swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 24, 2012 11:09:55 GMT -5
She's not a "trophy wife" (she doesn't even wear makeup). She doesn't appear "crazy" (that I can tell). She's always come across as a clingy, homebody. I can't even imagine her getting a job, let alone leaving her husband and being independent. And I'm so confused about her not wanting the kids. I just can't even fathom that idea. About 2 years ago she told me she wanted to homeschool them. I think she even joined a homeschool group in her area. How do you go from one extreme to another like that? sounds like she's depressed or has some other mental issue.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2012 11:13:38 GMT -5
Separated might not be as tradgic as being the one Mom "didn't want." Maybe a boy vs. girl thing?
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 24, 2012 11:15:13 GMT -5
She's not a "trophy wife" (she doesn't even wear makeup). She doesn't appear "crazy" (that I can tell). She's always come across as a clingy, homebody. I can't even imagine her getting a job, let alone leaving her husband and being independent. And I'm so confused about her not wanting the kids. I just can't even fathom that idea. About 2 years ago she told me she wanted to homeschool them. I think she even joined a homeschool group in her area. How do you go from one extreme to another like that? Again, there is something else going on that you are not privy to. Not many people who do crazy things appear crazy. The shooter in Aurora appeared normal, until he showed otherwise. I know that that is an extreme reaction, but mental pathologies are not always apparent. You assume that everyone wants children. Maybe she is depressed? I dunno, I don't think anyone on the outside can make assumptions.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jul 24, 2012 11:16:20 GMT -5
Many lawyers suggest this. My almost-ex SIL deactivated her account, but then opened up a new one and paraded the guy she ran off with all over it. Including getting engaged like 2 months after she left my brother. She got really pissy when his lawyer said that if she didn't agree to what he offered and they went to court they'd ask for all the money she has spent during her adultery, saying he had no proof. I guess she thinks my brother is too stupid to find her facebook account?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 24, 2012 11:19:37 GMT -5
Surely she's got another meal ticket in the works. He probably makes more money than her husband and doesn't want the kids.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 24, 2012 11:23:22 GMT -5
There's got to be something else going on here. We never really know what's up with other people's relationships. You hear that all the time but it's something I never fully realized before I started living with DH. I would say about 70-90% of our relationship is completely private and hidden from other people (depending slightly on the people in question). And the stuff I do talk about is almost exclusively the "good stuff." So yeah, I vote for "majorly long backstory that we know nothing about buried under the surface." Naturally, I wish we knew what it was - I'm nosy like that
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jul 24, 2012 11:32:36 GMT -5
She's not a "trophy wife" (she doesn't even wear makeup). She doesn't appear "crazy" (that I can tell). She's always come across as a clingy, homebody. I can't even imagine her getting a job, let alone leaving her husband and being independent. And I'm so confused about her not wanting the kids. I just can't even fathom that idea. About 2 years ago she told me she wanted to homeschool them. I think she even joined a homeschool group in her area. How do you go from one extreme to another like that? Sounds like my cousin's wife. She was very mousey and shy. They had three kids right in a row, two boys and a girl. Then suddenly she announces she doesn't want to be married and she doesn't want to be a mom, and she leaves. This was back in the 70's and being a single dad wasn't as common, but I was impressed at how my cousin held it together, raised his kids alone and worked a full time job. My cousin found out quiet little mousey wife had been taking all the kids out with her in the station wagon (he worked second shift) and driving around talking on her CD radio. The kids would fall asleep in the back of the car. She hooked up with some guy and when she moved out of her xDH's house she moved right in with the new guy - who had four kids of his own. Interesting choice for a woman who claimed she couldn't deal with being a mom. Never heard what happened to her long term. I do know another woman here in town who met some guy on the internet, left her DH and kids and went out to Texas to be with him. Turns out he was a drunk, and within a year she was back. xDH wouldn't let her back in the house, though....
