had to miss work. That was the last time I ever counted on him being there for DS. DS got signed up for daycare the next day. Ex did a lot of bitching after that because WE didn't have as much money since I was paying for daycare & he was unemployed. But, sorry - I can't afford to be fired because I can't count on him, so daycare it was.
If you are a SAHD, then that is your f'ing job & you need to be there to do that job so that others in the family can go to their paying jobs.
Sorry cawiau, you are totally wrong on this one. Short of him ending up in the hospital, that was unexcusable childish behavior - he screwed his family just to go out & have some fun. I don't blame your wife for saying if you act like this, then just don't come home at all.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 26, 2012 11:44:08 GMT -5
I'd be crazy pissed. Not calling to let me know you're alive, and then leaving me to work out last minute daycare arrangements because you were freaking drunk?
I'd probably have the locks changed too. I'm not saying I'd leave him over one incident, but I'd want my point made that you can't screw me over like that and not expect there to be consequences.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 26, 2012 11:44:29 GMT -5
If you feel you deserve a 24 hour blackout drunk day, then make the appropriate arrangements before hand. If you mess up and get too drunk to come home, at least call so people can cover for you. I don't expect perfection - but just appear like you have a basic level of responsiblity and concern for your family turning 30 is a big deal and I don't care that he went out with his friends and got drunk. No call, no show is a problem.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 26, 2012 11:44:52 GMT -5
Or, have them still call, but tell your wife if every time her cousin has a fight with her husband she is going to fight with you - then you guys are in for a hard road. And you are not helping. Why did you guys actually discuss this stuff? When she gets all worked up, just say in a completely flat, monotone, disinterested manner something like "Good thing you aren't married to a jerk like that. I agree with whatever you are saying." And then leave the room. But, if you two have to have a fight over someone else's marriage every single time, then you guys will never find peace.
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nalto
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Post by nalto on Oct 26, 2012 11:45:39 GMT -5
Well the way I see it, there's two ways this could have gone down:
You, in the back of your mind, think "man, women are crazy" and agree with your wife.
You, in the back of your mind, think "man, women aren't crazy" and agree with your wife.
This whole hypothetical "what would you have done if it was you" situation thing is trouble. So just agree with the wife, and move on to something that actually matters.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2012 11:46:25 GMT -5
I really don't think it is a big deal. If is an abberation and he was out celebrating his birthday or whatever. Unless he is just some irresponsible person, i think we can cut each other some slack in our relationships.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 26, 2012 11:46:41 GMT -5
Sorry cawiau, you are totally wrong on this one. Short of him ending up in the hospital, that was unexcusable childish behavior - he screwed his family just to go out & have some fun. I don't blame your wife for saying if you act like this, then just don't come home at all.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 26, 2012 11:46:59 GMT -5
When she gets all worked up, just say in a completely flat, monotone, disinterested manner something like "Good thing you aren't married to a jerk like that. I agree with whatever you are saying." And then leave the room. But, if you two have to have a fight over someone else's marriage every single time, then you guys will never find peace. I'm honestly surprised Carl did not see his wife's reaction coming. What did you think was going to happen?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 26, 2012 11:47:00 GMT -5
Or, have them still call, but tell your wife if every time her cousin has a fight with her husband she is going to fight with you - then you guys are in for a hard road. And you are not helping. Why did you guys actually discuss this stuff? When she gets all worked up, just say in a completely flat, monotone, disinterested manner something like "Good thing you aren't married to a jerk like that. I agree with whatever you are saying." And then leave the room. But, if you two have to have a fight over someone else's marriage every single time, then you guys will never find peace. Smile and nod.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 26, 2012 11:47:06 GMT -5
Immature arse, turning 30 is not an excuse to be irresponsible, he has wife and child. Cawiau, I mean no disrespect to you but IMO, based on your posts every time there is a problem with your families, they call you. I would tell them to stay out of your life. No, no. We need the extended family trainwrecks to watch, in between Doxie and Dark threads!
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Oct 26, 2012 11:50:28 GMT -5
When she gets all worked up, just say in a completely flat, monotone, disinterested manner something like "Good thing you aren't married to a jerk like that. I agree with whatever you are saying." And then leave the room. But, if you two have to have a fight over someone else's marriage every single time, then you guys will never find peace. I'm honestly surprised Carl did not see his wife's reaction coming. What did you think was going to happen? he can always come here and talk to us about the craziness. We can give him all kinds of opinions. But he kinda needs to keep Mrs C talking to him
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 26, 2012 11:50:43 GMT -5
I really don't think it is a big deal. If is an abberation and he was out celebrating his birthday or whatever. Unless he is just some irresponsible person, i think we can cut each other some slack in our relationships. So, you've gone out, gotten drunk and just not shown up for your job. That is what he did. Why are you acting like this isn't a job? That is exactly what it is if he is going to claim to be a SAHD. Real SAHDs know their job is to be there so their wife can get to work in the morning. Would you be saying the same thing if it was a SAHM who got trashed with the girls the night before and wasn't home when her husband had to get to work? What about a coworker that just didn't show up and you were counting on him or her for something that day? Why does he get a pass because "oh poor SAHD deserves a night out"? Sure, but it needs to be planned for and other arrangements for the child need to be made. Period.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 26, 2012 11:52:47 GMT -5
I really don't think it is a big deal. If is an abberation and he was out celebrating his birthday or whatever. Unless he is just some irresponsible person, i think we can cut each other some slack in our relationships. Behavior like this would tell me that I can't count on dh to hold up his end of the deal. There are a lot of things that I can cut him slack for and vice versa, but we would have serious issues to work through and trust would have to be regained if this happened in my marriage. I didn't have kids with him when we were 21 specifically so that we could act like asses and get it out of our system.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 26, 2012 11:57:05 GMT -5
I would cut DH some slack if it was a weekend, but I'd be steamed if I had to scramble for last minute childcare so I could go to work. Most jobs do not appreciate you calling in last minute because you can't find child care.
