giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 15, 2012 12:44:08 GMT -5
I've also been trying to figure out if when I have 3, will I suddenly want 4 because why keep going if there will never be a point at which I feel done. FWIW, I felt like you and was very concerned about that. I knew the minute my 3rd was born that I was done. So far, in 6 months, I've had fleeting thoughts about a 4th for about 10 minutes. Honestly, I'm not sad that we are done. For our family, it is time. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for us, getting pregnant requires quite a bit of assistance, so we don't have the opportunity to decide to try in a moment of weakness.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Oct 15, 2012 12:50:26 GMT -5
I have always wanted 2 & could never imagine having more. I now have my 2 & really, really want a 3rd. It fills me with immense sadness that I may not have another child. I've been trying really hard to figure out why I want a 3rd so badly & trying to figure out how to come to terms with the fact I may only have 2. I've also been trying to figure out if when I have 3, will I suddenly want 4 because why keep going if there will never be a point at which I feel done. It seems interesting most people here seem happy with what they ended up with. I hope someday soon I feel that way too. I worry I will spend years sad because I couldn't have more. The thought actually has me crying now. Angel, I feel your pain. My kids are teens now and lately I have been scanning pictures onto our Apple computer. Seeing pictures of them as babies, toddlers, preschoolers and younger kids is making me yearn...no, crave...another one or two. The little kids in the neighborhood make me want another one. Little kids in the store make me want another one. I almost really wish I could have another one because, after years of struggle and fear and anxiety raising my two, I realize I am a damn good parent and I'd be far more relaxed and far more confident this time around. Alas, 52 is not a good age to get pregnant. Guess I'll have to continue gazing longingly (without being creepy) at other people's little kids.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 15, 2012 12:52:07 GMT -5
Yeah, I've been looking at IVF. $$$$$$$$$$ We've got to move into a nicer neighborhood and then I'm going to seriously consider it. Tick tick tick... I'll be 35 in March. I was pleasantly surprised at the prices of IVF at my fertility clinic. A plain IVF without anything fancy runs about $10K, which I don't think is super horrible. My clinic also does packages, for $17K you get three fresh IVF cycles, and if you don't end up preggers, they refund you most of your money back. I don't remember how many FETs you get with it. My last baby was conceived with femera+injectibles+IUI. I was 36 at the time. My odds of conception were better than a healthy (fertile) 25 year old.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Oct 15, 2012 12:56:26 GMT -5
We didn't go into it all planned out like some of the posters here, and we had ours way too young. After number two we both knew we were done. I got a vasectomy, and Loop left her plumbing alone, since the vasectomy was lower risk and had quicker recovery times. Our youngest is now 10 and we don't regret our decision at all. We've never seriously considered having another.
Raising kids is tough, I don't even want to imagine it with them outnumbering us. *shudder*
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Oct 15, 2012 12:59:10 GMT -5
And what drove that decision for you? Emotions? Finances? Scheduling? A little of everything? We both agree on the timeline (2-3 years) but can't seem to agree on how many. She wants 1 and I want at least 2 ( max 3). I know she gets the veto power when it comes to it but I still can't accept the idea of having just 1; I dunno. I don't remember having a set number of kids I wanted but I did know I wanted to be in my 20's when I had them and then none after 30. My parents were in their early 30's when they had me and there was a definate generation gap - they were raised in the late 40's/early 50's and Mom was somewhat sheltered. I was a teenager in the early to mid-80's. As it turns out, I had my first child at 17, pregant again at 19 and lost that one. A few months later I became pregnant with DD1 and decided to get married. 2 years later, I was going through a divorce and pregnant with DD2. I decided then that I needed to make sure I couldn't get pregant anymore because I didn't want to be one of those women with a mess of kids by 3 or more different men. I had my tubes tied the day after DD2 was born and only briefly regretted it when I met someone I wanted to build a life with a few years later that didn't have any kids. I would have been happy with just two kids and life would have been financially easier for sure but overall its worked out.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Oct 15, 2012 13:14:46 GMT -5
We have 2 and are done.
DH always wanted 2, I wanted 1. I think it's the childhood projection - he got along great with his siblings and wanted the whole sibling experience, and I never got along with my sibling and didn't want to inflict that on my child,
We wanted a 3-4 year gap so we could truly enjoy the baby years without having to hurry up the older one because of the new baby.
We ended up with a 5-1/2 year gap. When DS#1 was diagnosed with autism, we had to go back and think long and hard if we still wanted a second. It took us about a year and a half to decide to go for it, and after that it took about 10 months to get PG.
