swasat
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Post by swasat on Jul 24, 2012 14:09:11 GMT -5
Fishy, fishy.....
My best guess is she is involved with someone and moving out to be with him. A woman with no job, no skills just moves out one day without telling ANYTHING to the husband? Like not even telling him where is she is moving to?
Something definitely smells here.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 24, 2012 14:14:32 GMT -5
Latest update - This couple is supposed to be going on a family vacation starting Saturday. The wife has told the husband to take the kids and go without her and she'll be out of the house by the time he gets back. No word on where she'll be moving to. either she has a new man or she's going to kill herself.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2012 14:16:54 GMT -5
I hope it is the first one, but afraid it is the latter.
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Post by babble on Jul 24, 2012 14:23:21 GMT -5
My mom "gave" me to my dad when I was 11.
I felt abandoned at the time . . . how bad I must be if my own mother doesn't want me. In high school I realized the people really do like me.
I was always grateful my dad was more than happy to take me.
Edited: I never had kids. I was always afraid I would decide I didn't want them anymore . . .
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Jul 24, 2012 14:34:01 GMT -5
Man, I can't imagine dumping my kid. Not in a hundred thousand years. ;(
But you wanted your children. There are women who do not want to be mothers, but capitulate for their spouse. I'm not saying I agree with it, but IMO it is better that she walk away than harm her children, either physically or psychologically because she was forced to make a decision tht she didn't want to make. True, but usually it's women that want the babies, not the men. USUALLY.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 14:48:34 GMT -5
Latest update - This couple is supposed to be going on a family vacation starting Saturday. The wife has told the husband to take the kids and go without her and she'll be out of the house by the time he gets back. No word on where she'll be moving to. looks fishy to me. .. . . .selfish. I don't believe she is going to kill herself either. I would think her husband would have picked up on her depressed mood if that was the case. I guess I could be wrong. As for the kids are better off without the parent, rather than having one around that doesn't want them . . . I agree they are. But it still has lasting effects either way. This is a no win situation for the children. The one with husband and brother . .. . my brother's ex is that way as well. I know what you're talking about there. Well she's not his ex, they are separated, no legal papers have been filed at all. So technically, they are still married. She left him for another guy, and another, and another. I think she's on guy number 5 now. Grass is always greener on the other side you know. As I stated before I had a niece who was abandoned by my brother. I have a nephew who for all practical purposes no parent wants ... . although my brother appears to be coming around. . .. and lives between the houses of mom and dad right now. mom keeps telling him what a pain he is that she's sending him away. My brother mostly ignores him when he's around. Since I told my brother off one day, he has started to come around. i hope that continues for my nephew's sake. I mean I hope my brother continues to put his son first and do the changes needed. In the meantime, my nephew is pretty much stuck in a sucky situation. I know what abandonment causes, I also know what my nephew is going through right now. Like I stated before, I've worked with many children. It's sad that this new generation of kids seems to have more selfish parents than any other generation.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 24, 2012 14:51:07 GMT -5
Andrea Yates' and Susan Smith's husbands would probably disagree. And those are just the ones who killed their kids. Plenty of moms (and dads) kill themselves every day with very little warning. Sometimes all it takes is a few drinks or a snide comment to push someone over the edge...
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 24, 2012 15:00:36 GMT -5
It's even harder to see when you're living it. Wrongside's previous post about this couple said that dad works, cooks, cleans, and does a bunch of child care (I'm pretty sure that was the jist of the thread) so does he really have time to evaluate his wife's mental health? He can't possibly be objective and if I were him I'd resent her that I had to do so much.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 24, 2012 15:07:54 GMT -5
She is not abusive, just useless, expects to be treated like the mother even though for the younger boy she barely raised him. Expects everyone to cater to her and has hissy fits. She also has OCD and anxiety issues. Also, she tries to compete with her in-laws and my family and flips out if her action is not acted like it is the best thing ever.
Gin, I wasn't trying to imply that any specific parent mentioned was abusive. Just saying, IF I had to pick one.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 24, 2012 15:10:52 GMT -5
I don't believe she is going to kill herself either. I would think her husband would have picked up on her depressed mood if that was the case.
Not necessarily.
Wrongside, how close is this friend? Is she someone you can call up and see if she wants to hang out? I, too, would be worried about the possibility of suicide.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 15:22:07 GMT -5
A friend of mine has depression and anxiety. She was sexually abused as a child. After a few years of marriage, one child, and while pregnant with another child she revealed that she had been having an online relationship with a woman in another state. She realized she was a lesbian and wanted to live with this other woman. She left both children (toddler and infant) with her ex-husband, who has strong family ties in the area, and moved away. It takes a lot of strength to do that and she took a lot of crap for it. She had to go against a lot of societal expectations. Kids and Dad are happy and thriving with step-mom.
