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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2012 9:30:25 GMT -5
And what drove that decision for you? Emotions? Finances? Scheduling? A little of everything?
We both agree on the timeline (2-3 years) but can't seem to agree on how many. She wants 1 and I want at least 2 ( max 3).
I know she gets the veto power when it comes to it but I still can't accept the idea of having just 1; I dunno.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 14, 2012 9:32:41 GMT -5
I wanted 1, DH wanted 2. I had an oops 7 months after DS was born. We have 2
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Oct 14, 2012 9:38:45 GMT -5
Is it the thought of going through a second pregnancy for your wife? If so, adopt?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2012 9:40:28 GMT -5
3 for us. And, i am not a "kid" person particularly or at least i wasn't until i had my own. For me, i wanted my children to have siblings. Partly because i have a very small family and no other relatives and that type of support group. I didn't want to have an only child who would then perhaps feel alone in the world when we were no longer here. And, really after you have the first one, you already have all the stuff so subsequent children is pretty easy really. And, if i could have, i would have had a 4th child but time ran out for me and my body would not cooperate. But, you dont' have to decide now anyway. If you want to have a child, then by all means, get busy. And, after you do, it will become clear whether you want additional children or not or how that will fit into your lives. I will say that i had my 2 sons very close together. They are less than 2 yrs apart. And, they have been the absolute best of friends all of their lives. They have an incredible bond, they enjoy each other's company. And, when one is gone, the other one really misses him. My 16 yr old son and I were talking about truck drivers and what kind of life that would be as a career, etc. And, i said sometimes truckers travel in pairs. And, he said the only person he could stand to be around all the time would be his brother. He said that they get along great and never fight and he doesn't understand his friends who fight with their brothers all the time. Pretty sweet really. Of course, my younger dd tends to get left out with her brothers but i make it up with a lot of Mom and daughter time and we have a great time too. You won't regret having children. It is the MOST important thing i have ever done in my life. And, my life is totally about my family and i wouldn't want it any other way.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Oct 14, 2012 9:41:17 GMT -5
I don't have kids so I'm not sure, but after you have one, you may change your mind. Four hours of babysitting exhausts me. I highly doubt I could do it full time.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 14, 2012 9:43:55 GMT -5
At least 2, for sure. If you have just have one, you'll constantly have to entertain him/her. If you have 2, they'll entertain each other. My friend who has one often calls me to send down a kid so she can get stuff done around the house.
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quince
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Post by quince on Oct 14, 2012 9:48:40 GMT -5
I want 2, Husband wants at least 1. I'm withholding my final commitment to 2 until after the first one is out for a few months.
Eh...it'll be good to have a spare in case the first one is insufficiently nerdy? If I pop out a dumb jock I need a back-up plan?
Nah- I grew up with a brother- 2 just sounds right to me.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2012 9:51:46 GMT -5
Originally after first DS was born, I was thinking I wanted 3. I kept all his things for 8 years even after a divorce because I just felt I wasn't done yet. After second son was born, it was over. I just felt it in my gut. I couldn't financially, physically or mentally deal with a third.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2012 9:53:58 GMT -5
Eh...it'll be good to have a spare in case the first one is insufficiently nerdy? If I pop out a dumb jock I need a back-up plan?
LOL. My two are complete opposites and it really makes things interesting. One is the cautious nerd and the other the fearless jock.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Oct 14, 2012 10:03:13 GMT -5
I always wanted at least two. I really wanted six, but I couldn't afford it nor did i marry correctly the first time. So, I had two with XH. They're four years apart because I didn't want two in diapers at the same time. DH2 had two also. We really wanted two together, but it would have destroyed all retirement plans. I'm quite happy with our life as it is, but do feel a twinge of sadness when I think about that we didn't have kids together.