At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm done but we haven't taken permanent steps just in case. One of my big ideas is I don't want to be an "old" mom. I'm 34 and I'll be 56 when the youngest graduates from college. I don't want to be dealing with teenagers and college in my 60's.
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justme
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Post by justme on Oct 15, 2012 13:22:47 GMT -5
To illustrate there's no right answer - my parents were born in the early 50s and I was born in the late 80s (older brother early 80s) and I didn't notice a generation gap (though I also grew up knowing more about oldies music than my parents that lived it lol) and I am OK with not having kids until I'm in my 30s like them (not that I've had any good opportunities to in my 20s). Then again, right now I'm kinda OK not having kids so what do I know?
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Oct 15, 2012 13:34:45 GMT -5
I don't have any yet but as an only child my vote would be 2. I realize there's a lot that goes into being a parent and my views will definitely change in some regards once I have a kid but from the emotional and financial standpoint of being able to raise a kid I can't envision having more than 3. I remember my boss telling me that her and her husband and said 2 maybe 3 kids but after the 2nd one she told him she was done because of what it did to her physically. I don't mean that in some kind of vain way just the process of giving birth to 2 kids was enough for her.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 15, 2012 13:43:11 GMT -5
I totally get that. Even if I had wanted more kids, I think I would be done after this pregnancy. Being pregnant with DS wasn't fun, but this time around it is even worse and I feel bad because there are times DS wants to do things with me and I have to tell him no. The first 20 weeks it has been because I was too busy puking in the toilet and the last 3 weeks it has been because of a couple of pre-term labor scares. I'm ready for December to get here so Baby Girl can SAFELY make her arrival into the world. No way do I want to go through being a pregnant again.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Oct 15, 2012 14:28:07 GMT -5
I almost really wish I could have another one because, after years of struggle and fear and anxiety raising my two, I realize I am a damn good parent and I'd be far more relaxed and far more confident this time around. That is kind of how I feel. I feel physically, emotionally, & financially able to have another. It is funny because I didn't really feel ready for the first 2, but now I feel ready but have no child on the way Plus I just have this feeling like my family isn't complete yet - maybe hormones
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 15, 2012 14:31:27 GMT -5
I have three, none were actually planned. My plan was none. I'm done, and knew it after the 2nd, I can't do infant/toddler years again, I just can't. To clarify, the youngest of my 3 is my step son. DH had his own oops several years ago when we were separated (not yet married but had been together for about 3 years by then). We have custody of him.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Oct 15, 2012 14:36:11 GMT -5
I have always wanted 2 & could never imagine having more. I now have my 2 & really, really want a 3rd. It fills me with immense sadness that I may not have another child. I've been trying really hard to figure out why I want a 3rd so badly & trying to figure out how to come to terms with the fact I may only have 2. I've also been trying to figure out if when I have 3, will I suddenly want 4 because why keep going if there will never be a point at which I feel done. It seems interesting most people here seem happy with what they ended up with. I hope someday soon I feel that way too. I worry I will spend years sad because I couldn't have more. The thought actually has me crying now. Awww...hugs to you. I've been having the opposite reaction for about the last year or so. Meaning, when I see a baby I have absolutely no interest in touching/holding it. I don't even think they're cute. And the thought of having another baby is like the worst thing I could think of doing. I'm a little scared how cold I feel towards babies - like it means deep down I regret my kids or something. Intellectually I know I don't (99% of the time ) but the level of repulsion I have towards babies is really startling to me since I used to absolutely gush over them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2012 15:02:45 GMT -5
I never was a baby person till my own, and while I can still oooh and ahh, my tolerance is way down again... They are adorable, sure, I'll hold them... But I don't HAVE to, and you'll be taking it back soon, right... ??
I think it's normal... We'll see eventually if it comes back with grand babies I guess...
The last year we considered it, ie before we actively decided to prevent, a friend was having a third, but I was just at the point where I could take a magazine to the pool in the summer... ie. I could envision, in the not to distant future not having people hanging off my body and actively dependent on me every minute of the day, and I decided I was ready to go forward and not back... I haven't regretted it, and think it's just fine on this side...
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Oct 15, 2012 20:01:07 GMT -5
I have been having the same feelings. I always wanted a lot of kids, like four or five. But that was when I was younger. DH was adamant about only having 2. We didn't have DD until I was 32 and then DS this summer when I was 35. DH says we are done. He's not even willing to consider a third. And, in all practicality, I know he's right. Between my age and finances it makes sense to stop. But there is a part of me that is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that we're done, that I'll never have another new baby, that there isn't the possibility of another little person who will become so important to me that I could never imagine life without him or her. I could not have asked for two better babies than I've been given. I have amazing little ones. I have a daughter and a son. So I'm not really sure why I'm having such a hard time with this ...