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 24, 2012 11:35:56 GMT -5
Whether it is depression, another man, another woman, or fear of not being able to support them, it is pretty clear that the kids are better off with the husband. Hopefully, these two can remain civil for the kids sake.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 11:48:47 GMT -5
I know a lady that did this. Left her husband & three little kids, just ran off with someone else. Dad got full custody & mom didn't even schedule visitations for several years. She moved away to another state & wanted nothing to do with the kids. So so so sad I have no respect for those type of people. How can one abandon their own children? Don't they know the lasting effects this has on a child? Nothing like having mom say I never wanted you, so long . .my life is more important than you are. I hope everything winds up ok. She may say the last part, but if she really hoped they were ok, she would have been part of raising them. Any parent leaving has lasting effects on a child . . they just feel unwanted. If I can ... this song does say some of it . . although it's about a dad leaving, not a mom. Doesn't matter to the kid though . . he/she will always feel unwanted by the parent who dumped them. I'll never understand how a parent can do that to a child. Selfish, that's what it is.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 24, 2012 11:48:50 GMT -5
Whether it is depression, another man, another woman, or fear of not being able to support them, it is pretty clear that the kids are better off with the husband. Hopefully, these two can remain civil for the kids sake. I hope that she doesn't vanish from their lives completely... although maybe that would be for the best if she really doesn't want them anymore
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2012 11:51:28 GMT -5
Is she going to go for the full abandonment - like, Mom no longer exists - no call on Christmas and I won't be at your wedding? Or, is she just saying that she thinks it will be better for everyone if Dad has primary custody while she gets her poop in a group? I can't fault someone who thinks that the best thing for their children would be with a stable parent who loves them and has the ability to keep a roof over their head. It would likely be better than a Mom who can't keep it together and dragging her kids through the daily exhaustion of a life lived poorly.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 11:52:04 GMT -5
Whether it is depression, another man, another woman, or fear of not being able to support them, it is pretty clear that the kids are better off with the husband. Hopefully, these two can remain civil for the kids sake. It's easy to remain civil to someone who wants to leave it all with no contact at all. At least one parent wants them .. . . or I hope so. IF it was fear of being able to support them, how does leaving fix that? If anything it makes it worse. It's selfish . . . the parent is just selfish .. . cares more about the next big fix or the next free ride, than the children or any responsibilities they may have. If they don't think it affects the child at all .. even with one good parent . . they are WRONG.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2012 11:53:22 GMT -5
Sometimes I think it is selfish for parents to keep their kids in a manner that isn't best for the kids, just to have company or to prove to the world that they are a decent person.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 11:56:20 GMT -5
Whether it is depression, another man, another woman, or fear of not being able to support them, it is pretty clear that the kids are better off with the husband. Hopefully, these two can remain civil for the kids sake. I hope that she doesn't vanish from their lives completely... although maybe that would be for the best if she really doesn't want them anymore Yes, I suppose it would . .. calling at Christmas to remind them they still aren't wanted wouldn't be good either. However, there's always that hope with the child that the parent will eventually want them .. but the lasting effect of that parent leaving will damage the relationship even if or when they do unite. The child will always wonder when they will leave again .. knowing they never meant much in the first place.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 11:59:58 GMT -5
Sometimes I think it is selfish for parents to keep their kids in a manner that isn't best for the kids, just to have company or to prove to the world that they are a decent person. staying with an angry parent because they have to have this "obligation" isn't good either. doesn't matter how you put it, the parent is still selfish .. and cares about one thing .. . themselves . . and that's it. Even if the parent stays . . the parent isn't there for them, just ignores them . . . .the kids still feel unwanted Still boils down to the same thing . . . a selfish person. . . . if they really wanted to help the child . . . could have used birth control in the first place. Obviously the parent never wanted the responsibility.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 12:04:49 GMT -5
MM counseling would be the better choice.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 12:05:51 GMT -5
staying with an angry parent because they have to have this "obligation" isn't good either. doesn't matter how you put it, the parent is still selfish .. and cares about one thing .. . themselves . . and that's it. Even if the parent stays . . the parent isn't there for them, just ignores them . . . .the kids still feel unwanted Still boils down to the same thing . . . a selfish person. . . . if they really wanted to help the child . . . could have used birth control in the first place. Obviously the parent never wanted the responsibility. She went off birth control 2 months before their wedding because her dr told her it would take 3 months to get it out of her system and she wanted to start trying for kids asap. kids never solve problems. It only masks them or magnifies them.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 12:08:28 GMT -5
I'm sorry, I've worked with too many children with issues from a parent abandoning them. It's a sort of a topic too close to me I guess.
My niece was abandoned by my own brother. . . . . . I know what she went through. Even though she had the love of her own mother, and myself, and my parents, it still didn't make up for the loss she felt that her own father didn't want her.