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Colleenz
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Post by Colleenz on Oct 14, 2012 10:09:43 GMT -5
You don't really need to decide if/when on #2 until you get to #1. A lot of things can change.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Oct 14, 2012 10:10:35 GMT -5
At least 2, for sure. If you have just have one, you'll constantly have to entertain him/her. If you have 2, they'll entertain each other. Definitely depends on the kid. I have two, but they are 10 years apart, so it is almost like raising two only children. They have vastly different personalities, but neither require/required that I constantly entertain them.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 14, 2012 10:11:58 GMT -5
You don't really need to decide if/when on #2 until you get to #1. A lot of things can change.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 14, 2012 10:14:09 GMT -5
I always wanted at least two. I really wanted six, but I couldn't afford it nor did i marry correctly the first time. So, I had two with XH. They're four years apart because I didn't want two in diapers at the same time. DH2 had two also. We really wanted two together, but it would have destroyed all retirement plans. I'm quite happy with our life as it is, but do feel a twinge of sadness when I think about that we didn't have kids together. At first I thought I wanted my kids farther apart and not to have 2 in diapers at once. Mine are 17 months apart, so it's like they're twins. I'm glad I did it that way. The baby stage is done at once, one activity works for both, and they can play on some of the same teams like soccer and baseball.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Oct 14, 2012 10:21:16 GMT -5
Right now I am at 0 and would be happy to stay that way. Our beagle was spayed on Friday. Friday night I was up with her, cleaning up when she peed on the floor, taking her outside, cleaning up her projectile vomiting, taking her outside, trying to help her get comfortable, etc. Then I got up at 6 to go run a half marathon. DH slept through it. I told him that is why I am at 0 on the number of kids I want.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2012 10:28:22 GMT -5
I wanted my 2 in diapers at the same time. For me, why not just do the diaper, sleepless nights, sippy cups, thing as close together as possible and then you move on to the next phase. I found that easier with my first 2 since they were so close in age. I did'n't mind that at all. Then, when dd came along 4 yrs later, i had to start that phase over again. And, it is nice to plan and think about but there are a lot of factors, life issues, etc that come along and may prevent you from having as many as you want or may make you decide you would like more children.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 14, 2012 10:32:56 GMT -5
Or kill each other... I'm leaning toward one, maybe two, but no more than two. DH is on the same page. My problem with two is that if I'm going to have them, I want them to be close together... but seeing my mom's experience with Irish twins may have scarred me for life
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2012 10:37:38 GMT -5
Mine are 8 years apart and it works for me. I found after ODS was 5 or 6 that I was missing the infant stage and ready to do it again. Second son has been way more enjoyable for me because for one, I've "been there, done that" and don't worry about him nearly as much, but also because I know he's the end of the line. I'm in no hurry for him to move on through the milestones or grow up in any way. I'm just cherishing every moment. With my first I was always so anxious for him to crawl, walk, talk, go to preschool, start kindy, etc.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Oct 14, 2012 10:38:41 GMT -5
Spacing on kids: Haven't you ever heard? At least 10 feet apart! I wanted 2 or 3. I had absolutely miserable pregnancies, but was lucky enough to have 1 of each, so we quit while we were ahead. The teen years are SO expensive (braces, activities, etc.), and now that we've got one in college, I'm glad we had the two. I agree with other posters that when I'm old, I don't want one child dealing with everything by themself.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Oct 14, 2012 11:06:27 GMT -5
If I'm going to be painfully honest, I had only one because I didn't want any, but acted stupid, and here I am. I do love him like crazy, and would never give any of it up, but I was not going to have another one just because people expected me to. I was still getting told, when he was 12, that I "needed" to have another one so he wouldn't be an only child. Yeah, I wasn't even dating anyone, my son was almost a teenager, but I was supposed to go out and get pregnant so he could have a sibling? Nope I was one of five, second to last. There was the oldest, the oldest son and the baby, but a sister and I were the middle children, and we WERE "middle children". I hated it, my parent's really should have stopped with three so the middle child was the only boy and all would have been "special". Having just the one has worked out for me. I was able to afford sending him to private school for 8 years, couldn't do that with two kids. I've taken him on three different European vacations, and am planning a big one for the summer before his senior year. He earns his own money, isn't spoiled, and is a pretty good kid. No, he doesn't have siblings to play with or fight with, but he's pretty independent and I'm sure he'll be ok. I have four siblings and not close to any of them (was close to my older sister/fellow middle child after she moved out, but not so much anymore).
