beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 13:16:58 GMT -5
You might be right - but I just like to keep an open mind that maybe it is just possible that the OP wasn't a completely accurate portrayal of exactly what happened. It was clearly shorthanded. you may be correct, but that's all we have to go by right now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 13:18:22 GMT -5
I didn't realize that mental illness was diagnosed at birth, and was consistent and constant throughout life. Heaven forbid a middle aged person becomes clinically depressed after changes in hormones and life circumstances. That would never happen. I agree with this. Also, I'm laughing at all the speculation. Wrongside doesn't even know what is really going on herself.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 24, 2012 13:19:23 GMT -5
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2012 13:19:35 GMT -5
So, of course, let's jump all over her and call her a bunch of names and judge her. That is the most reasonable thing to do.
The good news is, she does not know you exist and you don't matter at all.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 24, 2012 13:20:44 GMT -5
I think I'm gonna let about a year go by and then start the exact same thread except replacing "mom" with "dad" and see what happens.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 24, 2012 13:22:01 GMT -5
She said I want a divorce, take the kids. To me that says I want out of this, all of it. That is how you're interpreting it, and you've said that this topic hits too close to home for you, so you should probably take that into account on your assumption of what she meant. As others have said, that sentence is not indicative of her future plans or reasons.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 24, 2012 13:23:02 GMT -5
I think I'm gonna let about a year go by and then start the exact same thread except replacing "mom" with "dad" and see what happens. PLEASE DO! And then come back and reference this one on page 5 or so. That would be awesome!
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
Joined: Nov 29, 2012 22:24:40 GMT -5
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 13:24:22 GMT -5
I didn't realize that mental illness was diagnosed at birth, and was consistent and constant throughout life. Heaven forbid a middle aged person becomes clinically depressed after changes in hormones and life circumstances. That would never happen. I agree with you. as I stated before .. if that's the case, then she gets help, she returns. The children can understand that. If she just leaves, however, as the first post implies, than it's just her being selfish. The kids will have lasting effects. If she stays when she doesn't want to be there, and she doesn't take of the children and they wind up with verbal abuse.. . that also has lasting effects. The best thing she can decide is to get help if it's an illness, work it out and return to the children anyway. Even if that's a joint custody thing .. . it's better than just leaving them. By joint custody I don't mean just calling once in a while or sending something at Christmas and birthdays. I mean being part of raising them.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2012 13:25:04 GMT -5
A year? Wait 2 weeks.
Also - will Dad have never worked? If so, he will be branded a selfish loser. But, if he had a job - we will get interesting responses.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
Joined: Nov 29, 2012 22:24:40 GMT -5
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 13:25:51 GMT -5
So, of course, let's jump all over her and call her a bunch of names and judge her. That is the most reasonable thing to do. The good news is, she does not know you exist and you don't matter at all. exactly . . .so why are so upset over my feelings on the matter? I don't even know you, you're words on a page, the same as I am to you.
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 24, 2012 13:26:27 GMT -5
Agree to disagree.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 13:27:31 GMT -5
I think a lot of mental illness and/or depression can slowly creep in and be hard to recognize. Espeically by the person suffering from it. Their perception on reality changes but it seems normal or accurate to them. Her gut feeling may be to just walk away from everything and the kids will be fine and so will the husband. Her mental state isn't allowing her to empathize or even recognize the devastation she is about to inflict on everyone if she does just simply walk away and drop out of their lives completely. I can agree with that. IF that's the case, I hope she realizes it sooner rather than later, and gets the helps she needs before too much emotional damage is done to the children. All I care about is the children.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 13:27:56 GMT -5
I think I'm gonna let about a year go by and then start the exact same thread except replacing "mom" with "dad" and see what happens. Please do....
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 13:28:35 GMT -5
I think I'm gonna let about a year go by and then start the exact same thread except replacing "mom" with "dad" and see what happens. I'd feel the same way. The child feels the same whether abandoned by the mother or the father.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2012 13:29:19 GMT -5
Attacking their mother will always help children. Trying to figure out what is really happening is never the best course of action.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 13:29:50 GMT -5
I think a lot of mental illness and/or depression can slowly creep in and be hard to recognize. Espeically by the person suffering from it. Their perception on reality changes but it seems normal or accurate to them. Her gut feeling may be to just walk away from everything and the kids will be fine and so will the husband. Her mental state isn't allowing her to empathize or even recognize the devastation she is about to inflict on everyone if she does just simply walk away and drop out of their lives completely. I can agree with that. IF that's the case, I hope she realizes it sooner rather than later, and gets the helps she needs before too much emotional damage is done to the children. All I care about is the children. How care you about people you do not know? Maybe the kids would be better off without the mother around. You don't know. My husband's mother walked away from her kids and husband when my husband was in his early teens and his brother was 4. I know the problem that can come from it, but I also know their mother. They were better off without her and I wish she had never come back, her being back has hurt them more.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 24, 2012 13:29:57 GMT -5
Yeah, but fathers abandon their kids with a lot more frequency than mothers do (statistically) and there aren't 5-page threads on it.
