Kids, how many?

[zibazinski]

If you're planning on everything being first class for said child then perhaps one makes sense. If you and your wife can scale back on your list of must haves, then two may be doable but if you have to have expensive house, private schools, the best of this and that, it gets harder when you add in extra kids.

[vonna]

Oct 14, 2012 14:31:24 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Oct 14, 2012 14:16:28 GMT -5 vonna said:

Reading through the responses seems that:

-those that had kids are happy they had them, and happy with the number and spacing, even if that number/spacing differed from what they had "planned."

Planning can be so overrated! Life happens! Enjoy!

Not if I get fixed after then first one

Yep, means you will not have anymore (unless the "fix" fails, as has been known to occur) but, your wife still could!

[zibazinski]

;D. Good one!

[Miss Tequila]

Before I had kids I always wanted 3. DH only wanted 1 so we compromised on 2. I am an only child and I have always regretted not having a sibling to share life with. having only one child was a dealbreaker for me.

[muttleynfelix]

Before we got married, DH and I said we would have 2 kids in about 4 years and they would be 2-3 years apart. About 2 years in dh wasn't real sure about having kids. He eventually came around and DS arrived right on that original schedule. That first year, I would have killed someone if they mentioned number 2. I did not want DS to be an only child, but having a second scared the crap out of me. We eventually decided that our desire to have number 2 before dh got too old or the age gap with DS was too much that they wouldn't really entertain each other overruled any lingering feelings of doubt and decided to go for it. Nothing about this pregnancy has been easy. You could not pay me enough money to be pregnant again. Fortunately, I find I love having an almost 3 year old and the independence he has. I think the age gap will work well at least for DH and myself. Hopefully, they will entertain each other, but more importantly I hope they have the bond with each other that DH and I have with our siblings. Since DH will be old enough to get social security by the time they graduate high school, I think it is more important that they have each other as they get older. Maybe it won't work out that way, but at least we have given them that opportunity.

[muttleynfelix]

So, even though everything has ended up on our original time line, it really was a lot more fluid than that. Just be flexible. Don't try to cram everything into a preconceived idea of what everything should be. Deal with what things are and how you feel about them at that time.

[Deleted]

I wanted NONE growing up, then ended up with four!

Like Vonna says, life happens!

Later in life I wanted 3, my ex wanted two. I respected that so we had two, in very close succession. (It took me 13 months to get pregnant the first time, so we figured we'd better start early on Number 2. Of course I got pregnant first try so they are 20 months apart.) Then my ex finally decided he wanted a third, I was elated. I did NOT realize he wanted the third to "cure" him of his mistress (which of course didn't happen).

Then DH came along a year after my ex left. DH was living the lifestyle of a FT dad to three kids under 7 (7, 5, 1). He wanted a bio child, and he wanted us to have one of our own. So, we had a fourth. DH has always been (and still is) a rock-star stepdad to the older two, as well as Dad to the third as well as the fourth.

Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan! But, NO regrets!

Although the two oldest were boys just 20 months apart, they couldn't stand the sight of each other. I used to pray that neither would kill the other before they turned 18 (and I'm not particularly religious lol).

Then when DS1 was 17, he gave a DS2 a very last-minute 16th birthday present, a ticket to a concert DS1 and his friends were going to. DS2's friends were sad not to spend the evening with DS2, so they decided to go too.

The rest is history! DS1 and DS2 became best friends that night, and they still are best friends to this day. They also hang with each other's friends, even if the other one is not there. They are 26 and 24 now.

[Regis]

We wanted three and have three. 30 months between the first two and 26 months between the last two. Like others, we wouldn't have changed anything. They're 21, 18 and 17 (later this week) now.

[teen persuasion]

We've got 5. The older ones are about 2.5-3 years apart, DS5 is 6.5 years after DS4 (surprise!). When I told DH I was expecting DS5, he told me we'd need to have another, "He'll be lonely". Sorry, no, the minivan only holds 7 - that's it.