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2012 11:23:05 GMT -5
I wanted three, DH wanted one or none, and we ended up with one. There were a lot of factors in the decision because life threw us a ton of curveballs around having kids. I had a very bad pregnancy that required me to be hospitalized, on bedrest, with numerous medications and IV's. I couldn't drive. The medical bills were huge. The condition is likely to happen again. DS had severe colic and we found out that DH has a kidney disorder that is exacerbated by lack of sleep. Children = no sleep. DH also has a bit of PTSD from the colic.
Lots of crying on my part, a few therapy sessions with DH and we decided one was best for us. There's lots of advantages to having one - there's more adult time, easier to find babysitters, more money, easier to do activities, etc. I've been told by lots of parents that going from zero to one kid was way easier than going from one to two children. My mom's group split into two because the moms with two kids never leave the house anymore. Hopefully that will change as their children get older.
Some kids will play with their siblings but some won't. A lot seems to depend on spacing. DS is three and can play by himself because we've worked on teaching him. He will set up a jigsaw puzzle and work on it by himself. We also take him out a lot, plant lots of playdates, and send him to preschool so he can have some interaction. DS gets lots more interaction with kids than a lot of sibling groups.
It also really depends on your stamina. I have a friend with a kid on the spectrum and she was bound and determined to have another. It's a challenge every minute.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 14, 2012 11:24:26 GMT -5
You don't really need to decide if/when on #2 until you get to #1. A lot of things can change. We have 2 Ooops babies. I was 37 when we got the 1st one. Like Swamp, the 2nd one came along a few months later. If I was younger, we'd have discussed a 3rd more seriously than we did. But I'm 42 and I don't like the odds. DH was much more of a No for a 3rd. He got fixed a few months after our 2nd was born. And he did think about "what if Beth dies/we get divorced/etc." He's done with 2. But he's agreed to discuss fostering in the future.
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Post by illinicheme on Oct 14, 2012 11:31:19 GMT -5
DH and I are waiting on our first. We'll see how that goes and then decide if we want more.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 14, 2012 12:03:03 GMT -5
xH and I wanted four but had fertility issues. I am very happy with the two I do have
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Oct 14, 2012 12:40:09 GMT -5
You don't really need to decide if/when on #2 until you get to #1. A lot of things can change. I had always thought I would have 4 kids. By the time I had my second I knew I didn't want more. My kids are 18mo apart and I absolutely love it.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2012 13:25:15 GMT -5
I had one. I would have liked to have had a second but it just didn't happen. It's probably just as well. DS turned to be a bit high-maintenance as an adolescent and I ended up as a single mother after I divorced his father. I count my blessings.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 14, 2012 13:41:56 GMT -5
You could have twins then it's all settled!
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Oct 14, 2012 14:16:28 GMT -5
Reading through the responses seems that:
-those that had kids are happy they had them, and happy with the number and spacing, even if that number/spacing differed from what they had "planned."
Planning can be so overrated! Life happens! Enjoy!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 14, 2012 14:21:15 GMT -5
I'm okay with the spacing and very okay with the sex. Got one of each. First was a surprise and the second was wanted for a vey long time.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2012 14:31:24 GMT -5
Reading through the responses seems that: -those that had kids are happy they had them, and happy with the number and spacing, even if that number/spacing differed from what they had "planned." Planning can be so overrated! Life happens! Enjoy! Not if I get fixed after then first one
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