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Oct 16, 2012 0:28:55 GMT -5
I think 3 is the perfect number. First one is the practice child, parents learn on him and he turns out pretty messed up. Next is the perfect child, she is raised after they messed up the first child so they are much better parents to the perfect child. Last is the baby of the family, nice for the perfect child to have a sibling other than the messed up child to help defend her from the first born. I know this because I was the perfect child. Now first born is 65 living in another country and hasn't been much of a son or brother but might be getting a little better. Baby of the family is taking care of mom leaving perfect child to only take her when it is fun. I took her for a weekend trip to her sister's this week, her sister is a widow now so it was a memorial service for her husband. It was fun seeing all my cousins and their kids and my aunt. I need my little brother so don't have to have mom live with me, good thing they didn't stop at 2 or 1.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Oct 16, 2012 8:23:03 GMT -5
I think 3 is the perfect number. First one is the practice child, parents learn on him and he turns out pretty messed up. Next is the perfect child, she is raised after they messed up the first child so they are much better parents to the perfect child. Last is the baby of the family, nice for the perfect child to have a sibling other than the messed up child to help defend her from the first born. I know this because I was the perfect child. Now first born is 65 living in another country and hasn't been much of a son or brother but might be getting a little better. Baby of the family is taking care of mom leaving perfect child to only take her when it is fun. I took her for a weekend trip to her sister's this week, her sister is a widow now so it was a memorial service for her husband. It was fun seeing all my cousins and their kids and my aunt. I need my little brother so don't have to have mom live with me, good thing they didn't stop at 2 or 1. Nice analysis, Crone. Equal parts and .
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 16, 2012 8:31:54 GMT -5
A family of four is a lot easier for a lot of things including hotel room and restaurant seating. Replacement people seems about right to me. But as long as you can support what you have, have as many as feels right for you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2012 8:37:29 GMT -5
This too!
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Oct 18, 2012 19:21:09 GMT -5
WTH!!! I just got the urge to have another baby! Grrrrrrr!
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Oct 18, 2012 19:40:57 GMT -5
I think 3 is the perfect number. First one is the practice child, parents learn on him and he turns out pretty messed up. Next is the perfect child, she is raised after they messed up the first child so they are much better parents to the perfect child. Last is the baby of the family, nice for the perfect child to have a sibling other than the messed up child to help defend her from the first born. I know this because I was the perfect child. Now first born is 65 living in another country and hasn't been much of a son or brother but might be getting a little better. Baby of the family is taking care of mom leaving perfect child to only take her when it is fun. I took her for a weekend trip to her sister's this week, her sister is a widow now so it was a memorial service for her husband. It was fun seeing all my cousins and their kids and my aunt. I need my little brother so don't have to have mom live with me, good thing they didn't stop at 2 or 1. LOL! I'm the middle child, too.
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Oct 18, 2012 21:02:13 GMT -5
I wanted 0 kids. He wanted 0 kids. We have 0 kids.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2012 22:51:56 GMT -5
I have 3. The first two are 14 months apart and the third (a bit of a surprise) arrived 5 years later.
Now that they’re young adults life is great, but three presented some big challenges in the past. Even if you have the energy (and it takes a lot!) there’s only so many hours in a day. At one point all three were in different schools (elementary, middle, and high). It was sometimes hard to split the needs , wants, activities of 3 unique children between two parents.
I don’t regret having 3 (they are the best thing that ever happened to me) but if we had planned (which we didn’t) I would have had my youngest earlier.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Oct 18, 2012 23:03:32 GMT -5
We have 2 that are 19 months apart. Which was a lot of work when they were little. But meant they were mostly the same schools and activities and things at the same time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 19, 2012 11:35:08 GMT -5
I had a nightmare last night that I got pregnant. I was trying to figure out what to do since I only want one. It's funny how the decision to have just one made me cry at the beginning of the year and now I'm terrified of getting knocked up!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 19, 2012 11:41:36 GMT -5
I stopped at 2, I named one Roth and the other Ira
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 19, 2012 11:52:20 GMT -5
I stopped at 2, I named one Roth and the other Ira lol! My friend's have been posting a picture on FB that says "my wallet is empty but my heart is full."
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Oct 19, 2012 12:05:37 GMT -5
I had a nightmare last night that I got pregnant. That is so funny, I had a dream I found out I was pregnant last night as well. I wouldn't call it a nightmare, since it is something I want. I think my conscious desires have just worked their way into my subconscious & now I'm dreaming about them
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