Transportation aside, I decided I was done w/ 5 more because of my age. I was nearly 38 when DS5 was born; another would put me ~40, and I didn't want to tempt fate. I realize how blessed we are to have 5 healthy, happy, intelligent kids.

I enjoyed being pregnant and being a SAHM w/ the little ones all the time. I even did some child care in my home when the 2 oldest were young (another brother-sister pair, so I was caring for 4 kids under 4 years old). Two and a half years apart was pretty good spacing in my eyes - the oldest was mature enough to be something of a helper when the new baby came along (rather than still a baby themselves), but close enough in age that they could play together. The gap between DS4 and DS5 was more pesty - I had just gotten DS4 in school, and had to start all over again.

[Deleted]

Not just entertain each other, but well, I knew when I had the first it would be unfair to him if I made him solely responsible/recipient for the immense love I felt on his birth... one person shouldn't have to be another persons world, if that makes any sense...

I would have had 3 if it happened early on, it didn't, and eventually we decided 2 worked...

[raeoflyte]

My baby making decisions have been 100% emotional/hormonal based. Our 2nd is due in 6 weeks. I would still really like to adopt a sibling pair/group in the next few years. That however would require that I quadruple our income, so we'll see. I don't think that I would try to get pregnant again, but truth be told I think about trying 1 more time.

Our plan has been to get rid of the baby stuff after this one since we know we won't have another one for a while. I'm already getting nostalgic though, so I might offer to store things a bit longer for dsil to finally decide to get with the baby making.

[MarleyKeezy78]

DH and I planned on zero kids and then had a oops and we have the most awesome three yr old boy He rocks so much and is laid back and really a easy kid! We talked about having another but know that one is enough and we are so lucky to have him and know if we try again we could end up like sis inlaw and have more kids than we could handle and I don't want to end up in a insane asylum ;D Another part of the reason for not having another is money, we can take great care of DS but know if we were to have more, much less a girl we would significantly increase costs and it's not really in the cards.

[zibazinski]

There are times I wish I had stopped with one. DS was such a good child.

[DVM gone riding]

Oct 14, 2012 10:32:56 GMT -5 midjd said:

If you have 2, they'll entertain each other.

Or kill each other...

I'm leaning toward one, maybe two, but no more than two. DH is on the same page. My problem with two is that if I'm going to have them, I want them to be close together... but seeing my mom's experience with Irish twins may have scarred me for life

Yeah my brothers are 18 mos apart--my mom says a) she wouldn't wish that on any one b) she thought at least they would have a playmate/be friends but they always fought a lot and even as adults don't get along--I get along great with my oldest brother and his wife, the middle did really end up being the odd kid out.

[Phoenix84]

Still a long ways from having kids. But I'm With Cawaiu, 2 would be ideal, I could conceed on three, but no more. I'm not cut out to be in a big family. I'd feel bad just having one, since they wouldn't have a sibling.

[Wisconsin Beth]

About 30 minutes ago, I'd have cheerfully given up both of mine...

[whoisjohngalt]

I always wanted 3 and so did my DH, but good people of YM told me that I am wrong and selfish for having a "middle" child. I would have listen to them and have another one, but I am too old and tired, so we just have 3

Lena

[taz157]

DH is 1 of 4 (i.e., "baby") and I'm the oldest of 2. DH would like 4 and I would like 2. Right now, we have 1.

DH and I are going to sit down next spring to talk about it more (once the holidays and my work's busy season is over). We semi talked about it a couple of days ago and we did decide that we would like another one, just not sure when. The main reason is money, mostly daycare costs.

[Deleted]

Oct 14, 2012 14:33:18 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

If you're planning on everything being first class for said child then perhaps one makes sense. If you and your wife can scale back on your list of must haves, then two may be doable but if you have to have expensive house, private schools, the best of this and that, it gets harder when you add in extra kids.

It is not just about finances and what we think it we will be able to afford.

For me it is partly emotional with wanting 2-3 kids. I guess I am thinking about it too positively : my kids knowing that there is someone outhere besides mom/dad that they can call if they ever need to talk, that always have their back and will understand them no matter how weird/corny/crazy others might find them.