They talk now that she's 24, and getting married, she even asked him to walk her down the isle. But she also has a back up plan in case he doesn't show. (that's the trust factor from the abandonment .. . and I can't say he doesn't deserve it . . . why should she trust him?)
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 12:09:20 GMT -5
You're correct Archie ... . it only magnifies them.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 24, 2012 12:21:59 GMT -5
My niece was abandoned by my own brother. . . . . . I know what she went through. Even though she had the love of her own mother, and myself, and my parents, it still didn't make up for the loss she felt that her own father didn't want her. I'm torn on which is worse, a parent who abandons you or a parent who is an active negative presence in your life. Neither option is that great And if a parent really didn't want you... it's easy to tell, even if they stick around. Sometimes I think abandonment is easier.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 24, 2012 12:23:33 GMT -5
Or, is she just saying that she thinks it will be better for everyone if Dad has primary custody while she gets her poop in a group?[/b] Karma for my new favorite expression.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 24, 2012 12:26:13 GMT -5
She went off birth control 2 months before their wedding because her dr told her it would take 3 months to get it out of her system
She needs to go smack her doctor.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 12:29:09 GMT -5
Nobody really knows what is going on in someone else's marriage. So, who knows? Did she tell you she didn't want the kids? And, there are 2 sides. But, i would guess she met someone else or is just tired of living a lie or whatever. Or, maybe she is a flake. Hard to tell.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 12:29:21 GMT -5
She went off birth control 2 months before their wedding because her dr told her it would take 3 months to get it out of her system She needs to go smack her doctor. This is similar to what my wife's doctor told her. That is takes some time for your body to be "back to normal" after stopping birth control. Is that not true?
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 12:29:32 GMT -5
My niece was abandoned by my own brother. . . . . . I know what she went through. Even though she had the love of her own mother, and myself, and my parents, it still didn't make up for the loss she felt that her own father didn't want her. I'm torn on which is worse, a parent who abandons you or a parent who is an active negative presence in your life. Neither option is that great And if a parent really didn't want you... it's easy to tell, even if they stick around. Sometimes I think abandonment is easier. they both have lasting effects. A child knows when he/she isn't wanted by the parent. I'll let you know which one is worse . . . . I have a nephew in the category of living with a parent who doesn't want him. However, I don't know the lasting effects yet, just the current one .. which is anger at the moment.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 12:30:46 GMT -5
She went off birth control 2 months before their wedding because her dr told her it would take 3 months to get it out of her system She needs to go smack her doctor. This is similar to what my wife's doctor told her. That is takes some time for your body to be "back to normal" after stopping birth control. Is that not true? I think the poster meant was . .the doctor should have slapped her for wanting the kids . . being as she never really did want them.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 12:33:17 GMT -5
Yes, archie it is true that birth control has some effects on the body.
Just like any other drug out there. Takes a while to leave the system.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 24, 2012 12:36:41 GMT -5
This is similar to what my wife's doctor told her. That is takes some time for your body to be "back to normal" after stopping birth control.
Is that not true
On average, but it's an average. It means for some people it happens faster, for others it happens later.
My OB told me that on average it takes 3-6 months but the moment I go off BC we're trying and I can have a baby at any point from that time onward.
Once you are off BC biology takes over. Unless you are a dedicated ovulation tracker you have no way of knowing when that first egg is going to drop and meet up with a sperm.
I got pregnant exactly 30 days after I went off the pill.
Doctors should be smacked for not explaining that to women.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 24, 2012 12:37:45 GMT -5
This is similar to what my wife's doctor told her. That is takes some time for your body to be "back to normal" after stopping birth control.
Is that not true? Um, no. It's not true, at least not in all cases. Don't ask me how I know
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 12:38:25 GMT -5
This is similar to what my wife's doctor told her. That is takes some time for your body to be "back to normal" after stopping birth control.
Is that not trueOn average, but it's an average. It means for some people it happens faster, for others it happens later. My OB told me that on average it takes 3-6 months but the moment I go off BC we're trying and I can have a baby at any point from that time onward. Once you are off BC biology takes over. Unless you are a dedicated ovulation tracker you have no way of knowing when that first egg is going to drop and meet up with a sperm. I got pregnant exactly 30 days after I went off the pill. Doctors should be smacked for not explaining that to women. Even women on birth control can get pregnant, right?
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