My MIL would also be pissed as well. She does not mind watching Gwen but she would not appreciate having do it at last minute because her son never bothered to come home last night.
If the plan was he would stay out all night and I knew in advance that would be different, I could either schedule the day off or called MIL ahead of time.
But to leave me counting on him coming home all night only to find out in the morning he decided not to bother, leaving ME to clean up the mess so I can go out and earn us a paycheck, he'd be in some serious hot water.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Oct 26, 2012 12:00:20 GMT -5
Sorry C, but I gotta agree with most of the others here. If a man makes a baby, it's time to grow up, & take off the party hat. Whatever a man does, he always has to keep the care & safety of his child (and wife) as his priority.
I don't mean he can never have fun again. But it involves planning ahead, making sure the child is being cared for. NOT dumping off the responsibility on his wife, or other family members, and just "running away" for a few hours. This 30-year-old has some serious growing up to do....
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 26, 2012 12:01:21 GMT -5
If this is the cousin I'm thinking (the one who refuses to get a job and whose wife had a mental breakdown because she's supporting him, her child, and about half a million in debt service), it sounds like he is an irresponsible person.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 26, 2012 12:02:02 GMT -5
If this is the cousin I'm thinking (the one whose wife had a mental breakdown because she's supporting him, her child, and about half a million in debt service, and who refuses to get a job), it sounds like he is an irresponsible personasshole.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2012 12:04:44 GMT -5
Well the way I see it, there's two ways this could have gone down: You, in the back of your mind, think "man, women are crazy" and agree with your wife. You, in the back of your mind, think "man, women aren't crazy" and agree with your wife. This whole hypothetical "what would you have done if it was you" situation thing is trouble. So just agree with the wife, and move on to something that actually matters. or as my father taught me "yes dear" "no dear" "i have no excuse dear" married to my mom for 53 years.....and keeping the "arguments" to a minimum i guarantee you was a part of that
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 26, 2012 12:06:47 GMT -5
Well I think Cawaiu and his wife should be able to discuss it - he shouldn't have to nod and smile to keep the peace - but without knowing exactly how the conversation went, it's hard to say whether Mrs. C was justified in flying off the handle.
"What, he deserves to go out on his birthday, I'd do it too!" is a lot different from "Well, he probably thought he was doing the right thing at the time."
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 26, 2012 12:08:43 GMT -5
That is really the key here. I know that carl likes to argue with his wife, and finds ways to irritate her that are totally unneccesary. They must have awesome make-up sex. But, my marriage is good because my husband and I save our fighting to be about things that matter to us. Things we actually care about. Things that actually effect us. We don't fight about who is right when the friends down the street are fighting. In fact, right now our friends down the street are fighting, and he thinks the guy is right, I think the gal has a valid point. But, until their problem is our problem - who cares. I don't really know what is going on down there, and I don't really care.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2012 12:17:53 GMT -5
I sort of agree. I would say to my wife, if you think I would do that, then you don't know me. that would usually get her more pissed. it probably went something like this: Cawaii - what he did wasn't that bad, maybe he was just being responsible to not drive and he forgot to call Wife - oh, so is that what you think is responsible, if you ever do that stay right where you are, we are through. Cawaii - Why do you think I would do that? Do you even know me? Wife - you think what he did was fine. Why wouldn't I think you would do it? cawaii - I didn't say what he did was fine, I just said I understood and I don't really think it is that big of a deal. wife - not a big deal? You are a friggen a-hole. I hate you cawaii - I didn't even do anything.. how the hell did I get here? Exactly how it went down! Just because I didn't think it was a big deal made me an asshole by association. We didn't have like a huge argument over it (and yes I do like to piss my wife off by playing the devil's advocate) but more her getting irritate with me for taking his side or not agreeing with her. We are meeting in 15 minutes to go to lunch at the Ihop by my job, so it's all cool.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 26, 2012 12:18:10 GMT -5
Well I think Cawaiu and his wife should be able to discuss it - he shouldn't have to nod and smile to keep the peace - but without knowing exactly how the conversation went, it's hard to say whether Mrs. C was justified in flying off the handle
DH and I have debates that can get heated but he also knows when not to yank my chain or it'll blow up in his face.
From the way I read it Mrs C blew up when she said if Carl did something like that he could just stay gone and he said "Is that a promise?"
I wouldn't fly off the handle that DH agreed with the dude, but I'd take him asking me if that was a promise as a hit below the belt and things would probably turn into an actual fight.
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