It's also that with our distance from family members, my kid(s) won't be as close to cousins, aunts and uncles as I would like because they will only see them maybe 1-2 a year just re-inforce my deside to have more than 1.

I dunno, stupid maybe but they are my feelings.

[wvugurl26]

I mean you can hope that they will be close but it may not work out like that. My parents would have cheerfully paid someone to take my brother and me when we were growing up. We fought like crazy. Sometimes we'd play together nicely. We are 2.5 years apart and 3 years apart in school because of how our birthdays fall.

My dad remarried and we had a stepbrother in between us. Maybe we'd have been closer growing up without that? They split when my brother was 17 and we've been super close since then. I just spent 90 mins talking to him on the phone and we live in the same house now. I've had a lot of fun since I moved back here hanging out with him.

My grandma will see us talking and comment about how we used to fight all the time. He really is one of my best friends. I've seen it go the other way though. Sometimes siblings just don't get along.

[Deleted]

Neither of my children were planned. I'd always said I wasn't having kids. Then I got pregnant with DD. DS came along when DD was almost 2yo. When I found out I was pregnant with DS, I knew that was it, NO MORE. Their Dad was good with that. Good thing, because I ended up raising them by myself.

They played together when they were small, but didn't get along as well as I'd hoped. As they got older they grew apart. DS is still protective of his sister, I guess he's the only one allowed to make her angry lol. I pray they become closer one day.

I have a brother almost 8 years younger than me. We don't get along. I don't even talk to him because he's a jerk.

[Deleted]

We agreed that we wanted at least 2 children.... and the we had one and we are having marital issues. DS is now 14.5 months old. After a lot of thought, we said that we need to wait until our relationship is strong enough to handle another child, which might take years. I was an only and while it wasn't bad, I do want DS to have a sibling... but I am not putting my marriage (and my sanity) in jeopardy because of it. We know there is a chance that DS will be an only. We don't like it but DH said he'd rather us be a happy family of three than have another child now and possibly end up as single parents.

In short, have one and then re-evaluate.

[Pants]

Carl - your wife may change her mind while pregnant or after the baby is born. Right up until birth, I could have sworn to you we were done after the baby was born. My DD is 5 months old and I am shocked on a daily basis about my cravings (not desire, actual cravings) for another one. Hormones are crazy things. (But again, she may not.)

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hugs Jenny.

[Deleted]

DH and I both said two and we have 2; a girl and a boy who are 14 months apart. I hoped beyond hope that DS was a boy, because had we had another girl I would have most likely gone for #3 in hopes of a boy (FYI: I had that thought while I was still pregnant, so who knows if my brain would have overrode any crazy hormone thoughts once I delivered. ).

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Oct 14, 2012 9:41:17 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I don't have kids so I'm not sure, but after you have one, you may change your mind. Four hours of babysitting exhausts me. I highly doubt I could do it full time.

I totally understand that. In fact, I was just like you. But, fortunately, Mother Nature knows this and starts you out slow with a little human who spends the first few months just eating, sleeping, and pooping.

It gave me a chance to build up my stamina.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Oct 14, 2012 9:53:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Eh...it'll be good to have a spare in case the first one is insufficiently nerdy? If I pop out a dumb jock I need a back-up plan?

LOL. My two are complete opposites and it really makes things interesting. One is the cautious nerd and the other the fearless jock.

It is always simply amazing to me how the gene pool plays out.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

When I was younger, I wanted 12 boys. (Remember, I AM Irish Catholic. )

When DH and I started trying we didn't have a number in mind. After one very difficult pregnancy and a premie and a surprise second who was almost 2 weeks late, we have 2. I got too old to try again. I figured I was very, very blessed with the 2 I had.

Besides, we're all for man-on-man defense. Zone defense is an oxymoron.

[Deleted]

So on the man on man vs. zone D!!!

[Sam_2.0]

We want four - six. We both came from larger families and loved it. I want to be able to provide that kind of family for my kids too. #1 is 15 months, and we are planning to start on #2 soon (hopefully). I would like to be done having kids before I am 40 though, for many reasons.