It was a wrenching transition for both of them but from all accounts getting out of this bad marriage helped them both move forward in all areas of their lives. I'm hoping for the same for the OP's friends.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 15:22:16 GMT -5
possibly . . I guess it could be the later . . . . but it just doesn't seem that way.
If it is the later . .. . there's not much that can be done to stop it, other than putting her in the hospital. However, forcing her in there takes some time. Laws being what they are . . that takes time . . . by then she would have done herself in.
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beags
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 15:24:16 GMT -5
A friend of mine has depression and anxiety. She was sexually abused as a child. After a few years of marriage, one child, and while pregnant with another child she revealed that she had been having an online relationship with a woman in another state. She realized she was a lesbian and wanted to live with this other woman. She left both children (toddler and infant) with her ex-husband, who has strong family ties in the area, and moved away. It takes a lot of strength to do that and she took a lot of crap for it. She had to go against a lot of societal expectations. Kids and Dad are happy and thriving with step-mom. It was a wrenching transition for both of them but from all accounts getting out of this bad marriage helped them both move forward in all areas of their lives. I'm hoping for the same for the OP's friends. I can understand she was in a marriage she didn't want. So leave the marriage, not the kids. I don't understand that part. Again, it doesn't matter to me what gender the parent is.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2012 15:31:02 GMT -5
So leave the marriage, not the kids. I don't understand that part. Because sometimes you do what's best for your children, even if it breaks your heart.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 24, 2012 15:32:19 GMT -5
I don't believe she is going to kill herself either. I would think her husband would have picked up on her depressed mood if that was the case.
Or maybe he picked up on it and didn't want to do anything about it. My mom was clinically depressed for years, and likely has a personality disorder. She was also my primary care giver. My dad knew what was going on (he had me clean up after my mom during a particularly bad episode), but simply chose sweep everything under the rug or blame me for upsetting my mom.
It was much easier to pretend we are a nice happy family than to be honest about everyone's mental/emotional health. My parents would rather die than admit they had issues. Heck, they even watched me make the same mistakes in picking a marriage partner as they did. They recognized it, but didn't say anything to me about it. Because then they would have had to admit that they were dysfunctional.
I've posted this before, if nothing else, all the lovely dysfunction finally stopped with me. My kids really have no idea how lucky they are in this respect.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 24, 2012 15:39:20 GMT -5
I've posted this before, if nothing else, all the lovely dysfunction finally stopped with me. My kids really have no idea how lucky they are in this respect.
Karma to you for breaking the cycle. Your kids are indeed lucky.
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jaya3300
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Post by jaya3300 on Jul 24, 2012 15:48:16 GMT -5
I posted a thread awhile back kind of complaining about a couple I know where the wife is a SAHM who doesn't cook and the husband works like 80 hours a week so she can stay home with the kids. Well, the wife announced last week that she wants a divorce. She also said that she wants her husband to "take the kids". I'm so blown away right now. The husband is devastated of course. Will she get alimony? I have no idea how she plans to support herself. She hasn't worked in over 10 years. She doesn't have any college under her belt. I can't believe she doesn't want the kids. Wow. Tough situation for the kids. Lose lose situation. I don't have kids and can't imagine ever leaving my children. But if she isn't a fit parent or doesn't want the kids, it probably is better for the father to have the kids.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 17:30:16 GMT -5
So leave the marriage, not the kids. I don't understand that part. Because sometimes you do what's best for your children, even if it breaks your heart. Still don't understand how it was better for the children. So what if she's a lesbian. Leaving to get help with a mental illness, I can understand. Leaving because you are abusive, I can understand. Leaving because of you realized you were gay? sorry, can't make the connection.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 24, 2012 17:31:52 GMT -5
I don't believe she is going to kill herself either. I would think her husband would have picked up on her depressed mood if that was the case. Or maybe he picked up on it and didn't want to do anything about it. My mom was clinically depressed for years, and likely has a personality disorder. She was also my primary care giver. My dad knew what was going on (he had me clean up after my mom during a particularly bad episode), but simply chose sweep everything under the rug or blame me for upsetting my mom. It was much easier to pretend we are a nice happy family than to be honest about everyone's mental/emotional health. My parents would rather die than admit they had issues. Heck, they even watched me make the same mistakes in picking a marriage partner as they did. They recognized it, but didn't say anything to me about it. Because then they would have had to admit that they were dysfunctional. I've posted this before, if nothing else, all the lovely dysfunction finally stopped with me. My kids really have no idea how lucky they are in this respect. I'm glad you were able to break the cycle. Despite the crappy childhood . .. you were able change things for yourself. Your children may not realise how lucky they are, but I bet they will when they get older.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jul 24, 2012 20:33:22 GMT -5
I hope it is the first one, but afraid it is the latter.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jul 24, 2012 20:35:29 GMT -5
My mom "gave" me to my dad when I was 11. I felt abandoned at the time . . . how bad I must be if my own mother doesn't want me. In high school I realized the people really do like me. I was always grateful my dad was more than happy to take me. Edited: I never had kids. I was always afraid I would decide I didn't want them anymore . . .