Mother who doesn't want her kids? Let her fry!
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 24, 2012 13:31:27 GMT -5
Think long and hard before you get married and/or have kids. I tell my kids that ALL the time. Last night when I spoke to my daughter I said,"You are young, beautiful and intelligent and you are on a new adventure in a new place beginning a great career and meeting LOTS of new friends. Have fun, continue your education if you so desire and DO NOT SETTLE!" She agreed. *Marriage and family can be both wonderful and tough...don't commit to either unless you are sure you are ready for it!
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 13:31:44 GMT -5
She said I want a divorce, take the kids. To me that says I want out of this, all of it. That is how you're interpreting it, and you've said that this topic hits too close to home for you, so you should probably take that into account on your assumption of what she meant. As others have said, that sentence is not indicative of her future plans or reasons. I am not the only one who jumped to that conclusion . . . . . is there a reason you chose me? Why because I have a niece who went through it. Because I have a nephew who is currently going through it? Because I've worked with children who have been through it? Why are you not berating everyone else who said the same things I have? I'm just curious . . why did you choose me?
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beags
Well-Known Member
I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 13:33:20 GMT -5
Yeah, but fathers abandon their kids with a lot more frequency than mothers do (statistically) and there aren't 5-page threads on it. Mother who doesn't want her kids? Let her fry! yup, there's truth to that statement. It still doesn't take away from the FACT that I would feel the same way.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2012 13:35:06 GMT -5
Actually, I have told people - "Marry them if you want - but a one night stand and a slipped condom, and you are tied with them for the rest of your life." I know people that have walked away after 10 year marriages and never spoken to the person again. But a 3 month relationship can result in a common child, and you have to live a certain way, think about your kid a certain way, and worry about the bozo and how that person runs their life forever - because it effects your child.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 13:35:33 GMT -5
gin, why is the mother still mentally ill, did she not get the help she needed?
YOu say she is back now, how old are both the boys now?
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 13:36:03 GMT -5
well I have to go, I'll get back to this later.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 24, 2012 13:39:39 GMT -5
I am not the only one who jumped to that conclusion . . . . . is there a reason you chose me? Why because I have a niece who went through it. Because I have a nephew who is currently going through it? Because I've worked with children who have been through it? Why are you not berating everyone else who said the same things I have? I'm just curious . . why did you choose me? Because you are the most vocal at the point not willing to acknowledge that any other scenario is possible. I'm a fan of dead beat parents. If you suck as a parent--please stay gone. Rather the issues that come with a one time abandonment, then the mental and emotional anguish that years or decades of contact can cause.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 24, 2012 13:40:46 GMT -5
I think I'm gonna let about a year go by and then start the exact same thread except replacing "mom" with "dad" and see what happens. PLEASE DO! And then come back and reference this one on page 5 or so. That would be awesome! It's always fun when you change the genders around and get completely, 100% different responses.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 24, 2012 13:44:33 GMT -5
I know the problem that can come from it, but I also know their mother. They were better off without her and I wish she had never come back, her being back has hurt them more. I've seen this too It can definitely be damaging either way but in general I'd vote for "better absentee than abusive" if you absolutely have to pick one. Tons of households are better off without one of the key figures making a mess all the time. And yeah... mental illness can definitely sneak up on a person. I hope if that's the case, she returns to the kids after she gets the treatment she needs. That's definitely possible.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 24, 2012 13:47:13 GMT -5
I couldn't agree more, Rae. A one-time abandonment can be dealt with. Having the absent parent reappear in your life to rip that band-aid off over and over again is much worse.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 14:00:45 GMT -5
gin, why is the mother still mentally ill, did she not get the help she needed? YOu say she is back now, how old are both the boys now? My husband is 30, his brother is 22 I believe. She does not get help because she does not think she needs any. She missed our wedding, even with my husband begging her to come because she went off her anxiety meds and though her hair was bad and her former in-laws would make fun of her and because the rehearsal dinner did not go as planned (which she left within 20 minutes of everyone getting there, because people were there early, which was the time we told her people would get there, but she wanted the dinner to be a half hour later).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 14:02:51 GMT -5
I know the problem that can come from it, but I also know their mother. They were better off without her and I wish she had never come back, her being back has hurt them more. I've seen this too It can definitely be damaging either way but in general I'd vote for "better absentee than abusive" if you absolutely have to pick one. Tons of households are better off without one of the key figures making a mess all the time. And yeah... mental illness can definitely sneak up on a person. I hope if that's the case, she returns to the kids after she gets the treatment she needs. That's definitely possible. She is not abusive, just useless, expects to be treated like the mother even though for the younger boy she barely raised him. Expects everyone to cater to her and has hissy fits. She also has OCD and anxiety issues. Also, she tries to compete with her in-laws and my family and flips out if her action is not acted like it is the best thing ever.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 24, 2012 14:09:09 GMT -5
Latest update - This couple is supposed to be going on a family vacation starting Saturday. The wife has told the husband to take the kids and go without her and she'll be out of the house by the time he gets back. No word on where she'll be moving to. Or what would be left in the house/accounts...
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