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jul 24, 2012 20:43:44 GMT -5
Andrea Yates' and Susan Smith's husbands would probably disagree. And those are just the ones who killed their kids. Plenty of moms (and dads) kill themselves every day with very little warning. Sometimes all it takes is a few drinks or a snide comment to push someone over the edge... [/quote] A few months after I had DD, I was having major mood swings, would get angry over stupid things, and would cry over stupid things. I KNEW it was stupid stuff too. I had my annual doc appt coming up so I discussed it with my doctor. She prescribed me Zoloft. I didn't fill it at first, but decided to a week later. Since taking it, I feel more like myself. Eventually, I do want to go off of it. Anyway the point is, DH didn't think I needed them. I disagreed. I didn't feel "right" and bereft to do something about.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 24, 2012 20:43:51 GMT -5
So leave the marriage, not the kids. I don't understand that part. Because sometimes you do what's best for your children, even if it breaks your heart. How is abandoning your children the best thing for them? That sounds like it belongs in the "blatant justification" thread Thyme started (but I spelled it right
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 24, 2012 20:53:12 GMT -5
An absent parent is better than a toxic/abusive one. That's how.
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triciacus
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Post by triciacus on Jul 24, 2012 20:53:21 GMT -5
I know a lady that did this. Left her husband & three little kids, just ran off with someone else. Dad got full custody & mom didn't even schedule visitations for several years. She moved away to another state & wanted nothing to do with the kids. So so so sad This sounds like my ex sister-in-law, she left when my nephews were 4, and 2 and my niece was 6 months old, she didn't have contact with them until my nephews were 16 or so, to this day my one nephew considers me his mom instead of his own mom as I raised them, my nephew and his wife have 2 kids a 3-year old, and a 9 month old and she has not even met her grandkids yet.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 24, 2012 20:54:12 GMT -5
An absent parent is better than a toxic/abusive one. That's how. Anne never said her friend was toxic/abusive...she said her friend fell in love with a woman and left her children...you always acuse me of reading into posts...hello pot....
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 24, 2012 20:57:22 GMT -5
I guess we just can't understand the situation unless we live in their shoes. Too many unknowns. I DO know that I would stay with my kids at all costs...if I could. How can you bond with your kids and then just leave them behind? It would have to be very extraordinary circumstances. IMO
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 24, 2012 21:06:12 GMT -5
An absent parent is better than a toxic/abusive one. That's how. Anne never said her friend was toxic/abusive...she said her friend fell in love with a woman and left her children...you always acuse me of reading into posts...hello pot.... You asked "how is abandoning your children the best thing for them?" I answered that question. I didn't say a word about Anne's friend (or quote her post). BUT, if I'm going to be accused of reading into things, Anne said the kids were happy and thriving, so it sounds like it was the best thing for them. Without a time machine or identical twins separated at birth to use as controls, it's impossible to know for sure.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 24, 2012 21:08:42 GMT -5
Anne never said her friend was toxic/abusive...she said her friend fell in love with a woman and left her children...you always acuse me of reading into posts...hello pot.... You asked "how is abandoning your children the best thing for them?" I answered that question. I didn't say a word about Anne's friend (or quote her post). BUT, if I'm going to be accused of reading into things, Anne said the kids were happy and thriving, so it sounds like it was the best thing for them. yes...because a child will not have any emotional scars from their own mother abandoning them....I honestly can not understand any woman who would willingly their kids....I can't imagine just dumping my kids like that.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 24, 2012 21:24:59 GMT -5
Is that what I said? Sometimes it's not good choice vs. bad choice. Sometimes it's bad choice 1 vs. bad choice 2 vs. terrible choice.
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